Burlesque upon Burlesque Or, the Scoffer Scoft. Being some of Lucians Dialogues Newly put into English fustian. For the Consolation of those who had rather Laugh and be Merry, then be Merry and Wise [by Charles Cotton] |
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DIALOGUE.
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DIALOGUE.
Neptune and Mercury.
Nept.Hark, Cosin Mercury, do'st hear,
Could not one speak with Jupiter?
Merc.
No, save thy labour, and be gone,
Hee's busie, and will speak with none.
Nept.
But, prethee, let him know 'tis I.
Merc.
I tell thee hee'l see no body,
And therefore prethee go thy way;
For hee'l be seen of none to day.
Nept.
Are he and's wife, if one may axe,
Making the beast with the two backs?
Merc.
Could'st thou no other question find?
They two but seldom are so kind.
Nept.
Then Ganimede and hee's together.
Merc.
No truly Signior Neptune neither.
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What then? I'le know spite of thy nose.
Merc.
You'l ask me leave first, I suppose.
But hee's not well, will that suffice?
Nept.
Not well! where is it his grief lies?
Merc.
Why I'me asham'd to tell thee where.
Nept.
What a Relation so near!
Leave fooling (Coz) I prethee now,
And tell me, for I long to know.
Merc.
Why, since I see thou'lt not be sed,
Know, that hee's newly brought to bed.
Nept.
How! this is monstrous by this light!
What is he an Hermaphrodite?
I ne're perceiv'd his Belly rise
Above the ordinary size.
Merc.
That's likely; neither, I must tell ye,
Was he deliver'd from his Belly.
Nept.
From what part then? was't from his head,
As when he his Minerva bred?
Is that deliver'd once again?
He has a wondrous fruitful brain.
Merc.
No this Birth issu'd from his Thigh:
Nept.
Go sirrah, now I know you lye.
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To think he Spawns all o're his Body.
Merc.
Well, but there is more in't then so,
And thou the truth of all shalt know.
Juno, whose spiteful Jealousie
Thou know'st I'me sure as well as I,
In Malice, Semele perswades
(One of his best beloved Jades)
Since Jupiter did her so honor,
As Children to beget upon her:
She so much kindness had for her,
That she no longer should incur
A Common Lemman's imputation:
But for her better reputation,
No more with him in private lye:
But make him own her publickly.
Therefore my Semele (quoth she)
Prethee for once be rul'd by me,
And if he have true kindness for thee,
Make him come next in all his glory,
Not sneaking in a mean disguise
Like Rogues to midnight Letcheries:
But like himself roab'd round with wonder,
And with his Lightning and his Thunder:
So all will honor and adore thee,
Who now despise thee, and abhor thee.
And thou the truth of all shalt know.
Juno, whose spiteful Jealousie
Thou know'st I'me sure as well as I,
In Malice, Semele perswades
(One of his best beloved Jades)
Since Jupiter did her so honor,
As Children to beget upon her:
She so much kindness had for her,
That she no longer should incur
A Common Lemman's imputation:
But for her better reputation,
No more with him in private lye:
But make him own her publickly.
Therefore my Semele (quoth she)
Prethee for once be rul'd by me,
And if he have true kindness for thee,
Make him come next in all his glory,
Not sneaking in a mean disguise
Like Rogues to midnight Letcheries:
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And with his Lightning and his Thunder:
So all will honor and adore thee,
Who now despise thee, and abhor thee.
The Girl thus tickled in the Ear,
And proud her self as Lucifer,
So order'd it with this great King,
Whom Whores can make do any thing,
That he came next in this attire:
But then before he could come nigh her
His Lightning set the Room on fire,
And with its all consuming slashes,
Reduc't the Room and House to ashes.
In which case, all that we could do
Was but to save the Embrio:
(For she was then with Child, bee't known,
By Jupiter, and seven Months gone)
Which ripping from her Belly, I
Put warm into thy Brothers thigh,
There to compleat the term requir'd;
Which being but just now expir'd,
He's brought to Bed, and truth to speak,
With his hard labour very weak.
And proud her self as Lucifer,
So order'd it with this great King,
Whom Whores can make do any thing,
That he came next in this attire:
But then before he could come nigh her
His Lightning set the Room on fire,
And with its all consuming slashes,
Reduc't the Room and House to ashes.
In which case, all that we could do
Was but to save the Embrio:
(For she was then with Child, bee't known,
By Jupiter, and seven Months gone)
Which ripping from her Belly, I
Put warm into thy Brothers thigh,
There to compleat the term requir'd;
Which being but just now expir'd,
He's brought to Bed, and truth to speak,
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Nept.
And where is this same twice-born Chit?
Merc.
To Nysa I have carri'd it,
By the Nymphs there to be brought up,
Who knowing he will be given t'th' Cup,
And in hard drinking very vitious,
Have aptly Nam'd him Dionysius.
Nept.
Then of this Child hee's Syre and Dam,
And it may call him Dad and Mam?
Merc.
Yes truly, it is even so,
He any of these may answer to:
But I can't stay to tell thee more;
For I should have been gone before,
And in this stay have done amiss
To prate at such a time as this.
I now must use both heels and wings,
Water to fetch, and other things
For Child-bed women, and had need
Repair my negligence with speed:
All the good wives else will me blame,
For now I the Man-midwise am.
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