The Works of Capt. Alex. Radcliffe :: :: University of Virginia Library

Theseus having made his Escape out of France with Phædra—(whose Sister Ariadne he deserted at Calais) when he came into England marry'd her, and brought her home to a Farm-House near Putney in Surrey, which he Rented of one Mr. Joves which House during his Travell, (or rather his Ramble) he committed to his Son Hippolytus, who was a great Hunter, a hansome Fellow, and a Woman—hater; for which two last Reasons Phædra his Mother after she had acquainted her self with her Neighbours, and houshold affairs, fell desperately in Love; insomuch that nothing would serve her but carnal copulation with her Son in-Law; to accomplish which she humbly entreats him by this Letter to consider her Condition.

To you my Lad, I send this amorous Scroul,
Wishing you health, with all my Heart and Soul;
Your Mother, and your Lover does beseech,
That with these Lines you wou'd not wipe your Breech:

Thank God, my Father gave his Children breeding,
And taught us all, our Writing and our Reading.
By Letters Men have News, and Women find
Which way and how their Sweet-hearts are enclin'd.
Thrice I resolv'd to tell you all I thought,
But for my Blood I cou'd not get it out:
I just began to say—My dearest Poll,
Then laugh'd, and turn'd aside, and ruin'd all;
Tho' 'tis no laughing matter, for I own
I love the very Ground thou tread'st upon.
I'll tell thee, Poll, and mark me what I say,
If Love thou Sullenly dost disobey.
Tho' he's a Boy, not half so big as you,
Yet Fairy-like he'll pinch yo' black and blew;
On a full speed your Horse he'll lead astray,
And like a Hare he'll cross you in your way.
If he assaults—you cannot beat him him off
Either with hunting Pole or Quarter-Staff.

'Hath sworn, (tho' to your Father I am wed,)
To bind you fast, and bring you to my Bed.
'Tis true, your strength is great, his only Art,
You pitch the Bar, and he can throw a Dart,
What need I use these words? dear Polly—come
Let us embrace, your's not at home.
You know my Reputation's very great,
Whoo'd guess that You and I shou'd do the feat.
Oh how I am stung, I have as little Ease,
As if I had distrub'd a Hive of Bees.
I purre and purre, just like our Tabby Cat,
As if I knew not what I wou'd be at:
When Young, I cou'd have cur'd these am'rous stings
With Carrots, Radishes, or such like things;
Now there's no pleasure in such Earthly cures,
I must have things apply'd as warm as yours.
Where lies the blame, art thou not strong, and young?
Who wou'd not gather fruit that is well hung?

Or who can call't a Sin when we have done,
Main't I have leave to hug my Husband's Son?
Suppose our Landlord Jove, that gallant Wight,
Had a months mind to lodge with me one night;
Nay—if his Lady too should give consent,
For youl'd quit him, though hee'd quit his rent.
Since you'l not hunt in this my softer place,
Where I should get the better of the chase;
Since the large Fields and Woods you rummage through,
Disdaining my poor little Cunny—borough;
I'll follow you o're Ditches, and throu' Boggs,
And whoop and hollow after all the Dogs:
I'll speak to th' hounds so well hey! Jowler, Bowman,
That none, but you shall know I am a Woman:
I'll praise your Greyhound Delia, when you course,
She shall my Mistress be, and 'Ill be yours.
Under a hedge I'll squat down like a Hare,
And you alone shall find me sitting there.

Sometimes upon a Horse I'll get astride,
And after you, as I were mad I'll ride;
For all our Generation have been so,
When they're in Love they know not what they do
You've heard that Mistress Europe was my Grandam;
She went away with Jupiter at Random.
Pasiphae my Mother was so full
Of strange Vagaries that she suck'd a Bull.
My Husband with my Sister lay—or rather
I should have told you it was your Father.
Poor Adne was starke mad for him, and now
I am (God knows) as mad in Love with you.
So that between the Father and the Son,
There are two Sisters like to be undone.
I never shall forget with what a Grace
You drest your self in order for the chase;
Your Visage not too red, but only tan'd,
Of the same colour with your brawny hand.

An ancient Bever on your head you put,
Like a three—Pigeon Pye, in corners cut.
A little Jacket made of blewish green,
Which had the Death of many a Badger seen.
Your hair your own, which shew'd you not debauch'd,
Not nicely trim'd, for here and there 'twas notch'd.
I hate your Fellows with your powder'd Wigs,
As m' Husband us'd to say, they look like Prigs.
You'd lasting Breeches made of Buckskin Leather,
To keep the fundamental parts from weather.
But when you reach'd your hanger from the Bed,
Another Weapon came into my head.
Not all your days can give you such delight,
Or half the Sport I'll shew you in a Night,
Delia's your Joy, Delia does you bewith;
Can you neglect a Christian, for a Bitch?
Cephalus your Companion and old Crony,
Valu'd a Dog better than ready money.

Hee'd get upon a Horse, though half asleep,
Ready to hunt before the Day did peep;
But when h'ad once tasted Aurora's sweets,
He found out better Game between the sheets;
For then unless she pleas'd, he durst not say,
(Nor did he wish) that it would e're be day.
Why should not we consent to try our skill?
I'm certain you and I can do as well.
Therefore dear Poll, I offer very fair,
Under Barn-Elmes I'll meet you if you dare;
Since none but Country Sports can humour you,
I'll wrastle wi'll you there a fall or two;
Though o' my, Conscience I believe you'l throw me.
But if you shou'd, perhaps it won't undo me;
And when you have me down among the Trees,
You wanton Rogue, you may do what you please.
Wee'd no such opportunity before:
Your Father is at London with his Whore.

Therefore I think 'tis but a just design,
To cuckold him, and pay him in his coin.
Besides he ne're was marry'd to your Mother,
He first whor'd her, and then he took another.
What kindness or respect ought we to have
For such a Villain and perfidious Knave?
This should not trouble, but provoke us rather
With all the speed we can to lye together.
I am no kin to you, nor you to me,
They call it Incest but to terrifie.
Lovers Embraces are Lascivious Tricks,
'Mongst musty Puritans and Schismaticks.
Did not our Master Jove chuse him a Mistress,
Who should it be but one of his own Sisters?
There's no engendring can be truely good,
But when we fancy that we are of a blood.
Under the names of Mother and of Son,
What pretty pleasant actions may be done?

All they will say, because I'm kind to thee,
I'm Mother both in Law and Equity:
Take heart of Grace, be not afraid of Spyes,
I care not if there were Ten thousand Eyes;
I'll leave the door without the Bolt or Lock:
What if they saw us in our Shirt or Smock.
Nay I'll suppose we should be seen in Bed,
What can there to our prejudice be said?
That you came wet and dripping from the chase,
And I'd a mind to give you my warm place.
I did not think to've said so much in hast,
But Love like Murder must come out at last:
The Fort lies open, therefore scorn it not,
But come with speed, and enter on the spot;
Let us imagine now the worst can happen;
Suppose that you and I were taken napping;
And Theseus says, Begone you filthy Whore;
Away you Rogue, and so he shuts the door.

What if he does, why then for France with speed,
We shall be there supply'd with all we need.
My Father dwells at Paris in good credit,
And well to pass is he, though I have said it;
There he's as well known as Begger knows his dish,
We'll live as bravely then as Heart can wish:
Therefore make haste, dream not of any harms,
Thou'lt be secure enough within my arms.
When you go out, may you be sure of Game;
May your horse never tire nor happen lame:
At a default may the Dogs never be,
May Delia bring forth Whelps as good as she.
May you i'th' Field ne're want a draught of Beer,
Or Bread and Cheese, or such like hunting cheer;
While I sit pining for you here at home,
When I have cry'd out both my Eyes you'l come.