The Works of Capt. Alex. Radcliffe :: :: University of Virginia Library

Theseus, an English Gentleman, and one who for his diversion admir'd Travelling, especially on Foot, having safely arriv'd at Calais, walk'd on easily from thence to Paris, where he had not long been but he receiv'd an unmannerly Justle from a Cavalier of France: Theseus, whose great Soul could not brook the least Affront, resented this so highly, that he challeng'd him, fought him, and after a long and skilful Dispute between 'em, fairly kill'd him: Theseus was imprison'd in the Bastile; During his Restraint he held a League with Ariadne, the Keeper's daughter: And, though the Prison was as difficult as a Labyrinth, (such is the power of Love,)

she soon contriv'd a way for his Escape by night: and he, accompany'd with Mistress Ariadne, footed it back to Calais; where, both lodging together at the Red-Hart, he very unkindly took the advantage of her Snoaring, and stole from her early in the morning; and went off with the Pacquet-boat to Dover; from whence he genly walk'd to London: Ariadne sends him These.

No savage Bear, no Lyon, Wolf, or Tyger,
Would ever use his Mistress with such Rigor;
D'ye think you don't deserve ten thousand Curses,
For leaving me in Pawn at Monsieur Forces?
I wonder what the Tavern-people think!
For here I sit, and dare not call for Drink.
While by your side I innocently lay,
You might have taken leave, a civil way:
I was half waken'd from a pleasant Sleep
By th' melancholly sound of Chimney-sweep:
I stretch'd my Leg, to find out my Bed-fellow
But I could groap out nothing but the Pillow:

Thinking t'have hugg'd you in my Arms so close
One of the Bed-staffs almost broke my Nose:
Thes. Thes. said I, I hope you are not gone:
I might as well have call'd the Man i'th' Moon:
I rent my Head-cloaths off, mortdieu! mordieu!
What will become of me? What shall I do?
I op'd the Casement as the Morning dawn'd;
And could plainly see that I was pawn'd,
With calling you I tore my Throat to pieces,
The Eccho jeer'd me with the name of Theseus:
To th' top of all the house I ran undrest;
The people thought that I had been possess'd:
At last, I spy'd you in the Pacquet-boat;
I knew it was you or so at least I thought:
Had you been walking, I had known your Stride,
And guess'd your Strutt from all Mankind's beside:
Both Seas and Winds must needs be kind to thee
Thou art so like 'em in Inconstancy.

I thump my Breast, I rage, I storm and fume;
The House desires I would discharge my Room:
Quoth one o'th' Servants, Mistress Ariadne's
Past all recovery, overwhelm'd with Madness:
Another crys, Mam'sell Com' porrez vou'?
Fetch me my Thes. said I, What's that to you.
When in the Boat I cou'd no longer see you,
Ten thousand De'ills of Hell, said I, go we' you.

They think I'm drunk, I'm sure 'tis not with Wine;
The Score's too large; and you have left no Coin.
Into a Corner I am sometimes dogg'd,
And there I cry as if I had been flogg'd:
Sometimes I roul my Self upon the Bed,
And act those postures o're that once we did:
To my own self with pleasure I repeat,
Here lay my Head, and there I put my Feet:
I often call to mind our amorous Work;
Then here, methinks I have you with a Jerk.

Sometime they talk, that Ships are safe at home:
I listen then, to hear if you are come.

Were I a Man, into the Seas I'd douse,
And after you I'd swim, and bilk the house:
If I should offer to run home again,
My Father'd keep me in an Iron-chain;
I have betray'd the old Man's Trust for you;
I may go whistle for a Portion now:
When, for your sake, I stole the Prison Keys,
I little thought to see such days as these:
Oh! when your LOVE was mounted to a pitch,
You hugg'd me as the Devil hugg'd the Witch;
You swore, with Oaths most desperate and bloody,
The Queen of France to me was but a Dowdy.
I have more Whymses then a dancing Bear,
Sometimes I dream the Constable is here:
And though the Waiters very often wheedle,
Yet I suspect that they will bring the Beadle.

Again, I fear they'll spirit me away,
And send me Slave into Virginia:
I was not bred a Drudge from the beginning,
Except it were to wash my Fathers Linnen.

Either to Sea or Land I durst not look,
To Heav'n I can't; you've stole my Prayer-book:
Your Valour made my Fortune so untoward,
I would to God that you had been a Coward:
Distressed Ariadne now complains,
Because such sprightly blood runs in her Veins:
They say we French are very Hot, 'tis true;
But yet our Sparks are Frost and Snow to you:
Curst be the time when you first learnt to fence,
(Though that does never alter Men of sence.)

I fancie in what posture you were found,
One Foot heav'd up, the other on the Ground:
As much of Warlike Grace you did discover
As any Roman Statue in the Loure.

Methinks I hear you speak to th' Cavilier,
Sa! Sa! Monsieur, I have you here and there:
But now your valiant Acts are lost for ever,
By sneaking off, like a French-Ribbon-Weaver.

Had I not drank that Brandy over night,
I cou'd have wak'd, and so have stop'd your Flight.
Curst be the Wind which was so kind to you;
Curst be the Boat, and curst be all its Crew;
Curst may I be for trusting what you said;
Curst may all Lovers be that Snore in Bed.
Poor Ariadne, thou art finely serv'd,
Thy too much Love has brought the to be starv'd:
The Servants pitty me, and say't's a hard case,
I've nothing here to pay 'em with but Carcase:
This Carcase too has wept out all its Juice,
'Tis grown so dry, 'tis fit for no Man's use.
Think, when you're rev'ling in your Cups at London,
That your Poor Ariadne here, is undone,

And when you come where people do resort,
To hear your Travels told were pritty sport:
With what tough bit of Flesh you did engage;
You thought you should be killing him an Age:
Do not forget me when you tell your Tale,
Tell'em how I releas'd y'out of Goal;
And how with you I stole on foot through Allys;
And, pray forget not, that I am pawn'd at Callais:
And, when this Tale to your Companion's told,
Imagine Ariadne stiff and cold:
When dead, they'll bury me in some back Garden,
For I can't give the Parish-Clerk a farthing.

And 'tis for you I all those Sorrows prove;
So, Mr. Theseus, thank you for your Love.