University of Virginia Library

Walter Bardenwerper

'Biting The Hand . . .'

Stepping up to the ticket
window of the University Theatre, I
discovered that I had only $1.79 in
my pockets, and, alas the movie
cost $2.00. I was overcome with
that same empty, foolish feeling
that one experiences when
oversleeping on the morning of an
exam - that "Oh Christ, now what
do I do?" feeling. So, without
thinking, I turned around and asked
the gay behind me for a quarter. He
was amused, and, surprisingly,
pleasantly gave me the two bits. I
shoveled the pile of coins at the
lady and crept inside to be lost in
the crowd of the numerous beggars
that have approached me on the
corner, and all the money I have
thusly dispensed. If they can do it,
why can't I? In fact, most people are
nice to someone in my situation, so
why not always go to movies
25 cents short? I could save alot
of money begging in all such
circumstances (movies, tourist
attractions, grocery shopping?).

Attractive Career

Most patrons of the corner
businesses realize that I am not the
first to arrive at this brilliant
conclusion. In fact, it has become a
livelihood for some. They probably
do fairly well at that. Certainly the
reasons for their career choice are
attractive: low risk, lower capital
investment, and no physical
exertion yield moderate to good
return with choice of working
hours, an abundance of fresh air,
and frequent coffee breaks. How
can you go wrong if you don't
mind admitting that you are not an
aristocrat and are willing to talk to
people?

Well, the catch to the business is
the value that people attach to your
product. Product? Sure. The beggar
sells peace of mind to people who
are afraid to be seen as meanies.
And, judging by what can be
observed on the corner, that is a
valuable product.

The advertising techniques of
those "Merchants" are highly
effective. The old "cup of coffee"
lure is pretty cliched, but the
starved look alone can be disarming
for a start. Other enticements
include, "How would you like to
help me get a bus ticket to visit my
sick mother in Fredericksburg?" or
"I was supposed to get paid today,
but didn't (for reason X,Y,Z), and I
really need a pack of cigarettes," or
"Wanna buy a poem that took me
two years to write?". Maybe
someone would even ask for a
quarter to get into a movie.

That might sound like biting the
hand that feeds me, but, God
knows, I needed that quarter and
appreciated it. And no one thinks a
contribution to an honest beggar is
a disgrace. Begging is an ancient and
honored profession. That is why it
should not be engaged in by
importunate students at the
expense of big-hearted peers.
Beggary should be left to full-time
beggars, like law is to lawyers, or
medicine to doctors.

Successful Beggary

It seems that the reason why
this amateur beggary is so
successful and flourishes is that
suckers (like I have often been)
who are culling every spare dime
off their old man, turn around and
give it to someone who will use it
for what the sucker was supposed
to use it for. That way the recipient
can enjoy the luxuries of the good
life (food, coffee, transportation,
movies) while the guy who gave
him his money stretches out his
hand to his father for more.

If people remain indiscriminate
about who they give their money
to, and beggary cannot be stopped,
at least the transactions can be
more efficient. Next time you write
home for money, tell them to send
many small checks made out to
cash for you to distribute. You will
leave yourself as merely a token
middle man in your father's subsidy
of your more entrepreneurial friend
on the street.