77. LETTER LXXVII.
THE OSTEND CONGRESS—THE THREE S'S, SOULE, SICKLES, AND SAUNDERS—PEABODY'S
FOURTH OF JULY DINNER IN LONDON—DEMOCRACY
IN ENGLAND, FRANCE, AND SPAIN.
Letter of Instructions to President Pierce and Cabinet.
Ostend, October 28, 1854.
Dear Gineral:—We are all prowlin' round here, and duing
the best we can, though we haint made out to fetch matters
to a head yet; but I guess we are in a pretty fair way for it.
Our team's got grit enough, and, by jingo, they'll haul the
load they hitch on to, or else somethin's got to give way. Mr.
Buchanan and Mr. Mason isn't quite spry enough; they are a
little on the old fogy fashion, and not always ready to come
up to the scratch; but with Mr. Sickles spurrin' up on one
side, and Mr. Sanders spurrin' on t'other ride, and Mr. Souley
drivin' up behind, we make out to get a pretty good pull out of
them sometimes. We've got things so far ahead here that
Mr. Sickles and Mr. Sanders thinks I better write a dispatch
to you and the Cabinet to home and give you some instructions
how to go on.
I'll tell you what 'tis, Gineral, (when I call you Gineral, I
sometimes eenamost feel as if I was writin' to Gineral
Jackson again;) I say, Gineral, I'll tell you what 'tis, them
three S's (Sickles, Sanders, and Souley) are the three
smartest chaps that ever growed in North America. They
make Europe stan' round, and no mistake. Mr. Souley holds
old Spain between his thumb and finger, and whisks her
about jest as he's a mind to, Queen and all; Mr. Sanders lays
down the Democratic law to France, and stans a pretty fair
chance to be chose President of the new French Republic after
Napoleon goes out; and as for old John Bull, I'll be licked if
I think the critter dares to stir an inch while Sickles holds him
by the horns.
I suppose you've seen them letters—how Mr. Sickles
snubbed Peabody, the great merchant banker, about the 4th
of July dinner. Capital, wasn't it? Ye see, Mr. Peabody gin
a 4th of July dinner. He's always doing sich things or giving
money away for somethin or other; for they say he's got
money enough to buy a kingdom. Wall, he invited Mr.
Sickles to come and jine the rest of us and have a good set
down. But, ye see, Mr. Peabody didn't know how much
patriotism and real Democratic grit there was stowed away
in Mr. Sickles' breast; he had no idea o'nt; and that was
the rock he split on. You'll hardly believe me, Gineral, when
I say it, but it's a fact, Mr. Peabody had Englishmen there to
help eat that dinner! It's a melancholy fact, but it's true.
If he had had half a table full of cannibals we could all a
stood it, and fit our way through; but Mr. Sickles couldn't
stand Englishmen. He had too much Democratic blood in him
for that. To mix up Democrats and Englishmen at the same
table was awful. But that wasn't the worst of it. When Mr.
Sickles got there he couldn't hardly believe his own eyes; for
there was a portrait of the Queen hung right up in the same
room with Gineral Washington! Wasn't that a stumper?
No wonder Mr. Sickles' Democratic blood biled over. But
that wasn't the worst of it. When they come to give the
toasts, they toasted the Queen! The rest of the folks stood
up to drink the toast, but Mr. Sickles grit his teeth and sot
down as hard as a thousand of brick; and he felt so disgusted
he couldn't eat another mouthful. And when the music, to
increase the insult, struck up “God save the Queen,” Mr.
Sickles took his hat and marched out.
There was spunk that
Young America aught to be proud of! That Mr. Buchanan
didn't take his hat and march out too only shows that he's an
Old Fogy.
We've held our Congress, and got things in a middling good
train, though, as I said before, we haint brought matters
quite to a head yet. We managed better than your Congress
does. We didn't stop to make so many long-winded speeches,
but talked right to the pint, and got through in a few days.
The members chose me President of the Congress the first
thing; for they said I was nearest akin to Gineral Jackson
of any of 'em, and the honor belonged to me; so I had to take
the cheer. I returned thanks for the honor, of course, and
then proceeded to business. I beginned by callin for the reports
[ILLUSTRATION]MR. SICKLES WHIPPING DEMOCRACY INTO JOHN BULL.
[Description: 688EAF. Page 422.A man stands with his back visible and a whip in his right hand. He is facing another man who has a small lion standing next to him. The word "England" is printed behind him and he wears a surprised expression on his face.]
of the committees that had the business in hand afore
we met.
I called for the report on England first, out of respect to
her being our venerable old mother. Mr. Sickles, who was
the head of that committee, reported that John Bull was an
obstinate Old Fogy, and he had found it very hard to make
any impression upon him. The people all seemed to be tied
to the Queen's apron strings, and didn't appear to care no
more about Democracy than a horse does about his grandfather.
Still he had faith to believe that they could be made
to take it, and when the time comes he was ready to off coat
and roll up his sleeves and whip it into 'em. [Cheers.]
Upon the question of accepting Mr. Sickles' report, Mr.
Buchanan rose and said he objected to the term Old Fogy;
he never did like the term, and he thought it would do more
hurt than good in the report, and he moved that it be struck
out. Mr. Sanders said no; that was the very cream of the
report, and he objected to its being struck out. It was then
put to vote, and Mr. Buchanan and Mr. Mason voted unanimously
to strike it out, and the rest of us all voted to keep
it in; so “Old Fogy” stands in the report by a strong
majority.
I then called for the report on France.
Mr. Sanders made a long report; but the substance was,
that the Democratic crop in France wasn't quite ripe enough
to harvest. Napoleon had filled the people's heads so full of
the Eastern war and glory that they couldn't think of nothin'
else but raising troops to go to the Black Sea, and give the
Russians an all-fired thrashin', and storm the Malakoff, and
blow all Sebastapol down about their ears. So it was no
use, jest now, to try to light the fires of Democracy in
France. “But,” said Mr. Sanders, “there's a good time
comin', boys—wait a little longer.” [Cheers.]
Mr. Sanders' report was unanimously accepted, with a proviso
that, while we had to wait a little longer, we shouldn't
stop working, but keep stirrin' round and trying to get up a
muss somehow as soon as possible.
I then called for the report on Spain. And here we all felt
quite sure we should get something pretty nice.
Mr. Souley rose, with fire in his eye and honey and thunder
on his tongue. He reported that if there was any sich thing
as getting sunbeams out of a cowcumber he could do it; and
he had come pesky near kindlin' the flame of Democracy from
one end of Spain to t'other. He had churned the cream of
Spanish Democracy, and churned it well, and the butter begun
to come and swim on the top of the buttermilk, and he thought
for awhile the bisness was done; but when he looked into
the churn again, to his amazement, the witchcraft of despotism
had got the upper hand, and the butter was all meltin'
[ILLUSTRATION]MR. SOULE CHURNING THE DEMOCRACY OF OLD SPAIN.
[Description: 688EAF. Page 424. A man is frowning while adding a red-hot horsewhoe to a butter churn which is labelled "Spanish Democracy". Another churn stands nearby, from the top of which bayonnets are visible. In the background on a wall there is a poster labelled "Cuba."]
back again into the buttermilk. “But,” says he, “as true as
Jackson flogged the British at New Orleans, I'll have a redhot
horse-shoe before long to put into that churn, and then
butter
must come.” [Cheers.]
So you see, Gineral, how things is over here. We can't do
much jest yet, but you may depend on it there is great times
ahead. You and Mr. Marcy, and the rest, must hold on and
try to keep things snug and tight at home, till we get our
Government under way over here, and we'll cut out some
work for you to do before long; and them matters and things
that we don't send over any particular directions about, you
and the Cabinet must try to get along with and manage
accordin' to your best discretion. But you better be gettin'
your forces ready as fast as possible, for we may call for 'em
at any moment. You better enlist the old Downingville company,
and get Cousin Sargent Joel to take command of it.
Get Mr. Marcy to plan out the right sort of uniform, and get
my friend Cushing to address 'em and fill 'em full of grit and
ginger, so they can't be held back, but will be ready, at a
moment's warning, to “march,” and carry Democracy all
over Eurup, and Asha, and Afraky, and America.
Postscript.—I don't know but the muss is begun, and we
may have to send over by the next steamer for Sargent Joel
and his company to come on. The French Emperor has got
frightened or mad about matters, I don't know which, and
has snubbed Mr. Souley, and forbid his settin' a foot on his
land. He turned him right out of the doors of France, and
told him to go about his business somewhere else. This was
when Mr. Souley was on his way home to Spain from our
Congress, which we held at Ostend; for we was very careful
not to hold it in France, nor Spain, nor England, so as not to
stir up a muss with the Governments before it was time.
But Napoleon has been foolish enough to put his foot in it,
and now we've all agreed that he has got to knock under and
back out, or smell thunder.
In haste and some agitation, I remain your old friend and
Minister-Gineral at large,
