University of Virginia Library

6. CHAPTER VI.

Wolfgang Langfanger, the long-headed
member of the council of Elsingburgh, having,
as we stated before, brought his private affairs
into great confusion, by devoting too much of
his time to the public good, began, a year or two before
our history commences, to think it high time
the public good should repay some part of its
weighty obligations. He had accordingly invented,
and persuaded the Heer Piper to put
into practice, a system of internal improvement,
which has been imitated, from time to time,
in this country, ever since, with great success.
The essence of his plan consisted in running in

debt for the present, and living afterwards upon
the anticipation of future wealth.

It happened, about the time we refer to, that
a schooner arrived from some part of New-England,
with a cargo of odd notions, commanded
by a certain adventurer, who designated himself
as follows, to wit:—

The sage Langfanger hailed this event as furnishing
unquestionable augury that the town of
Elsingburgh was destined to monopolize the
commerce of all the dominions of his Swedish
Majesty in the new world, provided proper measures
were taken to improve its natural advantages.
He accordingly planned a great wharf,
for the accommodation of thirty or forty large
ships, with stores for goods, and every matter
requisite for carrying on a great trade.

Having provided for the external commerce
of Elsingburgh, Langfanger next turned his attention
to its internal trade, which consisted, as
yet, in the cargoes of a few bark canoes, in
which the Indians brought down muskrat and
bear skins, to barter for aqua vitœ. In order

to accommodate these, he planned a canal, to
connect the Brandywine with the Delaware, by
a cut, that would shorten the distance at
least six miles. By this he boasted that the
whole trade of the interior would centre at Elsingburgh,
to the complete abandonment and
destruction of Coaquanock, which must necessarily
dwindle into utter insignificance. The
Heer was excessively tickled with the idea of
being so effectually revenged upon Shadrach
Moneypenny, and the rest of his old enemies,
the Quakers.

His next project was that of beautifying the
town, which, it must be confessed, was rather a
rigmarole sort of place, built at random, the
streets somewhat crooked, and the houses occasionally
protruding themselves before their
neighbours, in somewhat of an unmannerly
manner. Langfanger proposed to revise the
whole plan, widen many of the principal streets,
lay out several others upon a magnificent scale,
and pull down the houses that interfered with
the improvement of the city, as he soon began
to call the great town of Elsingburgh. The
Heer was rather startled at this project, considering
the expense of purchasing the houses to
be pulled down, and the probable opposition of

the good people who inhabited them. But
Langfanger was never at a loss on these occasions.

He went forth among the villagers, with a
string of arguments, deductions, calculations, and
anticipations, enough to puzzle, if not convince,
much wiser heads than those which grew on the
shoulders of the simple inhabitants. Admitting
only that his premises were true, and that what
he predicted would certainly come to pass, and
there was no denying his conclusions. Accordingly,
the good people became assured that the
pulling down their houses, and cutting up their
gardens and fields into broad streets and avenues,
would, in no little time, make every soul of them
as rich as a Jew. It was curious to see the apple
trees cut down, the grass cut up, and the lots
carved into the most whimsical shapes, by Wolfgang's
improvements.

The beautiful grass-plots gave place to
dusty or muddy avenues, branching off in all
directions, and leading no where, insomuch, that
people could hardly find their way any where.
Houses, that had hitherto fronted the street, now
stood with their backs to it, or presented a
sharp corner; and the whole world was turned
topsy-turvy at Elsingburgh. But the genius of

Counsellor Langfanger appeared to the greatest
advantage in respect to certain obstinate persons,
who did not choose to have their houses pulled
down over their heads, without being well paid
for it. Wolfgang settled matters with these, by
causing the houses to be valued at so much, and
the improvement of the property, in consequence
of pulling them down, as equivalent to the loss
of the houses. These unreasonable persons
were, by this equitable arrangement, turned out
of doors, and left to live very comfortably upon
the anticipation of a great rise in the value of
their estates.

Under the magnificent system of Counsellor
Wolfgang, the village of Elsingburgh grew and
flourished, by anticipation, beyond all former
example; although, since that time, many
similar wonders have been exhibited to the world.
But there are always drawbacks upon human
prosperity—an inside, and an outside, to every
thing. The mischief was, that these great
improvements cost a great deal of money, and
there was very little of it to be had at Elsingburgh.
Improvements brought debts, and
debts are as naturally followed by taxes, as a
cow is by her tail. It became necessary, at
least, to provide for the payment of the interest

upon the debt contracted, in consequence of these
invaluable improvements, in order to keep up
the public credit, and enable Counsellor Langfanger
to carry on his schemes, and improve the
town, by running up a still heavier score. And
here we will take occasion to remark upon a
great singularity, which distinguishes the man
who lays out his own, from him who disburses
the public money. How careful is he, in the
first instance, to make the most of it, to turn
every penny to his advantage, and to weigh the
probable gains in employing it, before he parts
with a dollar! Whereas, on the contrary, when
he hath the management of the public funds, it is
astonishing how liberal he becomes; how his
generosity expands, and upon what questionable
schemes he will expend millions, that do not
belong to him. There is another peculiarity,
which ever accompanies the management of the
public wealth, which is, that let a man be ever
so honest before hand, or ever so desirous to
exhibit to the world a pure example of disinterestedness,
some of this money will stick to his
fingers in spite of his teeth, and bring his integrity
into question. This is doubtless the reason
why men are so unwilling to undertake these matters,
and that only the warmest patriotism will
induce them to have any thing to do with the
public mony.

But, to return to our history. The worthy
Counsellor Langfanger, by direction of Governor
Piper, forthwith set about devising the ways
and means to keep up public credit, and go on
with the public improvements. Political economy,
or the art of picking the pockets of a community,
was not much understood at this time;
but genius supplies the want of precept and example.
Counsellor Langfanger devised, and
the Heer Piper adopted and enforced, a system
of taxation, more just and equally proportioned
than any ever before known. Nobody was
to be taxed above one per cent. on his property;
but then, the Heer reserved to himself to value
the said property agreeably to his discretion.
Accordingly, to make his revenues meet his improvements,
he was obliged to rate things at a
sort of imaginary prospective value, at least
three times greater than any body would give for
them. The good people of Elsingburgh were
highly astonished at finding themselves so rich,
and paid their taxes cheerfully, until the perpetual
drain upon their pockets, to pay for Counsellor
Langfanger's improvements, made it convenient
to sell some part of their property, when
they were utterly confounded to find themselves

rich only according to the Heer Piper's tax
list.

But agreeably to the homely old saying, “In
for a penny, in for a pound.” Wolfgang assured
them that if they stopt short in their improvements
before they had got half through, all the money
hitherto expended would be utterly lost; but if
they only persevered to the end, they could not
possibly fail of reaping a glorious harvest. The
good folks scratched their heads, and paid their
taxes. In the mean time, the Heer and his
Counsellor every day discovered some new article
to tax, until at length it came to pass, that
every thing necessary to the existence of the
people of Elsingburgh, every thing that belonged
to them, to the very heads on their shoulders,
and the coats on their backs, was loaded
with imposts, to contribute to the great end of
public improvement. It will be only anticipating
the course of events a few years, to say,
that many of these projects of Counsellor Langfanger
never realized the advantages he predicted,
and of others that did, the profits were never
reaped by those who paid for them, since a
great portion of these were, in process of time,
compelled to sell their property by piecemeal,
to meet the perpetual exactions of the Heer Piper
and his long-headed Counsellor.