University of Virginia Library

5. CHAPTER V.

The summer passed away, and autumn began
to hang out his many-coloured flag upon
the trees, that, smitten by the nightly
frosts, every morning exhibited less of the green,
and more of the gaudy hues that mark the
waning year in our western clime. The farmers
of Elsingburgh were out in their fields, bright
and early, gathering in the fruits of their spring
and summer's labours, or busily employed in
making their cider; while the urchins passed
their holydays in gathering nuts, to crack by the
winter's fire. The little quails began to whistle
their autumnal notes; the grasshopper, having
had his season of idle sport and chirping jollity,
began now to pay the penalty of his thoughtless
improvidence, and might be seen sunning himself,
at mid-day, in melancholy silence, as if anticipating

the period when his short and merry
race would be run. Flocks of robins were
passing to the south, to seek a more genial
air; the sober cattle began to assume their
rough, wintry coat, and to put on that desperate
appearance of ennui, with which all nature
salutes the approach of winter. The little blue-bird
alone, the last to leave us, and the first to
return in the spring, sometimes poured out his
pensive note, as if bidding farewell to the nest
where it had reared its young, as is set forth
in the following verses, indicted by Master Lazarus
Birchem, erewhile flogger to the small fry
of Elsingburgh:—

All this while, the fair Christina and the tall
youth were left to take their own way; to wander,
to read, to sing, and to look unutterable
things, unobserved and unmolested, save by the
mysterious and incomprehensible warnings of
the black sybil of the Frizzled Head, who, whenever
she met them, was continually dinning in
their ears the eternal sing-song of “I have
seen what I have seen—I know what I know.”
At such interruptions, the eye of the Long
Finne would assume that fearful expression
which, we have before observed, had startled
the fair Christina, and which, now that she felt
a stronger interest in the youth, often occasioned
a vague sensation of horror, that caused her
many a sleepless night.

The situation of our little blue-eyed Finlander
became every day more painful and embarrassing.
The consciousness of her growing interest
in the Long Finne, the obscurity of his
character, the equivocal expression of his eye,
and the mysterious warnings of the Frizzled
Head, all combined to produce a sea of doubts

and fears, on which her heart was tossed to and
fro. At times she would resolve to alter her
deportment towards the youth, and banish him
her father's house, by a harsh and contemptuous
indifference. But here love, in the form of pity,
interfered. Poor, friendless, and unknown,
where should he find a refuge, if banished
from the village? He would be forced to seek
the woods, herd with the bands of Indians, and
become himself the worst of savages, a white
one. At other times she determined to consult
aunt Edith. But that good lady, as we observed
before, had too much to attend to abroad, to
mind affairs at home; and was so smitten with
a desire to do good on a great scale, that her
sympathies could never contract themselves to
the little circle of the domestic fireside. Her
father next presented himself to her mind, as
her natural guardian and counsellor. But the
Heer, though he loved her better than pipe or
pepper-pot, was a testy, scolding little man;
apt to speak rather more than he thought, and
to threaten more than he would do. Hence
the tender apprehensive feelings of a delicate
girl, thus circumstanced, shrunk from the idea
of being perhaps roughly assailed in the cutset,
although, in the end, she might meet with affectionate
sympathy.

The Heer, at this time, was sorely environed
with certain weighty cares of state, that perplexed
him exceedingly, and added not a little to
the irritability of his temper. He was engaged,
tooth and nail, in a controversy about boundaries,
with his neighbour William Penn, who, it
is well known, was a most redoubtable adversary
in matters of paper war. Two brooks, about
half a mile apart from each other, and having
nothing to distinguish them, caused great disputes,
with respect to the boundary line between
the territories of Coaquanock and Elsingburgh.
Trespasses, on either side, occasioned mutual
complaints, and though the Heer Piper fell into
a passion and swore, the other kept his temper,
and the possession of the territory in dispute
besides. In order to settle this affair, it was
proposed to send an envoy to Elsingburgh, on
the part of those of Coaquanock, and accordingly
he made his appearance, about this time,
at this renowned capital.

Shadrach Moneypenny, as he was called,
for Excellencies and Honourables did not fly
about like hail-stones, at that time, as now, was
a tall, upright, skin-and-bone figure, clothed

from head to foot, in a suit of drab-coloured
broad-cloth; a large hat, the brim of which
was turned up behind, and without any appendage
that approached to finery, except a very
small pair of silver buckles to his high-quartered
shoes. Yet, with all this plainness, there
was a certain sly air of extreme care in the adjustment
of his garments, in accordance with
the most prim simplicity, that shrewdly indicated
friend Shadrach thought quite as much
of his appearance as others, who dressed more
gaudily to the eye. The Long Finne, who was
somewhat of a mischevious wag at times, affirmed
that the worthy envoy looked very much as if
he had gone through the same process of washing,
clear-starching and ironing, with his precise
band and rigid collar. Shadrach Moneypenny
rode a horse seventeen hands high, and proportionably
large and jolly in his other dimensions,
which afforded a perfect contrast to the leanness
of his rider; so that one likened them unto Pharoah's
dream, another to king Porus and his
elephant, and various were the jokes cracked
upon Shadrach and his big horse, as they entered
the village. It was with much ado that Lob
Dotterel could prevent the bad boys from
jeering the stranger, as they sat in the road,
busily employed in making dirt pies, in joyful
anticipation of the coming of the Christmas
holydays.

The Governor received the envoy in full
council.—And here it occurs to us, that we have
not properly introduced these distinguished
persons to the reader, an omission which shall
be duly supplied, before we proceed one step
further in our history.

Wolfgang Langfanger, the pottee-baker, was
the greatest smoker, and of course the greatest
man in the village, except the representative of
majesty himself. He was, in time past, considered
among the most prosperous and thriving
persons in all the territories of New Swedeland,
being an excellent baker of stone pots, some of
which remain to this day in the houses of the
descendants of the ancient inhabitants, beautifully
lackered with green flowers, and bearing
the initials of W. L., which would doubtless
sorely puzzle future antiquaries, were it not for
this true history. What he earned, he saved;
and being manfully assisted by his spouse, within
doors, he gradually waxed wealthy, insomuch,
that he every year built either a new henhouse,
pig-sty, or the like, and whitewashed his
garden fence, in spring and fall. But from the

period in which he arrived at the unexpected
honour of being of the King's council, his head
seemed turned topsy-turvy, and his good helpmate's,
inside out. Wolfgang fell into such a turmoil,
respecting the affairs of the great Gustavus,
who, at that time, was carrying the reformation
on the point of his sword into Germany, that he
never baked a good pot afterwards; while his
wife began to scorn whitewashing fences, and
ehurning infamous butter. The very next Sunday,
she took the field at church, dressed in a
gown of the same piece, and a cap of the same
fineness, with those of madam Edith, to the
great scandal of Dominie Kanttwell, and the utter
spoiling of aunt Edith's pious meditations for
that day. More than that, Wolfgang began
to frequent master Oldale's house, where he
talked politics, drank ale, smoked his pipe,
till the cows came home, and got the reputation
of a long-headed person that saw deep into futurity.

Sudden wealth and sudden honour ruineth
many an honest man. We have seen a prize
in the lottery, and an election to the dignity of
assessor or alderman, spoil some of the most
worthy tradesmen in the world. Thus was it
with Wolfgang Langfanger, who spent his money,

and neglected his business, till at length he
had not a rix-dollar left, and his reputation, as a
pot-baker, was ruined for ever. At the time we
speak of, he lived, sometimes upon credit,
sometimes by his wits; the former he employed
in running up long scores with master
Oldale; the latter, in suggesting divers famous
schemes for the improvement of Elsingburg,
whereby the value of property would be trebled,
at least, and every soul suddenly become
rich: but of these anon. Still, the dignity of
his office supported him in the midst of his poverty;
for, even at that time, it was possible for a
great man to live sumptuously, and spend other
people's money, without its being considered as
any disparagement to his wonderful talents and
honesty.

The second member of his Majesty's council
was Othman Pfegel, who had some pretensions
to an old Swedish title of Baron, which lay dormant,
somewhere under the polar ice. He professed,
what was called, a sneaking kindness for
the fair Christina, and was highly in the favour
of the Governor, with whom he was very sociable,
insomuch that they would smoke for hours
together, without uttering a word. Truth, however,
our inflexible guide in this history, obliges

us to confess, that the only overt act of love he
ever committed against the heart of the fair
Christina, was, always puffing the smoke of his
pipe towards that fair damsel, whenever she was
in the room, which was held a sure indication of
the course to which his inclinations pointed.
Othman was considered a most promising youth,
seeing that he had arrived at such a distinguished
honour at the early age of forty-eight; and
there were those who did not scruple to hint that
he might one day come to be Governor of Elsingburgh.
Othman and the Long Finne were sworn
enemies; the one, evincing his hostility, by comparing
his rival to a barn-door in a frosty morning,
which is always smoking; the other,
by taking no notice, whatever, of his rival, in
his presence, and making divers reflections upon
him, when absent.

The third member of the great council of
New Swedeland was Ludwig Varlett, a wild,
harem-scarem, jolly fellow, lazy as a Turk, idle
as a West India planter, and so generous, when
he had money, that he was often obliged to be
mean for the want of it. He held prudence,
economy, necessity, and the like, to be words of
Indian origin, and whenever any one used them
in his presence, would exclaim, “Eh! what?—

pru—I don't understand it, it's Indian.” Counsellor
Varlett dealt liberally, in a great variety
of singular expletives and epithets, peculiar to
himself, and which were at every one's service.
But then he would consign people to the bitterest
punishments in this way, with such a good-humoured
eccentric vehemence, that nobody ever
thought of giving him credit for being in earnest,
or taking offence at his discourse. A
singular colloquy, which hath been accidentally
preserved, by a curious person of our
acquaintance, will, perhaps, throw more light
on the character of Counsellor Varlett's eloquence
than any general outlines we could give.

The goblin Cupid used to do various little
jobs and errands for master Ludwig, who was
in the habit of calling after him with, “here, you
d—d, idle, good-for-nothing rogue; you've nothing
to do; go catch my horse, yonder—you
bloody black snow ball.” Cupid, so far
from taking this in dudgeon, would acquiesce
with a mortal exhibition of white ivory, knowing
full well the Counsellor would pay him liberally,
whenever he got money. On some one
of these occasions, Ludwig had promised Cupid
a rix-dollar for doing a job, and, being a little
tardy in the performance, that likely fellow called

one day to dun him, when the following dialogue
is said to have taken place: Ludwig's wife enters
and says—

“Cupid wants you.”

Ludwig. “What does the fellow want? curse
his picture, if he wants money, tell the rascal I'll
cane him.”

“He says you owe him a rix-dollar, for cutting
wood last winter.”

Ludwig. “I don't owe him a halfpenny, the
infernal lying son of a —. Show him in here,
and let's have a look at him; it's mighty likely
I've paid him already. Come in, sir. Are you
now ready to swear, and take your bible oath,
I did'nt pay you before? Not a d—d stiver
shall you have, till you prove I haven't paid you
at least twice already—you d—d gizzard-heel'd,
bumbo-shinn'd, cushion-ancle'd son—how much
do I owe you?”

Cupid, (smiling, he being used to such episodes.)—“A
rix-dollar, massa.”

Ludwig. “There, take it and be d—d, and I
wish I may go to the lowermost pit of—hem!
if this fellow isn't enough to ruin any man, I'll
tell you what, you infernal Snow Ball, if you
ever come here dunning me again, I'll make you
drink a gallon of brimstone, stirred with a

lightning rod; I will, you bloody infernal cucumber-shinn'd
rascal.”

But with all this bad habit, Counsellor Ludwig
was, in the main, a good-natured man, who
took the world as it went; charitable to the poor,
whom he would relieve with a hearty malediction;
one, in fact, who would have deserved
great credit for his liberality, had it not been too
often exercised at the expense of his creditors.
He never looked beyond the present moment,
and was accustomed to anathematize Counsellor
Langfanger's schemes of improvement, which
were always founded on distant views of future
advantage. The consequence was, that the
latter got the reputation of a very long-headed
person, while honest Ludwig was stigmatized
as a short-sighted fellow.

When Shadrach Moneypenny appeared before
the council of New Swedeland, the first
offence he gave was omitting either to make
a bow, or pull off his hat, to the great annoyance
of Governor Piper; who was as great a stickler
for ceremony as the emperor of China, or the
secretary of state, in a republic, where all are
equal. The Heer fidgeted, first one way, then
another, made divers wry faces, and had not

Shadrach been a privileged person, on the score of
his plenipotential functions, would have committed
him to the custody of Lob Dotterel, to be
dealt with contrary to law.

In the mean time, Shadrach stood bolt upright,
with his hands crossed before him, his
nose elevated towards the ceiling, and his eyes
shut. At length he snuffled out—

“Friend Piper, the spirit moveth me to say
unto thee, I am come from Coaquanock to commune
with thee on the subject of the disputes
among our people and thine, about certain
boundaries between our patent and the pretended
rights of thy master.”

“Friend Piper—pretended rights,” repeated
the Heer, muttering indignantly to himself.
“But harkye, Mr. Shadrach Mesheck and the
d—l, before we proceed to business, you must
be pleased to understand, that no man comes
into the presence of the representative of the
great Gustavus, the Bulwark of the Protestant
Religion, without pulling off his hat.”

“Friend Piper,” replied Shadrach, standing
in precisely the position we have described—
“Friend Piper, swear not at all. Verily, I do
not pull off my hat to any one, much less to the
representative of the man that calleth himself the

great Gustavus, whom I conceive a wicked man
of blood, one who propagateth religion with the
sword of man instead of the word of Jehovah.”

“Verflucht und verdamt!” exclaimed the
Heer, in mortal dudgeon; “the great Gustavus,
the Bulwark of the Protestant Faith, a man of
blood! Der teufel hole dich! I swear, you
shall put off your hat, or depart, without holding
conference with us, with a flea in thine ear.”

“Swear not at all,” replied Shadrach, “friend
Piper. Again I say to thee, I will not pull off
my hat; and, if necessary, I will depart with a
flea in mine ear, as thou art pleased to express
thyself, rather than give up the tenets of our
faith.”

“Du galgen schivenkel,” quoth the Heer;
“does thy religion consist in thy hat, that thou
refusest to put it off? But whether it does or
not, I swear—

“Swear not at all,” cried the self-poised Shadrach.

“'Sblood! but I will swear, and so shall Ludwig
Varlett,” cried the Heer; whereupon Ludwig
hoisted the gates of his eloquence, and
poured forth such a torrent of expletives, that,
had not Shadrach been immoveable as his
hat, he had been utterly demolished. That invincible

civil warrior, however, neither opened
his eyes nor altered his position, during all the
hot fire of Counsellor Varlett, but remained motionless,
except the twirling of his thumbs.

“Friend Piper, is it thy pleasure to hear what
I have got to say? The spirit moveth me”—

“The spirit may move thee to the d—l,” cried
Peter, “or the flesh shall do it, if you don't
pull off your hat, du ans dem land gejacter kerl.”

“Verily, I understand not thy jargon, friend
Peter,” rejoined Shadrach; “neither will I go
to him thou speakest of, at thine or any other
man's bidding. Wilt thou hear the proposals of
friend William Penn, or wilt thou not?”

“No, may I eat of the teufel's braden if I
hear another word from that ugly mouth of
thine, till you pull off your hat,” exclaimed the
choleric Heer, starting from his seat.

“Thou mayst eat what thou pleasest, friend
Piper,” rejoined the other; “and for my ugly
mouth, since it offends thee, I will depart to
whence I came.” So saying, he leisurely turned
himself round, and was proceeding on his way,
when the Heer Piper, to whose choler the dry
eloquence of Shadrach added fresh fuel, cried
out, “Stop!” in a voice of thunder.

The machinery of Shadrach, which had been

put in motion for his departure, stopped, accordingly,
and he remained, standing in most rigid
perpendicularity, with his back to the Heer, and
his head turned over his shoulder, so as to meet
his eye.

“I am stopped, friend Piper,” quoth he.

The Heer Piper, hereupon, directed Lob
Dotterel, who was in attendance, as part of the
puissance of the Governor of Elsingburgh,
forthwith to procure him a hammer and a ten-penny
nail, an order which that excellent and
attentive officer obeyed with his usual alacrity.

“Art thou going to build thee an house, friend
Piper, that thou callest for nails and hammers?”
asked Shadrach.

“You shall see presently,” answered the Heer.
“Since your religion consists in wearing your
hat, I shall take care, you stick fast to the faith
by nailing your hat to your head, with this ten-penny
nail.

“Thou mayst do as thou pleasest, friend Piper,”
replied Shadrach, unmoved by the threat.
“We have endured worse than this, in the old
world, and are ready for sufferance in the new.
Even now, in you Eastern settlements, our
brethren are expelled from the poor refuges they
have sought, and chased, like beasts, from the

haunts of the new-settled places, as if their blood
was the blood of wolves, their hands the claws
of tigers, and their feet the feet of the murderer.
Our faith grew up in stripes, imprisonment,
and sufferings, and behold, I am ready; smite—I
am ready. The savage who hath no God, endures
the tortures of fire, without shrinking, and
shall not I dare to suffer, whom he sustains?
Smite—I am ready.”

The Heer was now in the predicament, of
certain passionate people, who threaten, what,
when it comes to the point, they shrink from inflicting.
Besides that the law of nations made
the persons of envoys sacred, he could not
bring himself to commit violence upon one,
whose principles of non-resistance were so inflexible.
By way of coming off, therefore, with
a good grace, he and Ludwig Varlett, fell into a
great passion, and saluted Shadrach Moneypenny,
with a duet of expletives, which that worthy
plenipotentiary bore, for some time, with
his usual stoical indifference.

“Art thou ready, friend Piper,” exclaimed
he, taking advantage of the two singers being
out of breath.

“Begone, and der teufel hole dich, and das
tonnerwetter schlage dich kreutzeveis in den
boden,” cried the Heer.

“I go, verily;” and the good Shadrach
marched leisurely out of the council chamber,
with his hands crossed over his breast, his eyes
turned upwards, neither looking to the right nor
to the left. Coming to the place where he had
left his horse, he untied him from the branch of
an apple-tree, mounted by the aid of a
friendly rock, and seated himself in the saddle;
whereupon, he smote him in the side with his
unarmed heel, and the horse, taking the hint,
trotted off for the territory of Coaquanock.

Thus was the negotiation between the powers
of Elsingburgh and Coaquanock, wrecked on a
point of etiquette, like that between England
and China, which happened in later times. The
obstinacy of Shadrach, in not pulling off his hat
to the Heer, and that of my Lord Amherst, in
refusing to prostrate himself ever so many times
before the elder brother of the moon, were both,
in all probability, followed by consequences
that affected millions of human beings, or will
affect them at some future period. This proves
the vast importance of etiquette, and we hope
our worthy statesmen at the capital will persevere

in their praiseworthy attempts, to make
certain people, who don't know the importance
of these matters, sensible of the absolute necessity
of precedence being rigidly observed, in going
into dining rooms, and sitting down to dinner.