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“Attend my lord:—`Anno Mardis 50,000,000, o. s.
I, Bardianna, of the island of Vamba, and village of the
same name, having just risen from my yams, in high health,
high spirits, and sound mind, do hereby cheerfully make and
ordain this my last will and testament.

“`Imprimis:

“`All my kith and kin being well to do in Mardi, I
wholly leave them out of this my will.

“`Item. Since, in divers ways, verbally and otherwise,
my good friend Pondo has evinced a strong love for me,
Bardianna, as the owner and proprietor of all that capital
messuage with the appurtenances, in Vamba aforesaid,
called `The Lair,' wherein I now dwell; also for all my
Bread-fruit orchards, Palm-groves, Banana-plantations, Taro-patches,
gardens, lawns, lanes, and hereditaments whatsoever,
adjoining the aforesaid messuage;—I do hereby give
and bequeath the same to Bomblum of the island of Adda;
the aforesaid Bomblum having never expressed any regard
for me, as a holder of real estate.

“`Item. My esteemed neighbor Lakreemo having since
the last lunar eclipse called daily to inquire after the state
of my health: and having nightly made tearful inquiries of
my herb-doctor, concerning the state of my viscera;—I do
hereby give and bequeath to the aforesaid Lakreemo all and
sundry those vegetable pills, potions, powders, aperients,
purgatives, expellatives, evacuatives, tonics, emetics, cathartics,
clysters, injections, scarifiers, cataplasms, lenitives,
lotions, decoctions, washes, gargles, and phlegmagogues; together
with all the jars, calabashes, gourds, and galipots,
thereunto pertaining; situate, lying, and being, in the west-by-north
corner of my east-southeast crypt, in my aforesaid
tenement known as `The Lair.'

“`Item. The woman Pesti; a native of Vamba, having
oftentimes hinted that I, Bardianna, sorely needed a spouse,
and having also intimated that she bore me a conjugal
affection; I do hereby give and bequeath to the aforesaid
Pesti:—my blessing; forasmuch, as by the time of the
opening of this my last will and testament, I shall have
been forever delivered from the aforesaid Pesti's persecutions.

“`Item. Having a high opinion of the probity of my

worthy and excellent friend Bidiri, I do hereby entirely, and
wholly, give, will, grant, bestow, devise, and utterly hand
over unto the said Bidiri, all that tenement where my
servant Oram now dwelleth; with all the lawns, meadows,
uplands and lowlands, fields, groves, and gardens, thereunto
belonging:—In Trust Nevertheless to have and to hold
the same for the sole use and benefit of Lanbranka Hohinna,
spinster, now resident of the aforesaid island of Vamba.

“`Item. I give and bequeath my large carved drinking
gourd to my good comrade Topo.

“`Item. My fast friend Doldrum having at sundry
times, and in sundry places, uttered the prophecy, that upon
my decease his sorrow would be great; I do hereby give
and bequeath to the aforesaid Doldrum, ten yards of my best
soft tappa, to be divided into handkerchiefs for his sole
benefit and behoof.

“`Item. My sensible friend Solo having informed me,
that he intended to remain a bachelor for life; I give and
devise to the aforesaid Solo, the mat for one person, whereon
I nightly repose.

“`Item. Concerning my private Arbor and Palm-groves,
adjoining, lying, and being in the isle of Vamba, I give and
devise the same, with all appurtenances whatsoever, to my
friend Minta the Cynic, to have and to hold, in trust for the
first through-and-through honest man, issue of my neighbor
Mondi; and in default of such issue, for the first through-and-through
honest man, issue of my neighbor Pendidda; and
in default of such issue, for the first through-and-through
honest man, issue of my neighbor Wynodo: and in default
of such issue, to any through-and-through honest man, issue
of any body, to be found through the length and breadth of
Mardi.

“`Item. My friend Minta the Cynic to be sole judge of
all claims to the above-mentioned devise; and to hold the
said premises for his own use, until the aforesaid person be
found.

“`Item. Knowing my devoted scribe Marko to be very
sensitive touching the receipt of a favor; I willingly spare
him that pain; and hereby bequeath unto the aforesaid
scribe, three milk-teeth, not as a pecuniary legacy, but as a
very slight token of my profound regard.

“`Item. I give to the poor of Vamba the total contents
of my red-labeled bags of bicuspids and canines (which I
account three-fourths of my whole estate); to my body
servant Fidi, my staff, all my robes and togas, and three
hundred molars in cash; to that discerning and sagacious
philosopher my disciple Krako, one complete set of denticles,
to buy him a vertebral bone ring; and to that pious and
promising youth Vangi, two fathoms of my best kaiar rope,
with the privilege of any bough in my groves.

“`All the rest of my goods, chattels and household stuff
whatsoever; and all my loose denticles, remaining after my
debts and legacies are paid, and my body is out of sight, I
hereby direct to be distributed among the poor of Vamba.

“`Ultimo. I give and bequeath to all Mardi this my
last advice and counsel:—videlicet: live as long as you
can; close your own eyes when you die.

“`I have no previous wills to revoke; and publish this
to be my first and last.

“`In witness whereof, I have hereunto set my right
hand; and hereunto have caused a true copy of the tattooing
on my right temple to be affixed, during the year first
above written.