27. CHAPTER XXVII.
BABBALANJA FALLETH UPON PIMMINEE TOOTH AND NAIL.
The levee over, waiving further civilities, we took courteus
leave of the Begum and Nimni, and proceeding to the
beach, very soon were embarked.
When all were pleasantly seated beneath the canopy,
pipes in full blast, calabashes revolving, and the paddlers
quietly urging us along, Media proposed that, for the benefit
of the company, some one present, in a pithy, whiffy sentence
or two, should sum up the character of the Tapparians; and
ended by nominating Babbalanja to that office.
“Come, philosopher: let us see in how few syllables you
can put the brand on those Tapparians.”
“Pardon me, my lord, but you must permit me to ponder
awhile; nothing requires more time, than to be brief. An
example: they say that in conversation old Bardianna dealt
in nothing but trisyllabic sentences. His talk was thunder
peals: sounding reports, but long intervals.”
“The devil take old Bardianna. And would that the
grave-digger had buried his Ponderings, along with his other
remains. Can none be in your company, Babbalanja, but
you must perforce make them hob-a-nob with that old prater?
A brand for the Tapparians! that is what we seek.”
“You shall have it, my lord. Full to the brim of themselves,
for that reason, the Tapparians are the emptiest of
mortals.”
“A good blow and well planted, Babbalanja.”
“In sooth, a most excellent saying; it should be carved
upon his tombstone,” said Mohi, slowly withdrawing his pipe
“What! would you have my epitaph read thus:—
`Here lies the emptiest of mortals, who was full of himself?”
At best, your words are exceedingly ambiguous, Mohi.”
“Now have I the philosopher,” cried Yoomy, with glee.
“What did some one say to me, not long since, Babbalanja,
when in the matter of that sleepy song of mine, Braid-Beard
bestowed upon me an equivocal compliment? Was I not
told to wrest commendation from it, though I tortured it to
the quick?”
“Take thy own pills, philosopher,” said Mohi.
“Then would he be a great original,” said Media.
“Tell me, Yoomy,” said Babbalanja, “are you not in
fault? Because I sometimes speak wisely, you must not
imagine that I should always act so.”
“I never imagined that,” said Yoomy, “and, if I did,
the truth would belie me. It is you who are in fault,
Babbalanja; not I, craving your pardon.”
“The minstrel's sides are all edges to-day,” said Media.
“This, then, thrice gentle Yoomy, is what I would say;”
resumed Babbalanja, “that since we philosophers bestow so
much wisdom upon others, it is not to be wondered at, if
now and then we find what is left in us too small for our
necessities. It is from our very abundance that we want.”
“And from the fool's poverty,” said Media, “that he is
opulent; for his very simplicity, is sometimes of more account
than the wisdom of the sage. But we were discoursing of
the Tapparians. Babbalanja: sententiously you have acquitted
yourself to admiration; now amplify, and tell us
more of the people of Pimminee.”
“My lord, I might amplify forever.”
“Then, my worshipful lord, let him not begin,” interposed
Braid-Beard.
“I mean,” said Babbalanja, “that all subjects are inexhaustible,
however trivial; as the mathematical point, put
in motion, is capable of being produced into an infinite line.”
“But forever extending into nothing,” said Media. “A
very bad example to follow. Do you, Babbalanja, come to
the point, and not travel off with it, which is too much your
wont.”
“Since my lord insists upon it then, thus much for the
Tapparians, though but a thought or two of many in reserve.
They ignore the rest of Mardi, while they themselves
are but a rumor in the isles of the East; where the
business of living and dying goes on with the same uniformity,
as if there were no Tapparians in existence. They
think themselves Mardi in full; whereas, by the mass, they
are stared at as prodigies; exceptions to the law, ordaining
that no Mardian shall undertake to live, unless he set out
with at least the average quantity of brains. For these
Tapparians have no brains. In lieu, they carry in one
corner of their craniums, a drop or two of attar of roses;
charily used, the supply being small. They are the victims
of two incurable maladies: stone in the heart, and ossification
of the head. They are full of fripperies, fopperies, and
finesses; knowing not, that nature should be the model of
art. Yet, they might appear less silly than they do, were
they content to be the plain idiots which at bottom they
are. For there be grains of sense in a simpleton, so long as
he be natural. But what can be expected from them?
They are irreclaimable Tapparians; not so much fools by
contrivance of their own, as by an express, though inscrutable
decree of Oro's. For one, my lord, I can not abide them.”
Nor could Taji.
In Pimminee were no hilarious running and shouting:
none of the royal good cheer of old Borabolla; none of the
mysteries of Maramma; none of the sentiment and romance
of Donjalolo; no rehearsing of old legends: no singing of old
songs; no life; no jolly commotion: in short, no men and
women; nothing but their integuments; stiff trains and
farthingales.
