18. CHAPTER XVIII.
THEY VISIT AN EXTRAORDINARY OLD ANTIQUARY.
“About prows there, ye paddlers,” cried Media. “In
this fog we've been raising, we have sailed by Padulla, our
destination.”
Now Padulla, was but a little island, tributary to a
neighboring king; its population embracing some hundreds
of thousands of leaves, and flowers, and butterflies, yet only
two solitary mortals; one, famous as a venerable antiquarian:
a collector of objects of Mardian vertu; a cognoscenti,
and dilettante in things old and marvelous; and for that
reason, very choice of himself.
He went by the exclamatory cognomen of “Oh-Oh;” a
name bestowed upon him, by reason of the delighted interjections,
with which he welcomed all accessions to his museum.
Now, it was to obtain a glimpse of this very museum,
that Media was anxious to touch at Padulla.
Landing, and passing through a grove, we were accosted
by Oh-Oh himself; who, having heard the shouts of our
paddlers, had sallied forth, staff in hand.
The old man was a sight to see; especially his nose; a
remarkable one. And all Mardi over, a remarkable nose is
a prominent feature: an ever obvious passport to distinction.
For, after all, this gaining a name, is but the individualizing
of a man; as well achieved by an extraordinary nose, as by
an extraordinary epic. Far better, indeed; for you may
pass poets without knowing them. Even a hero, is no hero
without his sword; nor Beelzebub himself a lion, minus
that lasso-tail of his, wherewith he catches his prey.
Whereas, he who is famous through his nose, it is impossible
to overlook. He is a celebrity without toiling for a name.
Snugly ensconced behind his proboscis, he revels in its shadow,
receiving tributes of attention wherever he goes.
Not to enter at large upon the topography of Oh-Oh's
nasal organ, all must be content with this; that it was of
a singular magnitude, and boldly aspiring at the end; an
exclamation point in the face of the wearer, forever wondering
at the visible universe. The eyes of Oh-Oh were like
the creature's that the Jew abhors: placed slanting in his
head, and converging their rays toward the mouth; which
was no mouth, but a gash.
I mean not to be harsh, or unpleasant upon thee, Oh-Oh;
but I must paint thee as thou wert.
The rest of his person was crooked, and dwarfed, and
surmounted by a hump, that sat on his back like a burden.
And a weary load is a hump, Heaven knows, only to be
cast off in the grave.
Thus old, and antiquated, and gable-ended, was the tabernacle
of Oh-Oh's soul. But his person was housed in as
curious a structure. Built of old boughs of trees blown down
in the groves, and covered over with unruly thatching, it
seemed, without, some ostrich nest. But within, so intricate,
and grotesque, its brown alleys and cells, that the interior
of no walnut was more labyrinthine.
And here, strewn about, all dusty and disordered, were
the precious antiques, and curios, and obsoletes, which to
Oh-Oh were dear as the apple of his eye, or the memory of
departed days.
The old man was exceedingly importunate, in directing
attention to his relics; concerning each of which, he had an
endless story to tell. Time would fail; nay, patience, to
repeat his legends. So, in order, here follow the most prominent
of his rarities:—
The identical Canoe, in which, ages back, the god Unja came from
the bottom of the sea.
(Very ponderous; of lignum-vitæ wood).
A stone Flower-pot, containing in the original soil, Unja's last foot-prints,
when he embarked from Mardi for parts unknown.
(One foot-print unaccountably reversed).
The Jaw-bones of Tooroorooloo, a great orator in the days of Unja.
(Somewhat twisted).
A quaint little Fish-hook.
(Made from the finger-bones of Kravi the Cunning).
The mystic Gourd; carved all over with cabalistic triangles, and
hypogriffs; by study of which a reputed prophet, was said to have
obtained his inspiration.
(Slightly redolent of vineyards).
The complete Skeleton of an immense Tiger-shark; the bones of a
Pearl-shell-diver's leg inside.
(Picked off the reef at low tide).
An inscrutable, shapeless block of a mottled-hued, smoke-dried
wood.
(Three unaccountable holes drilled through the middle).
A sort of ecclesiastical Fasces, being the bony blades of nine sword-fish,
basket-hilted with shark's jaws, braided round and tasseled
with cords of human hair.
(Now obsolete).
The mystic Fan with which Unja fanned himself when in trouble.
(Woven from the leaves of the Water-Lily).
A Tripod of a Stork's Leg, supporting a nautilus shell, containing
the fragments of a bird's egg; into which, was said to have
been magically decanted the soul of a deceased chief.
(Unfortunately crushed in by atmospheric pressure).
Two clasped Right Hands, embalmed; being those of twin warriors,
who thus died on a battle-field.
(Impossible to sunder).
A curious Pouch, or Purse, formed from the skin of an Albatross'
foot, and decorated with three sharp claws, naturally pertaining
to it.
(Originally the property of a notorious old Tooth-per-Tooth).
A long tangled lock of Mermaid's Hair, much resembling the curling
silky fibres of the finer sea-weed.
(Preserved between fins of the dolphin).
A Mermaid's Comb for the toilet. The stiff serrated erest of a
Cock Storm-petrel.
(Oh-Oh was particularly curious concerning Mermaids).
Files, Rasps, and Pincers, all bone, the implements of an eminent
Chiropedist, who flourished his tools before the flood.
(Owing to the excessive unevenness of the surface in those
times, the diluvians were peculiarly liable to pedal afflictions).
The back Tooth, that Zozo the Enthusiast, in token of grief, recklessly
knocked out at the decease of a friend.
(Worn to a stump and quite useless).
These wonders inspected, Oh-Oh conducted us to an arbor,
to show us the famous telescope, by help of which, he
said he had discovered an ant-hill in the moon. It rested
in the crotch of a Bread-fruit tree; and was a prodigiously
long and hollow trunk of a Palm; a scale from a sea-kraken
its lens.
Then returning to his cabinet, he pointed to a bamboo
microscope, which had wonderfully assisted him in his entomological
pursuits.
“By this instrument, my masters,” said he, “I have satisfied
myself, that in the eye of a dragon-fly there are precisely
twelve thousand five hundred and forty-one triangular
lenses; and in the leg of a flea, scores on scores of distinct
muscles. Now, my masters, how far think you a flea may
leap at one spring? Why, two hundred times its own
length; I have often measured their leaps, with a small
measure I use for scientific purposes.”
“Truly, Oh-Oh,” said Babbalanja, “your discoveries must
ere long result in something grand; since you furnish such
invaluable data for theorists. Pray, attend, my lord
Media. If, at one spring, a flea leaps two hundred
times its own length, then, with the like proportion of
muscles in his calves, a bandit might pounce upon the
unwary traveler from a quarter of a mile off. Is it not so,
Oh-Oh?”
“Indeed, but it is, my masters. And one of the greatest
consolations I draw from these studies, is the ever-strengthening
conviction of the beneficent wisdom that framed our
Mardi. For did men possess thighs in proportion to fleas,
verily, the wicked would grievously leap about, and curvet
in the isles.”
“But Oh-Oh,” said Babbalanja, “what other discoveries
have you made? Hast yet put a usurer under your lens, to
find his conscience? or a libertine, to find his heart? Hast
yet brought your microscope to bear upon a downy peach,
or a rosy cheek?”
“I have,” said Oh-Oh, mournfully; “and from the moment
I so did, I have had no heart to eat a peach, or salute
a cheek.”
“Then dash your lens!” cried Media.
“Well said, my lord. For all the eyes we get beyond
our own, but minister to infelicity. The microscope disgusts
us with our Mardi; and the telescope sets us longing for
some other world.”
