University of Virginia Library

12. CHAPTER XII.

“I GLADLY quit what I fear some present may
have considered the personal part of my lecture,”
resumed Dr. Reasono, “to turn to those portions
of the theme that should possess a common interest,
awaken common pride, and excite common felicitations.
I now propose to say a few words on that
part of our natural philosophy which is connected
with the planetary system, the monikin location,—
and, as a consequence from both, the creation of
the world.”

“Although dying with impatience to be enlightened
on all these interesting points, you will grant
me leave to inquire, en passant, Dr. Reasono, if
your savans receive the Mosaie account of the
creation or not.”

“As far as it corroborates our own system, sir,
and no farther. There would be a manifest inconsistency
in our giving an antagonist validity to any
hostile theory, let it come from Moses or Aaron;
as one of your native good sense and subsequent
cultivation will readily perceive.”

“Permit me to intimate, Dr. Reasono, that the
distinction your philosophers take in this matter, is
directly opposed to a very arbitrary canon in the
law of evidence, which dictates the necessity of
repudiating the whole of a witness's testimony,
when we repudiate a part.”

“That may be a human, but it is not a monikin,
distinction. So far from admitting the soundness

of the principle, we hold that no monikin is ever
wholly right, or that he will be wholly right, so long
as he remain in the least under the influence of
matter; and we therefore winnow the false from
the true, rejecting the former as worse than useless,
while we take the latter as the nutriment of facts.”

“I now repeat my apologies for so often interrupting
you, venerable and learned sir; and I entreat
you will not waste another moment in replying
to my interrogatories, but proceed at once to an
explanation of your planetary system, or of any
other little thing it may suit your convenience to
mention. When one listens to a real philosopher,
one is certain to learn something that is either useful
or agreeable, let the subject be what it may.”

“By the monikin philosophy, gentlemen,” continued
Dr. Reasono, “we divide the great component
parts of this earth into land and water. These two
principles we term the primary elements. Human
philosophy has added air and fire to the list; but
these we reject either entirely, or admit them only
as secondary elements. That neither air nor fire is
a primary element, may be proved by experiment.
Thus, air can be formed, in the quality of gases;
can be rendered pure or foul; is dependent on evaporation,
being no more than ordinary matter in a
state of high rarefaction. Fire has no independent
existence; requires fuel for its support, and is evidently
a property that is derived from the combinations
of other principles. Thus, by putting two or
more billets of wood together, by rapid friction you
produce fire. Abstract the air suddenly, and your
fire becomes extinct; abstract the wood, and you
have the same result. From these two experiments
it is shown that fire has no independent existence,
and therefore is not an element. On the other hand,
take a billet of wood and let it be completely saturated

with water: the wood acquires a new property,
(as also by the application of fire, which converts
it into ashes and air,) for its specific gravity is
increased, it becomes less inflammable, emits vapor
more readily, and yields less readily to the blow of
the axe. Place the same billet under a powerful
screw, and a vessel beneath. Compress the billet,
and by a sufficient application of force, you will
have the wood, perfectly dry, left beneath the
screw, and the vessel will contain water. Thus
is it shown that land (all vegetable matter being no
more than fungi of the earth) is a primary element,
and that water is also a primary element; while air
and fire are not.

“Having established the elements, I shall, for
brevity's sake, suppose the world created. In the
beginning, the orb was placed in vacuum, stationary,
and with its axis perpendicular to the plane of
what is now called its orbit. Its only revolution was
the diurnal.”

“And the changes of the seasons?”

“Had not yet taken place. The days and nights
were equal; there were no eclipses; the same stars
were always visible. This state of the earth is
supposed, from certain geological proofs, to have
continued about a thousand years, during which
time the struggle between mind and matter was
solely confined to quadrupeds. Man is thought to
have made his appearance, so far as our documents
go to establish the fact, about the year of the world
one thousand and three. About this period, too, it
is supposed that fire was generated by the friction
of the earth's axis, while making the diurnal movement;
or, as some imagine, by the friction of the
periphery of the orb, rubbing against vacuum at
the rate of so many thousand miles in a minute.
The fire penetrating the crust, soon got access to the

bodies of water that fill the cavities of the earth.
From this time is to be dated the existence of a
new and most important agent in the terrestrial
phenomena, called steam. Vegetation now began
to appear, as the earth received warmth from
within—”

“Pray, sir, may I ask in what manner all the
animals existed previously?”

“By feeding on each other. The strong devoured
the weak, until the most diminutive of the animalcula
was reached, when these turned on their persecutors,
and, profiting by their insignificance,
commenced devouring the strongest. You find
daily parallels to this phenomenon in the history
of man. He who, by his energy and force, has
triumphed over his equals, is frequently the prey of
the insignificant and vile. You doubtless know that
the polar regions, even in the original attitude of
the earth, owing to their receiving the rays of the
sun obliquely, must have possessed a less genial
climate than the parts of the orb that lie between
the arctic and the antarctic circles. This was a
wise provision of Providence to prevent a premature
occupation of those chosen regions, or to cause
them to be left uninhabited, until mind had so far
mastered matter, as to have brought into existence
the first monikin.”

“May I venture to ask to what epoch you refer
the appearance of the first of your species?”

“To the Monikin Epocha, beyond a doubt, sir—
but if you mean to ask in what year of the world
this event took place, I should answer, about the
year 4017. It is true, that certain of our writers
affect to think that divers men were approaching
to the sublimation of the monikin mind, previously to
this period; but the better opinion is, that these cases
were no more than what are termed premonitory.

Thus, Socrates, Plato, Confucius, Aristotle, Euclid,
Zeno, Diogenes, and Seneca, were merely so many
admonishing types of the future condition of man,
indicating their near approach to the monikin, or
to the final translation.”

“And Epicurus—”

“Was an exaggeration of the material principle,
that denoted the retrogression of a large portion of
the race towards brutality and matter. These phenomena
are still of daily occurrence.”

“Do you then hold the opinion, for instance, Dr.
Reasono, that Socrates is now a monikin philosopher,
with his brain unravelled and rendered logically
consecutive, and that Epicurus is transformed
perchance into a hippopotamus or a rhinoceros,
with tusks, horns, and hide?”

“You quite mistake our dogmas, Sir John. We
do not believe in transmigration in the individual
at all, but in the transmigration of classes. Thus,
we hold that whenever a given generation of men, in
a peculiar state of society, attain, in the aggregate,
a certain degree of moral improvement, or mentality,
as we term it in the schools, that there is an admixture
of their qualities in masses, some believe by
scores, others think by hundreds, and others again
pretend by thousands; and if it is found, by the
analysis that is regularly instituted by nature, that
the proportions are just the material is consigned
to the monikin birth; if not, it is repudiated, and
either kneaded anew for another human experiment,
or consigned to the vast stores of dormant
matter. Thus all individuality, so far as it is connected
with the past, is lost.”

“But, sir, existing facts contradict one of the
most important of your propositions; while you
admit that a want of a change in the seasons would
be a consequence of the perpendicularity of the

earth's axis to the plane of its present orbit, this
change in the seasons is a matter not to be denied.
Flesh and blood testify against you here, no less
than reason.”

“I spoke of things as they were, sir, previously
to the birth of the monikinia; since which time a
great, salutary, harmonious, and contemplated alteration
has occurred. Nature had reserved the polar
regions for the new species, with divers obvious and
benevolent purposes. It was rendered uninhabitable
by the obliquity of the sun's rays; and though matter,
in the shape of mastodons and whales, with an
instinct of its antagonist destination, had frequently
invaded their precincts, it was only to leave the
remains of the first embedded in fields of ice, memorials
of the uselessness of struggling against
destiny, and to furnish proofs of the same great
truth in the instance of the others; who, if they did
enter the polar basins as masters of the great deep,
either left their bones there, or returned in the same
characters as they went. From the appearance of
animal nature on the earth, down to the period
when the monikin race arose, the regions in question
were not only uninhabited, but virtually uninhabitable.
When, however, Nature, always wary,
wise, beneficent, and never to be thwarted, had
prepared the way, those phenomena were exhibited
that cleared the road for the new species. I have
alluded to the internal struggle between fire and
water, and to their progeny, steam. This new
agent was now required to act. A moment's
attention to the manner in which the next great
step in the progress of civilization was made, will
show with what foresight and calculation our common
mother had established her laws. The earth
is flattened at the poles, as is well imagined by
some of the human philosophers, in consequence

of its diurnal movement commencing while the ball
was still in a state of fusion, which naturally threw
off a portion of the unkneaded matter, towards the
periphery. This was not done without the design
of accomplishing a desired end. The matter that
was thus accumulated at the equator, was necessarily
abstracted from other parts; and, in this manner,
the crust of the globe became thinnest at the
poles. When a sufficiency of steam had been generated
in the centre of the ball, a safety-valve was
evidently necessary to prevent a total disruption.
As there was no other machinist than Nature, she
worked with her own tools, and agreeably to her
own established laws. The thinnest portions of the
crust opportunely yielded to prevent a catastrophe,
when the superfluous and heated vapor escaped, in
a right line with the earth's axis, into vacuum.
This phenomenon occurred, as nearly as we have
been able to ascertain, about the year 700 before
the Christian era commenced, or some two centuries
previously to the birth of the first monikins.”

“And why so early, may I presume to inquire,
Doctor?”

“Simply that there might be time for the new
climate to melt the ice that had accumulated about
the islands and continents of that region, (for it
was only at the southern extremity of the earth
that the explosion had taken place,) in the course
of so many centuries. Two hundred and seventy
years of the active and unremitted agency of steam
sufficed for this end; since the accomplishment of
which, the monikin race has been in the undisturbed
enjoyment of the whole territory, together
with its blessed fruits.”

“Am I to understand,” asked Captain Poke,
with more interest than he had before manifested
in the philosopher's lecture, “that your folks, when

at hum', live to the south'ard of the belt of ice that
we mariners always fall in with somewhere about
the parallel of 77° south latitude?”

“Precisely so—alas! that we should, this day,
be so far from those regions of peace, delight, intelligence,
and salubrity! But the will of Providence
be done!—doubtless, there is a wise motive for our
captivity and sufferings, which may yet lead to the
further glory of the monikin race!”

“Will you have the kindness to proceed with
your explanations, Doctor? If you deny the annual
revolution of the earth, in what manner do you
account for the changes of the seasons, and other
astronomical phenomena, such as the eclipses which
so frequently occur?”

“You remind me that the subject is not yet exhausted,”
the philosopher hurriedly rejoined, hastily
and covertly dashing a tear from his eye. “Prosperity
produced some of its usual effects, among
the founders of our species. For a few centuries,
they went on multiplying in numbers, elongating
and rendering still more consecutive their caudœ
improving in knowledge and the arts, until some
spirits, more audacious than the rest, became restive
under the slow march of events, which led them
towards perfection at a rate ill-suited to their fiery
impatience. At this time, the mechanic arts were
at the highest pitch of perfection amongst us—we
have since, in a great measure, abandoned them,
as unsuited to, and unnecessary for, an advanced
state of civilization—we wore clothes, constructed
canals, and effected other works that were greatly
esteemed among the species from which we had
emigrated. At this time, also, the whole monikin
family lived together as one people, enjoyed the
same laws, and pursued the same objects. But a

political sect arose in the region, under the direction
of misguided and hot-headed leaders, who brought
down upon us the just judgment of Providence, and
a multitude of evils that it will require ages to
remedy. This sect soon had recourse to religious
fanaticism and philosophical sophisms, to attain its
ends. It grew rapidly in power and numbers; for
we monikins, like men, as I have had occasion to
observe, are seekers of novelties. At last it proceeded
to absolute overt acts of treason against
the laws of Providence itself. The first violent
demonstration of its madness and folly, was setting
up the doctrine that injustice had been done the
monikin race, by causing the safety-valve of the
world to be opened within their region. Although
we were manifestly indebted to this very circumstance
for the benignity of our climate, the value
of our possessions, the general healthfulness of our
families—nay, for our separate existence itself, as
an independent species, yet did these excited and
ill-judging wretches absolutely wage war upon the
most benevolent and the most unequivocal friend
they had. Specious premises led to theories, theories
to declamations, declamation to combination,
combination to denunciation, and denunciation to
open hostilities. The matter in dispute was debated
for two generations, when the necessary degree of
madness having been excited, the leaders of the
party, who by this time had worked themselves,
through their hobby, into the general control of the
monikin affairs, called a meeting of all their partisans,
and passed certain resolutions, which will
never be blotted from the monikin memory, so fatal
were their consequences, so ruinous, for a time,
their effects! They were conceived in the following
terms:—

“No sooner were these resolutions promulgated,
(for instead of being passed at a full meeting, it is

now understood they were drawn up between
Messrs. Shout and Quill, under the private dictation
of Mr. Jaw,) than the public mind began
seriously to meditate proceeding to extremities.
That perfection in the mechanic arts which had
hitherto formed our pride and boast, now proved
to be our greatest enemy. It is thought that the
leaders of this ill-directed party meant, in truth,
to confine themselves to certain electioneering
effects; but who can stay the torrent, or avert the
current of prejudice! The stream was setting
against steam; the whole invention of the species
was put in motion; and in one year from the passage
of the resolutions I have recited, mountains
were transported, endless piles of rocks were
thrown into the gulf, arches were constructed, and
the hole of the safety-valve was hermetically
sealed. You will form some idea of the waste of
intelligence and energy on this occasion, when I
add, that it was found, by actual observation, that
this artificial portion of the earth was thicker,
stronger, and more likely to be durable than the
natural. So far did- infatuation lead the victims,
that they actually caused the whole region to be
sounded, and, having ascertained the precise locality
of the thinnest portion of the crust, John Jaw,
and all the most zealous of his followers, removed
to the spot, where they established the seat of
their government in triumph. All this time Nature
rested upon her arms, in the quiet of conscious
force. It was not long, however, before our ancestors
began to perceive the consequences of their
act, in the increase of the cold, in the scarcity of
fruits, and in the rapid augmentation of the ice.
The monikin enthusiasm is easily awakened in
favor of any plausible theory, but it invariably
yields to physical pressure. No doubt the human
race, better furnished with the material of physical
resistance, does not exhibit so much of this weakness,
but—”

“Do not flatter us with the exception, Doctor.
I find so many points of resemblance between us,
that I really begin to think we must have had the
same origin; and if you would only admit that
man is of the secondary formation and the monikins
of the primary, I would accept the whole of
your philosophy without a moment's delay.”

“As such an admission would be contrary to
both fact and doctrine, I trust, my dear sir, you
will see the utter impossibility of a Professor in
the University of Leaphigh making the concession,
even in this remote part of the world.—As I
was about to observe, the people began to betray
uneasiness at the increasing and constant inclemency
of the weather; and Mr. John Jaw found it
necessary to stimulate their passions by a new
development of his principles. His friends and
partisans were all assombled in the great square
of the new capital, and the following resolutions
were, to use the language of a handbill that is still
preserved in the archives of the Leaphigh Historical
Society, (for it would seem they were printed
before they were passed,) “unanimously, enthusiastically,
and finally adopted,” viz.

Resolved, That this meeting has the utmost
contempt for steam.

Resolved, That this meeting defies snow, and
sterility, and all other natural disadvantages.

Resolved, That we will live for ever.

Resolved, That we will henceforward go naked,
as the most effectual means of setting the frost at
defiance.

Resolved, That we are now over the thinnest
part of the earth's crust in the polar regions.

Resolved, That henceforth we will support no
monikin for any public trust, who will not give a
pledge to put out all his fires, and to dispense with
cooking altogether.

Resolved, That we are animated by the true
spirit of patriotism, reason, good faith, and firmness.

Resolved, That this meeting now adjourn sine die.

“We are told that the last resolution was just
carried by acclamation, when Nature arose in her
might, and took ample vengeance for all her
wrongs. The great boiler of the earth burst, with
a tremendous explosion, carrying away, as the
thinnest part of the workmanship, not only Mr.
John Jaw, and all his partisans, but forty thousand
square miles of territory. The last that was seen
of them was about thirty seconds after the occurrence
of the explosion, when the whole mass disappeared
near the northern horizon, going at a
rate a little surpassing that of a cannon-ball which
has just left its gun.”

“King!” exclaimed Noah; “that is what we
sailors call, to cut and run.”

“Was nothing ever heard of Mr. Jaw and his
companions, my good Doctor?”

“Nothing that could be depended on. Some of
our naturalists assume that the monkeys which
frequent the other parts of the earth are their
descendants, who, stunned by the shock, have lost
their reasoning powers, while, at the same time,
they show glimmerings of their origin. This is,
in truth, the better opinion of our savans; and it
is usual with us, to distinguish all the human species
of monkeys by the name of “the lost monikins.”

Since my captivity, chance has thrown
me in the way of several of these animals, who
were equally under the control of the cruel Savoyards;
and in conversing with them, in order to
inquire into their traditions and to trace the analogies
of language, I have been led to think there is
some foundation for the opinion. Of this, however,
hereafter.”

“Pray, Dr. Reasono, what became of the forty
thousand square miles of territory?”

“Of that, we have a better account; for one of
our vessels, which was far to the northward, on an
exploring expedition, fell in with it in longitude 2°
from Leaphigh, latitude 6° S., and by her means
it was ascertained that divers islands had been
already formed by falling fragments; and, judging
from the direction of the main body when last
seen, the fertility of that part of the world, and
various geological proofs, we hold that the great
western Archipelago is the deposit of the remainder.”

“And the monikin region, sir,—what was the
consequence of this phenomenon to that part of
the world?”

“Awful—sublime—various—and durable! The
more important, or the personal consequences,
shall be mentioned first. Fully one-third of the
monikin species was scalded to death. A great
many contracted asthmas and other diseases of
the lungs, by inhaling steam. Most of the bridges
were swept away by the sudden melting of the
snows, and large stores of provisions were spoilt
by the unexpected appearance and violent character
of the thaw. These may be enumerated among
the unpleasant consequences. Among the pleasant,
we esteem a final and agreeable melioration of the
climate, which regained most of its ancient character,

and a rapid and distinct elongation of our
caudœ, by a sudden acquisition of wisdom.

“The secondary, or the terrestrial consequences,
were as follow.—By the suddenness and force
with which so much steam rushed into space, finding
its outlet several degrees from the pole, the
earth was canted from its perpendicular attitude,
and remained fixed with its axis having an inclination
of 23° 27°° to the plane of its orbit. At the
same time, the orb began to move in vacuum, and,
restrained by antagonist attractions, to perform
what is called its annual revolution.”

“I can very well understand, friend Reasono,”
observed Noah, “why the 'arth should heel under
so sudden a flaw, though a well-ballasted ship
would right again when the puff was over; but I
cannot understand how a little steam leaking out
at one end of a craft should set her a-going at the
rate we are told this world travels?”

“If the escape of the steam were constant, the
diurnal motion giving it every moment a new position,
the earth would not be propelled in its orbit,
of a certainty, Captain Poke; but as, in fact, this
escape of the steam has the character of pulsation,
being periodical and regular, nature has ordained
that it shall occur but once in the twenty-four hours,
and this at such a time as to render its action uniform,
and its impulsion always in the same direction.
The principle on which the earth receives
this impetus, can be easily illustrated by a familiar
experiment. Take, for instance, a double-barrelled
fowling-piece, load both barrels with extra quantities
of powder, introduce a ball and two wads
into each barrel, place the breech within 4X628/1000
inches of the abdomen, and take care to fire both
barrels at once. In this case, the balls will give
an example of the action of the forty thousand

square miles of territory, and the person experimenting
will not fail to imitate the impulsion, or
the backward movement, of the earth.”

“While I do not deny that such an experiment
would be likely to set both parties in motion, friend
Reasono, I do not see why the 'arth should not finally
stop, as the man would be sure to do, after he
had got through with hopping, and kicking, and
swearing.”

“The reason why the earth, once set in motion
in vacuum, does not stop, can also be elucidated
by experiment, as follows.—Take Captain Noah
Poke, provided as he is by nature with legs and
the power of motion; lead him to the Place Vendôme;
cause him to pay three sous, which will gain
him admission to the base of the column; let him
ascend to the summit; thence let him leap with all
his energy, in a direction at right angles with the
shaft of the column, into the open air; and it will
be found that, though the original impulsion would
not probably impel the body more than ten or
twelve feet, motion would continue until it had
reached the earth.—Corollary: hence it is proved,
that all bodies in which the vis inertia has been
overcome, will continue in motion, until they come
in contact with some power capable of stopping
them.”

“King!—Do you not think, Mr. Reasono, that the
'arth makes its circuit, as much owing to this said
steam of yours shoving, as it were, always a little
on one side, acting thereby in some fashion as a
rudder, which causes her to keep waring, as we
seamen call it, and as big crafts take more room
than small ones in waring, why, she is compelled
to run so many millions of miles before, as it might
be, she comes up to the wind ag'in? Now, there
is reason in such an idee; whereas, I never could

reconcile it to my natur', that these little bits of
stars should keep a craft like the 'arth in her
course, with such a devil of a way on her, as we
know in reason she must have, to run so far in a
twelve-month. Why, the smallest yaw—and, for
a hooker of her keel, a thousand miles would n't
be a broader yaw than a hundred feet in a ship—
the smallest yaw would send her aboard of the
Jupiter, or the Marcury, when there would be a
smashing of out-board work such as mortal never
before witnessed!”

“We rather lean to the opinion of the efficacy
of attraction, sir;—nor do I see that your proposition
would at all obviate your own objection.”

“Then, sir, I will just explain myself. Let us
suppose there was a steamer with a hundred miles
of keel; let us suppose the steam up, and the craft
with a broad offing; let us suppose her helm lash'd
hard a-port, and she going at the rate of ten thousand
knots the hour, without bringing up or shortening
sail for years at a time. Now, all this being
admitted, what would be her course? Why, sir,
any child could tell you, she would keep turning
in a circle of some fifty or a hundred thousand
miles in circumference; and such, it appears to me,
it is much more rational to suppose is the natur' of
the 'arth's traversing, than all this steering-small
among stars and attractions.”

“There is truly something very plausible, Captain
Poke, in your suggestion; and I propose that
you shall profit by the first occasion to lay your
opinions on the subject, more at large, before the
Academy of Leaphigh.”

“With all my heart, Doctor; for I hold that
knowledge, like good liquor, is given to be passed
round from one to another, and not to be gulped
in a corner by any particular individle. And

now I'm throwing out hints of this natur', I will
just intimate another, that you may add to your
next demonstration, by way of what you call a
corollary:—which is this,—that is to say—if all
you tell us about the bursting of the boiler and the
polar kick be true, then is the 'arth the first steam-boat
that was ever invented, and the boastings of
the French, and the English, and the Spaniards,
and the Italians, on this point, are no more than
so much smoke.”

“And of the Americans, too, Captain Poke,”
I ventured to observe.

“Why, Sir John, that is as it may happen.—I
don't well see how Fulton could have stolen the
idee, seeing that he did not know the Doctor,
and most probably never heard of Leaphigh in his
life.”

We all smiled, even to the amiable Chatterissa,
at the nicety of the navigator's distinctions; and
the philosopher's lecture, in its more didactic
form, being now virtually at an end, a long and desultory
conversation took place, in which a multitude
of ingenious questions were put by Captain
Poke and myself, and which were as cleverly answered
by the Doctor and his friends.

At length, Dr. Reasono, who, philosopher as he
was, and much as he loved science, had not given
himself all this trouble, without a view to what
are called ulterior considerations, came out with
a frank exposé of his wishes. Accident had apparently
combined all the means for gratifying the
burning desire I betrayed to be let into further details
of the monikin polity, morals, philosophy, and
all the other great social interests of the part of
the world they inhabit. I was wealthy beyond
bounds, and the equipment of a proper vessel
would be an expenditure of no moment; both the

Doctor and Lord Chatterino were good practical
geographers, after they were once within the parallel
of 77° south, and Captain Poke, according to
his own account of himself, had passed half his life
in poking about among the sterile and uninhabited
islands of the frozen ocean. What was there to
prevent the most earnest wishes of all present
from being gratified? The Captain was out of
employment, and no doubt would be glad to get
the command of a good tight sea-boat; the
strangers pined for home, and it was my most
ardent wish to increase my stake in society, by
taking a further interest in monikins.

On this hint, I frankly made a proposal to the
old sealer, to undertake the task of restoring these
amiable and enlightened strangers to their own
fire-sides and families. The Captain soon began
to discover a little of his Stunin'tun propensity;
for, the more I pressed the matter on him, the
more readily he found objections. The several
motives he urged for declining the proposal, may
be succinctly given as follows:—

It was true that he wanted employment, but
then he wanted to see Stunin'tun too; he doubted
whether monkeys would make good sailors; it
was no joke to run in among the ice, and it might
be still less of one to find our way back again; he
had seen the bodies of dead seals and bears that
were frozen as hard as stone, and which might, for
any thing he knew, have lain in that state a hundred
years, and, for his part, he should like to be
buried when he was good for nothing else; how
did he know these monikins might not catch the
men, when they had once fairly got them in their
country, and strip them, and make them throw summersets,
as the Savoyards had compelled the Doctor,
and even the Lady Chatterissa, to do?—he knew

he should break his neck the very first flap-jack;
if he were ten years younger, perhaps he should
like the frolic; he did not believe the right sort of
craft could be found in England, and, for his part,
he liked sailing under the stars and stripes; he
didn't know but he might go, if he had a crew
of Stunin'tunners; he always knew how to get
along with such people; he could scare one by
threatening to tell his marm how he behaved, and
bring another to reason by hinting that the gals
would shy him, if he wasn't more accommodating;
then there might be no such place as Leaphigh,
after all; or, if there was, he might never find
it; as for wearing a bison-skin under the equator,
it was quite out of the question, a human skin
being a heavy load to carry in the calm latitudes;
and finally, that he didn't exactly see what he was
to get by it.”

These objections were met, one by one, reversing
the order in which they were made, and commencing
with the last.

I offered a thousand pounds sterling as the reward.
This proposal brought a gleam of satisfaction
into Noah's eyes, though he shook his head,
as if he thought it very little. It was then suggested
that there was no doubt we should discover
certain islands that were well stored with seals,
and that I would waive all claims as owner, and
that hereafter he might turn these discoveries to
his own private account. At this bait he nibbled,
and, at one time, I thought he was about to suffer
himself to be caught. But he remained obstinate.
After trying all our united rhetoric, and doubling
the amount of the pecuniary offer, Dr. Reasono
luckily bethought him of the universal engine of
human weakness, and the old sealer, who had
resisted money—an influence of known efficacy

at Stunin'tun—ambition, the secret of new sealing
grounds, and all the ordinary inducements that
might be thought to have weight with men of his
class, was, in the end, hooked by his own vanity!

The philosopher cunningly expatiated on the pleasure
there would be in reading a paper before the
academy of Leaphigh, on the subject of the captain's
peculiar views touching the earth's annual revolution,
and of the virtue of sailing planets with their
helms lashed hard-a-port, when all the dogmatical
old navigator's scruples melted away like snow in
a thaw.