THE MAD TORY AND THE COMET.
FOUNDED ON A LATE DISTRESSING INCIDENT.
1832–3.
“Mutantem regna cometem.”
Lucan.
“Though all the pet mischiefs we count upon, fail,
“Though Cholera, hurricanes, Wellington leave us,
“We've still in reserve, mighty Comet, thy tail;—
“Last hope of the Tories, wilt thou too deceive us?
“No—'tis coming, 'tis coming, th' avenger is nigh;
“Heed, heed not, ye placemen, how Herapath flatters;
“One whisk from that tail, as it passes us by,
“Will settle, at once, all political matters;—
“The East-India Question, the Bank, the Five Powers,
“(Now turn'd into two) with their rigmarole Protocols
;—
“Ha! ha! ye gods, how this new friend of ours
“Will knock, right and left, all diplomacy's what-d'ye-calls!
“Yes, rather than Whigs at our downfall should mock,
“Meet planets, and suns, in one general hustle!
“While, happy in vengeance, we welcome the shock
“That shall jerk from their places, Grey, Althorp, and Russell.”
Thus spoke a mad Lord, as, with telescope rais'd,
His wild Tory eye on the heavens he set;
And, though nothing destructive appear'd as he gaz'd,
Much hop'd that there would, before Parliament met.
And still, as odd shapes seem'd to flit through his glass,
“Ha! there it is now,” the poor maniac cries;
While his fancy with forms but too monstrous, alas!
From his own Tory zodiac, peoples the skies:—
“Now I spy a big body, good heavens, how big!
“Whether Bucky
or Taurus I cannot well say:—
“And, yonder, there's Eld---n's old Chancery-wig,
“In its dusty aphelion fast fading away.
“I see, 'mong those fatuous meteors behind,
“L---nd---nd---ry, in vacuo, flaring about;—
“While that dim double star, of the nebulous kind,
“Is the Gemini, R---den and L---rt---n, no doubt.
“Ah, El---b'r---h! 'faith, I first thought 'twas the Comet;
“So like that in Milton, it made me quite pale;
“The head with the same ‘horrid hair’
coming from it,
“And plenty of vapour, but—where is the tail?”
Just then, up aloft jump'd the gazer elated—
For, lo, his bright glass a phenomenon show'd,
Which he took to be C---mb---rl---d, upwards translated,
Instead of his natural course, t'other road!
But too awful that sight for a spirit so shaken,—
Down dropp'd the poor Tory in fits and grimaces,
Then off to the Bedlam in Charles Street was taken,
And is now one of Halford's most favourite cases.
