University of Virginia Library

All rules of Art, of small esteeme I hold
To his, who can extract refined gold
From copper, brasse, or such inferior mettle,
For he can make pure Ophir of a kettle.
Besides, so rare is Art exprest in him,
He may from Lattin, Alchimie or Tin
Draine store of silver bulloyne, with the which
He maks himselfe and his attendants rich.
The Stone, the Stone, O that I had the Stone,
By meanes whereof I might be such an one!
Which Stone I have long studied to obtaine,
Wasting my oyle, weakning my Chymick braine,
And still me thought I had it, yet was crost,
For longer that I sought, the more I lost.
Yet forasmuch as I did understand
That many did professe it in the Land,
Whose solid judgements could not chuse but see
That such a thing might well effected bee,
Or else they nere would such estates have spent
In trying of a meere experiment;
I reassumed spirit, and betooke
My selfe more strictly to my golden-Booke.
Besides all this, I heard how Kellie came
By practise of this Art to speciall fame;
An other likewise so experienc'd grew
In this mysterious Art reveal'd to few,
As he an artificiall-tree of gold
Had curiously contriv'd, which daily would
Bud, bloome and blossom, and in branches spring,
Which might be soone a beneficiall thing:
For these Hesperian-plants in time would prove
By their encrease to be a golden-Grove.
All this encourag'd me, hoping one day
The charges I had been at to defray
With plentuous int'rest; but the more I travel'd,
The more I found my senses to be gravel'd.
Limbecks, with artfull forges builded I,
And places too where I my gold might try;
Sev'n yeers and more have I my wits thus bet,
But not a penny-weight extracted yet.
Sometimes unto the Braziers Ide repaire,
And laugh'd at my conceit while I staid there;
For I was halfe resolv'd within short space
To change the brasse and copper of that place
Into pure gold, and make my copesmates merry
With transmutation of all Lothberry.
Thus fed I on opinion, laying out
Great summs, till I my purpose brought about,
Which once disburs'd, I never shall receive
But count it lost whats'ere I ventur'd have.
For having spent my fortunes and my wit
In diving to the secrecies of it,
My aymes I bended to another marke,
Resolving now to learne the art to sharke.

For which, that I might more enabled be,
I streight betooke me to a companie
Of wittie Rake-hells, roaringly profest,
And in all forlorne courses bravely flesh't.
Flankt were my troups with bolts, bauds, punks, and panders.
Pimps, nips and tints, Prinado's, highway-standers;
All which were my familiars, and would doe
With quick dispatch whats'ere I put them to.
So as some of my crue of choice account
Did ev'ry Sessions-time up Holborn mount;
Yea I my selfe could Miserere sing
Or I had gone to heaven in a string.
For to relate those nimble tricks we plaid,
Though on the publick Stage they be displaid,
As th'subtile-headed Alchimist can show;
Or th' Alchimists own Ape, Tom Trinculo,
One hold I fitting to be here exprest,
By which you may judge better of the rest.
“One of my Foists resolving to resort
“In th'habit of a Courtier to the Court,
“Where he demean'd himselfe as none could deem,
“But he was just the man that he did seem;
“Nor any Courtier there of sweeter scent,
“Nor choycer in his forme of complement,
“More punctual in his gate, or in his looke,
“As one whose postures had been all by th'booke;
“After a turne or two, to th' Table came
“Where two great personages were at game.
“The one whereof, had laid his purse close by,
“His losse upon occasion to supply;
“My Bung observing this, takes hold of time,
“Just as this Lord was drawing for a prime,
“And smoothly nims his purse that lay beside him,
“And all this while the other gamester ey'd him,
“At whom he winks, to move him to conceale it,
“As one that had no purpose for to steale it.
“He that perceiv'd him, thinking him to be
“One of the Court or of his companie,
“Smiling, continued play, and so it rested
“Untill this Lord seeks for his purse, but mist it:
“Whereat the other laugh'd; quoth he, enquire
“Of such an one, and clad in such attire,
“One of your own acquaintance, I suppose,
“Who nim'd you of your purse before your nose.
“Diligent search was made all there about,
“But my ingenious gue had got him out
“Before this inquisition, which secur'd him
“Better then when the court-wals had immur'd him.
Thus were my Limetwigs laid in every place,
Who like Blood-hounds had still some game in chase,
Which they pursu'd with such an eager mind,
As where they seiz'd they left small store behind.
Scarce could two country fopps together meete
To heare a cheating ballad in the streete,
But presently some Complices of mine
Took hold of th' opportunity of time;
For while these to the Ballad-monger flocked,
My nimble-Nipps div'd deep into their pocket.

But for as much as I perceiv'd these shifts
Were meerly grounded on apparent thifts,
And that some private foe through in-bred malice
Might be a meanes to bring me to the Gallows,
This sharking trade relinquish'd, I became
A wondrous strange reformed honest man;
An Emp'rick-Doctor, who had Art at will,
Which I derived from my Chymick-Still,
Where I such waters made, as in short time
Doctor Stevens water was lesse priz'd then mine.
Balms, apozems, confections had I store,
Yet th'more I had my Patients wish'd for more:
Such rare effects were daily wrought by these,
As they were Cures for any strange disease.
But that I might seem learned in mine Art,
Of late I've got an Herbal all by heart,
Whereof I make this use; when I can give
No reason why this dies, or that should live,
(For no such depth as yet mine art affords)
I streight confound them with abstrusest words.
As Cataplasms, Diarrhicks, Cataclisms,
Concucurbetuls, Emplasms, Paroxisms,
With which I so conjure them, as they cease
To aske me any questions touching these.
“Who for his practise can no reason show,
“He must have words or he's not worth a stroe.
Besides all this, such Authors can I number,
As they that heare me are enforc'd to wonder:
For thus holds Galen, thus Hippocrates,
Thus Silvius holds, thus Dioscorides,
But Paracelsus thus, who in my brest
Hath more esteeme then any of the rest.
Though I was never so on learning set
As I read any of these Authors yet;
Nor care I much, 'tis my desire to seeme
More then I am, to gain me more esteeme.
Some twenty Patients have I here hard by,
Who know not what they ayle, no more doe I,
Yet lest of negligence they me condemn,
Morning and night I duely visit them;
Prescribing them receits to cheere their blood;
Which many times doe far more harm then good.
Yet am I crouded to on ev'ry side,
So as of late I on my foot-cloth ride
By meanes of such a Lord, who had occasion
To try my profound Art this last vacation;
Whose hand of bounty did my state enrich
For curing of an ulcer in his breech.
How glad am I my Chymick-works are done,
Amalga-like they had more Moone then Sonne?
More profit doe I reape by one direction
To mine Apothecarie, or inspection
Into my Patients water, then I looke
Ere to receive from all my Chymick-smook;
For Alchymie with piercing Antimonie,
Upon my knowledg cans'd a want of monie.
Minerall metals, Niter, Orochalke,
By th'use whereof I in a cloud did walke,
Hatching such quaint Chymeraes in my braine,
As reaping wind was all that I could gaine.
Hope train'd me on till all my wits were rest me;
I sought for gold, till I no brasse had left me.
But why doe I my weaknesse thus descry?
When men have er'd were wiser held then I,
In making search for this unvalued Stone,
But I must leave them and their wits alone;
They hope a day will come will pay for all,
But I feare such a day will never fall.
So as me thinks I cannot well compare
These men who build strange Castles in the ayre,
More fitly then to those who once did labor
To take a Hare with playing on a Taber.
Fly-brasse; no Chymick but a Physick-ape
Since I left Mercury for Æsculape:
My practise now 's cleere of another nature,
Trading before in Smoake but now in water.
Now am I us'd with choycest entertaine,
Had in esteeme wheres'ever I remaine;
In City, Court, and Country harbored,
With free accesse unto a Ladies bed,
Whilest her weak husband thinks she Physick wants,
And for my Potion gives me hearty thanks.
Streight she protests my Pills doe only please her,
Thus much I'm sure, they for that season ease her;
For application is the soveraignst thing
That may conceiving to a woman bring.

There is a lovely-Lady in this land,
Whom I have had these two yeeres under hand,
Yet I for manners sake will laine her name,
But trust me, shee 's a hen that loves the game,
Who has been long time barren; yet have I
By art and other things I did apply,
Made her a fruitfull Mother; yea some say
That shee conceiv'd the very selfe same day
That I did minister; but I divine
It came right neeere unto that very time.
And I am glad on't; for I doe not see
How he had Heir'd his Land withouten mee.
The babe is full of hope, and will no question,
For his Syres sake, love men of our profession.
But 'tis no matter, now in grace I am,
And shall be dead before he be a man;
Thus much entirely shall I wish unto him,
Hee'd be no Alchymist, it will undo him;
For other Arts, a Gods name take his venter,
This is so deepe I thinke it has no center.

Nor am I only practis'd in the Court,
But in the Country too to make me sport.
Here Granam Gurton will be sick for love,
And I must scent some love-procuring-Glove,
To cause her sweet-heart more affection show,
And this I promise out a hand to doe.
Some foure houres after I make known to her,
That I've confer'd with my familiar,
Who has engag'd his word before one weeke,
Hee whom she seeks shall for her fancy seeke.
Shee payes me well, and hopes all shall be mended,
But I am gone before halfe weeke be ended.
Young wenches too I have exceeding store,
And I content them all, what would they more?
Only some zealous-Sisters doe refraine
To come unto me, but I know their ayme;
They daily so increase and multiply
Among themselves, they need none such as I.

Thus have I traced many dangers ore,
And now at last arived on the shore;
I like the Horse-leach feed upon their blood
To whom I seldome tender any good:
My Patients are my profits, nor care I
Leg of a Dog whether they live or die.
This is the highest pitch of all my skill,
How to draw up a Pothecaries bill
Of ounces, drams & doses, wch long Item
(Wer't not for gain) would tyre me much to write'em.
Within few moneths I hope I shall not need
On other mens infirmities to feed;
My ten yeers practise so much treasure gaine me,
As ten at hundred now may well maintaine me.