University of Virginia Library

That I Sites, States & Natures might descry,
Columbus hath not travel'd more then I;
In Princes Courts I have a lodger beene,
And there observ'd whats'ever I have seen:
Which to compile it did mee highly please,
Entitling it my Ephemerides.
I have been present at late wars of Rhine,
Though I to neither party did incline;
I heard th' Electors sing a dolefull dirge,
At winning of renowned Heidelberge,
Redoubling thus the subject of their care,
“Our neighbours House a fire, bids us beware.
I follow'd warlike Tillie at the tayle,
When with streight siege he closed Frankindale;
To Berg'apsome I did my progresse make,
Where I much muz'd how Spynola could scape,
When in his Campe hee was so gyrt about,
As feare got in, but nothing could get out.
“Though plots seeme deepe, one may their bottom sink,
But I were mad if I'de speake all I think.
Nor is my observation so restrain'd,
As if it earthly objects only aim'd;
More high Mysterious speculation's given,
To view those Signes and Wonders are in heaven,
Prodigious formes and figures in the ayre,
All which impressions lately frequent were
Neere sieged Prague, and other Cities too,
Who have sustain'd what foe or fate could doe.
At Turein, two miles from Egeria
Within the kingdome of Bohemia,
Next to a Stew, where I with others stood,
I saw a Table and a Form sweat blood;
Which I observ'd and forthwith did divine
There would succeed a blood-effusing time.
From whence dislodg'd no sooner did I come
Unto the famous City Lintium,
Then there appeared a fear-increasing vision,
Which ore the City shewd this apparition;
Two Swords stood pointing one against another,
With furious Armies skirmishing together;
All which I made th'inhabitants beleeve
Would some impressions in their City leave;
Assuring them, to make mine Art more knowne,
These ayrie Armies would surprize the Towne.
This caus'd a strict watch to be duely kept,
And I did laugh at this while others wept;
For it was far above my element
To know what these strange Apparitions meant;
Though my conjectures were esteem'd more true
Then th' unknown Palmistry of any Jew.
But lest the Statute bring me into question,
This is the least I use in my profession,
Unlesse in forrain Countries where there be
So few that practise this same Mysterie,
As they will lodg a Wizard in their brest,
But ever prize North-Britain Wizards best.
Thus I've inrich'd my selfe with Observation,
And gaind me such renoune within this Nation,
That be my weekly Corrants nere so strange,
They passe for current-novells on th' Exchange:
So as upon my knowledge their esteeme
Hath staid the vent of better labors cleane.
Yea, there be divers Stationers in the Citie,
Who had been broke (the more had beene the pitie)
Had not my high priz'd travels been brought hether
Which kept them up from going down the wether.
And now these are, which seems to mee most rare,
Held by our Stage-gulls for oracular.
Not any story or occurrent passes,
But is authentick-truth with these sage-Asses,
Who neighbourly confer upon a bench
Of such a Rampire, Palisado, Trench;
Of such a Conquest, such a Battaile lost,
And what a world of Christian lives it cost.
This they peruse, which they perusing send
Into the Country to some speciall friend,
Who may partake these news without delay,
And these become as credulous fools as they.
For though, to give my thriving-works their due,
Scarce among twenty one relation's true,
Yet on their truth not one of them will stand,
But spread their fame abroad from hand to hand.
Nor bee my Corants only Alehouse talke,
Nor for Duke Humfries Knights, who Pauls doe walke;
For I have seene the very Pulpits smooke
With some extractions rifled from my booke,
Which howsoere they could not well beare water,
Yet would they serve for want of better matter.
But there's no place so highly prizeth mee,
As where our Ordinary-Gallants bee;
For there am I admir'd, and to my grace
Preferred ever to the highest place:
Where my loose glibbrie tongue is prating still
Travels more strange then those of Mandevill.
Yea, you shall see some score of Gallants stand,
Each with a Table-booke within their hand,
To take observance of such speciall heads
As from the forge of my discourse proceeds:
Which they relating duely, now and then,
Makes them esteem'd for most accomplish'd men.
Now what may you imagine I deserve,
When these extract but that which I observe?
And gaine such praise, as those Land-gulls who hear them,
Account them highly blest who neighbour neer thē?
But now because I'm to my Country come,
Ile shew you what I have observ'd at home,
And in each sev'rall place where I have beene,
Briefly unfold what I have heard or seene.

In Court I liv'd, and living felt no scant,
But bravely surfeited on others want;
It was my ayme, and I did ayme aright,
To winde me in with some Great-favorite,
Whose gracefull count'nance might support me still
In all my courses, were they good or ill.
Where I observ'd, more good might be effected
By meanes of One who was in Court respected,
Were his Cause ne're so faultie nor so weake,
Then a good Cause, if he no friends could make:
The reason was, though Justice bore ev'n hand,
From some of these there came a countermand,
Which, cause he was a great-Antagonist
They durst not his authority resist;
Or else his meanes advanc'd them to that place,
Which mov'd them veile to him in any Case.
For this I held a grounded observation,
Justice to Greatnesse ever had relation;
For some of these oft get a place worth chusing,
By being married to a great-mans Cousin:
So firm's the linke of mutuall allyance,
Against all opposits it pleads defiance.
For other silken-Apes who spend their time
In making their seer-bodies brisk and fine,
I hold it needlesse here to make report,
Because ther's such an Ape, just now, in Court;
Who will describe himselfe in every lim,
Which makes me leave that labor unto him.
For our Court-Ladies, very few I know
Who racket it with their Comradoes now;
Our spritely Lords doe either Treasure lack,
Or else they want agility of back,
So as amongst a number ther's scarce one
But shee is eyther mortifide or gone.
“One did I heare of but the other day,
“Who now has throwne her lighter Roabs away,
“And by a firm-friend whom she well approv'd,
“Sent to the wife of that same Lord she lov'd,
“How she resolv'd her good esteeme to win
“By wearing of a mourning-gowne for him.
“But what's the answer shee return'd to her?
“I wish, quoth she, your Lady may not weare
“But what becomes her best in publique sight,
“Her Suite must sute her selfe, her selfe is light;
“But if with mee shee'll keepe a mourning part,
“Shee must not mourn in Habit, but in Heart.
And so no question doth shee; for long since
Shee lost the eye of her concupiscence,
Which makes me hope the eye-light of her mind
Is cleerer far, since th'outward eye was blind.
Thus be our Ladies matchlesse Converts held,
To whom no Suiters make but are repeld;
Though One I know, nor was old Lais liker
Unto her selfe, then shee is to a striker.

In City likewise I remain'd a while,
Where I observ'd how Trades-men did beguile,
And in some darke part of their shop tooke care
How they might vent their most deceitfull ware.
Here did I stay farre longer then I need,
That I with laughter might my humor feed;
For here I might observe a Country-gull,
Whose fathers death had made his pockets full,
Mount Ludgate-hill to buy a Spanish felt,
Pull out his money, bid the Knave go tel't.
Notes from Black-fryers I presently might gather,
For now this Cornish-Chough mourns for his father
in a Carnation feather, wherewithall
Hee means to grace his fathers funerall.
By this hee travells to Saint Martins lane,
And to the shops hee goes to buy a chaine;
Where ev'ry painted Babie that hee sees,
With their horse-gilded varnish doth so please,
As such commodities must not bee lost,
For he will have them whatsoe're they cost.
To th'Royal Exchange fain would he take his course
If he had any money in his purse,
But the Long-shop hath brought his pockets low
With Daggers, Bells, and Hobby-horses too.

For City-wives I will not presse them much,
If they be pleas'd that I may only touch
Their errors, not their persons; which shall be
Shadow'd so covertly as none shall see.
I have observ'd that nothing is more sweete
In their conceit, then when these gossips meete;
Nor would this halfe so much their husbands vex,
If all these gossips were but of one Sex:
But this the grief on 't, forth they will not go
But they must have their foremen with them too.
Which to redresse, and for a quiet life,
Let ev'ry one be foremen to his wife;
For this in short time will her humor tame,
And purchase to her selfe a better name.

For the gum'd grogran Citty-usurer,
He is observ'd so much by Lucifer,
I need small observation take of him,
Being known to be th' Engrosser of all sin.
Not all his furrs nor vermin-skins shall save him,
He has contracted with him meanes to have him;
And reason good, for you shall truely finde
The master and his man both of one minde:
For there is nought the Usurer doth crave,
But that he may Security receive,
With whom in this his master doth agree,
For all he seeks is but Securitie.
Yet for all this I cannot chuse but love him,
Because he cheats so many men above him,
And by a Forfeiture or such like Sentence,
In time he brings them unto true repentance;
Whereas if they had never met with him,
Perchance they had still rioted in sin.
Besides, he's charitable, for to his door
You cannot come but you shall see the poor;
Yet th'cause hereof he cannot well conceale,
“He makes all poor with whom he has to deale,

Now for the Country, though there many be
Who make pretences of simplicitie,
Because they little know that part of speech
Which southerne people to their children teach;
Yet in a home-spun native Rhetorick
They shew themselves as pregnant and as quick,
As those whose education may impart
Far more accomplishment by meanes of Art.
A subtle-piercing ayre has made these wittie,
Apt to deceive as any in the Cittie;
For th'richer grubs, we properly may call
Broggers, Forestallers, and Regraters all:
And these prey on his state that weakest is,
As Whales and Sea-Bulls feed on lesser fish.
For th' younger sort small policie discerns,
Yet as the old Cock crows the young Cock learns;
Though they be gulld oftimes by City ware,
They are by it made circumspecter farre,
And now and then the City recompences
With a commodity of stale-stuffe wenches,
Who by their carriage gaine them such esteeme
As many times they match with Aldermen.

For th'higher ranke, they live at such a rate,
As some of them cannot support their state
Without sinister meanes, yet these by aw
Seeme to oppose and contradict the Law;
So as the Law grows tongue-tide, or else bent
To give these Bulls of Basan all content.
“Law's as a Spiders-web, and ever was,
“It takes the little flies, lets great ones passe.
But let us draine these Rivolets that flow,
Those last are lost, they were so long ago.
If we extract not poyson from each Rill,
Injoyn us Silence, we have lost our Skill:
But Pan should thwart the fancy of his Pipe,
Ceasing to play when Vices are so ripe.
Then to our Trillo; you shall heare more set
In this Composure then you heard of yet.
A nimble Ningle we did lately heare
Has purchased a thousand pounds by yeere,
Contracting for Delinquents, though some say'
He was Delinquent once as well as they.
And there's small doubt, when all Accounts are past,
He of his House, shall be both first and last;
For though his Fortunes to such grandeur swell,
A ranker Cheat breaths not 'twixt Heav'n and Hell:
So dearly hugging private Interest
As sordid Lucre has intranc'd the Beast.
The Proverbe is, “All evill comes from North,
And worse then This the North-coast nere brought forth.

Here you shall see, wch I did smile to see,
Reteyners to some man of qualitie
Cheat a Sot of his Coyne, or which is worse,
In the kings high-street take away his purse,
Which they with winged speed wil forthwith carrie
Unto their old receit or Sanctuarie;
Where these Reteyners due account must make,
And with their state-split-Master part the stake.
Yet who dare say that such a man as he
Would give least countenance to theeverie?
His port doth rather argue him a Giver,
Then to support his State with Stand, Deliver;
But so long hee his bounty did display,
“He cannot as he would, but as he may.

Thus I in Observations of all sort,
Be they in Country, City, or the Court,
Have in my Progresse such exactnesse showne
As I suppose no Traveller hath done.

Yea in the Academie I observ'd
Those Drones enjoy best roomes who least deserv'd;
And many more, which if I should expresse.
Would force the hearer to amazednesse,
That any one should possibly containe
Such store of Observations in one braine.
For Rules of Art so far do they excell
The diving plots of matchlesse Machavell,
That I of all the world could compose
An Abstract of her policies, and enclose
Each project and occurrent that befell
Within the compasse of a Wallnut-shell:
For I ne're view'd the forme of any State
I'de not Observe, observing imitate.
What resteth then, but that yee doe devise
Honors for him, whose knowledg makes ye wise?