 | The honest ghost |  |
The Ape of Vaine-glory
Display, display those Annals and RecordsOf time renouned Heroes, Peeres and Lords,
Their Actions, their Designes; and you shall see
These Apes are imitators but of mee.
For what have they by resolution won,
What Conquest have they got, what have they don?
Hath Fame erected Trophies in their praise,
Or girt their Temples with triumphant Bayes?
Are Statues rear'd to memorize their worth,
With all those Acts Antiquity brought forth?
Trophies, Bayes, Statues adde no longer time
To their exploits then Fame hath done to mine.
In Court while I reside, I shew such State
Even in my Nod, my Countenance and Gate,
As there is none that casts their eye upon me
But sayes that Garbe doth properly become me.
If at the Justs I chance to breake a speare,
Methinks the Ladies eyes are fixed there;
Whose approbations gaine me more renowne,
Then Leaves can make exprest, or Colours showne.
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From State of Venice and from others too,
To me directed, as one whom they deeme
Of choyce, select, and principal esteeme.
Though I to Venice never travell'd yet
But caus'd these Letters to be counterfet.
The great Mogol that Title cannot crave,
Which on my selfe conferr'd I would not have;
For as my aymes are onely popular,
So is my substance meerely titular.
With Ladies of accomplish'd qualitie,
Ranke, and descent, I hold concurrencie:
From whom if I a favour chance to git,
I glory in the purchasing of it,
Vowing and vanting, not the wealth of th'Land
Should ransome such a bootie at my hand.
If I doe any worke, as few I doe,
I'de have the world take notice of it too.
In publique Entertainments I would be
Observ'd sole Heire of liberalitie;
Which to expresse, this onely taske is mine,
To make our City-Conduits run with wine,
Scramble Cakes, Wafers, Suckets in the streete,
And tread whole carts of Bisket under feete.
Farre more affection have I to bestow
My bounty on some publique Antick show,
So I may have my name endors'd at large,
That it was reared at my proper charge,
Then building of a Church, or any use
Which simple people terme religious:
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For their hot zeale show too much Conscience in them.
Like Jove in Danaes lap my gold I shoure,
When I invite some great Embassadour,
Where at one Supper I doe more bestow
Then to defray, my Lordship knoweth how.
And by this meanes I seeke to gaine esteeme
Where this great Legate and his Lords have been;
Though they perchance deride mee and my aymes,
And with a french-frump gratifie my paines.
Of all, there is no act delighteth us
So much as that of brave Herostratus,
Who to gaine glory made himselfe exemple,
In setting fire upon Dianas Temple.
Neither shall Nero's glory e're expire,
Who playd on's Lute while Rome was all a fire,
Sending wild beasts into the publick streete,
Such to devoure as they withall should meete.
So as, 'twixt fire and feare, amaz'd they run,
Feeling the one, while they the other shun.
In all my time, I never have desir'd
(Such my ambition was) to live retir'd,
For that I thought would gaine mee no respect,
The only object which I did affect;
So as my choice was ever to resort
Neere to the Sunne, the Mansion of the Court;
Where others correspondence kept with mee,
As self-conceited too as I could bee.
Yet for exchange, because I had desire
That vulgar eyes my presence should admire,
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Never without six Jennets in my Coach:
Where, if encountring any, I use ever
To presse salutes with motion of my Bever.
To breath the common ayre, or walke the streete,
Or entertaine discourse with those I meete
I hold it derogation; yet to show
I prize my friend, I'll give a nod or so;
For hee that will not on his postures stand,
And prove his education from the Strand
By carriage of his bodie, I doe hold
(Howos'ere he be in Honors-booke enrol'd)
Hee's but a Goard that doth his Leaves display
By one nights growth, and withers on the day.
Yet in the entertainment of a friend,
Though I seeme nice, if he have pow'r to lend,
Or yeeld supply to my necessity,
I will admit him my Society.
Though from familiarity exempt,
For that begets in us too much contempt.
Now th' practise I have ever used, when
I would perswade some wealthy Citizen
To lend mee money to supply my want,
With ayrie hopes I feed my Cormorant;
Telling him how by reason of my place,
I ev'ry day have Offices in chace;
Which if he free the Bonds that I am in,
I will not stand much to bestow on him.
Againe, 'mongst all my retinue, no knave
But knowes the styles and titles that I have;
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Within my Sculrie have a Catalogue
Of all my Titles; which, they doe pretend
Were given to mee for some especiall end;
Whence these obsequious Shadows that attend mee,
Perswade my Creditors great sums to lend mee;
Alledging how by reason of my power,
It is a credit to my Creditor
To gain esteeme with such an one as mee,
Whose many Styles proclaim his dignitie.
Besides, if any injur'd by my men
By taking up commodities of them,
Shall sue their Bonds for payment such a day,
Which, I'm resolv'd, they never meane to pay,
With number of my Styles they so apall
Their Creditors, they let their Action fall;
For so upon my greatnesse they doe stand,
They feare no right is gotten at their hand.
Nay more, their Creditors may seeme so fond,
That they will plead an Error in the Bond:
For, as it may by specialty appeare,
They unto such a Lord retayners were;
Which Style, as now it seemes, is wholly drownd,
And higher Titles for his Lordship found;
Whose Style being chang'd, avoids their former state,
“Their Master is not same as Bond beares date.
So as his Title eyther must bee same,
Or else there is an Error in their claime.
Thus doe I flourish, and my followers too,
As free from debt as those that nothing owe;
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For they are said to owe that meane to pay.
But that I may ith'City keepe a quarter,
Ile promise them for to enlarge their Charter
With this addition; Any Citizen,
Having so many yeers a free-man been,
Though he be able for estate, may breake,
And have Protection granted if hee seeke;
Provided that he pay yeerly revenue
To me, to mine, or one of my retinue.
Thus doe I lure my City-birds unto 't,
With hope of that I nere can bring about.
Somtime, for change, the Country ayre I chuse,
Where my well-seated ancient Mannor-house
Joyes in my presence; I've no sooner shown mee
Then all the Country-Gentry come upon mee;
Whose presence choice of presents straight begets
Of Phesants, Pigeons, Pluvers, Caponets,
All which come to my Cooke humbly beseeching
They may supply provision of his Kitchin.
Next day a stall-fed Oxe sent by a knight,
And hee resolves to suppe with mee at night,
Which, though it were discourt'sie to deny him,
Yet when he comes, seen am I scarcely by him:
For strangeness sutes with greatnes, which may seeme
To gain to us more popular esteeme.
Now for my house, delightfull is the Site,
The base-Court pav'd with colour'd Porphyrite,
Where two faire Statues curious as may be,
One for my selfe, another for my Ladie
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Which force an admiration to the eye
Of the Beholder, and their state is such,
The golden-Calfe was nere ador'd so much.
As for my House, it's open unto all,
And they for Beere or any thing may call;
Yet have I so provided, though they crave it,
My Buttry-hatch is shut, they cannot have it.
In Country-Musters, it's some Taske of mine
To take survey of all their discipline,
And teach them what those martial-postures be,
Traines, Stratagems, and feats of policie;
Though, for my knowledge, I doe freely grant,
That I in these am wholly ignorant;
For I may sweare I never yet conferd
With any one of all th' Artil'ry-yard.
Yet joy I much to heare the vulgar say,
A braver Leader never did display
His Colours in the field, for I'm the man
Would seeme more to the world then I am.
In my discov'ry further to proceede,
Excuse mee Fellow Apes, I shall not neede,
For few or none in Albions-Court there are
But they doe know my fashions to a hare:
Nor am I such a Snake to cast my slough,
My Titles make mee Great, and that's enough.
| The honest ghost | |