University of Virginia Library

Now Sir to you I must my speech intend,
That it would please you to be vertues friend,
And vices perfect foe; it's her desire
That you would be, as well you may, her Crier:
No matter though you stut and stammer too,
So many Criers, when they're brib'd, will doe.
But forasmuch she knows that none at all
Will in their charge be more impartiall,
Shee has made choice of you, not for your wit,
But for your voice, which will this charge befit.
One Spring will do't, I pray, good Sir, begin,
And leave your harsh distastfull Cuckowing.
But you will aske, what may this charge import?
I'le tell you Sir, for I did call you for't.
First to display Court-vices, which partake
To much of poison, for example sake;
For that place, like the Sunne, communicates
Her cheerfull beams to men of all estates:
Whose glory, if obscur'd by any mist
Of church-invading pilfring Simonist;
Or luke-warme Neuter, roming heretique,
Sect-inovatour, itching Scismatique,
Oppressing Ahab, painted Jezabel,
Sin-plotting Haman, or Achitophel;
Treacherous Agent that doth undermine
His countrie like another Catiline;
Profane Puntilio, Buffon, Apple-squire,
Blood-shedding Cain, that will do ought for hire,
Bribe-handed favorite or Sycophant,
That shoulders honour like an Elephant;
Cinnamon-courtier, whose very hide
Is better worth, then all his parts beside;
Riotous spend-thrift, wanton Marmosite,
Dutch-swilling Hans, Saint-seeming Hypocrite;
Whose glory if obscur'd, I say, by these,
Or any one of such like crudities,
It presently sends out these vapors to
Such places, where it did her light bestow:
For the Court exemplar is, and seemes to give
To other Parts the like prerogative.

Next to unmask, for it will be a ditie
Worthie the shrillest voice, crimes of the Citie;
Where oft is shadowed much impiety
Under pretence of meere simplicity.
There if you find a Tradesman whose chiefe care
Is to get richesse by deceitfull ware;
A smooth chin'd Prentice or a Jorney-man,
That trades with's mistresse linnen now and then;
An English Jew, that conscience-lesse inures
His godlesse soule to taking forfeitures;
A roaring Haxter, Pandor, Palliard, Bolt,
Pimp, Snap, Shark, Cheat, or any such like Colt;
Brothelling Punk, her Champion, or that Ape
Of man, though woman putting on mans shape;
If any these, as some of these you may,
You shall by your quick-sighted eye display;
Sing out amaine, and to their eares report
What they have done, though they beshrew you for 't.

Then to the Conntry, for you there shall hear
Many a biting-grating-Usurer,
Rent-racking Landlord, hoording Cormorant,
That's ever dreaming of a seven yeere want
Selfe-pining Miser, whose thick-leaved chest
Conteines his gold, the god which he loves best;
A Prodigall, whose fathers care is brought,
By his unheady providence, to nought;
Catchpoule from catch and pull taking his name,
Whose conscience's seer'd, & face admits no shame;
Counterfeite Pursevant, that dares appeare
With forg'd commission though he lose his eare:
False-tithing varlet, that will take his booke
He has tith'd right, when hee has stolne a stooke;
Brazen-fac'd Tinker, that with pike in hand,
Budget on back, bids way-beat Trav'ller stand;
Shread-miching Patch, hearing what Taylers do
Above i'th'City, he must pilfer too;
If these, or any these you chance to finde,
Pay me them home for all that is behinde:
So you shall purchase every mans good word,
And afterwards be styled vertues bird.

What Cuckow, will you turne your haggard taile,
Shall neither vertue, nor her suit prevaile?
Will not you leave your harsh-offensive note,
To follow vertue, and to weare her coate?
Well Sir, I'le paint you out a knave in graine,
And what I speake, think not but I'le maintaine;
But to particulize your rogueries,
An endlesse volumne hardly would suffice;
Some of the, chiefest therefore I'le impart,
That th'world may know how dangerous thou art:
Which in a tale, I purpose to relate,
To make short work, and thus it chanc'd of late.
“A zealous brother of the family,
“By trade a Malster, so religiously
“Imploy'd himself in mysteries divine,
“As hee was ta'ne a mirror in his time;
“For there was scarce a Sermon preached neer him
“Within seven miles, but he would go to hear him;
“From morn to night, all Sunday would he fast,
“Starving his body for his souls repast;
“And night by night, he would to Church repaire,
“Where he did shout, and bellow out his prayer.
“In briefe, now great in estimation growne
“With chiefest Famulists in all the towne;
“Hee was esteem'd the onely Rabbi there,
“So great was th'reputation hee did beare.
“And some, as I have heard, did give him power,
“Or thought him fit to be Expositour,
“Of any point when any one did move it,
“And ipse dixit was enough to prove it.
“This holy Brother now growne famous there,
“And deem'd a profess'd Doctor of the Chaire,
“Mov'd as the Spirit would, for th'spirit mov'd him,
“A Sister lov'd, and she as deerly lov'd him.
“These famulists now growne familiar,
“About Spring-time, when birds begin to paire,
“Upon mature advice resolved either,
“To marry there, or leave the towne together.
“But forasmuch it was for certaine knowne,
“This Malster was engag'd unto the towne,
“Owing farre more then ere hee ment to pay,
“Hee thought it fit no longer there to stay;
“But with his holy sister, to prepare
“To leave the Towne, and taste the Country ayre.
“This simple Sister doubting no deceite,
“Address'd her selfe one ev'ning very late
“To his direction, closly to depart
“And follow him who now possess'd her heart.
“Three dayes they had not travell'd on their way,
“Till resting them about midtime of day,
“Under a blooming Haw-thorne, they did heare
“The Cuckow sing nere th'place wherein they were:
“And over them he hover'd, as if they
“Had beene the persons which he would display;
“A Hawthorne leafe, he in his beake would put,
“And then would stut, and sing, and sing, and stut.
“Which th'zealous brother noting once or twice,
“Now jealous grown, strait from his place did rise,
“Using these words: Nay, if the birds of th' ayre,
“Whose gift I know in prophecy is rare,
“Fortell what shall befall my lot and mee,
“And in the Sky thus blab my destinie;
“Sister farwell, returne from whence you came,
“I will not wive to weave the web of shame.
“How ill his Sister tooke this foule retrait
“Of that Saint-seeming faithlesse counterfeit,
“May hence appeare: for I have often heard
“Shee fell into distraction afterward,
“Though I suppose Shee greater reason had
“To be surpriz'd with ioy, then to go mad
“For love of such a hairebraind Sot as he,
“Famous for nought save for his perjurie.
Now Sir, to whom may I impute this wrong
Done to this Maid, but to your lucklesse Song,
Which so perplext th'vow-breaking miscreant,
As shee, poor shee, must now her Darling want,
And live depriv'd of love and life together,
Running distractedly, shee knowes not whither?
But (good Thalia) whose blest influence
Gives sweetnesse of discourse and utterance;
Thou yt hast power o're tongues, restraine his tongue,
And make this bawling Cuckow henceforth dumbe;
So yeerely Maides shall to thy Shrine resort,
And free from jealous Tel-tales thank thee for't.