The court and parliament of beasts freely translated from The Animali Parlanti of Giambattista Casti A Poem in seven cantos. By William Stewart Rose |
 |
|
| I. |
| II. |
| III. |
| IV. |
| V. |
| VI. |
| VII. | CANTO VII. |
 | The court and parliament of beasts freely translated from The Animali Parlanti of Giambattista Casti |  |
105
CANTO VII.
107
TO WALTER SCOTT.
The modern dangers of the Scottish border—
Cheltenham a greater curse than the disorder
For which we're sent to drink her filthy waters—
The many whoredoms of her sons and daughters
Are seen in vision, pic-nics, balls and plays—
White-hatted men—a species—their odd ways—
All morning meetings curst—chief of those sàd Cupids,
Entitled Archers—Congress of the Quadrupeds—
Its composition and its fatal end—
The hasty picture of a Hindoo friend.
Cheltenham a greater curse than the disorder
For which we're sent to drink her filthy waters—
The many whoredoms of her sons and daughters
Are seen in vision, pic-nics, balls and plays—
White-hatted men—a species—their odd ways—
All morning meetings curst—chief of those sàd Cupids,
Entitled Archers—Congress of the Quadrupeds—
Its composition and its fatal end—
The hasty picture of a Hindoo friend.
I
Dear Scott, I had a scheme to cross the border,And had, in fancy, swallow'd many a mile;
But then some duct or gland got out of order,
And in a thought, I was half swampt with bile:
From this account what you will understand is,
I had a sharp, tho' short, attack of jaundice.
108
II
And then I thought it argu'd small discretionTo go, in my weak state, to Ashestìel:
When for such scheme, one wants the full possession
Of heart, and health, and strength; and nerves of steel.
Troth, I would rather face a Shrapnell-mortar,
Than drink, and beat the moors, and burn the water.
III
But you, you say, are both discreet and sober.Granted;—but if with neighbouring Laird we dine?—
Unlike our ancient squire, who brew'd October,
He fires your hissing blood with ‘blude-red wine,’
Which in the stream he means to cool to-morrow.
Transition that had scarcely pleas'd Suwarrow.
IV
But, bating being nail'd to nightly table,I lov'd such pleasures once, in all their shapes,
And if not now, the cause is found in fable:
'Tis the old story of the Fox and Grapes.
Besides, I thought to see thee in thy glory,
And greet thee in thy land of song and story.
109
V
And I'd a scheme, (for fancy still will gambol,)To see a college friend I've known long time;
And plann'd another episodick ramble
To him, restorer of the Rhunick rhime,
Who kick'd at Canon-law and fled from pandect,
In the large love of Danish and Islandick.
VI
I grieve to abandon such a resolution;But, yielding, bless myself it was not worse:
Pleas'd that my Doctor stay'd the execution
Of sentence, that might make a hermit curse;
Severest known, in medicìnal law,
A two month's banishment to Cheltenham Spaw.
VII
A horrid hole, that's never ventilated:Where who, that's half a liver left, would be?
Where every mawkish folly is concentrated.
—I see fools dining underneath a tree!
I see white-hatted men that eat their luncheon
I' the street, and spit forth cherry-stones in sunshine!
110
VIII
Methinks our English Law is inefficient,Which puts down pewterers, by common usance,
Since it acts partially; in this deficient,
It does not punish intellectual nuisance.
For what's a noise, to people pic-nic eating?
Or melting day, to Archer's monthly meeting?
IX
Hope we improvement to our gastric juices,Fly we to Chelt'nham to improve our chyle,
When these, and fifty yet more barb'rous uses,
Might move a man of Oonalashka's bile?
Our Doctors all such points discreetly settle;
And mend our health, as tinkers mend a kettle.
X
But I anticipate more health and pleasure,Inhaling the clear Ocean's balmy breath;
Besides, I hope uninterrupted leisure,
And such, that dating from the Crown-cub's death,
Evading all digression or confusion,
I may pursue my work to a conclusion.
111
XI
The Lioness, her grief some deal rebated,Had breath to think upon the publick danger:
She was, as one might say, well nigh check-mated:
But luckily the dogocrats were strangers
To her lost state; or else had secret reason,
For halting half-way in successful treason.
XII
The intriguing Dog himself, who knew his strength,And felt his fort was less in fight than mobbing,
Assay'd to spin the warfare into length;
In hopes to get a better field for jobbing,
And spouting, though in woods or desert shores:
And so both parties lay upon their oars.
XIII
Meantime the Crocodile (such slaughter griev'd it)Offer'd to either side his mediation;
And Lioness and Elephant receiv'd it
With pleasure, as it suited their occasion.
A Congress was compos'd; and thither went
Embassadors, from Queen and Clubbists sent.
112
XIV
But here I shall not lift the Congress-curtain,For the same reason a forecasting maid
Would not turn to, and lather lace or shirting,
Or ply in any wise her wonted trade,
Alleging that the world (they trod on tinder)
The world, ere drying day, would singe to cinder.
XV
So I, who, Goody-like, hate fruitless labour,And know the bestial world is to be drown'd,
Somewhat more surely than Cabiri F---r
Cast his conjectures on prophetick ground,
Shall leave unsung what, like the Bear and Fiddle,
Begins, but's interrupted in the middle.
XVI
My manuscript the various beasts describesDeclaiming, dining, drinking, shifting, trimming;
Dealing in manifestos, lies, and bribes.
An after picture represents 'em swimming
Before a flood, not fed by common fountains;
Clouds melting; seas, which climb the topmost mountains.
113
XVII
Ye Plutonists unravel me the puzzle;This for first Nature's wreck you can't advance:
For man not only was; he'd learn'd to muzzle
The Bear, and (more) had taught the Bear to dance.
Now you, you pagans, if I'm rightly taught,
Believe that Man was but an after-thought;
XVIII
Some small improvement on the Ass and Ox.And certainly there are, (and such men pass)
Who prate of bullion, paper, peace and stocks,
That ought to be, methinks, turn'd out to grass:
Yet four-legg'd beasts (although on beasts they border)
Might think they shed small credit on their order.
XIX
Once more, I say, this knotty problem tackle,This deluge of the Asiatick world:
Was it, what in your cant, you call debacle?—
—My manuscript's return'd, dog's-ear'd and curl'd,
From those, who, tax'd at explanation, shunn'd it,
From London Savant up to Indian Pundit.
114
XX
Here I anticipate well founded strictureFrom reader, half confounded, and half vext;
“What is your manuscript? you talk of picture
“Of delug'd beasts; is't picture then or text?”
—'Tis both. The painting is not illustration;
But, it should seem, continuance of narration.
XXI
But whether this be mystic and symbolical,(Such might be matter for a six hours lecture)
Or statement of old facts, plain and historical,
Both baffles mine and Doctor Y---'s conjecture.
All men may have their various guess, and ground it
On something: so I leave it as I found it.
XXII
In one thing, though I mean to be specific;The mode in which it came in my possession,
(Christen it picture, text, or hieroglyphic)
Nor so shall risk the charge of indiscretion.
Mid many foolish freaks, I'd once the failing
To be immoderately fond of sailing.
115
XXIII
To second this; there liv'd near Itchen ferryAn Englishman, in all but birth Hindoo,
Who had a cutter-yacht and Portsmouth-wherry:
Not to be thought a Heathen or Yahoo,
I' the Fawley troop he bar'd his trusty falchion,
Like Yeoman true. His yacht was call'd the Halcyon.
XXIV
He to his banker's book, as if his shaster,On rainy days, with close devotion grew;
Or fiddled perseveringly, to master
Some restive bar. As our acquaintance grew,
With him I westwards sail'd, and many a rill,
Sung by Dan Drayton, track'd ‘from fall to fill.’
XXV
The Teign, whose sons desert their pleasant houses,And to inhospitable shores repair
To fish in foggy seas: meantime their spouses,
Not bating, for such toils, of housewife care,
Ply the swift needle while they may; then stoop
To their dipt oars, and board the expectant sloop.
116
XXVI
The Dart, whose streams through parting mountains straggle,And form a broken chain of fairy lakes;
The turbid Tamer, proud of old Tintagel,
And that dread dome, where angry Demon wakes
Where the dead Wizard in his chair is seated,
And too confiding Devil nightly cheated.
117
XXVII
My friend's delight (Bramins such bliss allow)Lay in beatitude of contemplation;
And then 'twas said, that, through a silver cow,
He underwent Gentoo regeneration.
His mood no cross was capable of rumpling:
Besides, he liv'd on tea and apple-dumpling.
XXVIII
Such Man had chang'd the savage soul of Scindeah:Judge then, as resident, for he abode a
Long time as such, how he won hearts in India!
Lounging, one morning, in an old pagoda,
And boring facts out of a Bramin crony,
Priest of the place, who serv'd as Cicerone,
XXIX
He, with a close, imposing air of mystery,Conducted him to an interior chapel;
And shew'd him, at arm's length, this very history;
But shew'd it him as a forbidden apple:
'Twas, after works of faith, and ceaseless suit,
My persevering friend obtain'd the fruit.
118
XXX
And here should come the story of the Cow,Where he, with change of exit, play'd Tom Thumb;
At least I know no other where or how;
For, on this point alone my friend is dumb.
Perhaps this is (so Priest still deals with layman)
Because the Cow escheated to the Bramin.
XXXI
It chanc'd that I, some bilious mischief breeding,A plan of diet did with him agree on,
And had, by odd coincidence, been reading
That queer and quarto book, call'd Moor's Pantheon;
And so my friend misdeem'd me, at first view,
A something like himself, a half Hindoo.
XXXII
And, with the Bramin's solemn air of mystery,Confided to my hands this rare deposit
Of other years,—baptize it tale or history,—
Which I launch into daylight from my closet.
The manuscripts are sent to the Museum;
Where all who have a mind, may go and see 'em.
They often sit working in their boats till the tide slacks, and then haul for salmon. I, in one instance, saw them board a sloop, and pilot her into the harbour.
Another castle in Cornwall, called, I think, Tinvelly, respecting which there runs the following tradition. An ancient proprietor is said to have sold the reversion of his body and soul to Satan, after burial. The Devil did not object to the equivocal wording of the essential clause: and the dying Necromancer, profiting by it, enjoined that his body should, after death, be secured upright in an arm-chair. The Devil calls for him in vain nightly in a chariot with four black horses, under the influence of a delusion which is always going on.
Three objections have been urged against this story; first, that the Devil could not be so ignorant of business, as not to detect the trick; secondly, that he must be entitled to a remedy in a court of equity; thirdly, that he could scarcely be so careless as not to send his deeds, for examination, to an attorney. I know no satisfactory answer to the first; the answer to the second is plain: a friend of the profession furnishes me with one to the last, observing, that ‘though every body knows of the Devil's advocate, no one ever heard of his solicitor.’ A fact which, perhaps, makes more than any other in favour of the attorney tribe.
| The court and parliament of beasts freely translated from The Animali Parlanti of Giambattista Casti | |