She wou'd if She cou'd A Comedy. Acted at His Highness the Duke of York's Theater. Written by George Etherege |
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| 2. | SCENE II. |
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 | She wou'd if She cou'd |  |
9
SCENE II.
Sir Oliver Cockwood's Lodging.Enter Lady Cockwood.
La. Cock.
'Tis too late to repent: I sent her, but yet
I cannot but be troubled to think she stays so long:
Sure, if she has so little gratitude to let him, he has
More honor then to attempt any thing to the
Prejudice of my affection—Oh—Sentry, are you come?
Enter Sentry.
Sent.
Oh Madam! there has been such an accident!
La. Cock.
Prithee do not fright me, Wench—
Sent.
As I was discoursing with M. Courtal, in came
Sir Oliver.
La. Cock.
Oh!—I'm ruin'd—undone for ever!
Sent.
You'll still be sending me on these desperate
Errands.
La. Cock.
I am betray'd, betray'd—by this
False—what shall I call thee?
Sent.
Nay, but Madam—have a little patience—
La. Cock.
I have lost all patience, and will never
More have any—
Sent.
Do but hear me, all is well—
La. Cock.
Nothing can be well, unfortunate Woman.
Sent.
Mr. Courtal thrust me into the Wood-hole.
La. Cock.
And did not Sir Oliver see thee?
Sent.
He had not the least glimpse of me—
La. Cock.
Dear Sentry—and what good news?
Sent.
He intends to wait upon you in the
Afternoon, Madam—
La. Cock.
I hope you did not let him know I sent you.
Sent.
No, no, Madam—I'll warrant you I did every
Thing much to the advantage of your Honor.
La. Cock.
Ah Sentry! if we could but think of some
Lucky plot now to get Sir Oliver out of the way.
Sent.
You need not trouble your self about that,
Madam, he has engag'd to dine with Mr. Courtal at the
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Your good will; when Mr. Courtal has fix'd 'em
With a Beer-glass or two, he intends to steal
Away, and pay his Devotion to your Ladiship.
La. Cock.
Truly he is a person of much Worth
And Honor.
Sent.
Had you but been there, Madam, to have
Over-heard Sir Oliver's Discourse, he would have
Made you bless your self; there is not such another
Wild Man in the Town; all his talk was of
Wenching, and swearing, and drinking, and tearing.
La. Cock.
Ay, Ay, Sentry, I know he'll talk of
Strange matters behind my back; but if he be not
An abominable Hypocrite at home, and I am not a
Woman easily to be deceived, he is not able
To play the Spark abroad thus, I assure you.
Enter Sir Oliver, and Sir Joslin, Sir Joslin singing.
My dearest Dear, this is kindly done of thee
To come home agen thus quickly.
Sir Oliver.
Nay, my Dear, thou shalt never have any
Just cause to accuse me of unkindness.
La. Cock.
Sir Joslin, now you are a good man, and
I shall trust you with Sir Oliver agen.
Sir Jos.
Nay, if I ever break my word with a Lady,
I will be deliver'd bound to Mistress Sentry here,
And she shall have leave to carve me for a Capon.
Sent.
Do you think I have a heart cruel enough
For such a bloody execution?
Sir Jos.
Kindly spoke i'faith, Girl, I'll give thee
A buss for that.
Kisses her.
La. Cock.
Fy, fy, Sir Joslin, this is not seemly in my
Presence.
Sir Jos.
We have all our failings, Lady, and this is
Mine: A right bred Grey-hound can as well forbear
Running after a Hare, when he sees her, as I can
Mumbling a pretty Wench when she comes in my way.
La. Cock.
I have heard indeed you are a parlous man,
Sir Joslin.
Sir Jos.
I seldom brag, Lady, but for a true Cock of
The Game, little Joslin dares match with the best of 'em.
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Sir Joslin's merry, my Dear.
La. Cock.
Ay, Ay, if he should be wicked, I know
Thou art too much a Gentleman to offer an injury
To thine own dear Lady.
Sir Jos.
Faith, Madam, you must give my
Brother Cockwood leave to dine abroad to day.
La. Cock.
I protest, Sir Joslin, you begin to make
Me hate you too; well, you are e'en grown as bad
As the worst of 'em, you are still robbing me of
The sweet Society of Sir Oliver.
Sir Jos.
Come, come, your Discipline is too
Severe, i'faith Lady.
La. Cock.
Sir Oliver may do what he pleases, Sir,
He knows I have ever been his obedient Lady.
Sir Oliv.
Prithee, my Dear, be not angry, Sir
Joseph was so earnest in his invitation, that none
But a Clown could have refus'd him.
Sir Jos.
Ay, Ay, we dine at my Uncle Sir
Joseph Jolly's Lady.
La. Cock.
Will you be sure now to be a good
Dear, and not drink, nor stay out late?
Sir Jos.
I'll engage for all, and if there be no
Harm in a merry Catch, or a waggish Story—
Enter Ariana, and Mistress Gatty.
Ha, ha! Sly-girl and Mad-cap, are you got up?
I know what you have been meditating on;
But never trouble your heads, let me
Alone to bring you consolation.
Gat.
We have often been beholding to you,
Sir; for every time he's drunk, he brings us
Home a couple of fresh Servants.
Sir Oliv.
Well, farewel my Dear, Prithee do not
Sigh thus, but make thee ready, visit, and be merry.
La Cock.
I shall receive most satisfaction
In my Chamber.
Sir Jos.
Come, come along, Brother: Farewel
One and all, Lady and Sly-girl, Sly-girl and Mad-cap,
Your servant, your servant—
[Ex. Sir Oliver, and Sir Joslin singing.
La. Cock
To Sentry aside.
Sentry, is the new Point I
Bought, come home, and is every thing in a readiness?
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Every thing, Madam.
La Cock.
Come, come up quickly then, Girl, and
Dress me.
Ex. La. Cockwood and Sentry.
Aria.
Dost not thou wonder, Gatty, she should be
So strangely fond of this Coxcomb?
Gat.
Well, if she does not dissemble, may I still
Be discover'd when I do; didst thou not see how
Her countenance chang'd, as soon as ever their
Backs were turn'd, and how earnestly she whispered
With her Woman? there is some weighty affair
In hand, I warrant thee: My dear Ariana, how
Glad am I we are in this Town agen.
Aria.
But we have left the benefit of the fresh
Air, and the delight of wandring in the
Pleasant Groves.
Gat.
Very pretty things for a young Gentlewoman
To bemoan the loss of indeed, that's newly come to a
Relish of the good things of this world.
Aria.
Very good, Sister!
Gatty.
Why, hast not thou promis'd me a thousand
Times, to leave off this demureness?
Aria.
But you are so quick.
Gatty.
Why, wou'd it not make any one mad to hear
Thee bewail the loss of the Country? Speak
But one grave word more, and it shall be my daily
Prayers thou may'st have a jealous Husband, then
You'll have enough of it I warrant you.
Aria.
It may be, if your tongue be not altogether
So nimble, I may be conformable: But I hope
You do not intend we shall play such mad reaks
As we did last Summer?
Gatty.
'Slife, do'st thou think we come here to be
Mew'd up, and take onely the liberty of going from our
Chamber to the Dining-Room, and from the
Dining-Room to our Chamber again? and like a
Bird in a Cage, with two Perches onely, to hop
Up and down, up and down?
Aria.
Well, thou art a mad Wench.
Gatty.
Would'st thou never have us go to a Play
But with our grave Relations, never take the air but
With our grave Relations? to feed their pride,
And make the world believe it is in their power
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Aria.
But I am afraid we shall be known again.
Gatty.
Pish! the men were onely acquainted with
Our Vizards, and our Petticoats, and they are wore
Out long since: How I envy that Sex! Well! We
Cannot plague 'em enough when we have it in
Our power for those priviledges which custom
Has allow'd 'em above us.
Aria.
The truth is, they can run and ramble here,
And there, and every where, and we poor Fools
Rather think the better of 'em.
Gatty.
From one Play-house, to the other Play-house,
And if they like neither the Play nor the Women,
They seldom stay any longer than the combing
Of their Perriwigs, or a whisper or two with a
Friend; and then they cock their Caps, and out they
Strut again.
Adria.
But whatsoever we do, prithee now let us
Resolve to be mighty honest.
Gatty.
There I agree with thee.
Adria.
And if we find the Gallants like lawless
Subjects, who the more their Princes grant,
The more they impudently crave.
Gatty.
We'll become absolute Tyrants, and deprive
'Em of all the priviledges we gave 'em—
Aria.
Upon these conditions I am contented to trail
A Pike under thee—March along Girl.
Exeunt.
| She wou'd if She cou'd | |