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She wou'd if She cou'd

A Comedy. Acted at His Highness the Duke of York's Theater. Written by George Etherege
  
  

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ACT V.
 1. 

ACT V.

SCENE I.

Sir Oliver's Dining-Room.
Enter Lady Cockwood, Table, and Carpet.
La. Cock.
I did not think he had been so desperate in
His drink; if they had kill'd one another,
I had then been reveng'd, and freed from all my
[Enter Sentry.
Fears—Sentry, your carelesness and
Forgetfulness some time or other will undo me;
Had not Sir Oliver, and Sir Joslin, came so luckily

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Into the Garden, the Letters had been discover'd,
And my Honor left to the mercy of a false man.
And two young fleering Girls: Did you speak
To Mr. Freeman unperceiv'd in the hurry?

Sent.
I did, Madam, and he promis'd me to disengage
Himself as soon as possibly he could, and wait
Upon your Ladiship with all secrecy.

La. Cock.
I have some reason to believe him
A Man of Honor.

Sent.
Methinks indeed his very look, Madam,
Speaks him to be much more a Gentleman
Then Mr. Courtal; but I was unwilling before
Now to let your Ladiship know my opinion, for
Fear of offending your inclinations.

La. Cock.
I hope by his means to get these Letters
Into my own hands, and so prevent the inconveniencies
They may bring upon my Honor.

Sent.
I wonder, Madam, what should be Sir
Oliver's quarrel to Mr. Courtal.

La. Cock.
You know how apt he is to be suspicious
In his drink; 'tis very likely he thought Mr. Courtal
Betray'd him at the Bear to day.

Sent.
Pray Heav'n he be not jealous of your
Ladiship, finding you abroad so unexpectedly; if
He be, we shall have a sad hand of him when he
Comes home, Madam.

La. Cock.
I should have apprehended it much
My self, Sentry, if his drunkenness had not unadvisedly
Ingag'd him in his quarrel; as soon as he grows a
Little sober, I am sure his fear will bring him
Home, and make him apply himself to me, with
All humility and kindness; for he is ever under-
Hand fain to use my interest and discretion to
Make friends to compound these businesses,
Or to get an order for the securing his
Person and his Honor.

Sent.
I believe verily. Mr. Courtal wou'd have
Been so rude to have kill'd him, if Mr. Freeman and
The rest had not civilly interpos'd their Weapons.

La. Cock.
Heavens forbid! though he be a wicked
Man, I am oblig'd in duty to love him: Whither
Did my Cosins go after we came home, Sentry?


68

Sent.
They are at the next door, Madam,
Laughing and playing at Lantrelou, with my old
Lady Love-youth and her Daughters.

La. Cock.
I hope they will not come home then
To interrupt my affairs with Mr. Freeman.
[Knocking without.
Hark! some body knocks, it may be him,
Run down quickly.

Sent.
I flie, Madam.
Exit Sentry.

La. Cock.
Now if he has a real inclination for my
Person, I'll give him a handsome opportunity
To reveal it.

Enter Sentry and Freeman.
Free.
Your Servant, Madam.

La Cock.
Oh Mr. Freeman! this unlucky accident
Has rob'd me of all my quiet; I am almost distracted
With thinking of the danger Sir Oliver's dear
Life is in.

Free.
You need not fear, Madam, all things will
Be reconcil'd again to morrow.

Sent.
You wou'd not blame my Ladies
Apprehensions, did you but know the
Tenderness of her affections.

La. Cock.
Mr. Courtal is a false and merciless man.

Free.
He has always own'd a great respect for
Your Ladiship, and I never heard him mention
You with the least dishonor.

La. Cock.
He cannot without injuring the truth,
Heaven knows my innocence: I hope you did
Not let him know, Sir, of your coming hither.

Free.
I shou'd never merit the happiness to wait
Upon you again, had I so abus'd this extraordinary
Favor, Madam.

La. Cock.
If I have done any thing unbeseeming
My Honor, I hope you will be just, Sir, and
Impute it to my fear; I know no man so proper
To compose this unfortunate difference as
Your self, and if a Ladies tears and prayers
Have power to move you to compassion, I
Know you will imploy your utmost endeavor
To preserve me, my dear Sir Oliver.


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Free.
Do not, Madam, afflict your self so much,
I dare engage my life, his Life and Honor shall
Be both secure.

La. Cock.
You are truly noble, Sir; I was so
Distracted with my fears, that I cannot well
Remember how we parted at the Spring-Garden.

Free.
We all divided, Madam, after your Ladiship
And the young Ladies were gone together, Sir
Oliver, Sir Joslin, and the company with them,
Took one Boat, and Mr. Courtal and I another.

La. Cock.
Then I need not apprehend their
Meeting again to night.

Free.
You need not, Madam; I left Mr. Courtal in
His Chamber, wondring what shou'd make
Sir Oliver draw upon him, and fretting and
Fuming about the Trick that was put upon
Us with the Letters to day.

La. Cock.
Oh! I had almost forgot my self; I
Assure you, Sir, those Letters were sent by one
That has no inclination to be an enemy of yours.
[Knocking below.
Some body knocks.
Exit Sentry.
If it be Sir Oliver, I am undone, he will hate me
Mortally, if he does but suspect I use any secret
Means to hinder him from justifying his
Reputation honorably to the World.

Enter Sentry.
Sent.
Oh Madam! Here is Mr. Courtal below in
The Entry, discharging a Coach-man; I told
Him your Ladiship was busie, but he wou'd
Not hear me, and I find, do what I can,
He will come up.

La. Cock.
I wou'd not willingly suspect you, Sir.

Free.
I have deceiv'd him, Madam, in my coming
Hither, and am as unwilling he shou'd find me
Here, as you can be.

La. Cock.
He will not believe my innocent business
With you, but will raise a new Scandal on my
Honor, and publish it to the whole Town.

Sent.
Let him step into the Closet, Madam.

La. Cock.
Quick Sir, quick, I beseech you, I will
Send him away again immediately.


80

Enter Courtal.
La. Cock.
Mr. Courtal! Have you no sense of
Honor nor modesty left? after so many injuries,
To come into our House, and without my
Approbation rudely press upon my
Retirement thus?

Court.
Pray, Madam, hear my business.

La. Cock.
Thy business is maliciously to pursue
My ruine; thou comest with a base design to have
Sir Oliver catch thee here, and destroy the
Onely happiness I have.

Court.
I come, Madam, to beg your pardon for
The fault I did unwillingly commit, and to know
Of you the reason of Sir Oliver's quarrel to me.

La. Cock.
Thy guilty conscience is able to tell
Thee that, Vain and ungrateful man!

Court.
I am innocent, Madam, of all things that
May offend him; and I am sure, if you wou'd
But hear me, I shou'd remove the Justice
Of your quarrel too.

La. Cock.
You are mistaken, Sir, if you think
I am concern'd for your going to the Spring Garden
This Evening; my quarrel is the same with
Sir Oliver, and is so just, that thou deserv'st to
Be poyson'd for what thou hast done.

Court.
Pray, Madam, let me know my fault.

La. Cock.
I blush to think upon't: Sir Oliver since
We came from the Bear, has heard something
Thou hast said concerning me; but what it is,
I cou'd not get him to discover: He told me 'twas
Enough for me to know he was satisfi'd of
My innocence.

Court.
This is meer Passion, Madam.

La. Cock.
This is the usual revenge of such base
Men as thou art, when they cannot compass
Their ends, with their venomous tongues
To blast the Honor of a Lady.

Court.
This is a sudden alteration, Madam; within
These few hours you had a kinder opinion of me.

La. Cock.
'Tis no wonder you brag of favors
Behind my back, that have the impudence to

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Upbraid me with kindness to my face; dost
Thou think I cou'd ever have a good thought of
Thee, whom I have always found so treacherous
In thy friendship to Sir Oliver?

Enter Sentry.
Sent.
Oh Madam! here is Sir Oliver come home

La. Cock.
O Heavens! I shall be believed guilty
Now, and he will kill us both.

He draws
Court.
I warrant you, Madam, I'll defend your life,

La. Cock.
Oh! there will be Murder, murder;
For Heavens sake, Sir, hide your self in some
Corner or other.

Court.
I'll step into the Closet, Madam.

Sent.
Hold, hold, Sir, by no means; his Pipes
And his Tobacco-Box lie there, and he
Always goes in to fetch 'em.

La. Cock.
Your malice will soon be at an end:
Heaven knows what will be the fatal consequence
Of your being found here.

Sent.
Madam, let him creep under the Table,
The Carpet is long enough to hide him.

La. Cock.
Have you good Nature enough to
Save the Life and Reputation of a Lady?

Court.
Any thing to oblige you, Madam.

[He goes under the Table.
La. Cock.
running to the Closet.
Be sure you do not stir, Sir,
Whatsoever happens.

Court.
Not unless he pulls me out by the Ears.

Sent.
Good! he thinks my Lady speaks to him.

Enter Sir Oliver.
La. Cock.
My dear Sir Oliver

Sir Oliv.
I am unworthy of this kindness, Madam.

La. Cock.
Nay, I intend to chide you for your
Naughtiness anon; but I cannot chuse but hug
Thee, and kiss thee a little first; I was afraid
I shou'd never have had thee alive within
These arms agen.

Sir Oliv.
Your goodness does so increase my
Shame, I know not what to say, Madam.

La. Cock.
Well, I am glad I have thee safe at

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Home, I will lock thee up above in my Chamber.
And will not so much as trust thee down stairs,
Till there be an end of this quarrel.

Sir Oliv.
I was so little my self, I knew not what
I did, else I had not expos'd my person to so
Much danger before thy face.

Sent.
'Twas cruelly done, Sir, knowing the killing
Concerns my Lady has for you.

La. Cock.
If Mr. Courtal had kill'd thee, I was
Resolv'd not to survive thee; but before I had
Dy'd, I wou'd have dearly reveng'd thy Murder.

Sir Oliv.
As soon as I had recollected my self a
Little, I cou'd not rest till I came home to give thee
This satisfaction, that I will do nothing without
Thy advice and approbation, my dear: I know
Thy love makes thy life depend upon mine,
And it is unreasonable I shou'd upon my own
Rash head hazard that, though it be for the
Justification of thy Honor.
Uds me, I have let fall a China-Orange that
Was recommended to me for one of the best
That came over this year; 'Slife light the Candle,
Sentry, 'tis run under the Table.

[Knock.
La. Cock.
Oh, I am not well!

[Sentry takes up the Candle, there is a great knocking at the door, she runs away with the Candle.
Sent.
Oh Heaven! who's that that knocks
So hastily?

Sir Oliv.
Why, Sentry! bring back the Candle;
Are you mad to leave us in the dark, and your
Lady not well? how is it, my Dear?

La. Cock.
For Heavens sake run after her, Sir Oliver,
Snatch the Candle out of her hand, and teach
Her more manners.

Sir Oliv.
I will, my Dear.

La. Cock.
What shall I do? Was ever Woman
So unfortunate in the management of affairs!

Court.
What will become of me now?

La. Cock.
It must be so, I had better trust my
Honor to the mercy of them two, then be
Betray'd to my Husband: Mr. Courtal, give
Me your hand quickly, I beseech you.


73

Court.
Here, here, Madam, what's to be done now?

La. Cock.
I will put you into the Closet, Sir.

Court.
He'll be coming in for his Tobacco box
And Pipes.

La. Cock.
Never fear that, Sir.

Freeman
out of the Closet-door.
Now shall I be discover'd; Pox
On your honorable intrigue,
Wou'd I were safe at Giffords.

La. Cock.
Here, here, Sir, this is the door,
Whatsoever you feel, be not frighted; for
Shou'd you make the least disturbance,
You will destroy the life, and what is more,
The Honor of an unfortunate Lady.

Court.
So, so, if you have occasion to remove
Agen, make no Ceremony, Madam.

Enter Sir Oliver, Sentry, Ariana, Gatty.
Sir Oliv.
Here is the Candle, how dost thou,
My dear?

La. Cock.
I cou'd not imagine, Sentry, you had
Been so ill bred, to run away, and leave your
Master and me in the dark.

Sent.
I thought there had been another Candle
Upon the Table, Madam.

La. Cock.
Good! you thought! you are always
Excusing of your carelesness; such another
Misdemeanor—

Sir Oliv.
Prithee, my Dear, forgive her.

La. Cock.
The truth is, I ought not to be very
Angry with her at present, 'tis a good natur'd
Creature: She was so frighted, for fear of
Thy being mischief'd in the Spring-Garden,
That I verily believe she scarce knows
What she does yet.

Sir Oliv.
Light the Candle, Sentry, that I
May look for my Orange.

La. Cock.
You have been at my Lady Love-youths,
Cosins, I hear.

Aria.
We have, Madam.

Gat.
She charg'd us to remember her service to you.

Sir Oliv.
So, here it is, my Dear, I brought it
Home on purpose for thee.


74

La. Cock.
'Tis a lovely Orange indeed! Thank you,
My Dear; I am so discompos'd with the fright
I have had, that I wou'd fain be at rest.

Sir Oliv.
Get a Candle, Sentry: Will you go
To bed, my Dear?

La. Cock.
With all my heart, Sir Oliver: 'Tis late
Cosins, you had best retire to your Chamber too.

Gat.
We shall not stay long here, Madam.

Sir Oliv.
Come, my Dear.

La. Cock.
Good night, Cosins.

Gat. & Aria.
Your Servant, Madam.

[Exeunt Sir Oliver, Lady Cockwood, and Sentry.
Aria.
I cannot but think of those Letters, Sister.

Gat.
That is, you cannot but think of Mr. Freeman,
Sister; I perceive he runs in thy head as much as
A new Gown uses to do in the Countrey, the
Night before 'tis expected from London.

Aria.
You need not talk, for I am sure the losses
Of an unlucky Gamester are not more his
Meditation, then Mr. Courtal is yours.

Gat.
He has made some slight impression on my
Memory, I confess; but I hope a night will
Wear him out agen, as it does the noise
Of a Fiddle after Dancing.

Aria
Love, like some stains, will wear out of it
Self, I know, but not in such a little time as
You talk of, Sister.

Gat.
It cannot last longer then the stain of a
Mulberry at most; the next season out that goes,
And my heart cannot be long unfruitful, sure.

Aria.
Well I cannot believe they forg'd these
Letters; what shou'd be their end?

Gat.
That you may easily guess at; but methinks
They took a very improper way to compass it.

Aria
It looks more like the malice or jealousie
Of a Woman, then the design of two witty men.

Gat
If this shou'd prove Fetch of her Ladiships
Now, that is a playing the loving Hypocrite
Above with her dear Sir Oliver.

Aria.
How unluckily we were interrupted, when
They were going to show us the hand!

Gat.
That might have discover'd all: I have a

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Small suspicion, that there has been a little
Familiarity between her Ladiship and
Mr. Courtal.

Aria.
Our finding of 'em together in the Exchange,
And several passages I observ'd at the Bear, have
Almost made me of the same opinion.

Gat.
Yet I wou'd fain believe the continuance
Of it is more her desire, then his inclination:
That which makes me mistrust him most, is her
Knowing we made 'em an appointment.

Aria.
If she were jealous of Mr. Courtal, she
Wou'd not be jealous of Mr. Freeman too; they
Both pretend to have receiv'd Letters.

Gat.
There is something in it more then we are
Able to imagine; time will make it out, I hope,
To the advantage of the Gentlemen.

Aria.
I wou'd gladly have it so; for I believe,
Shou'd they give us a just cause, we should find it.
A hard task to hate them.

Gat.
How I love the Song I learnt t'other day,
Since I saw them in the Mulberry-Garden!
She sings.

[1.]

To little or no purpose I spent many days,
In ranging the Park, th'Exchange, and th'Plays;
For ne'er in my rambles, till now, did I prove
So lucky to meet with the Man I cou'd love.
Oh! how I am pleas'd, when I think on this Man,
That I find I must love, let me do what I can!

2.

How long I shall love him, I can no more tell,
Then had I a Fever, when I shou'd bewell.
My Passion shall kill me before I will show it,
And yet I wou'd give all the World he did know it:
But oh how I sigh, when I think shou'd he woo me,
I cannot deny what I know wou'd undo me!

Aria.
Fie, Sister, thou art so wanton.

Gat.
I hate to dissemble when I need not;
'Twou'd look as affected in us to be reserv'd
Now w'are alone, as for a Player to maintain
The Character she acts in the Tyring-room.


76

Aria.
Prithee sing a good Song.

Gat.
Now art thou for a melancholly Madrigal,
Compos'd by some amorous Coxcomb, who
Swears in all companies he loves his Mistress
So well, that he wou'd not do her the injury,
Were she willing to grant him the favor,
And it may be is Sot enough to believe he
Wou'd oblige her in keeping his oath too.

Aria.
Well, I will reach thee thy Guitar out of
The Closet, to take thee off of this subject.

Gat.
I'd rather be a Nun, then a lover at
Thy rate; devotion is not able to make
Me half so serious as Love has made
Thee already.

[Ariana opens the Closet, Courtal and Freeman come out.
Court.
Ha, Freeman! Is this your bus'ness
With a Lawyer? here's a new discovery, i'faith!

[They shriek and run out.
Free.
Peace, man, I will satisfie your jealousie
Hereafter; since we have made this lucky
Discovery, let us mind the present bus'nesses.

[Courtal and Freeman catch the Ladies, and bring them back.
Court.
Nay, Ladies, now we have caught you,
There is no escaping till w'are come to a right
Understanding

Enter Lady Cockwood, and Sir Oliver, and Sentry.
Free.
Come, never blush, we are as loving as
You can be for your hearts, I assure you.

Court.
Had it not been our good Fortunes to
Have been conceal'd here, you wou'd have
Had ill nature enough to dissemble with
Us at least a fortnight longer.

La. Cock.
What's the matter with you here?
Are you mad, Cosins? Bless me, Mr. Courtal
And Mr. Freeman in our house at these
Unseasonable hours!

Sir Oliv.
Fetch me down my long Sword, Sentry,
I lay my life Courtal has been tempting the
Honor of the young Ladies.

La. Cock.
Oh my Dear!

[She holds him.

77

Gat.
We are almost scared out of our wits,
My Sister went to reach my Guitar out of the
Closet, and found 'em both shut up there.

La. Cock.
Come, come, this will not serve your
Turn; I am fraid you had a design secretly
To convey 'em into your Chamber: Well,
I will have no more of these doings in my
Family, my Dear; Sir Joslin shall remove
These Girls to morrow.

Free.
You injure the young Ladies, Madam;
Their surprize shews their innocence.

Court.
If any body be to blame, it is Mistress Sentry.

Sent.
What mean you, Sir? Heaven knows
I know no more of their being here—

Court.
Nay, nay, Mistress Sentry, you need not
Be asham'd to own the doing of a couple of
Young Gentlemen such a good office.

Sent.
Do not think to put your tricks upon me, Sir.

Court.
Understanding by Mistress Sentry, Madam,
That these young Ladies wou'd very likely
Sit and talk in the Dining-Room an hour before
They went to Bed, of the accidents of the
Day, and being impatient to know whether
That unlucky bus'ness which happen'd in
The Spring-Garden, about the Letters, had
Quite destroy'd our hopes of gaining their
Esteem; for a small sum of Money Mr. Freeman
And I obtain'd the favor of her to shut us
Up where we might over-hear 'em.

La. Cock.
Is this the truth, Sentry?

Sent.
I humbly beg your pardon, Madam.

La. Cock.
A Ladies Honor is not safe, that keeps
A Servant so subject to corruption; I will turn
Her out of my Service for this.

[Aside.
Sir Oliv.
Good! I was suspicious their bus'nesses
Had been with my Lady at first.

La. Cock.
Now will I be in charity with him
Agen, for putting this off so handsomly.

Sir Oliv.
Hark you my Dear, shall I forbid
Mr. Courtal my house?

La. Cock.
Oh! by no means, my Dear; I had
Forgot to tell thee, since I acquainted thee with

78

That bus'ness, I have been discoursing with my
Lady Love-youth, and she blam'd me infinitely
For letting thee know it, and laugh'd exceedingly
At me, believing Mr. Courtal intended thee
No injury, and told me 'twas onely a harmless
Gallantry, which his French breeding
Has us'd him to.

Sir Oliv.
Faith, I am apt enough to believe it;
For on my conscience, he is a very honest Fellow.
Ned Courtal! how the Devil came it about
That thee and I fell to Sa, sa, in the
Spring-Garden?

Court.
You are best able to resolve your
Self that, Sir Oliver.

Sir Oliv.
Well, the Devil take me, if I had the
Least unkindness for thee—Prithee let us
Embrace and kiss, and be as good Friends
As ever we were, dear Rogue.

Court.
I am so reasonable, Sir Oliver, that I will
Ask no other satisfaction for the injury you have
Done me.

Free.
Here's the Letter, Madam.

Aria.
Sister, look here, do you know this hand?

Gat.
'Tis Sentries.

La. Cock.
Oh Heavens! I shall be ruin'd yet.

Gat.
She has been the contriver of all this mischief.

Court.
Nay, now you lay too much to her charge
In this; she was but my Ladies Secretary, I
Assure you, she has discover'd the whole
Plot to us.

Sent.
What does he mean?

La. Cock.
Will he betray me at last?

Court.
My Lady being in her Nature severely
Vertuous, is, it seems, offended at the innocent
Freedom you take in rambling up and down
By your selves; which made her, out of a
Tenderness to your Reputations, counterfeit
These Letters, in hopes to fright you to that
Reservedness which she approves of.

La. Cock.
This has almost redeem'd my opinion
Of his Honor.
Aside.
Cosins, the little regard you had to the good

79

Counsel I gave you, puts me upon this
Business.

Gat.
Pray, Madam, what was it Mistress Gazet
Told you concerning us?

La. Cock.
Nothing, nothing, Cosins: What I told
You of Mr. Courtal, was meer invention, the
Better to carry on my design for your good.

Court.
Freeman! Pray what brought you hither?

Free.
A kind Summons from her Ladiship.

Court.
Why did you conceal it from me?

Free.
I was afraid thy peevish jealousie might
Have destroy'd the design I had of getting an
Opportunity to clear our selves to the
Young Ladies.

Court.
Fortune has been our friend in that
Beyond expectation.
To the Ladies.
I hope, Ladies, you are satisfi'd

Of our innocence now.

Gat.
Well, had you been found guilty of the
Letters, we were resolv'd to have counterfeited
Two Contracts under your hands, and have
Suborn'd Witnesses to swear 'em

Aria.
That had been a full revenge; for I know
You wou'd think it as great a scandal to be
Thought to have an inclination for Marriage,
As we shou'd to be believ'd willing to take
Our freedom without it.

Court.
The more probable thing, Ladies, had
Been onely to pretend a Promise; we have
Now and then courage enough to venture so far
For a valuable consideration.

Gat.
The truth is, such experienc'd Gentlemen
As you are, seldom mortgage your persons
Without it be to redeem your estates.

Court.
'Tis a mercy we have 'scap'd the mischief
So long, and are like to do penance onely for
Our own sins; most families are a wedding
Behind-hand in the World, which makes
So many young men fool'd into Wives, to pay
Their Fathers debts: All the happiness a
Gentleman can desire, is to live at liberty,
Till he be forc'd that way to pay his own.


80

Free.
Ladies, you know we are not ignorant
Of the good intentions you have towards
Us; pray let us treat a little.

Gat.
I hope you are not in so desperate a
Condition, as to have a good opinion of
Marriage, are you?

Aria.
'Tis to as little purpose to treat with us
Of any thing under that, as it is for those kind
Ladies, that have oblig'd you with a valuable
Consideration, to challenge the performance
Of your promise.

Sir Oliv.
Well, and how, and how, my dear Ned,
Goes the business between you and these Ladies?
Are you like to drive a Bargain?

Court.
Faith, Sir Oliver, we are about it.

Sir Oliv.
And cannot agree, I warrant you; they
Are for having you take a Lease for life, and you are
For being Tenants at Will, Ned, is it not so?

Gat.
These Gentlemen have found it so convenient
Lying in Lodgings, they'll hardly venture on the
Trouble of taking a house of their own.

Court.
A pretty Country-seat, Madam, with a
Handsome parcel of Land, and other necessaries
Belonging to't, may tempt us; but for a Town-
Tenement that has but one poor conveniency,
We are resolv'd we'll never deal.

[A noise of Musick without.
Sir Oliv.
Hark! my Brother Jolly's come home.

Aria.
Now, Gentlemen, you had best look to
Your selves, and come to an agreement with us
Quickly; for I'll lay my life, my Uncle has
Brought home a couple of fresh Chapmen,
That will out-bid you.

Enter Sir Joslin with Musick.
Sir Jos.
Hey Boys!
Dance.
Sings.
A Catch and a Glass,
A Fiddle and a Lass,
What more wou'd an honest man have?
Hang your temperate Sot,
Who wou'd seem what he's not;
'Tis I am wise, he's but grave.


81

Sir Jos.
What's here? Mr. Courtal and Mr. Freeman!

Sir Oliv.
Oh man! here has been the prettiest,
The luckiest discovery on all sides! We are
All good Friends again.

Sir Jos.
Hark you Brother Cockwood, I have got
Madam Rampant; Rake-hell and she are without.

Sir Oliv.
Oh Heavens! Dear Brother Jolly, send
Her away immediately, my Lady has such an aversion
To a naughty Woman, that she will swound if
She does but see her.

Sir Jos.
Faith, I was hard put to't, I wanted a
Lover, and rather then I would break my old
Wont, I dress'd up Rampant in a Suit I bought
Of Rake-hell; but since this good companie's here,
Enter Rake-hell.
I'll send her away. My little Rake-hell, come
Hither; you see here are two powerful Rivals;
Therefore for fear of kicking, or a worse disaster,
Take Rampant with you, and be going quickly.

Rake.
Your humble servant, Sir.

Ex. Rake-hell and Rampant.
Court.
You may hereafter spare your self this
Labor, Sir Joslin; Mr. Freeman and I have vow'd
Our selves humble Servants to these Ladies.

Free.
I hope we shall have your approbation, Sir.

Sir Jos.
Nay, if you have a mind to commit
Matrimony, I'll send for a Canonical Sir, shall
Dispatch you presently.

Free.
You cannot do better.

Court.
What think you of taking us in the humor?
Consideration may be your Foe, Ladies.

Aria.
Come, Gentlemen, I'll make you a fair
Proposition; since you have made a discovery
Of our inclinations, my Sister and I will be content
To admit you in the quality of Servants.

Gat.
And if after a Moneths experience of your
Good behavior, upon serious thoughts, you have
Courage enough to engage further, we will accept
Of the challenge, and believe you Men of Honor.

Sir Jos.
Well spoke i'faith, Girls; and is it
A match, Boys?

Court.
If the heart of man be not very deceitful,
'Tis very likely it may be so.


82

Free.
A Moneth is a tedious time, and will be a
Dangerous tryal of our resolutions; but I
Hope we shall not repent before Marriage,
Whate'er we do after.

Sir Jos.
How stand matters between you and
Your Lady, Brother Cockwood? Is there
Peace on all sides?

Sir Oliv.
Perfect concord, Man: I will tell
Thee all that has happen'd since I parted from
Thee, when we are alone, 'twill make thee laugh
Heartily. Never Man was so happy in a
Vertuous, and a loving Lady!

Sir Jos.
Though I have led Sir Oliver astray
This day or two, I hope you will not exclude me
The Act of Oblivion, Madam

La. Cock.
The night Relation I have to you,
And the Respect I know Sir Oliver has for you,
Makes me forget all that has pass'd, Sir; but pray
Be not the occasion of any new transgressions.

Sent.
I hope, Mr. Courtal, since my endeavors
To serve you, have ruin'd me in the opinion of
My Lady, you will intercede for a reconciliation.

Court.
Most willingly, Mistress Sentry—Faith, Madam,
Since things have fallen out so luckily, you must
Needs receive your Woman into favor agen.

La. Cock.
Her crime is unpardonable, Sir.

Sent.
Upon solemn Protestations, Madam that
The Gentlemens intentions were honorable;
And having reason to believe the young Ladies
Had no aversion to their inclinations, I was
Of opinion I shou'd have been ill natur'd, if I
Had not assisted 'em in the removing those
Difficulties that delay'd their happiness.

Sir Oliv.
Come, come, Girl, confess how many
Guinneys prevail'd upon your easie nature.

Sent.
Ten, an't please you, Sir.

Sir Oliv.
'Slife, a sum able to corrupt an honest
Man in office! Faith you must forgive her,
My Dear.

La. Cock
If it be your pleasure, Sir Oliver,
I cannot but be obedient.

Sent.
If Sir Oliver, Madam, shou'd ask me to

83

See this Gold, all may be discover'd yet.

La. Cock.
If he does, I will give thee ten
Guinneys out of my Cabinet.

Sent.
I shall take care to put him upon't;
'Tis fit, that I who have bore all the blame,
Shou'd have some reasonable reward for't.

Court.
I hope, Madam, you will not envy me
The happiness I am to enjoy with your
Fair Relation.

La. Cock.
Your ingenuity and goodness, Sir,
Have made a perfect attonement for you

Court.
Pray, Madam, what was your bus'ness
With Mr. Freeman?

La. Cock.
Onely to oblige him to endeavor a
Reconciliation between you and Sir Oliver;
For though I was resolv'd never to see your
Face agen, it was death to me to think
Your life was in danger.

Sent.
What a miraculous come off is this,
Madam!

La. Cock.
It has made me so truly sensible of
Those dangers to which an aspiring Lady
Must daily expose her Honor, that I am
Resolv'd to give over the great bus'ness of
This Town, and hereafter modestly
Confine my self to the humble Affairs
Of my own Family.

Court.
'Tis a very pious resolution, Madam,
And the better to confirm you in it, pray
Entertain an able Chaplain.

La. Cock.
Certainly Fortune was never before
So unkind to the Ambition of a Lady.

Sir Jos.
Come, Boys, Faith we will have a
Dance before we go to Bed—Sly-girl and
Mad-cap, give me your hands, that I may
Give 'em to these Gentlemen, a Parson shall
Joyn you ere long, and then you will have
Authority to dance to some purpose: Brother
Cockwood, take out your Lady, I am for Mistress Sentry.
We'll foot it, and side it, my pretty little Miss,
And when we are a weary, we'll lie down and kiss.
Play away, Boys.

They dance.

84

Court.
to Gatty.
Now shall I sleep as little
Without you, as I shou'd do with you:
Madam, expectation makes me almost
As restless as jealousie.

Free.
Faith, let us dispatch this bus'ness:
Yet I never cou'd find the pleasure of waiting
For a Dish of Meat, when a man was heartily
Hungry.

Gat.
Marrying in this heat wou'd look as ill
As fighting in your drink.

Aria.
And be no more a proof of Love,
Then t'other is of Valor.

Sir Jos.
Never trouble your heads further;
Since I perceive you are all agreed on the
Matter, let me alone to hasten the Ceremony:
Come, Gentlemen, lead 'em to their Chambers;
Brother Cockwood, do you shew the way
With your Lady.
Ha Mistress Sentry!
Sings.
I gave my Love a Green-gown
I'th'merry Moneth of May,
And down she fell as wantonly,
As a Tumbler does at Play.
Hey Boys, lead away Boys.

Sir Oliv.
Give me thy hand, my Vertuous, my Dear,
Henceforwards may our mutual loves increase,
And when we are a Bed, we'll sign the Peace.

[Exeunt omnes.
FINIS.