She wou'd if She cou'd A Comedy. Acted at His Highness the Duke of York's Theater. Written by George Etherege |
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| 1. | SCENE I. |
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 | She wou'd if She cou'd |  |
SCENE I.
A Dining-Room.Enter Lady Cockwood.
La. Cock.
A lady cannot be too jealous of her servants
Love, this faithless and inconstant Age:
His amorous carriage to that prating Girl to day,
Though he pretends it was to blind Sir Oliver,
I fear will prove a certain sign of his revolted
Heart; the Letters I have counterfeited in these Girls
Name will clear all; if he accept of that appointment,
And refuses mine, I need not any longer doubt.
Enter Sentry.
Sentry, have the Letters
And Message been deliver'd; as I directed?
Sent.
Punctually, Madam; I knew they were to be
Found at the latter end of a Play, I sent a Porter
First with the Letter to Mr. Courtal, who
Was at the Kings-house, he sent for him out
By the Door-keeper, and deliver'd it into
His own hands.
La. Cock.
Did you keep on your Vizard, that
The Fellow might not know how to describe you?
Sent.
I did, Madam.
La. Cock.
And how did he receive it?
Sent.
Like a Traytor to all goodness, with
All the signs of joy imaginable.
La. Cock.
Be not angry, Sentry, 'tis as my heart
Wisht it: What did you do with the Letter to
Mr. Freeman? For I thought fit to deceive 'em both,
To make my Policy less suspicious to Courtal.
Sent.
The Porter found him at the Dukes-house,
Madam, and deliver'd it with like care.
La. Cock.
Very well.
Sent.
After the Letters were deliver'd, Madam,
I went my self to the Play-house, and sent in
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I told him your Ladiship presented your humble
Service to him, and that Sir Oliver was going
Into the City with Sir Joslin, to visit his Brother
Cockwood, and that it wou'd add much more
To your Ladiships happiness, if he wou'd be pleas'd
To meet you in Grays-Inn Walks this lovely Evening.
La. Cock.
And how did he entertain the motion?
Sent.
Bless me! I tremble still to think upon it!
I cou'd not have imagin'd he had been so wicked;
He counterfeited the greatest passion, railed at
His Fate, and swore a thousand horrid Oaths,
That since he came into the Play-house, he had
Notice of a business that concerned both his
Honor and Fortune; and that he was an undone
Man, if he did not go about it presently;
Pray'd me to desire your Ladiship to excuse
Him this Evening, and that to morrow he wou'd
Be wholly at your devotion.
La. Cock.
Ha, ha, ha! he little thinks how
Much he has oblig'd me.
Sent.
I had much ado to forbear upbraiding
Him with his ingratitude to your Ladiship.
La. Cock.
Poor Sentry! be not concern'd for
Me, I have conquer'd my Affection, and thou
Shalt find it is not Jealousie has been my Counsellor
In this. Go, let our Hoods and Masks be ready,
That I may surprise Courtal, and make the
Best advantage of this lucky opportunity.
Sent.
I obey you, Madam.
[Exit Sentry.
La. Cock.
How am I fill'd with indignation?
To find my person and my passion both despis'd,
And what is more so much precious time
Fool'd away in fruitless expectation: I wou'd
Poyson my face, so I might be reveng'd on
This ingrateful Villain.
Enter Sir Oliver.
Sir Oliv.
My Dearest!
La. Cock.
My Dearest Dear! prithee do
Not go into the City to night.
Sir Oliv.
My Brother Jolly is gone before,
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Chamber in the Temple.
La. Cock.
Well, if you did but know the fear
I have upon me, when you are absent, you would
Not seek occasions to be from me thus.
Sir Oliv.
Let me comfort thee with a kiss;
What should'st thou be afraid of?
La. Cock.
I cannot but believe that every Woman
That sees thee must be in love with thee, as I am:
Do not blame my Jealousie.
Sir Oliv.
I protest I wou'd refuse a Countess
Rather then abuse thee, poor Heart.
La. Cock.
And then you are so desperate upon
The least occasion, I shou'd have acquainted
You else with something that concerns your Honor.
Sir Oliv.
My Honor! you ought in duty to do it.
La. Cock.
Nay, I knew how passionate you wou'd
Be presently; therefore you shall never know it.
Sir Oliv.
Do not leave me in doubt, I shall
Suspect every one I look upon; I will kill a
Common Council-Man or two before I come
Back, if you do not tell me.
La. Cock.
Dear, how I tremble! Will you
Promise me you will not quarrel then? if you tender
My life and happiness, I am sure you will not.
Sir Oliv.
I will bear any thing rather then be
An enemy to thy quiet, my Dear.
La. Cock.
I cou'd wish Mr. Courtal a man of better
Principles, because I know you love him, my Dear.
Sir Oliv.
Why, what has he done?
La. Cock.
I always treated him with great respects,
Out of my regard to your friendship; but he, like
An impudent man as he is, to day misconstruing
My Civility, in most unseemly language,
Made a foul attempt upon my Honor.
Sir Oliv.
Death, and Hell, and Furies, I will
Have my Pumps, and long Sword!
La. Cock.
Oh, I shall faint! did not you promise
Me you wou'd not be so rash?
Sir Oliv.
Well, I will not kill him, for fear of
Murdering thee, my Dear.
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You may decline your Friendiship, and
By your coldness give him no encouragement
To visit our Family.
Sir Oliv.
I think thy advice the best for this once
Indeed; for it is not fit to publish such a bus'ness:
But if he shou'd be ever tempting or attempting,
Let me know it, prithee my Dear.
La. Cock.
If you moderate your self according
To my directions now, I shall never conceal
Any thing from you, that may increase your
Just opinion of my conjugal fidelity.
Sir Oliv.
Was ever man bless'd with such
A vertuous Lady! Yet cannot I forbear going a
[Aside.
Ranging agen. Now must I to the Spring Garden
To meet my Brother Jolly, and Madam Rampant.
La. Cock.
Prithee, be so good to think how
Melancholly I spend my time here; for I have
Joy in no company but thine, and let that
Bring thee home a little sooner.
Sir Oliv.
Thou hast been so kind in this discovery,
That I am loth to leave thee.
La. Cock.
I wish you had not been engag'd so far.
Sir Oliv.
Ay, that's it: Farewel, my vertuous Dear.
[Exit Sir Oliver.
La. Cock.
Farewel, my Dearest Dear. I know
He has not courage enough to question Courtal;
But this will make him hate him, encrease his
Confidence of me, and justifie my banishing that
False fellow our house; it is not fit a man that
Has abus'd my Love, shou'd come hither, and pry
Into my actions; besides, this will make his
Access more difficult to that wanton Baggage.
Enter Ariana and Gatty with their Hoods and Masks.
Whither are you going, Cosins?
Gat.
To take the Air upon the Water, Madam.
Aria.
And for variety, to walk a turn or two
In the new Spring-Garden.
La. Cock.
I heard you were gone abroad
With Mr. Courtal, and Mr. Freeman.
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For Heaven's sake, why shou'd your Ladiship
Have such an ill opinion of us?
La. Cock.
The truth is, before I saw you, I believ'd
It meerly the vanity of that prating man; Mr.
Courtal told Mistress Gazet this morning, that you
Were so well acquainted already, that you
Wou'd meet him and Mr. Freeman any where,
And that you had promis'd 'em to receive.
And make appointment by Letters.
Gat.
Oh impudent man!
Aria.
Now you see the consequence, Sister,
Of our rambling; they have rais'd this false story
From our innocent fooling with 'em in the
Mulberry-Garden last night.
Gat.
I cou'd almost forswear ever speaking
To a Man agen.
La. Cock.
Was Mr. Courtal in the Mulberry-
Garden last night?
Aria.
Yes, Madam.
La. Cock.
And did he speak to you?
Gat.
There pass'd a little harmless Raillery
Betwixt us; but you amaze me, Madam.
Aria.
I cou'd not imagine any man could
Be thus unworthy.
La. Cock.
He has quite lost my good opinion
Too: In duty to Sir Oliver, I have hitherto show'd
Him some countenance; but I shall hate him
Hereafter for your sakes. But I detain you from
Your Recreations, Cosins.
Gat.
We are very much oblig'd to your
Ladiship for this timely notice.
Aria. Gat.
Your Servant, Madam.
[Ex. Ariana and Gatty.
La. Cock.
Your servant, Cosins—in the
Mulberry-Garden last night! when I sat languishing,
And vainly expecting him at home: This has
Incens'd me so, that I could kill him. I am glad
These Girls are gone to the Spring-Garden, it
Helps my design; the Letters I have counterfeited,
Have appointed Courtal and Freeman to meet
Them there, they will produce 'em, and confirm
All I have said: I will daily poyson these Girls
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Courtal irreconcileable, and render Freeman
Onely suspected; for I wou'd not have him
Thought equally guilty: He secretly began
To make an address to me at the Bear, and
This breach shall give him an opportunity
To pursue it.
Enter Sentry.
Sent.
Here are your things, Madam.
La. Cock.
That's well: Oh Sentry! I shall once
More be happy; for now Mr. Courtal has given
Me an occasion, that I may without ingratitude
Check his unlawful passion, and free my self
From the trouble of an Intrigue, that gives me
Everyday such fearful apprehensions of my honor.
[Exit Lady Cockwood and Sentry.
| She wou'd if She cou'd | |