University of Virginia Library

ACT IV.

SCENE I.

Enter MERCURY running, at the further End of the stage.
Stand by, make room, all clear the way before me,
Nor any be so bold to stop my speed.
[To the Spectators.]
Why may not I, who am a deity,
Have the same licence as a slave in comedies,
With threats to bid the people clear the way?
He comes to tell th'arrival of a ship,
Or the approach of an enrag'd old man:
I am Jove's messenger, and hither now
Have hied me at his bidding: therefore is it
More fitting, they should clear the way for me.
My father calls, I follow him, and pay
Attention to his orders: I'm to him,
Such as a good son should be to his father.
I second his amours, encourage him,
Assist him, counsel him, rejoice with him:
If any thing's a pleasure to my father,
The pleasure is to me the greater far.
He loves, and he is wise; and he does right,
When he persues the bent of his desire;
Which all men should, in a legitimate way.—
Now would he have Amphitryon play'd upon:—
I'll do it rarely,—here before your eyes,
E'en now.—I'll place a chaplet on my head,
And sham the drunkard, get me up above,
And drive him hence, this husband, with a vengeance.
As soon as he approaches, from above
I'll give him such a sluicing, ye shall say,
He's sober, yet in liquor. Sosia then
Will suffer for't, accus'd of having done
What I shall do.—But what is that to me?
It is my duty to obey my father,
And be subservient to his will and pleasure.—
But lo! Amphitryon comes.—Now, if you'll lend
Attention, ye shall see him bravely fool'd.—
I'll in, and strait equip me for my part,
Then to the house-top, and thence drive him off.

[Mercury goes in.

SCENE II.

Enter AMPHITRYON.
This Naucrates, whom I did wish to meet,
Was not on board; nor found I any one,
At home, or in the city, that had seen him.
I've crawl'd through ev'ry street, been at the ridinghouse,
At the perfumers, the exchange, the market,
The wrestling ring, the forum, at the barbers,
Th'apothecaries shops, at all the temples.—
I'm tir'd with searching;—no where can I find him.—
I'll now go home, and of my wife proceed
To make enquiry,—who 'twas, for whose sake
She gave her body up to prostitution;
For it were better I were dead than leave
This search unfinish'd.
(Going to the door, finds it shut.)
They have bar'd the door!
'Tis very fine!—just like their other doings!—
But I'll make bold to knock, and soundly too. (knocks)

Open the door—Hola there—Who's within?
Open the door, I say—Will no one open?

SCENE III.

MERCURY appears above, with a Chaplet on his Head, pretending to be drunk.
Merc.
Who's at the door?

Amph.
'Tis I.

Merc.
I? who is I?

Amph.
'Tis I, I tell you.

Merc.
Jove and all the Gods
Owe you a spite, you bang so at the door.

Amph.
How?

Merc.
How?—that you may live a wretch for ever.

Amph.
Sosia.

Merc.
Ay, I am Sosia:—you don't think
That I've forgot my name?—What is't you want?

Amph.
Ask what I want, you villain?

Merc.
Yes, you fool!
You've almost tore our door here off it's hinges:
Think you we're furnish'd at the publick charge
With doors?—You numscull! why d'ye stare so at me?
What would you have?—Who are you?

Amph.
You whipt knave,
D'ye ask me who I am?—You hell of elm-rods!
I'll make you burn with smart beneath the scourge
For these affronts.

Merc.
Why sure you must have been
A spendthrift in your youth.

Amph.
For why?

Merc.
Because
In your old age you beg a choke-pear of me.

Amph.
Slave! I will have you tortur'd for this language.

Merc.
I sacrifice to you.

Amph.
How?—what d'ye mean?

Merc.
I offer a libation of ill luck.

(Throwing water.)
[What follows is supplied by another hand, the original being lost.]
Amph.
Is this your off'ring, rascal?—If the Gods
Preserve me what I am, your back shall bend
With many a leathern thong, laid heavy on it;
Victim of Saturn!—Yes—I'll sacrifice you—
With torture on the gallows.—Come you out,
You hang-dog.—

Merc.
Apparition!—What, you think
To fright me with your threats?—But if you don't
Take to your heels, if you dare knock, or touch
Our door here even with your little finger,
I'll beat about your pate so with this tile,
You'll sputter tongue and teeth out all together.

Amph.
You rascal! wo'n't you suffer me to come
Into my own house? knock at my own door?—
I'll pluck it off the hinges.

(Beating vehemently.)
Merc.
You persist?

Amph.
I do.

Merc.
Take this then.

(Throwing a tile.)
Amph.
Villain! at your master?
If I but catch you, to such misery
I will reduce you, you shall live a wretch
For evermore.

Merc.
You've play'd the Bacchanalian,
Old grey-beard.

Amph.
Why?

Merc.
To think I am your slave!

Amph.
Not think it?

Merc.
Plague confound you! for I own
No master but Amphitryon.

Amph.
Have I lost
My form?—'Tis strange that Sosia should not know me!
I'll make a further tryal.—Hola! tell me,
Whom do I seem? is't plain I am Amphitryon?

Merc.
Amphitryon?—Are you mad?—I told you, dotard,
That you had play'd the Bacchanalian,
To ask another, who you are!—But go,
Go, I advise you, and make no disturbance:—
Amphitryon is return'd, and is at rest
A-bed now with his wife.

Amph.
What wife?

Merc.
Alcmena.

Amph.
Who is?

Merc.
How often would you have me tell you?
Amphitryon my master.—Don't be troublesome.

Amph.
Who is he with?

Merc.
Beware you do not seek
Your own mischance in trifling with me thus.

Amph.
Nay prithee tell me, my good Sosia, do.

Merc.
Now you bespeak me fairly!—with Alcmena.

Amph.
In the same chamber?

Merc.
The same chamber,—yes,
And the same bed too.

Amph.
O I am most wretched!

Merc.
(Aside.)
What he counts loss, is gain.—To lend one's wife,
Is to let out a barren land for ploughing.

Amph.
Sosia!

Merc.
Well—what a plague now would you have
With Sosia,—Sosia?

Amph.
Don't you know me, sirrah?

Merc.
I know you for a wrangling saucy fellow.

Amph.
Yet once more,—tell me,—am I not Amphitryon,
Your master?

Merc.
You are Bacchus,—not Amphitryon.
How often would you have me tell it you?—
Must I repeat it?—Our Amphitryon's here,
And hugging his sweet spouse.—If you persist,
I'll bring him hither,—to your cost I warrant you.

Amph.
I would that you would call him here.—Pray heav'n,
(Aside.)
I may not lose for my good services
My country, house, wife, family, and Myself!

Merc.
I'll call him!—But mean while get from the door.—
The sacrifice is ended, I suppose,
And now to dinner.—Prithee don't disturb us,—
Or I will make a sacrifice of you.

[Mercury withdraws.
Amph.
Ye Gods! what madness has possess'd our house!
What wonders have I seen since my arrival!—
Now do I hold those fabulous tales for true,
Which I have heard of old, that Attic men
Were in Arcadia turn'd to savage beasts,
So that their friends could never know them after.

SCENE IV.

Enter BLEPHARO and SOSIA at a Distance.
Bleph.
How, Sosia!—'Tis most strange what you relate.
You found at home another Sosia, say you,
Resembling you?

Sos.
I did, I say.—But hearkye,
Since I myself have spawn'd another Sosia,
Amphitryon an Amphitryon, how d'ye know,
But you too peradventure may engender
Another Blepharo? Would to heav'n, that you
Were thump'd and bruis'd, your teeth knock'd out, and kept
Without a dinner; then you might believe me:
For I, that other Sosia, who am yonder,
Maul'd me most grievously.

Bleph.
'Tis wondrous strange!
But we must mend our pace; for, as I see,
Amphitryon's waiting, and my empty guts
Begin to grumble.

Amph.
(To himself.)
Wherefore should I talk
Of foreign legends, when they tales recount
More wondrous of the Founder of our Thebes?
This mighty searcher of Europa lost,
Having subdued the Mars-engender'd beast,
Rais'd on the spot a troop of armed men
By sowing of the serpent's teeth:—these parted,
And 'twixt the two bands a dread fight ensued;
With spear and helmet brother press'd on brother.
Nor is this all. Epirus has beheld
The author of our race together with
His spouse Hermione, fair Venus' daughter,
Creep in the form of serpents. Jove supreme
Did thus ordain from high, thus will'd the Fates.
All, all the noblest chieftains of our house
Have for their bright atchievements been persued
With dire afflictions; and the same sad fate
Now presses me:—yet could I stand it's force,
And suffer miseries scarce to be endur'd,
Were but Alcmena honest.

Sos.
Blepharo!

Bleph.
What?

Sos.
I fear there's some mischance or other.

Bleph.
Why?

Sos.
Look you,—our door is shut, and there's my master
Sauntering before it, like an humble courtier
Waiting to bid good-morrow.

Bleph.
Poh! that's nothing:—
He's walking only for an appetite.

Sos.
A curious thought indeed!—to shut the door,
Lest it should come too early.

Bleph.
Cease your yelping,
You puppy you.

Sos.
I neither yelp nor bark.
If you'll be rul'd by me, pray let's observe him:
Something he's musing on, I know not what:
He's reckoning some account methinks: I here
Can over-hear him.—Don't be in an hurry.

Amph.
O how I fear me, lest the Gods should rase
The glory I have gain'd in vanquishing
Our foes the Teleboans! All our family
I find in strange confusion and disorder:
My wife too!—O she kills me, she's so full
Of stain, of prostitution, and dishonour.—
But I do marvel much about the cup;
For yet the seal was whole.—What shall I say?
She told me the particulars of the fight,
And how king Pterelas I bravely slew
With my own hand.—Oh, now I know the trick!
'Tis Sosia's doing, who has had the impudence
To get before me here.

Sos.
He talks of me,
And little to my liking.—I beseech you,
Don't let us face him, till he has discover'd
What 'tis broils in his stomach.

Bleph.
As you will.

Amph.
If I but lay hold on him,—a whipt slave!
I'll teach him what it is with tricks and threats
To put upon a master.

Sos.
Do you hear him?

Bleph.
Yes, very plain.

Sos.
The burthen on't will light
Upon my shoulders.—Prithee let's accost him.—
Do you not know the saying?—

Bleph.
Troth I know not
What you'll be saying, but I shrewdly guess
What you'll be suffering.—

Sos.
An old proverb—“Hunger
“And a slack guest breeds anger.”

Bleph.
By my faith
A true one. Let's accost him then directly.—
Amphitryon!

Amph.
Sure 'tis Blepharo's voice I hear.
I wonder wherefore he should come to me!
He comes though opportunely to assist
In proving my wife's baseness.—Blepharo!
What brings you hither?

Bleph.
How! have you forgot
So soon your sending Sosia to the ship
This morning, to invite me here to dinner?

Amph.
I never did. But where's the villain?

Bleph.
Who?

Amph.
Sosia.

Bleph.
Behold him.

Amph.
Where?

Bleph.
Before your eyes.
There—don't you see?

Amph.
I can scarce see for anger.
The rascal has distracted me.— (to Sosia.)
Don't think
Thou shalt escape—I'll sacrifice thee,—villain!
(Offering to strike Sosia, Blepharo holds him.)
Suffer me, Blepharo.

Bleph.
Hear me, I beseech you.

Amph.
What is it? Speak, I hear you.—There—take that.

(To Sosia, striking him.)
Sos.
And wherefore do you strike me? Am I not
Come time enough? I could not have gone quicker,
If I had borne me on the wings of Dædalus.

(Amphitryon offers to strike Sosia again.)
Bleph.
Hold, I beseech you. 'Twas not in our power
To come a quicker pace, believe me.

Amph.
Whether
He strode on stilts, or crept with tortoise speed,
I am resolv'd to be his death,—a villain!
(Striking him at every sentence.)
This for the tiles!—this for the house-top!—this
For barring of the door!—this for your making
Sport of your master!—this for your foul language!

Bleph.
What harm pray has he done you?

Amph.
Done, d'ye ask?
He shut the door against me, from the house-top
Pelted and drove me off with tiles.

Sos.
What, I?

Amph.
What did you threaten you would do, if I
But touch'd the door?—Can you deny it, villain?

Sos.
Why not? Here's ample witness, he I'm come with,
Whom I was sent with speed t'invite to dinner.

Amph.
Who sent you, rascal?

Sos.
He that asks the question.

Amph.
Ha! when?

Sos.
Just now,—lately,—a moment since,—
When you was reconcil'd here with your lady.

Amph.
Bacchus has turn'd your head.

Sos.
May I not see
Bacchus to-day, nor Ceres!—You gave orders
The vessels should be clean'd, that you might make
A sacrifice, and sent me to invite
Him here to dinner.

Amph.
Blepharo, let me dye,
If I have been within yet, or e'er sent him.—
Where did you leave me? Speak.

Sos.
At your own house,
And with my lady,—when I parted from you,
Flew to the port, and in your name invited
Blepharo here to dinner.—We are come,—
I never saw you after till this instant.

Amph.
How! villain, with my wife?—You shall not hence
Without a drubbing.

(Strikes him.)
Sos.
Blepharo!

Bleph.
(interfering)
Good Amphitryon,
Let him alone now for my sake, and hear me.

Amph.
Well—speak your pleasure.

Bleph.
He has lately told me
Of things most strange.—Some juggler peradventure
Or sorcerer has enchanted all your family.
Enquire into it, see what it can be,
And do not torture this poor wretch, untill
You've learn'd the truth.

Amph.
You counsel me aright:
Let's in: I'd have you for an advocate
Against my wife.

[They move towards the door.

SCENE V.

Enter JUPITER.
Jup.
Who is it with such vast
And vehement bangs hath almost shook our door
From off it's hinges? Who is it hath rais'd
Such foul disturbance for so long a time
Before the house? Whom if I once can find,
By Jove I'll sacrifice him to the souls
Of slaughter'd Teleboans.—Nothing now
Speeds, as they say, right with me. I left Blepharo
And Sosia to go seek my kinsman Naucrates:
Them I have lost, and him I have not found.

Sos.
Blepharo! That's my master, just come out;
But This here is the sorcerer.

Bleph.
O Jupiter!
What do I see? This is not, but That is
Amphitryon; or if This be he, That cannot;
Except indeed he's double.

Jup.
See—here's Sosia
And Blepharo with him: I'll accost them first.
So, are you come at last?—I dye with hunger.

Sos.
Did not I say, this other was the sorcerer?

(Pointing to Amphitryon.)
Amph.
That is the sorcerer, my fellow Thebans,
Who has seduc'd my wife, and stor'd my house
With shame and prostitution.

Sos.
(To Jup.)
My good master,
You may be hungry, for my part I've had
My belly-full of cuffs.

Amph.
Still prating, rascal?

Sos.
Hie thee to Acheron, thou damned sorcerer!

Amph.
Ha!—dost thou call me sorcerer?—Then have at thee.

(Strikes him.)
Jup.
Stranger! what wild distemperature is this,
That you should strike my servant?

Amph.
Thine?

Jup.
Yes, mine.

Amph.
Thou liest.

Jup.
Sosia, go in, and see the dinner
Got ready, whilst I sacrifice this fellow.

Sos.
I'll go.—Amphitryon will, as I suppose,
Receive Amphitryon with like courtesy
As I, the other Sosia, did receive
Me Sosia.—In the mean time, while they're squabbling,
I'll to the kitchen, there lick all the platters,
And empty all the cups.
[Exit Sosia.

SCENE VI.

Remain JUPITER, AMPHITRYON, and BLEPHARO.
Jup.
Say'st thou, I lie?

Amph.
Thou liest, I say,—corrupter of my family!

Jup.
Now for these scurvy terms I'll throttle thee.

(Takes him by the collar.)
Amph.
Oh, Oh!

Jup.
You should have look'd to this before.

Amph.
Help, Blepharo!

Bleph.
They are both so like each other,
I know not which to side with; but I'll try
To finish their contention, if I can.—
Amphitryon, do not kill Amphitryon: pray
Let go his collar.

Jup.
Call'st thou Him Amphitryon?

Bleph.
Why not? He was but one, but now he's double.
What though you say you are, the other too
Is still Amphitryon in his form. Then pray
Let go his collar.

Jup.
Well;—but tell me truly,
Does he appear to you to be Amphitryon?

Bleph.
Both verily.

Amph.
O highest Jupiter!
When did you take away this form of mine?—
But I'll examine him.—Art thou Amphitryon?

Jup.
Dost thou deny it?

Amph.
Surely, since there is
No other of that name in Thebes but I.

Jup.
No, none but I:—then, Blepharo, be thou judge
Betwixt us.

Bleph.
I will make this matter clear
By tokens, if I can. (to Amph.)
You answer first.

Amph.
Most willingly.

Bleph.
What orders did you give me,
Ere you began the battle with the Taphians?

Amph.
To hold the ship in readiness, and stick
Close to the rudder.

Jup.
That in case our troops
Were routed, I might find a safe retreat.

Amph.
And for another reason:—to secure
The bag, well loaded with a store of treasure.

Jup.
What money was there?

Bleph.
Hold, you:—'tis for me
To put the question. (To Jupiter)
Do you know the sum?

Jup.
Yes, fifty Attic talents.

Bleph.
To a jot.
And you— (to Amph.)
how many Philippeans were there?

Amph.
Two thousand.—

Jup.
And of Oboli twice as many.

Bleph.
Both hit the mark so truly, one of them
Must needs have hid him in the bag.

Jup.
Attend.
With this right arm, (as you are not to learn,)
I slew king Pterelas; seiz'd on the spoils,
And in a casket brought the golden cup,
Which he was wont to drink from: This I gave
A present to my wife, with whom to-day
I bath'd, I sacrific'd, I lay.

Amph.
Ah me!
What do I hear?—I scarcely am myself!
Awake I sleep; awake I dream; alive,
In health, and in my perfect mind, I perish.
I am Amphitryon, nephew of Gorgophone,
Commander of the Thebans, favourite
Of Creon, conqueror of the Teleboans,
Who vanquish'd with his might the Acarnanians,
And Taphians, by his warlike prowess slew
Their monarch, and appointed Cephalus
Their governor, son of Dëioneus.

Jup.
I by my bravery in the battle crush'd
Those hostile ravagers, that had destroy'd
Electryon, and the brothers of our wife.
These wand'ring through th'Ionian, the Ægean,
And Cretan seas, with pow'r piratical
Laid waste Achaia, Phocis, and Ætolia.

Amph.
O ye immortal Gods! I scarce can have
Faith in myself, so just is his relation.—
What say you, Blepharo?

Bleph.
One thing yet remains:
If that appear, be double,—both Amphitryons

Jup.
I know what you would say; that scar you mean
Upon my right arm from the wound by Pterelas
Deeply intrench'd.

Bleph.
The same.

Amph.
Well thought on.

Jup.
See you?
Lo! look!

Bleph.
Uncover, and I'll look.

Jup.
We have
Uncover'd: look!

(They both shew their arms.)
Bleph.
O Jupiter supreme!
What do I see?—On both of you most plainly,
Upon the right arm, in the self-same place,
The self-same token does appear,—a scar,
New closing, of a reddish wannish hue!
All reasoning fails, and judgment is struck dumb.
I know not what to do.
[Here ends the supposititious part.]
Between yourselves
You must decide it: I must hence away;
I've business calls me.—Never did I see
Such wonders!

Amph.
I beseech you, Blepharo, stay,
And be my advocate; pray do not go.

Bleph.
Farewell.—An advocate how can I be,
Who know not which to side with?

Jup.
I'll go in:
Alcmena is in labour.

[Blepharo goes off, and Jupiter goes into Amphitryon's house.

SCENE VI.

AMPHITRYON
alone.
Woe is me!
What shall I do, abandon'd by my friends,
And now without an advocate to help me?—
Yet shall he ne'er abuse me unreveng'd,
Whoe'er he is.—I'll strait unto the king,
And lay the whole before him.—I'll have vengeance
On this damn'd sorcerer, who has strangely turn'd
The minds of all our family.—But where is he?—
I doubt not, but he's gone in to my wife.—
Lives there in Thebes a greater wretch than I?—
What shall I do now, since all men deny me,
And fool me at their pleasure?—'Tis resolv'd:
I'll burst into the house, and whomsoe'er
I set my eyes on, servant male or female,
Wife or gallant, father or grandfather,
I'll cut them into pieces:—Nor shall Jove,
Nor all the Gods prevent it, if they would,
But I will do what I've resolv'd.—I'll in now.

[As he advances towards the door, it thunders, and he falls down.
Thunder and Lightning.