University of Virginia Library

SCENE, the Watch-House.
Constable asleep, Watch asleep, all asleep .
Enter Spunge.
1st Watchman.

An please your Honour's Worship, Mr. Constable,
I have reprehended an suspicious Fellow,
and made bold, as it is my Duty, an it please
you, to bring him before your Worship.

Constable.

Where did you reprehend him?

2d Watchman.

Just by, he stood hiding himself as I and my
Partner came by, and thought, as how it might
be proper to take care of him: Whereby, least
he should rob any Body, we took this Bundle
from him.

Constable.

Oh, oh; ay, ay, he's a Thief sure enough, and
I know a Thief as well as the Beggar knows his
Dish, as the Song says. Come, Sirrah, who
are you?

Spunge.

A Gentleman.

Constable.

Yes, yes, you shall be hang'd like a Gentleman .
What's your Name?

Spunge.

Spunge.

Constable.

Spunge! Oh, Mr. Spunge, you shall be squeez'd
dry enough before we have done with you.

(A great Laugh.
1st Watchman.
Ay, Master Constable's a parlous Man at a Joke.
And how came you by that Bundle, Sirrah?
Did not you steal it?

Spunge.
No, Sir?

Constable.

No, Sir; no, Sir. But I say Yes, Sir, you
did, Sir, and you'll be hang'd, Sir. Here's a

Rogue for you, first robs, and then denies it;
telling me, his Majesty's Representative, a Lye
to my Face. But now you shall hear how I'll
prove him a Rogue: First and foremost, as I said
before, he must be a Rogue, because he denies
it, for that's always the Trick of a Rogue: Next,
he must be a Rogue, because, at this Time, all
honest People shou'd be in Bed: And lastly, he
must be a Rogue, because—because—
Who did you belong to, Sirrah? What Complices
have you?

Spunge.

I belong to 'Squire Fanfly.

1st Watchman.

O! he's gone to Bedlam; they carried him
away To-night.

Spunge.
If he is mad, then I'm indeed undone.
Farewel the noble Treats, the nimble Race,
The eager Cockings, and all studious Whist;
No more shall I, the well-wax'd Cork unscrew:
Who'll now the noisy Dun's tumultuous Voice,
With Pill-Peruvian stop?

Constable.

Carry him into the next Room, while we consult
about him. Now, Neighbours, as you were

saying, the 'Squire was mad, I am a saying, this
Man is mad also. D'ye hear how he talks about
a Cock and a Bull? So ye that took him shall
carry him to Bedlam, and I'll take Care of the
Bundle, and deliver it to the right Owner, when
I can find one, and so let Justice take Place,
and good Morrow all.—Break up the
Watch.