University of Virginia Library

ACT IV.

SCENE I.

A Street.
Enter Antonio.
Thus by great favour of propitious stars,
From fearful storms, shipwrecks, and raging billows,
Merciless jaws of death! am I return'd
To th'safe and quiet bosom of my country.
The memory of these misfortunes pass'd,
Seasons the welcome, and augments the pleasure
I shall receive of my son Lelio,
And daughter Flavia. So doth alloy
Make gold, that else were useless, serviceable;
So the rugged forehead of a threat'ning mountain
Threatens the smoothness of a smiling valley.

Enter Armellina.
(Speaking to a servant.
Arm.
Do you get ready what I have told you,
And I will bring the other matters back with me.
(turns and sees Antonio.
What do I see! is not this Trincalo,
Transform'd t'Antonio? 'tis! and so perfectly,
That did the right Antonio now confront him,
I'd swear they both were true, or both were false.

Ant.
Armellina! well met; how fares the girl?
And how fares my son and daughter Flavia?

Arm.
How fares the girl, and how my son and daughter?
Mary! come up—we are much improv'd—
Manners, they say, are often chang'd with cloaths.

(aside.
Ant.
Why don't you speak, my girl?

Arm.
Ha! ha! ha! what impudence!

(aside.
Ant.
She's overjoy'd to see me!
And how fares it with my old friend Pandolfo?

Arm.
His old friend Pandolfo! ha! ha! ha!
I can scarce refrain from beating him—bless me!
Your means are much encreas'd sure, that you dare
To stile so familiarly your master's friend.

Ant.
What say'st thou?

Arm.
Don't thou me, poor ignorant clown!

Ant.
What do'st thou say? surely my ears deceiv'd me.

Arm.
O! I must counterfeit too—I will do't.
I am rejoic'd your worship's safe return'd
From your late drowning: th'Exchange hath giv'n you lost,
(stifling a laugh.
And all your friends wore mourning three months past;
I'm sure, for my part, I 'most broke my heart.

Ant.
Thou art a kind good girl.

Arm.
Did you ever hear the like?

Ant.
The danger of the shipwreck I escap'd,
So desperate was, that I may truly say,
I am new born, not sav'd.

Arm.
Ha! ha! ha! thro' what a grace,
And goodly countenance the rascal speaks!
What a grave portance! could Antonio
Himself out-do him? O you notorious villain!
Who would have thought thou could'st have thus dissembled?

Ant.
How now! a servant thus familiar? begone,
Use your companions so: more reverence
Becomes you better.

Arm.
As tho' I understood not
The end of all this plot, and goodly business.
Come, I know all. See! this untill'd clod of earth
Conceits his mind transform'd as well as body.
He wrings and bites his lips for fear of laughing. Ha! ha! ha!

Ant.
Why laugh you, woman?

Arm.
To see thee chang'd, thou no man,
So strangely, that I cannot spy an inch
Of thy old clownish carcase: Ha! ha!

Ant.
Laughter proceeds
From absurd actions and weak minds.

Arm.
Ha! ha! ha!
Sententious blockhead! what shall I do with him?

Ant.
And y'are ill advis'd
To jest instead of pity. Alas! my miseries,
Dangers of death, slavery of cruel moors,
And tedious journeys, might have easily alter'd
A stronger body, much more this decay'd vessel,
Out-worn with age, and broken by misfortues.

Arm.
Leave your set speeches. Go to Antonio's house,
Effect your business, for I know it all;
Cricca has told me—and upon my credit,
Thou'rt so well turn'd, they dare not but accept thee.

Ant.
Where should I hope for welcome, if not there,
From my own house, children, and family.

Arm.
His children, and his family! the booby!
[aside.
Is't possible this coxcomb should conceive
His mind transform'd? how gravely he continues
The countenance he began? ha! ha! ha! why blockhead,
Think'st thou to deceive me too?—why, Trincalo?

Ant.
I understand you not—hands off.

Arm.
Art thou not Trincalo,
Pandolfo's man?

Ant.
I not so much as know him.

Arm.
Dar'st thou deny it to me?

Ant.
I dare and must,
To all the world, long as Antonio lives.

Arm.
You arrant ass! have I not known thee, bumkin,
Serve thy master in his farm for several years?
Hast thou not dar'd to make thy silly love
To me? and have I not scorn'd thee, Trincalo?
Taken thy presents? True—but with the basket,
Have thrown away the giver.

(going.
Ant.
Stay, Armillina.
By all the oaths that bind men's consciences
To truth, I am Antonio, and no other.

Arm.
I will not hear thee, lying knave—and never,
O never, dare to come near me—if thou dost,
Tho' you so lately have escap'd from drowning,
I shall souse your gentility again.

Enter Cricca.
Arm.
Cricca, there is the transform'd Trincalo—
And is so chang'd he does not know himself.
I'll return home to bar his entrance there.

(Exit.
Cric.
(looking round him)
I scarce can credit my own eyes—strange art!
Wonderful art of great Albumazar!
Two sheep are not more like than he and Antonio.
How happy am I to escape his clutches!

Ant.
Cricca, good day, I joy to see thee!

Cric.
'Tis the devil from top to bottom—yes—
'Tis the devil! but he has hid his hoofs.
(aside.
Your servant, Sir Trinc—Antonio I mean.

Ant.
What is the meaning of all this?—all joining
To abuse, and to distress me? Sirrah! Cricca!
Where is your master, my old friend, Pandolfo?
He would not use me thus.—

Cric.
His impudence out-goes his transformation:
You rascal, Trincalo!—if you once more
Dare to attempt deceiving me—take notice,
Tho' the devil is your friend—I'll get a flail
And thrash out Trincalo from Antonio.
Don't trot from me in your Barbary trappings;
I am in the secret:—and will you still
Persist t'impose on me?—ay, you may grin—
And grind your teeth—another look I'll drive 'em
Down your throat—you poor insolent bull-calf.

Enter Pandolfo.
Pan.
What means this noise? O Cricca! what's the matter?

Cric.
Sir, here's your farmer Trincalo, transform'd
So just as he was melted, and new cast
In the mould of old Antonio.

Pan.
Th'right eye's no liker to the left, than he
To my good neighbour. Divine Albumazar!
How I admire thy skill! Just so he look'd,
And thus he walk'd: this is his face, his hair,
His eyes, and countenance. If his voice be like,
Then is th'astrologer a wonder worker.

Ant.
Signior Pandolfo, I thank the heavens as much
To find you well, as for my own return.
How does your daughter, and my love, Sulpitia?

Pan.
Well, well, Sir.

Cric.
This is a good begining:
How naturally the rogue dissembles it!
With what a gentle garb, and civil grace,
He speaks and looks! How cunningly Albumazar
Hath for our purpose suited him in Barbary clothes! I'll try him further: Sir,
We hear'd you were drown'd? pray you, how 'scap'd you shipwreck?

Ant.
No sooner was I ship'd for Barbary,
But fair wind follow'd, and fair weather led us:
When enter'd in the streights of Gibraltar,
The heavens, and seas, and earth conspir'd against us;
The tempest tore our helm, and rent our tackles,
Broke the main-mast, while all the sea about us
Stood up in watry mountains to overwhelm us:
And struck's against a rock, splitting the vessel
T'a thousand splinters. I, with two mariners,
Swam to the coast, where, by the barb'rous Moors,
We were surpris'd, fetter'd and sold for slaves.

Cric.
This tale th'astrologer pen'd, and he hath conn'd it.

Ant.
But by a gentleman of Italy,
Whom I had known before—

Pan.
No more; this taste
Proves thou canst play the rest. For this fair story,
My hand, I make thy ten pounds twenty marks,
Thou look'st and speak'st so like Antonio.

Ant.
Whom should I look aad speak like, but myself?

Cric.
Good, still!

Pan.
But now, my honest Trincalo,
Tell me where's all the plate, the gold, and jewels,
That the astrologer, when he had transform'd thee,
Committed to thy charge? are they safe lock'd?

Ant.
I understand you not.

Pan.
The jewels, man;
The plate and gold th'astrologer, that chang'd thee,
Bade you lay up.

Ant.
What plate? what gold?
What jewels? what transformation? what astrologer?

Circ.
Leave off Antonio now, and speak like Trincalo.

Ant.
Leave off your jesting. It neither suits your place
Nor age, Pandolfo, to scoff your antient friend.
I know not what you mean by gold and jewels,
Nor by the astrologer, nor Trincalo.

Cric.
Better and better still. Believe me, Sir,
He thinks himself Antonio, and ever shall be,
And so possess your plate.—Art thou not Trincalo,
My master's farmer?

Ant.
I am Antonio,
Your master's friend. If he teach you no more manners—

Pan.
Three thousand pounds must not be lost so slightly.
Come, Sir, we'll draw you to the astrologer,
And turn you to your ragged bark of yeomanry.

Ant.
To me these terms?

Pan.
Come, I'll not lose my plate.

Cric.
Stay, Sir, and take my counsel. Let him still
Firmly conceit himself the man he seems:
Thus he, himself deceiv'd. will far more earnestly
Effect your business, and deceive the rest.
There's a main difference, 'twixt a self-bred action
And a forc'd carriage. Suffer him then to enter
Antonio's house, and wait th'event: for him,
He can't escape: what you intend to do,
Do't when he'as serv'd your turn. I see the maid;
Let's hence, lest they suspect our consultations.

Pan.
Thy counsel's good: away.

Cric.
Look, Trincalo,
Yonder's your beauteous mistress, Armellina,
And daughter Flavia. Courage, I warrant thee.

[Exit Pan. and Cric.
Ant.
Blest be the heav'ns that rid me of this trouble;
For with their farmer and astrologer,
Plate and gold, they've almost madded me
Now to my house, where I shall find comfort.

[Exit.
SCENE before Antonio's House.
Armellina and Flavia at the Window.
Arm.
Mistress! Flavia! pray come here,
I beseech you quick, quick good madam.

Flav.
(at the Window.)
What is the matter wench?

Arm.
Look here, there's Trincalo, Pandolfo's farmer,
My foolish sweetheart, wrapt in your father's shape;
Let us abuse him.

Flav.
I can't, I am tongue ty'd; this strange appearance,
Tho' I know his art, brings to my mem'ry
My dear lov'd father; I can scarce bear
To look upon him. Is the door fast?

Arm.
Yes, as a usurer's purse.—

Ant.
These are my gates, and that's the cabinet
That keeps my jewels, Lelio and his sister.

[Ant. Knocks.
Arm.
Who is he that knocks so boldly?

Flav.
What want you, Sir?

Ant.
O my fair daughter, Flavia! let all the stars
Pour down full blessings on thee. Ope' the doors.

Arm.
Mark! his fair daughter Flavia, ha, ha, ha:
Most shameless villain, how he counterfeits!

Ant.
Know'st not thy father, old Antonio?
Is all the world grown frantick?

Fla.
What Antonio?

Ant.
Thy loving father, Flavia.

Fla.
My father! would he were here!

Arm.
Would thou wert in his place.

Ant.
Open the door, sweet Flavia.

Fla.
Sir, I am afraid;
Horror incloses me, my mind's distracted!

Arm.
I sweat to hear a dead man speak, fogh! get you gone.

Ant.
Daughter you are abus'd; come down, and know me;
Let me come in.

Arm.
Soft, soft, Sir, y'are too hasty.

Ant.
Quickly, or else—

Arm.
Good words, good words, I pray,
In strangers houses: were the doors your own,
You might be bolder.

Ant.
I'll beat the doors and windows
About your ears.

Arm.
Are you so hot? We'll cool you.

Ant.
Imprudent creature!

Arm.
Out, carter:
Hence, dirty whipstock; hence, you fowl clown. Begone.
Or I will drive you hence—bring me a gun here—
Or a tub of water—once more to drown him.

Enter Lelio.
Lel.
Armellina, whom do you draw your tongue upon so sharply?

Arm.
Sir, 'tis your father's ghost, that strives by force
To break the doors, and enter.

Lel.
'Tis his grave look!
In every lineament himself no liker.
And had I not hap'ly been advertised,
What could have forc'd me think 'twere Trincalo?

Ant.
These ghosts, these Trincalos, and astrologers,
Strike me beside myself. Who will receive me,
When mine own son refuseth? Oh Antonio!

Lel.
Infinite power of art! who would believe
The planets influence could transform a man
To several shapes? I could now beat him soundly;
But that he wears the awful countenance
Of my dead father, whose memory I reverence.

Ant.
If I be chang'd beyond thy knowledge, son,
Consider that th'excess of heat in Barbary,
The fear of shipwreck, and long tedious journeys,
Have chang'd my skin, and shrunk my eyes and cheeks;
Yet still this face, tho' alter'd, may be known:
This scar bears witness, 'twas the wound tho cur'dst
With thine own hands.

Lel.
He that chang'd Trincalo
T'Antonio's figure, omitted not the scar,
As a main character.

Ant.
I have no other marks,
Or reasons to persuade them: methinks these words,
I am thy father, were argument sufficient
To bend thy knees, and creep to my embracements.

Lel.
A sudden coldness strikes me: my tender heart
Beats with compassion of I know not what.
Sirrah, be gone; truss up your goodly speeches,
Sad shipwrecks, and strange transformations.
Your plot's discover'd, 'twill not take: thy impudence
For once, I pardon. The pious reverence
I owe to th'grave resemblance of my father,
Holds back my angry hands. Hence, if I catch you
Haunting my doors again, I'll bastinado you
Out of Antonio's skin. Away.

Ant.
I go, Sir;
And yield to such cross fortune as thus drives me.

[Exeunt.
Enter Trincalo.
Trin.
When this transformed substance of my carcase
Did live imprison'd in a wanton hogshead,
My name was don Antonio, and that title
Preserv'd my life, and chang'd my suit of clothes.
How kindly the good gentlewoman us'd me!
With what respect, and careful tenderness!

“Your worship, Sir, had ever a sickly constitution,
and I fear much more now, since your long
travel. As you love me, off with these wet things,
and put on the suit you left with me before you went
to Barbary. Good Sir, neglect not your health; for,
upon my experience there is nothing worse for the
rheum than to be drench'd in a musty hogshead.”

Pretty soul! Now to the business: I'll into my
own house, and first bestow Armellina upon Trincalo;
then try what can be done for Pandolfo: for
'tis a rule I was wont to observe, first do your own
affairs, and next your master's.

Enter Antonio.
Ant.
Wretched Antonio! hast been preserv'd so strangely
From foreign miseries, to be wrong'd at home?
Barr'd from thy house by the scorn of thine own children!

[Trin. knocks.
Ant.
But stay, there's one knocks boldly, 't may be some friend.

[Trin. Knocks again.
Ant.
Dwell you here, gentleman?

Trin.
He calls me gentleman:
See th'virtue of good cloaths! All men salute,
Honour, respect, and reverence us.

Ant.
Good gentleman,
Let me, without offence, intreat your name,
And why you knock?

Trin.
How, sirrah, sauce-box, my name!
Or thou some stranger art, or grosly ign'rant,
That know'st not me. Ha! what art thou that ask'st it?

Ant.
Be not in choler, Sir.

Trin.
Befits it me,
A gentleman of publick reputation,
To stoop so low as satisfy the questions
Of base and earthly pieces like thyself? what art thou? ha?

Ant.
Th'unfortunate possessor of this house.

Trin.
Thou liest, base sycophant, my worship owns it.

Ant.
May be my son hath sold it in my absence,
Thinking me dead—How long has't called you master?

Trin.
'Long as Antonio possest it.

Ant.
Which Antonio?

Trin.
Antonio Anastasio.

Ant.
That Anastasio,
That was drown'd in Barbary?

Trin.
That Anastasio,
That self same man am I: I 'scap'd by swimming,
And now return to keep my former promise
Of Flavia to Pandolfo; and in exchange,
To take Sulpitia to my wife.

Ant.
All this
I intended 'fore I went: but Sir, if I
Can be no other than myself, and you
Are that Antonio, you and I are one.

Trin.
How! one with thee? speak such another syllable,
And by the terror of this deadly steel,
That ne'er saw light, but sent to endless darkness
All that durst stand before't, thou diest.

Ant.
Alas!
My weakness grown by age, and pains of travel,
Disarms my courage to defend myself;
I have no strength but patience.

Trin.
What boldness madded thee to steal my name?

Ant.
Sir, heat of wine.

Trin.
And when y'are drunk,
Is there no person to put on but mine,
To cover your intended villanies?

Ant.
Dangers at sea
Are pleasures, weigh'd with these home injuries.
Was ever man thus scar'd beside himself?
O most unfortunate Antonio!
At sea thou suffer'dst shipwrack of thy goods,
At land of thine own self—fly, fly to Barb'ry,
And rather there endure the foreign cruelty
Of fetters, whips, and Moors, than here at home
Be wrong'd and baffled by thy friends and children.

Trin.
How! prating still? why Timothy begone,
Or draw, and lay Antonio down betwixt us;
Let fortune of the fight decide the question.
Here's a brave rogue, that in the king's high-way
Offers to rob me of my good name. Draw!

Ant.
These wrongs recall my strength, I am resolved:
Better die once than suffer always. Draw!

Trin.
Stay, understand'st thou well nice points of duel?

Ant.
Yes, I'll to the point immediately.

(Beats Trin.)
Trin.
Hold! hold!—Murder! murder!
Give me my life, and take Antonio.

Enter Lelio, Cricca, from the House.
Lel.
What noise is this? am I awake.
See'st thou not, Cricca, Trincalo and Antonio?

Cric.
O strange! they're both here.

Lel.
Didst not thou inform me
That Trincalo was turn'd to Antonio?
Which I believing, like a cursed son,
With most reproachful threats, drove mine old father
From his own doors: Pardon me, father.
[Goes to his father and kneels.
'Twas my blind ignorance, not want of duty,
That wrong'd you: all was intended for that farmer,
Whom an astrologer, they said, transform'd.

Ant.
How an astrologer?

Lel.
What with your distresses, injuries and fatigues,
Your spirits must demand repose:
Within, Sir, I will tell you all, and hope
Your pardon for each insult our abused
Minds have cast upon you.

Ant.
Where there is no ill intention son,
There can be little merit in forgiveness.

[Exit into the house.
Cric.
'Tis plain Albumazar
Hath cheated my old master of his plate,
For here's the farmer as like himself as ever,
Only his cloaths excepted. Trincalo!

Trin.
Cricca, where's Trincalo? do'st see him here?

Cric.
Yes, and as rank an ass as ever he was.

Trin.
Thou'rt much deceiv'd, thou neither seest nor knowst me.
I am transform'd, transform'd!

Cric.
Note the strange power of strong imagination!

Trin.
A world of engines cannot wrest my thoughts
From loving a gentleman: I am one, and will be;
And tho' I be not, yet will think myself so;
And scorn thee, Cricca, as a slave and servant.
[Exit Trin.

Cric.
'Tis all lost labour to dissuade his dulness.
Now to work my brain; what's more to be done?
Trincalo must be catch'd—kept close lock'd up,
'Till I release him:—wine does that.—what next?
No whisper must go forth, of the return
Of this Antonio,—and then shall our Pandolfo—
I have it now—'tis here—and we shall see
If cunning can't out-wit astrology:
'Tis Cricca's skill, 'gainst great Albumazar's,
Tho' back'd by all his devils and his stars.

[Exit.