 | Albumazar |  |
ACT III.
SCENE, a Chamber.Enter Pandolfo, Cricca.
While the astrologer hews out Trincalo,
Squaring and framing him t'Antonio,
Cricca, I'll make thee partner of a thought
That something troubles me.
Cric.
Say, Sir, what is't?
Pan.
I have no heart to give Albumazar
The chain I promis'd him.
Cric.
Deliver it me,
And I'll present it to him in your name.
Pan.
T'has been an inheritance to our house four hundred years,
And should I leave it now, I fear good fortune
Would fly from us, and follow it.
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Then give him
The price in gold.
Pan.
It comes to two hundred pounds;
And how would that well husbanded, grow in time!
I was a fool to promise, I confess it,
I was too hot and forward in the business.
Cric.
Indeed I wonder'd that your wary thriftiness,
Not wont to drop one penny in a quarter
Idly, would part with such a sum so easily.
Pan.
My wary thrift aims at no other mark
Than in fit time and place to shew my bounty.
Who gives continually, may want at length
Wherewith to feed his liberality.
But for the love of my dear Flavia
I would not spare my life, much less my treasure.
Yet if with honour I can win her cheaper,
Why should I cast away so great a sum?
Cric.
True: I have a trick now hatching in my brain,
How you may handsomly preserve your credit,
And save the chain.
Pan.
I would gladly do it,
But fear he understands us what we say.
Cric.
What can you lose to try't? if it take,
There's so much sav'd; if otherwise, nothing lost.
Pan.
What is't, good Cricca?
Cric.
Soon as Albumazar comes, loaded with news
Of th'transmutation of your servant Trincalo,
I'll entertain him here, mean while steal you
Closely into the room, and quickly hide
Some special piece of plate: Then run out amaz'd,
Roaring that all the street may know y'are robb'd.
Next threaten to attach him, and accuse him
Before a justice, and in th'end agree
If he restore the plate, you'll give the chain,
Otherwise not.
Pan.
But if we be discovered!
For by his instruments and familiars
He can do much.
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Lay all the fault on Trincalo.
But here's the main point. If you can dissemble
Cunningly, and frame your countenance to express
Pity and anger that so learn'd a man
Should use his friend so basely; if you can call
An out-cry well, roar high and terrible.
Pan.
I'll fetch a cry from th'bottom of my heels,
But I'll roar loud enough; and thou must second me
With wonder at the sudden accident.
Cric.
But yours is the main part, for as you play't
You win or lose the chain.
Pan.
No more, no more, he comes.
[Exit Pan.
Enter Albumazar.
Alb.
Where's Pandolfo? three quarters of an hour
Renders your servant perfectly transform'd.
Cric.
Is he not wholly chang'd? what parts are wanting
Alb.
Antonio's bulk hath cloth'd his shape and visage,
Only his hands and feet, so large and callous,
Require more time to supple.
Cric.
Pray you, Sir,
How long shall he retain this metamorphosis?
Alb.
The compleat circle of a natural day.
Cric.
A natural day! are any days unnatural?
Alb.
I mean the revolution of th'first mover,
Just twice twelve hours, in which period the rapt motion
Rowls all the orbs from east to occident.
Enter Pandolfo.
Pan.
Help! help! thieves! thieves! neighbours, I am robb'd! thieves, thieves!
Cric.
What a noise make you Sir?
Pan.
Have I not reason
That thus am robb'd? thieves! thieves! call constables,
The watch and serjeants, friends and constables,
Neighbours, I am undone!
Cric.
This is well begun.
What ails you, Sir?
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Cricca, my chamber's spoil'd
Of all my hangings, cloaths and silver plate.
Cric.
Why, this is bravely feign'd; continue, Sir.
Pan.
Feign'd! 'tis true, villain! thieves! thieves! thieves!
All that I had is gone, and more than all.
Cric.
Ha, ha, ha, hold out; lay out a lion's throat,
A little louder, that all the street may hear.
Pan.
I can cry no longer,
My throat's sore, I am robb'd, all's gone,
Both my own treasure, and the things I borrow'd.
Make thou an out-cry, I have lost my voice;
Cry fire, and then they'll hear thee.
Cric.
Good, good; thieves! thieves! fire!
What have you lost?
Pan.
Wine, jewele, table-cloths,
A cupboard of rich plate.
Cric.
Fie, you'll spoil all.
Now you outdo it. Say but a bowl or two.
Pan.
Villain, I say all's gone; the room's as clean
As a wip'd looking glass: oh me, oh me!
Cric.
What, in good earnest?
Pan.
Fool, in accursed earnest.
Cric.
You gull me sure.
Pan.
They have gull'd me.
The window towards the south stands ope, from
Whence went all my treasure. Where's the astrologer?
Alb.
Here, Sir, and hardly can abstain from laughing
To see you vex yourself in vain.
Pan.
In vain, Albumazar?
I left my plate with you, and 'tis all vanish'd,
And you shall answer it,
Alb.
O! were it possible
By pow'r of art to check what art hath done,
Your man should ne'er be chang'd: to wrong me thus
With foul suspicion of flat felony?
Your plate, your cloth of silver, wine, and jewels,
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And for more safety, lock'd them in the lobby.
He'll keep them carefully. But as you love your mistress,
Disturb him not this half hour, lest you'll have him
Like to a centaur, half clown, half gentleman;
Suffer his foot and hand that's yet untouch'd,
To be innobled like his other members.
Pan.
Albumazar, I pray you pardon me,
Th'unlook'd-for bareness of the room amaz'd me.
Alb.
How! think you me so negligent to commit
So rich a mass of treasure to th'open danger
Of a large casement, and suspicious alley?
No, Sir, my sacrifice no sooner done,
But I wrapp'd all up safe, and gave it Trincalo.
I could be angry, but that your sudden fear
Excuses you. Fie, such a noise as this
Half an hour past, had scar'd the intelligences,
And spoil'd the work; but no harm done, go walk
Westward, directly westward, one half hour:
Then turn back, and take your servant turn'd to' Antonio,
And as you like my skill, perform your promise,
I mean the chain.
Pan.
Content, let's still go westward,
Westward, good Cricca, still directly westward.
[Exit Pan. and Cric.
Enter Ronca, Harpax, Furbo.
Alb.
Furbo, Harpax, and Ronca, come out, all's clear.
Why here's a noble prize worth vent'ring for.
Is not this braver than sneak all night in danger,
Picking of locks, or hooking cloths at windows?
Here's plate and gold, and cloth, and meat and wine,
All rich, and eas'ly got. Furbo, stay hereabout,
And wait till Trincalo come forth: then call him
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Give him this gold with thanks, tell him he lent it
Before he went to Barbary.
Ron.
How! lose ten pieces?
Alb.
There's a necessity in't, devise some course
To get't again; if not, our gain's sufficient
To bear that loss. Ronca, find out Bevilona
The courtezan, let her feign herself a gentlewoman,
Inamour'd of Antonio; bid her invite him
To banquet with her, and by all means possible
Force him stay there two hours.
Har.
Why two hours?
Alb.
That in that time thou may'st convey
Our treasure to the inn, and speak a boat
Ready for Gravesend, and provide a supper.
Fur.
And what will you do?
Alb.
First in, and usher out our changeling Trincalo.
Ron.
Harpax, bestow the plate; Furbo, our beards,
Black patches for our eyes, and other properties,
And at the same time and place meet all at supper.
Exit Fur. Har. and Ron.
Enter Trincalo.
Alb.
Stand forth, transform'd Antonio, fully mued
From brown soak feathers of dull yeomanry
To th'glorious bloom of gentry: plume yourself sleek;
Swear boldly y'are the man you represent
To all that dare deny it.
Trin.
I find my thoughts
Most strangely alter'd, but methinks my face
Feels still like Trincalo.
Alb.
You imagine so.
Senses are oft deceiv'd. As an attentive angler
Fixing his steady eyes on the swift streams
Of a steep tumbling torrent, no sooner turns
His sight to land, but giddy, thinks the firm banks
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So you that thirty years have liv'd in Trincalo,
Chang'd suddenly, think y'are so still; but instantly
These thoughts will vanish.
Trin.
Give me a looking-glass
To read your skill in these new lineaments.
Alb.
I'd rather give you poison; for a glass
By secret power of cross reflections,
And optic virtue, spoils the wond'rous work
Of transformation, and in a moment turns you,
Spight of my skill, to Trincalo as before.
We read that Apuleius was by a rose
Chang'd from an ass to man: so by a mirror,
You'll lose this noble lustre, and turn ass.
But still remember, I pray you, Sir, remember
T'avoid the devil, and a looking-glass.
Let me conduct and usher you to the world;
This way, great Sir.—I pray you, Sir, remember.
Exeunt.
SCENE the Street.
Enter Albumazar and Trincalo.
Alb.
New-born Antonio, I humbly take my leave,
And kiss your hands.
Trin.
Divine Albumazar, I kiss yours.
(Exit Alb.
Now I am grown a gentleman, and a fine one,
I know't by th'kissing of my hands so courtly:
My courteous knees bend in so true distance,
As if my foot walk'd in a frame on purpose,
Thus I accost you; or thus, sweet Sir, your servant:
Nay more, your servant's servant: that's your grand servant.
I could descend from the top of Paul's to th'bottom,
And on each step strew parting compliments,
Strive for a door, while a good carpenter
Might make a new one. I am your shadow, Sir,
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O brave Albumazar!
Enter Furbo.
Furb.
Just Æsop's crow, prink'd up in borrow'd feathers.
Trin.
My veins are fill'd with newness: O for a surgeon
To ope this arm, and view my gentle blood,
To try if't run two thousand pounds a year.
I feel my understanding is enlarg'd
With the rare knowledge of this latter age.
A sacred fury oversways me. Prime—
Deal quickly, play, discard, I set ten shillings and sixpence.
You see't? my rest, five and a fifty. Boy, more cards,
And as thou go'st, lay out some roaring oaths
For me; I'll pay thee again with interest—
O brave Albumazar!
Furb.
How his imagination boils, and works in all things
He ever saw or heard!
Trin.
Sir, my grey Barbary
'Gainst your dun cow, three train scents and th'course,
For fifty pound; as I am a gentleman.
I'll meet next cocking, and bring a haggard with me
That stoops as free as lightning, strikes like thunder—
I lie? my reputation you shall hear on't.
O brave Albumazar!
Furb.
He'll grow stark mad, I fear me.
Trin.
Now I know
I am perfectly transform'd, my mind incites me
To challenge some brave fellow for my credit,
And for more safety, get some friend in private
To take the business up in peace and quiet.
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Signior Antonio!
Trin.
There's not a crumb of Trincalo
In all this frame, but the love of Armellina.
Furb.
Signior Antonio! welcome ten thousand times:
Blest be the heavens and seas for your return.
Trin.
I thank you, Sir, Antonio is your servant,
I am glad to see you well. Fie! I kiss your hands, and thus accost you.
Furb.
This three months all your kindred, friends, and children.
Mourn'd for your death.
Trin.
And so they well might do,
For five days I was under water; and at length
Got up and spread myself upon a chest,
Rowing with arms, and steering with my feet;
And thus in five days more got land: believe it,
I made a most incredible escape,
And safe return from Barb'ry: at your service.
Furb.
Welcome ten thousand times from Barbary
No friend more glad to see Antonio
Than I: Nor am I thus for hope of gain;
But that I find occasion to be grateful
By your return. Do you remember, Sir,
Before you went, as I was once arrested,
And could not put in bail, you passing by,
Lent me ten pound, and so discharg'd the debt?
Trin.
Yes, yes, as well as 'twere but yesterday.
Furb.
Oft have I waited at your house with money,
And many thanks; but you were still beyond seas:
Now am I happy of this fair occasion
To testify my honest care to pay you:
For you may need it.
Trin.
Sir, I do indeed,
Witness my treasure cast away by shipwreck.
Furb.
Here, Sir.
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Is the gold good? has it weight?
For mine was so I lent you.
Furb.
It was, and so is this. Signior Antonio, for this courtesy,
Call me your servant.
[Exit Furbo.
Trin.
Farewell, good servant, ha, ha ha, ha, ha. I
know not so much as his name! ten pounds? this change
is better than my birth; for in all the years of my
yeomanry, I could never yoak two crowns, and now
I have hoarded ten fair twenty shilling pieces. Now
will I go to this astrologer, and hire him to turn my
cart to a coach, my four jades to two Flander's mares,
my mistress Armellina to a lady, my plow-boy Dick
to two guarded footmen: then will I hurry myself into
the mercer's books, wear rich cloaths, be called Tony
by a great man, sell my lands, pay no debts, hate
citizens, beat bailiffs, and when all fails, sneak out
of Antonio with a two-penny looking-glass, and turn
as true Trincalo as ever.
Enter Harpax.
Harp.
Signior Antonio! I saw you as you landed,
And in great haste follow'd to congratulate
Your safe return, with these most wish'd embraces.
Trin.
Who the devil's this.
[aside.
And I accept your joy with like affection
How do you call yourself?
Harp.
Have you forgot
Your dear friend Harpax, whom you love so well?
Trin.
My life here's ten pound more!
O, I remember now my dear friend Harpax.
Harp.
Thanks to the fortune of the sea that sav'd you.
Trin.
How do's your body, Harpax?
Harp.
My dear Antonio,
Never so well as now I have the power
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Gave drown'd for threewhole months. My dear Antonio!
Trin.
I thank you, Sir.
Harp.
Never in fitter season could I find you.
If you remember, Sir, before you went
To Barbary, I lent you ten pounds in gold.
Trin.
I lent you ten pounds in gold.
Harp.
No, Sir, 'twas I lent you ten pounds.
Trin.
Faith I remember no such thing.
You must excuse me, you never lent me money.
Harp.
Sir, as I live, ten twenty shilling pieces.
Trin.
Dangers at sea I find have hurt my memory.
Harp.
Why here's your own hand-writing, seal'd and sign'd
In presence of your cousin Julia.
Trin.
'Tis true, 'tis true; but I sustain'd great losses
By reason of the shipwreck. Here's five pieces,
Will that content you? and to-morrow morning
Come to my house and take the rest.
Harp.
Well, Sir,
Tho' my necessity would importune you
For all, yet on your worship's word, the rest
I'll call for in the morning. Farewel, Antonio.
[Exit Har.
Trin.
I see we gentlemen can sometimes borrow
As well as lend, and are as loth to pay
As meaner men. I'll home, lest other creditors
Call for the rest.
(going.)
Enter Bevilona and Ronca, from the House.
Bev.
Ronca, no more, unless thy words were charms
Of power to revive him: Antonio's dead.
He's dead, and in his death hath buried
All my delights—begone—
[Exit Ron.
O strange! he's here.
[seeing Trincalo.
Signior Antonio! my heart's sweet content!
My life and better portion of my soul!
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I spent such streams of tears, and gusts of sighs.
Or is't my love, that to my longing fancy
Frames your desired shape, and mocks my senses?
Trin.
Whom do you talk withal, fair gentlewoman?
Bev.
With my best friend, commander of my life,
My most belov'd Antonio.
Trin.
With me?
What's your desire with me, sweet lady?
Bev.
Sir, to command me, as you have done ever,
To what you please: for all my liberty
Lies in your service.
Trin.
Now I smell the business.
This is some gentlewoman enamour'd
With him whose shape I bear. Fie! what an ass
Was I to strange myself, and lose the occasion
Of a good banquet, and her company?
I'll mend it as I can.—Madam, I did but jest,
To try if absence caus'd you to forget
A friend that lov'd you ever.
Bev.
Forget Antonio,
Whose dear remembrance doth inform the soul
Of your poor servant Bevilona! no,
No, had you dy'd, it had not quench'd one spark
Of th'sweet affection which your love hath kindled
In this warm breast.
Trin.
Madam, the waves had drown'd me,
But that your love held up my chin.
Bev.
Will't please you
Enter and rest yourself, refresh the weariness
Of your hard travel; I have good wine and fruits,
My husband's out of town: you shall command
My house, and all that's in't.
Trin.
Why, are you married?
Bev.
Have you forgot my husband, an angry roarer?
Trin.
O, I remember him: but if he come.
Bev.
Whence grows this fear? how come you so respectful?
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Go in, sweet life, go in.
Trin.
Sweet lady, pardon me, I'll follow you.
Exit Bev.
Happy Antonio in so rare a mistress;
And happier I, that in his place enjoy her!
I say still there's no pleasure like transformation.
Exit Trin.
Enter Furbo.
Now is the ass expecting of a banquet,
Ready to court embrace, and kiss his mistress,
But I'll soon starve him.
(Exit.
SCENE, a Chamber in Bevilona's House.
Enter Trincalo and Bevilona.
Bev.
Now tell me, dear Antonio, what has
Befall'n thee since our last sad parting?
Your cold address and strange behaviour
When you saw me first, strike to my heart,
And make me fear your Bevilona's forsaken
And forgot—is it not so Antonio?
Trin.
Don't weep so fairest blossom, I tell you
Your love incited me to try your constancy,
And happy is th'event, then let us lose no
Time, but strait begin to taste the banquet.
(Furbo without knocks.)
What ho! ho! there!
Bev.
Who's that so boldly knocks? I am not within;
Or busy: why so importunate? who is't?
Fur.
'Tis I.
Bev.
Your name?
Fur.
Thomas ap William, ap Morgan, ap Davy, ap Roger, &c.
Trin.
Spinola's camp's broke loose: a troop of soldiers! Sir.
Bev.
O me! my husband! O me wretch! 'tis my husband!
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One man, and wear so many names!
Bev.
O Sir.
H'as more outrageous devils in his rage
Than names. As you respect your life, avoid him.
Down at that window.
Trin.
'Tis as high as Paul's.
Open the garden door.
Bev.
He has the keys.
Down at some window, as you love your life,
My honour, and your safety; 'tis but a leap.
Trin.
To break my neck.
Furb.
Bevilona!
Down, or I'll break the doors, and with the splinters
Beat all thy bones to pieces: down, you whore!
Bev.
Be patient but a little; I come instantly.
Trin.
Ha' you no trunk or chest to hide me?
Bev.
None, Sir.
Alas I am clean undone, it is my husband.
Furb.
Doubtless this whore hath some of her companions
That wrong me thus. But if I catch the villain,
I'll bathe my hungry sword, and sharp revenge,
In his heart's-blood. Come down.
Bev.
I cannot, stay.
There stands a water cask under the stairs
With head to ope and shut at pleasure; in,
In, as you love your life.
Trin.
But hear you, madam,
Is there no looking-glass within't? for I hate glasses
As naturally as some do cats, or cheese.
Bev.
In, in, there's none.
Enter Furbo.
Furb.
How now! where have you stow'd the clown?
Bev.
He is tunn'd up in the empty water-cask
Under the stairs.
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Empty! better and better! 'twas half full
This morning.
Second me handsomely—we'll entertain him
An hour or two, and laugh and get his cloaths
To make our sport up.
Trin.
(within)
Oh I drown, I drown!
Furb.
Whence comes this hollow sound? I drown,
I drown!
My life 'tis Trincalo, for I have heard that coxcomb,
That ass, that clown, seeks to corrupt my wife,
Sending his fruit and dainties from the country.
O that 'twere he! How would I use the villain!
First crop his ears, then slit his nose and fit him
As a present to the great Turk to keep his concubines.
Who's within here?
[Trincalo knocks in the tub.
Bev.
One that you dare not touch
Furb.
One that I dare not?
[Trincalo comes out.
Out, villain, out—Signior Antonio!
Had it been any but yourself, he died.
But as you sav'd my life before you went,
So now command mine in your services.
I would have sworn y'had been drown'd in Barbary.
Trin.
'Twas a hard passage: but not so dangerous
As was this vessel. Pray you conceive no ill,
I meant no harm, but call'd of your wife to know
How my son Lelio did, and daughter Flavia.
Furb.
Sir, I believe you.
Trin.
But I must tell you one thing.
You must not be so jealous, on my honour
She's very honest.
Furb.
For you I make no question.
But there's a rogue call'd Trincalo, whom if I catch,
I'll teach him.
Trin.
Who, you mean Pandolfo's farmer?
Alas, poor fool, he's a stark ass, but harmless.
And tho' she talk with him, 'tis but to laugh,
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At my entreaty.
Furb.
Sir, for your sake.
Bev.
I thank you.
Trin.
Let's have a fire; and while I dry myself,
Provide good wine and meat. I'll dine with you.
I must not home thus wet. I am something bold with you.
Furb.
My house and self are at your service.
Trin.
Lead in.
Alas, poor Trincalo! had'st thou been taken,
Thou had'st been tunn'd for Turkey.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, fair fall Antonio's shape.
What a notorious wittall's this! ha, ha, ha.
Exeunt.
| Albumazar | |