 | Albumazar |  |
ACT II.
SCENE I.
A Street.Enter Trincalo.
Trin.
He that saith I am not in love, he lies de cap
a pie; for I am idle, choicely, neat in my clothes,
valiant, and extreme witty. My meditations are
loaded with metaphors, songs, and sonnets; not a dog
shakes his tail, but I sigh out a passion; thus do I to
my mistress; but, alas! I kiss the dog, and she kicks
me. I never see a young wanton filly, but say I,
there goes Armellina! nor a lusty strong ass, but I
remember myself, and sit down to consider, what a
goodly race of mules would inherit, if she were willing:
only I want utterance, and that's a main mark
of love too.
Enter Armellina.
Arm.
Trincalo, Trincalo.
Trin.
O, 'tis Armellina! Now if she have the wit
to begin, as I mean she should, then will I confound
her with compliments, drawn from the plays I see
words I speak and understand not.
Arm.
Trincalo, what price bears wheat and saffron,
that you are dressed out so and no holiday—not a
word?—Why, Trincalo, what business in town? how
do all at Totnam?—grown mute?—What do you
bring from the country?
Trin.
There 'tis. Now are my flood gates drawn,
And I'll surround her.
Arm.
What have you brought, I say? no good
manners, I'll swear for it.
Trin.
What I want in good manners is made up
in my affections.—What have I brought, sweet bit of
beauty? a hundred thousand salutations o'th'elder
house to your most illustrious honour and worship.
Arm.
To me these titles? Is your basket full of
nothing else?
Trin.
Full of the fruits of love, most resplendent
lady; a present to your worthiness from your worship's
poor vassal Trincalo.
Arm.
My life on't, he scrap'd these compliments
from his cart the last load he carried for the court-stables.
What have you read, that makes you grow
so eloquent?
Trin.
Sweet madam, I read nothing but the lines
of your ladyship's countenance; and desire only to
kiss the skirts of your garments, if you vouchsafe me
not the happiness of your white hands.
Arm.
Come, give's your basket, and take it.
Trin.
O sweet! now will I never wash my mouth
after, nor breathe but at my nostrils, lest I lose the
taste of her fingers. Armellina, I must tell you a
secret, if you'll make much on't.
Arm.
As it deserves. What is't?
Trin.
I love you, dear morsel of modesty, I love
you; and so truly, that I'll make you mistress of my
secrets into your hands; that is, I'll give you an earnest
kiss in the highway of matrimony.
Arm.
Is this the end of all this business?
Trin.
This is the end of all this business, most
beautiful, and most worthy to be most beautiful lady.
Arm.
What, do you want to finish with me before
you have made a beginning? do you imagine you oaf
you, that we of the city are to be woo'd and won like
country girls, with I like you Moll, when shall we
wed, ha? E'en when you please, good Robin. A little
more ceremony with me, if you please, Mr. Trincalo
of Totnam; there take your basket, grow a little wiser,
and you may have better luck another time.
Trin.
Why now she knows my meaning, let it
work. She put up the fruit in her lap, and threw
away the basket: 'tis a plain sign she abhors the words,
and embraces the meaning—O lips, no lips, but leaves
besmear'd with mel-dew! O dew, no dew, but drops
of honey-combs! O combs, no combs, but fountains
full of tears! O tears, no tears, but—here comes
my landlord.
Enter Pandolfo.
Pan.
Cricca denies me: no persuasions,
Proffers, rewards, can work him to transform.
Yonder's my country farmer, Trincalo:
Never in fitter time, good Trincalo.
Trin.
Like a lean horse t'a fresh and lusty pasture.
Pan.
What rent do'st pay me for thy farm at Totnam?
Trin.
Ten pound; and find it too dear a pennyworth.
Pan.
My hand, here. Take it rent-free for three lives,
To serve me in a business I'll employ thee.
Trin.
Serve you? I'll serve, reserve, conserve, preserve,
A jointure, ha, a jointure! What's your employment?
Pan.
Here's an astrologer has a wond'rous secret,
To transform men to other shapes and persons.
Trin.
How transform things to men? I'll bring nine taylors,
Refus'd last muster, shall give five marks a-piece
To shape three men of service out of all,
And grant him the remnant shreds above the bargain.
Pan.
Now, if thoul't let him change thee; take this lease,
Drawn ready; put what lives thou pleasest.
Trin.
Stay, Sir.
Say I am transform'd: who shall enjoy the lease,
I, or the person I must turn to?
Pan.
Thou,
Thou. The resemblance lasts but one whole day;
Then home, true farmer, as thou wert before.
Trin.
Where shall poor Trincalo be? how's this? transform'd!
Transmuted! how? not I—I love myself
Better than so: there's no lease—I'd not venture
For the whole fee-simple.
Pan.
Tell me the difference
Betwixt a fool and a wise man.
Trin.
As 'twixt your worship and myself.
Pan.
A wise man
Accepts all fair occasions of advancement,
While your poor fool and clown, for fear of peril,
Sweats hourly for a dry brown crust to bedward,
And wakes all night for want of moisture.
Trin.
Well, Sir,
I'd rather starve in this my lov'd image,
Than hazard thus my life for others looks,
Change is a kind of death, I dare not try it.
Pan.
'Tis not so dangerous as thou tak'st it; we'll only
Thy face mask'd only; or that thou dream'st all night
Thou wer't apparel'd in Antonio's form,
And, waking, find thyself true Trincalo.
Trin.
Antonio's form! was not Antonio a gentleman?
Pan.
Yes, and a neighbour: that's his house.
Trin.
O ho!
Now do I smell th'astrologer's trick: he'll steep me
In soldier's blood, or boil me in a cauldron
Of barbarous law French; or anoint me over
With supple oil of great mens services;
For these three means raise yeomen to the gentry:
Pardon me, Sir; I hate those medicines—Fie!
All my posterity will smell and taste on't,
Long as the house of Trincalo endures.
Pan.
There's no such business; thou shalt only seem so,
And thus deceive Antonio's family.
Trin.
Are you assur'd? 'twould grieve me to be pounded
In a huge mortar, wrought to paste, and moulded
To this Antonio's mould: Grant I be turn'd: what then?
Pan.
Enter his house, be reverenc'd by his servants,
And give his daughter Flavia to me in marriage.
The circumstances I'll instruct thee after.
Trin.
Pray give me leave: this side says do't, this do not.—
Before I leave you, Tom Trincalo, take my counsel:
Thy mistress Armellina is Antonio's maid,
And thou, in his shape, may'st possess her: turn—
But if I be Antonio, then Antonio
Enjoys that happiness, not Trincalo.
A pretty trick to make myself a cuckold!
No, no; there take your lease, I'll hang first—Soft,
Be not so chol'rick, Thomas. If I become Antonio,
Then all his riches follow: This fair occasion
Once vanish'd, hope not the like; of a stark clown,
I shall appear speck-and-span a gentleman!
Then Armellina shall be given to Trincalo,
Three hundred crowns her portion: We'll get a boy,
And call him Transformation Trincalo:
I'll do't, Sir.
Pan.
Art resolv'd?
Trin.
Resolv'd! 'tis done;
With this condition: after I have given your worship
My daughter Flavia, you shall then move my worship,
And much intreat me, to bestow my maid
Upon myself, I should say, Trincalo.
Pan.
Content; and, for thy sake, will make her portion
Two hundred crowns.
Trin.
Come, come, Sir, quickly,
Let's to th'astrologer and there transform,
Reform, conform, deform me at your pleasure:
I loath this country-countenance—Dispatch: my skin
Itches, like snakes in April, to be cut off:
Quickly, O quickly! as you love Flavia, quickly.
[Exit.
SCENE, a Chamber.
Enter Sulpitia and Flavia.
Sul.
I prithee, Flavia, do not droop so.
Fla.
Sulpitia, I pray you pardon me, I cannot
help it.
Sul.
Faith you have some bad thoughts that trouble
you, my Flavia, I prithee tell 'em to thy friend.
Fla.
'Tis true I have, and I think, the same that
troubles you.
Sul.
Then 'tis the love of a young gentleman, and
bitter hatred of an old dotard.
Fla.
'Tis so, witness your brother Eugenio, and
the rotten carcase of Pandolfo. Had I a hundred
hearts, I should want room to entertain his love, and
the other's hate.
Sul.
I could say as much, were't not sin to slander the
fathers, that they should make us the price of their dotage,
the medicines of their griefs, that have more need
of physic ourselves? I must be frost-bitten with the cold
of your dad's winter, that mine may thaw his old ice
with the spring of your sixteen. I thank my dead mother,
that left me a woman's will in her last testament: That's
all the weapons we poor girls can use, and with that
will I fight 'gainst father, friend's, and kindred, and
either have Lelio, or die in the field in's quarrel.
Fla.
Sulpitia, you are happy that can withstand
your fortune with so merry a resolution.
Sul.
Why should I twine my arms to cables, and
sigh my soul to air? sit up all night like a watch-candle,
and distill my brains through my eye-lids?
Your brother loves me, and I love your brother;
and where these two consent, I would fain see a third
could hinder us.
Fla.
Alas! our sex is most wretched, nurs'd up
from infancy in continual slavery. No sooner able to
prey for ourselves, but they brail and hud us so with
sour awe of parents, that we dare not offer to bate at
our desires. And whereas it becomes men to vent
their amorous passion at their pleasure; we, poor
souls, must rake up our affections in the ashes of a
burnt heart, not daring to sigh, without excuse of
the spleen, or fit of the vapours.
Sul.
I plainly will profess my love of Lelio, 'tis honest
chaste, and stains no modesty. Shall I be married to Antonio,
that hath been a sous'd sea-fish these three months?
and if he be alive, comes home with as many impairs as
a cast hunter or a fall'n pack-horse. No, no, I'll see
him freeze to crystal first: In other things, good father,
I am your most obedient daughter, but in this a pure
woman. 'Tis your part to offer, mine to refuse, if I
like not. Lelio's a handsome gentleman, young, fresh,
rich, and well fashion'd; and him will Sulpitia have, or
me I never was born to so cold a misfortune. Fie, Flavia!
fie wench! no more tears and sighs, cheer up;
Eugenio to my knowledge loves you, and you shall
have him; I say you shall have him.
Fla.
I doubt not of his love, but know no means
how he dares work against so great a rival: your father
in a spleen may disinherit him.
Sul,
And give't to whom? h'as none but him and
me: what though he doat awhile upon your beauty,
he will not prove unnatural to his son. Go to your
chamber; my genius whispers in my ear, and swears,
this night we shall enjoy our loves. Come chear up
my girl, and go with me to my chamber, where
Lelio and your mother stay to meet us.
[Exeunt.
SCENE, the court before Albumazar's House.
Enter Albumazar, Pandolfo, Ronca, Trincalo.
Alb.
Signior Pandolfo, y'arrive in the happiest hour:
If the seven planets were your nearest kindred,
And all the constellations your allies:
Were the twelve houses, and the inns o'th'Zodiack,
Your own fee-simple, they could ne'er have chosen
A fitter place to favour your desires.
For the great luminaries look from Hilech,
And, midst of heaven, in angles, conjunctions,
And fortunate aspects, a Trine and Sextile,
Ready to pour propitious influences.
Pan.
Thanks to your power and courtesy, that so plac'd them.
That is the man that's ready for the business!
Alb.
Of a most happy count'nance, and timber fit
To square to th'gentry: his looks as apt for changing,
As he were covered with camelions skins.
Trin.
Except my hands, and 'twill be troublesome
To fit these fingers to Antonio's gloves.
Pan.
Pray let's about the work as soon as may be.
First chuse a large low room, whose door's full east.
Pan.
I have a parlour.
Of a great square and height as you desire it.
Alb.
Southward must look a wide and spacious window:
For whosoever Omar, Alchabitius,
Hali, Albenezra, seem something to dissent;
Yet Zoroastres, son of Oromasus,
Gebir and Budda Babilonicus,
With all the subtile Cabalists and Chaldees,
Swear the best influence for our metamorphosis,
Stoops from the south, or, as some say, south-east.
Pan.
This room's as fit as you had made it of purpose.
Trin.
Now do I feel the calf of my right leg
Tingle, dwindle to th'smallness of a bed-staff.
Such a speech more, turns my high shoes strait boots.
Ron.
Ne'er were those authors cited to better purpose,
For, thro' that window, all Pandolfo's treasures
Must take their flight, and fall upon my shoulders.
Pan.
Go to my house, satisfy your curious choice;
But, credit me, this parlour's fit; it neighbours
To a blind alley, that in busiest term-time,
Feels not the footing of one passenger.
Alb.
Now then declining from Theourgia,
Artenosaria, Pharmacia, rejecting
Necro-puro-geo-hydro-cheiro-coscinomancy,
With all other vain and supersttiious sciences,
We'll anchor at the art prestigiatory,
That represents one figure for another,
With smooth deceit abusing th'eyes of mortals.
Trin.
O my right arm! 'tis alter'd; and methinks
Longs for a sword—The strangeness of these names
Hath scal'd the marks of many a painful harvest,
And made my new peel'd finger itch for dice.
Pan.
Deeply consider'd, wond'rous Albumazar!
O let me kiss those lips that flow with science.
Spread all the floor with finest Holland sheets,
And over them fair damask table cloths;
Above all these, draw me chaste virgins aprons:
The room, the work, and workman must be pure.
Trin.
With virgins aprons? the whole compass of this city
Cannot afford a dozen.
Alb.
An altar in the midst, loaded with plate
Of silver basons, ewers, cups, candlesticks;
'Twere not amiss to mix some bowls of gold,
So they be massy, the better to resemble
The lovely brotherhood of Sol, and Luna:
The more abundance, sooner shall we finish.
For 'tis our rule, in such like businesses,
Who spares most, spends most. Either this must do't,
Or th'revolution of five hundred years
Cannot: so fit are all the heavens to help us.
Pan.
Sir, for rich plate and jewels I have store;
But know not how to furnish you with hangings.
Alb.
Cannot you borrow from the shops? Four hours
Shall render all as fair as you receiv'd it.
Pan.
That can I easily do; all shall be done, Sir, as you commanded.
Trin.
Doctor Albumazar, I have a vein of drinking,
And an artery of wenching runs thro' my body.
Pray when you turn me gentleman preserve those,
Two if it may be done with reputation.
Alb.
Fear not, I'll only call the first good
Fellowship, and th'other civil recreation.
Trin.
And when you come to the heart, spoil not
The love of Armellina, and in my brain leave
As much discretion as may spy falshood in a tavern
Reckoning, and let me alone for bounty to wink
And pay it; and if you change me perfectly I'll
Bring you a dozen knights for customers.
Alb.
I warrant you;
And when your man's transform'd, the chain you promis'd.
My hand; My deeds shall wait upon my promise.
Alb.
Lead then, with happy foot, to view the chamber.
Pan.
I go, Sir. Trincalo, attend us here,
And not a word, on peril of thy life.
Trin.
Sir, if they kill me, I'll not stir a foot;
And, if my tongue's pull'd out, not speak a word.
[Exit Alb. and Pan.
Trin.
O what business 'tis to be transform'd!
My master talks of four and twenty hours;
But if I miss these flags of yeomanry,
Gilt in the seat, and shine in the bloom of gentry,
'Tis not their 'strology, nor sacrifice,
Shall force me cast that coat. I'll ne'r part with't,
Till I be sheriff of the county, and in commission
Of peace and quorum. Then will I get me a clerk,
A practis'd fellow, wiser than my worship,
And domineer amongst my fearful neighbours,
And feast them bountifully with their own bribes.
Enter Cricca.
Cric.
Trincalo!
Trin.
Wear a gold chain at every quarter sessions,
Look big, and grave, and speak not one wise word.
Cric.
Trincalo!
Trin.
Examine wenches got with child, and curiously
Search all the circumstances: have blank mittimusses
Printed in readiness; breathe nought but sirrah,
Rogue, ha? how? hum? constable, look to your charge.
Then vouch a statute, and a Latin sentence,
Wide from the matter.
Cric.
Trincalo!
Trin.
Licence all ale-houses,
Match my son's transformation t'a knight's daughter,
And buy a bouncing pedigree of a Welch hearld: and then—
Cric.
What in such serious meditations?
Faith no; but building castles in the air,
While th'weather's fit: O Cricca, such a business!
Cric.
What is't?
Trin.
Nay soft, they're secrets of my master;
Lock'd in my breast: he has the key at's purse strings.
Cric.
My master's secret? keep it, good farmer, keep it,
I would not lend an ear to't, if thou didst hire me. Farrwell.
Trin.
O how it boils and swells! if I keep't longer,
'Twill grow t'impostume in my breast, and choak me.
Cricca!
Cric.
Adieu, good Trincalo; the secrets of our betters
Are dangerous, I dare not know't.
Trin.
But hear'st thou,
Say I should tell, canst keep it as close as I do?
Cric.
Yes: but I had rather want it. Adieu.
Trin.
Albumazar—
Cric.
Farewell.
Trin.
Albumazar—
Cric.
Pr'ythee.
Trin.
Albumazar,
Th'astrologer, hath undertook to change me
T'Antonio's shape: this done, must I give Flavia
To my old master, and his maid to Trincalo.
Cric.
But where's Pandolfo and Albumazar?
Trin.
Gone newly home to choose a chamber fitting
For transmutation.—So, now my heart's at ease!
Cric.
I fear the skill and cunning of Albumazar,
With his black art, by whom Pandolfo seeks
To compass Flavia, spight of her brother Lilio,
And his own son Eugenio, that loves her dearly.
I'll lose no time, but find them, and reveal
The plot and work to cross this accident.
But Trincalo, art thou so rash and vent'rous
To be transform'd with hazard of thy life?
What care I for a life, that have a lease
For three: but I am certain there's no danger in't.
Cricca, thou understandest not: for Antonio,
Whom I resemble, suffers all; not I.
Cric.
Yonder Pandolfo comes, I'll hence and haste to Lelio.
[Exit Cricca.
Enter Pandolfo.
Pan.
Up quickly, Trincalo, to my child Sulpitia;
Bid her lay out my fairest damask table-cloths,
The fairest Holland Sheets, all the silver plate,
Two gossip's cups of gold; my greatest diamonds:
Make haste.
Trin.
As fast as the stars will let me.
[Exit Trin.
Pan.
This is that blessed day I so much long'd for:
Four hours attendance, 'till my man be chang'd,
Fast locks me in the lovely arms of Flavia.
How slow the day slides on! when we desire
Time's haste, it seems to lose a match with lobsters,
And when we wish him stay, he imps his wings
With feathers plum'd with thought.
[Exit Pan.
SCENE, a Chamber.
Enter Lelio, Eugenio, Cricca.
Lel.
Eugenio, these words are wonders past belief.
Is your old father of so poor a judgement,
To think it in the power of man to turn
One person to another?
Eug.
Lelio, his desire
T'enjoy your sister Flavia, begets hope,
Which, like a waking dream, makes false appearance
Lively as truth itself.
Lel.
But who's the man
That works these miracles?
Eug.
An astrologer.
Lel.
How deals astrology with transmutation?
Cric.
Under the veil and colour of astrology,
Believe it by some art, or false imposture,
He'll much disturb your love, and your's, Eugenio.
Lel.
Eugenio, 'tis high time for t'awake.
And as you love our Flavia, and I
Your sister, fair Sulpitia; let's do something
Worthy their beauties. Who falls into a sea,
Swoln big with tempest, but he boldly bears
The waves with arms and legs, to save his life?
So let us strive with our best power, lest
After we ascribe the loss to our dull negligence,
Not fortune.
Eug.
Lelio, had I no interest in your sister,
The holy league of friendship should command me,
Besides the seconding Sulpitia's love,
Who to your nobleness commends her life.
Lel.
She cannot out-love me, nor you out-friend me;
For th'sacred name whereof, I have rejected
Your father's offers, and importunities.
But though I love your sister
Like mine own soul; yet did the laws of friendship
Master that strong affection, and deny'd him.
Eug.
Thanks ever, and as long shall my best service
Wait on your will. Cricca, our hope's in thee,
Thou must instruct us.
Cric.
You must trust in fortune,
That makes or mars the wisest purposes.
Lel.
What say'st? what think'st?
Cric.
Here's no great need of thinking,
Nor speech: the oil of scorpions cures their poison.
The thing itself that's bent to hurt and hinder you,
Offers a remedy: 'tis no sooner known,
But th'worst on't is prevented.
Eug.
How, good Cricca?
Cric.
Soon as you see this false Antonio
Come near your doors with speeches made of purpose,
Full of humility and compassion;
And other feign'd inventions of his dangers:
Bid him be gone; and if he press to enter,
Fear not the reverence of your father's looks,
Cudgel him thence.
Lel.
But were't not better, Cricca,
Keep him fast lockt, till his own shape return,
And so by open course of law correct him?
Cric.
No. For my master would conceive that counsel
Sprung from my brains: and so should I repent it.
Advise no more, but home and charge your people,
That if Antonio come, they drive him thence
With threat'ning words, and blows if need be.
Lel.
'Tis done.
I kiss your hands, Eugenio.
Eug.
Your servant, Sir. I'll to your sister,
And Sulpitia, and prepare 'em for th'event.
| Albumazar | |