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The second Scœne.
To them Changlove, Stitchvvell, and his Wife.Some Citie loving couple.
Geor.
What's that Gallant?
Fran.
Surely 'tis Will Changelove;
The Proteus of affection: one that vary's
As many shapes of love as there are objects.
But what that shee-thing is I doe not know.
Geo.
She seems a handsome piece. That opportunity
Would play the Bawd a little.
Fran.
You'd be nibbling.
Changlove is my acquaintance. If they come this way (as
'tis most likely Tottenham-Court's the end of their early
walking) I'le be thy introduction. Let's walke softly.
Geor.
Whilst I doe ruminate some policie.
Stitch.
Besides the recreation Sir, tis healthfull.
Chang.
Indeed sloth duls the spirits activenesse.
And too much sleeping blunts the senses quicknesse;
Though some be very needfull; their affects
Are the preservers of their instruments.
I love early rising.
Mris. St.
But me thinks a nap in a morning's good.
Cha.
True Mris. Stitchwell; when the braine hath purg'd
It selfe of grosser fumes, the fancy yeeld's
Such solace to the inward waking sense
In pleasant dreames, that I have often wish'd
Those shadowes reall which they have presented;
Indeed I love to sleepe in the morning.
Stitch.
But stirring and exercise, I say.
Wife.
I would you would vse it in bed then.
Stitch.
I tell you Mr. Changelove though I am a Taylor
I keepe servants that are stout knaves. I love them well,
and they looke well to my businesse. On holydayes I give
them leave to use exercise.
Wife.
Yes husband, your finisher is as pretty a fellow
as ever did tradesman or his wife service. He pitcheth the
barr, and throws the stone; it doth me good to think of it.
Stitch.
I have a Cornish-Lad that wrastles well, and
hath brought home Rabbets every Bartholmew-tide these
five yeares. At stoole ball I have a North-west strippling
shall deale with ever a boy in the strand.
Change.
Now you speake of a ball, I would wee had
one here; tis a commendable exercise: the great Physitian
Galen wrote a booke, de exercitatione parvæ pilæ.
Wife.
What's that, pray sir?
Change.
Concerning the exercise of the little ball.
Wife.
It seems great Physitians will busie themselves about
small things: but they are not of my mind.
Geor.
How lik'st the project?
Fran.
As the end proves it; howsoever, it promiseth
fairely.
Geo.
They are arriv'd: let us prepare our selves.
Fran.
Mr. Changelove; a happy day follow this pleasant
morning.
Change.
Worthy friend, I returne your salute with
double wishes: pray know this Gentleman and his bed-fellow.
Fran.
The day must needs bee fortunate, that begins
with such faire Omens.
Wife.
I pray sir, why doth that Gentleman shun your
company? I hope we fright him not. It had beene manners
to salute me.
He alwayes doth that by Attourney Mistris.
Wife.
Then I must pay the fees.
Fran.
The truth is, he is a great woman-hater.
Wife.
Now out upon him. I thought he was gelt, hee
is so fat. Beast that I was to be so unmercifull to a dumb
thing; I had a dog serv'd so for the same purpose.
Fran.
It is a disposition in his will,
Not a defect of power.
Stitch.
How said you sir? cannot that Gentleman indure
women?
Fran.
Hardly their sight at distance. 'Tis affliction
Vnto his very soule to heare their vertues
Discourst, unlesse in scorne.
Chang.
A strange unmanly humour: I love not that.
Wife.
May all the curses our injur'd sexe can study, fall
upon him for it: aud I thinke we can curse.
Frank.
I know, to him my company is deare;
And our intentions have the selfe same end
Of mutuall enjoying: now, with what dejection
He doth expect I should divide my selfe
From you, may be conceiv'd.
Wife.
I beseech you kind sir leave us not.
Change.
I should love some witty plot upon him.
Frank.
He is my friend: yet I would gladly ayde
In any easie mischiefe, that might ayme
At his reclaiming.
Wife.
Let's get him arraign'd as one was in a play. Let
me alone to aggravate his inditement to the Jury; which
shall be twelve Midwives of my acquaintance: yet Ile be
sworne I never us'd any of them.
Change.
I have it.
Stich.
Pray first heare mine: let's run to Totenham-Court
for a wager.
Fran.
'Tis excellent; so his grosse bodies toyle
To follow us, shall be our laughter.
Stitch.
Right: or if he stay behind, let my wife alone
to vexe him.
Let's run then: 'tis a brave Olympicke exercise;
I love it well; but how shall we dispose
Of all these cumbers?
Fran.
Let us not be foot-men.
Change.
Indeed a seeming carelesse stay'd formalitie
In such like wantonnesses best becomes
A gentleman. I love it.
Fran.
Forwards then.
Chang.
The wager?
Stitch.
Every man his dozen.
Exeunt running.
Wife.
Why sweetheart; why husband; why Iohn;
doe you leave your Wife behind, to bee taken up by
every body? Now the love of mans society defend mee
from this abuser of creation. Come not neere mee thou
man of clouts; thou maulkin of virilitie; thou halfe woman,
and all beast: or with these nayles I will teare out
thine eyes, and all the double things are left about thee.
Geor.
Be milder gentle mistris. There's nothing in me
Appears unto my selfe so full of guilt
It should deserve reproach from you a stranger.
Wife.
There's nothing in you indeed sir; your friend
hath given me your character. You pretend to hate women,
because women have reason to hate you.
Geo.
I hate women!
Now by my love of pleasure, no delight
Hath any relish on the wanton palat
Of my desires; unlesse some mixture season it
That is deriv'd from them.
Wife.
Yes sir; you may take delight in them, but they
little in you. Come not too neere, there's infection in it:
my blood desires no freezing. The Summer of my youth
is not yet halfe spent; or if it were Autumne with mee,
high feeding and ease requires something.
Geo.
She takes me for an Eunuch. Sure my friend
Hath overdone his part; and drawne the counterfeit
Too neere the life of truth. Sweet Mistris heare
My plainer thoughts with superficiall words.
I love you; my desires are throughly fir'd,
And burne my bloud: which but your free enjoying
Nothing can quench.
Wife.
Why, I am a woman sir.
Geo.
I thinke you are; and one made up for pleasure,
More then the dull converse of what's defective.
Wife.
You say true sir: I heare it with a heavy heart.
But I hope sir, you would not have me make my husband
a Cuckold.
Geo.
Fie, that's a grosse construction; onely shame
And common knowledge doth it, not the act
Of a Wifes wantonnesse.
Wife.
I need no instructions for secrecie. Trust mee a
handsome Gentleman. The wickednesse of his friend to
beleeve him so. Dare you kisse me sir?
Geo.
A pledge for what should follow.
Wife.
You shall doe what you will with me, but making
my husband Cuckold.
Geo.
No more of that. Nay, this way.
Wife.
What, back againe! No by my Strand-honesty.
Ile to Totenham-court after my husband. If there be that
necessity at any time that I must make my husband a Cuckold,
I'le doe it before his face: any Citizens Wife can
doe it behind her husbands backe.
Geo.
Your will disposeth mine: we there may finde
Handsome conveniences; and I'le renew
My counterfeit of woman-hater: it
May cast a mist before his jealous eyes
Would watch us else.
Exeunt.
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