 | Totenham Covrt |  |
Act. 3.
Scœn. 1.
Tapster, Iames, Sam.Tapster.
Y'are welcome Gentlemen.
Iam.
Now my parrat of froth, whose mouth is lin'd
with tapestry; what company is in the house?
Tap.
None of your acquaintance but Mr. Changelove.
Iam.
Will Changelove? prethee call him hither.
Tap.
I shall sir; By and by. Some stew'd pruines for
the two costive Citizens in the Buls head; and more rowles
for the three Taylors in the Smithfield-Lyon.
Jam.
How shall we spend the day Sam?
Exit.
Sam.
Let's home to our studies and put cases.
Iam.
Hang cases and bookes that are spoyl'd with them.
Give me Iohnson and Shakespeare; there's learning for a gentleman.
I tell thee Sam, were it not for the dancing-schoole
and Play-houses, I would not stay at the Innes of Court for
the hopes of a chiefe Iustice-ship.
Sam.
Time would be better spent in reading lawes,
Teaching our knowledge how to argue doubts:
For in our after-states such may arise
That without policies helpe may ruine it.
Iam.
Formalitie; a grave youth in a gowne. Thou think'st
'tis becomming to walke thus to Totenham-Court, and at
should weare my hayre off then a round cap.
Sam.
'Tis not to make it my profession,
(Although in some it be most necessary)
(For how can government and lawes subsist
Without their ministers, whose skill and judgement
Distinguish right from wrong) but to be able
To manage what's mine owne, as time shall send it.
You are likely to inherit faire possessions,
Gain'd by a fathers industry; perhaps
With some contention, and conveyances
May be defective: wer't not better farre
Your selfe could understand it, then to trust
The honesty or skill of a bought counsel?
Iam.
Hang state: I tooke no paines to get, why then
should I take any to keep it? if it will stay, so 'tis: if not,
Shop-keepers that will trust, shall be paid when they can
get it. A law of necessity Sam, and alwayes in force with
Gallants.
Sam.
I had rather heare another resolution.
The third Scœne.
To them Changelove.Iam.
Will Changelove, well met at Totenham-Court.
What made thee rise so early?
Chang.
The company of halfe a man: expound my Riddle,
and be a whole Oedipus.
Iam.
It must be more then thy Taylor.
Change.
Right, his Wife; who being halfe of himselfe,
makes up the third part a halfe man. I love his company
man, and pay him with nothing but courtesies: a Totenham-Courts
kindnesse is principall, interest and security.
Iam.
What shall we drinke? Ale?
I love it best; the old English naturall drinke. But
can this gentleman study after Ale?
Sam.
If I avoid the excesse.
Iam.
Ale's muddy: what thinke you of Beere?
Chang.
I love Beere best. The planting of hoppes was
a rare projection in the Dutch; it hath taught some of them
English naturally.
Iam.
Shall wee hunt to day Will? I heard the common
crye abroad.
Chan.
Hunting! 'tis sport to make immortall activenes
Even in the dullest Earth. A well-mouth'd crye
Out-does the Sphæres in Musique. Gods themselves
Have left their fabulous Heaven, to put on
The shapes of hunters: courting such delights
In these disguises, that hath made them wish
Th'exchange of their ethereall government
To live with mortalls. I love hunting dearly.
What saith your friend?
Sam.
Indeed sir, my affection
Is better pleas'd with solitary studie:
A sober mornings walke, is exercise
Enough for me.
Chan.
You are to be commended.
Why, Contemplation is the very being
Of Mans delight: it shewes his nobler part
Converse with things divine; the nimble soule
Climbs by it to a height of happinesse.
I must confesse I love it.
Musique.
Iam.
Is there Musique with the company you left?
Chan.
And good too: 'tis company of that curiositie, ordinary
stuffe will not please them.
Iam.
Would thou wouldst enter mee into their acquaintance;
we might have a dance.
Enter Stitchvvell, Franke, Changlove.
Chan.
Why, I love dancing too. Agilitie
Commends the good composure of one's bodie;
Doth make the object of a handsome man
So pleasing in a Ladies eye, as Dancing.
This Room's more spacious: I'le invite them hither.
The third Scœne.
To them Franke, Ciceley, Stitchwell, Wife, Bellamie, and George behind the women.The room's possest.
Sam.
You may command a resignation.
Iam.
Please you t'admit us; we would faine partake
Your worth and company.
Frank.
Your friends Will Changelove?
Chang.
Yes, noble sir.
Frank.
They'r welcome to my knowledge.
Numbers addition will increase our mirth,
And swell it to more height.
Bella.
Arme me now confidence,
And teach my tongue, that never spake untruth
From a consideration, practise lying,
And the denyall of my proper selfe.
It is my brother, hee'l discover me.
Sam.
'Tis surely she: they'r all her lineaments.
Had I ne're seene her; had not knowing sense
Power to distinguish, naturall instinct
Would tell me 'tis my sister. Why disguis'd?
And why come hither? it hath wrapt my reason
In mists of wonder. Yet I cannot feare
She hath betray'd her honour to base wantonnesse.
She had a guard of vertues; else hypocrisie
Taught her to seeme a Saint, and paint that goodnesse
With a false colour. Know you not my sweet heart?
No indeed sir.
Sam.
Is not your name Bellamie?
Bella.
Neither sir.
Sam.
Deny's her selfe.
There's something in't above my reach of feare.
Passion forbeare me, and I'le worke with policie,
To find the scope of all.
Cice.
A sweet young Gentleman.
Is this your sweet-heart maid?
Sam.
Is she your servant?
I woud have cal'd her kinswoman for resemblance
She hath with one of mine.
Cice.
Your Aunt or Cousin?
Sam.
Meanes she in the mysticall sense of ill?
Iam.
Shall we dance gentlemen? Musicknesse, and let
activenesse freeze! Shall I use you sweet Mistris?
Wife.
Kindly sir, or I am waspish. A waspe you know
hath a sting.
Iam.
Please that grosse gentleman?
Wife.
By no meanes sir: dancing will hurt his Sciatica.
Iam.
Doe you know him then?
Wife.
Yes, and will know him better if he come neere me.
He is one into whom the spirit of Swetnam's crept.
I hope sir you are of a kinder disposition to our sexe.
Iam.
You see Mistris I am for their company any way.
Stitch.
Pray sir let's goe neerer the women.
Geor.
Pray sir forbeare: you'l not compell me rudely.
Perhaps ther's an aversion in my nature.
The company of women's mine affliction.
Stitch.
My wife shall vexe you then.
Chang.
And I love Mans societie: solid soules,
Void of all light impressions; whose discourse
Tends not to superficiall complement,
But hath more sense then sound.
Fran.
You are for dancing;
Possesse my roome.
The womens creature sir.
There's Magick in their company that charmes
All masculine affections, but of pleasure
In their enjoying. I'le spin or threed their needles;
Read Spenser and th'Arcadia for their company.
Wife.
I'le dance with you Mr. Changelove.
Stitch.
One cup more, Ile be for the exercise.
Wife.
You'l have more anon husband, then your head will
well carry.
Geo.
She meanes hornes.
Which if I fayle to give her, may I turne
Chastities convert, and be mortifi'd
From my concupiscence with hourely discipline.
They dance.
Wife.
Why how now husband? you'l be tippled presently.
Stit.
Hold good wife, before strangers? T'other dozen,
and then I'm gone.
Wife.
I would you were gone once for me.
Geor.
So would I.
Stit.
Gentlemen, a health to—
Fran.
Whom sir?
Stit.
All the Cuckolds in the strand.
Wife.
Fye husband, you forget your selfe. Nay, gentlemen
hee is such another man; when hee hath got a cup or two
hee'l not stick to abuse his betters. I beseech you beare with
him, I shall be ready to beare with any of you.
Stit.
Wife, you shall drinke a health to all the Cuckoldmakers
in Cornwall.
Wife.
You meane wrestlers sweet-heart; you are so taken
with your Cornish Prentice. I tell yee gentlemen, hearing
him talke the other day of the hugge, I wisht him to
shew me what 'twas: the stiffe knave presently gives me a
fall: but it was upon a soft bed.
Frank.
Otherwise there had beene danger.
Come sweet Mistris, the other dance.
Cice.
Will you make one sir?
Geo.
Alas faire Mistris, my grosse body wants
A mimick activenesse.
Cice.
But you can move sir?
Wif.
Bestir your stumps a little sir. Are women such bugbears,
especially handsome ones? for I have been flatter'd.
Stit.
Well said Wife; to him Wife.
Wif.
I durst undertake yet, had you one of us in a corner.
Geo.
How she instructs me! nay then.
Exit.
Fran.
Will you be gone George?
St.
After him Wife, put him too't, and tickle him home.
Wif.
Ile warrant husband Ile bring him into play.
Exit.
Iam.
It seemes this gentleman loves not the company
of women.
Chang.
At least wise tis pretended. Wer't a plot
To gull her husband, I should love it dearely.
Why did not I attempt it, that have had
More opportunities then ever made
Sinne fruitfull in the pleasure? If't be so,
The next share shall be mine. I love a wench
As well as he or any.
Stit.
T'other health, and then farewell,
Fran.
Mr. Stitchwell is your name?
Stit.
A Taylor in the Strand; and I am as good a man
there as Deputy Tagg in the City, though he thinke himselfe
an Aldermans fellow, and no Cuckold.
Fran.
You mind Cuckolds much: good sir remember
your selfe.
St.
By your leave then; I must, and I will, I will and I must.
Fran.
What must you sir?
Stit.
Why, you may doe what you will; and I will doe
what I list.
Exit.
Iam.
The Taylor's paid.
Chang.
By your favor, 'tis a lye.
Fran.
And his Wife too by this. Follow mee gentlemen,
Sweet, I'le returne presently.
Exeunt men.
Cice.
Can my chast thoughts within their spotles circuit
Retaine a good opinion of this gentleman,
Who gives free scope to his libidinous will
In actions that staine conscience?
Bella.
Can my ills
Grow to a greater heighth? my honours danger
Runs equall with my persons.
Cice.
He hath courted
Almost beyond resistance, (had not goodnesse
Preserv'd me white) to sully me with lust;
And failing offer'd marriage.
Bell.
Can a Brother
Conster this place, disguise, and company
Lesse then a lapse from vertue in a Sister,
Who labour'd more to be good really,
Then ever hypocrite did to appeare so.
Cice.
I must not trust. Besides, mine eye hath seene
An object that delights it; and desire
Begins to burne my bosome with new flames
I yet ne're felt. 'Tis an ambitious love,
And must be check't. Why? sure my Birth's more noble:
My spirit argues it, which never yet
Harbour'd a common thought; but all above
The lownesse of my fortune. How now Mistris?
Bella.
Distrest beyond recovery. 'Twas my brother;
Whose eye no sooner found me, but his lookes
Exprest a troubled soule: but when he heard
My tongue deny my selfe; what passions then
Possest him, may be thought.
Cice.
Is he your Brother?
Feare not to be discover'd: I have plots
To circumvent him, and prepare his temper
For mild impressions.
Enter Tapster.
Prethee Friend shew us a private roome.
With convenience Mistris.
Cice.
For a retirement.
Tapst.
This way Mistris. I smell the reward of a knaves
office: howsoever sinne thrives by wickednesse. Froth-fill'd
Cans and over-reckonings will hardly raise a stock to
set up with. Now will I informe the Gallants.
Exit.
The fourth Scœne.
George and Wife.Wife.
Pray sir, forbeare. Is this a place to make ones
husband a Cuckold in?
Geor.
Let not such weake excuses rob my hopes
Of that delight, for whose enjoying
Danger and all that weaknesse can be frighted with—
Wife.
Pray sir, talke not to me of weaknesse. The servants
of the house will suspect us presently.
Geo.
Be expeditious then, we lose that time
Might make the pleasure fruitfull.
Wife.
Indeed sir I durst ee'n venture to make him cuchold,
might I be sure you would get a boy.
Geo.
That's doubtles, sweet.
Wife.
And shall he be like the father?
Geo.
As ever Citizens sonne was.
Wife.
I meane my husband.
Geo.
I am a Courtier.
Wife.
Kind sir, you even deserve it for your policie. But
I am so affraid.
Geo.
Mischiefe on these delayes.
Within.
Sweet-heart, Wife.
Wife.
Ay me.
Geo.
Vexation racks me.
Prevented at the point of such a happinesse!
Within.
Come Chuck and hold my head.
Wife.
Pray sir, hide your selfe:
Geo.
Where?
Happily, here's an empty tub.
To them Stitch.
Stitch.
My head akes Wife; where art chicken?
Wife.
Here husband. You must presse upon womens
retirement.
Stitch.
Oh my stomacke; 'tis very sick.
Wife.
Emptie it in the fields then; let not the servants
take notice you are such a sloven.
Stitch.
Why not in that tub?
Wife.
Fie beast: defile a necessary implement of housewifry?
This 'tis to drink healths to Cuckolds. You might
have beene one your selfe, were not I the honester woman;
which is more then many of your neighbours can
say for themselves.
The fifth Scœne.
To them Franke, Changelove, Iames, Sam, and a little after them a wench with a payle of water.Change.
Wher's Mr. Stitchwell? Fie, give out man,
and steale away.
Stit.
Oh gentlemen my head, my head; oh gentlemen.
Frank.
Me thinks your forehead's swolne sir.
Wife.
Truly no sir. There's no more then what hath
beene ever since I was his wife; fifteene yeeres and upwards,
a long time of barennesse.
Wench.
What the Divell make all these gentlemen in
my Dames wash-house? Get yee up to your chambers
with a vengeance.
Powres the water into the tub.
Frank.
I wonder where my friend is.
Geo.
Hold, hold; I am drown'd.
Fran.
George, what made you there?
Wench.
Mischiefe on you sir: you have spoild mee a
paile of conduit water cost mee many a weary step the
Stitch.
Alas good gentleman; he hid himselfe from my
Wife, and see what's hapned.
Geo.
Hell take your wife and you. Accursed women,
That in your curse made Man so.
Fran.
Fye George, scold presently after your cucking.
Sam.
Diogenes in dolio.
Chang.
And lamentation.
Fra.
Come forth George: now the Comedie is ended,
away with the disguise.
Geor.
Women or divells,
Made faire to be destructions instrument.
Fran.
You seeme to compassionat the mischance:
Stit.
Good heart; but that he cannot endure a woman,
She should kisse him for amends.
Wife.
I thinke it would grieve any woman. I came hither
for somthing else then to be rail'd at.
Stit.
Let's vexe him no more Gentlemen. Come wife,
Ile goe sleepe a little.
Exeunt.
Chan.
There will be a safe opportunitie for me. I love
this Cuckold-making.
Geo.
Franke, though your selfe intend a reformation,
You might forbeare me: this was your owne plot.
Fran.
Why mine? I ne're had resolution yet
So stay'd, but I could alter it for pleasure:
Nor can I hate or envy it in others.
I am sorry George you should drinke water after your
sweet-meats.
To them Tapster.
Geo.
Doe not abuse me lest I thinke revenge:
I am almost tempted to attempt it.
Tapst.
The Gentlewoman hath withdrawne her selfe.
Iam.
What Gentlewoman?
Tapst.
Shee in the sattin gowne. You know my meaning
sir, shee's as right—
Iam.
Thanks honest Robin. Here's for thee.
Tapst.
I must thanke you sir.
I'le take the first opportunity.
Tapst.
The gentlewoman is retir'd sir.
Jam.
What gentlewoman?
Tapst.
You know my meaning. Shee's as right—
Sam.
Poxe on your Pandarising.
Tapst.
How now sir? I wonder what quantity of maiden
modesty went to your making up. Few gentlemen of
your complexion would have beene angry with an honest
Tapster for such intelligence.
Sam.
My Sister turn'd a common prostitute?
I must discover it.
Tapst.
the getlewoman's gone into another chamber
Sir.
Fran.
What gentlewoman?
Tapst.
Shee in the sattin gowne. There's a bed: you
know my meaning. Shee's as right—
Fran.
You are a rogue sirrah.
kicks him.
Tapst.
Good sir, what meane you?
Fran.
Mutter that thought agen: I'le cut thy tongue out.
Tap.
And kill anon, anon sir. But cold rewards. Had
none any better; Pandars would never purchase.
Exit.
Geo.
I'le take the Tapsters word, and trye.
Fran.
Come gentlemen, let's up agen. By this time George
your sorrow's drye.
Exeunt.
The sixth Scœne.
Enter Worthgood, Keeper, and Slip.Keep.
And why should you thinke so Slip?
Slip.
If I finde them not, count me no wiser then an Apothecary,
that lookt for Iewes eares on an old Pillory;
When the dead wood bore none but Scriveners.
Keep.
Enquire diligenty, sirrah.
Sl.
I will sir, and arme my selfe like a country Iuror: I cannot
hold out too fast till I have given up my verdict.
Exit.
My patience Sir hath hitherto made faire
The outside and appearance of that good
Your promise seem'd to meane me. Circumstance
Doth now instruct my feare, that this credulity
May be my danger. Trechery oft lurkes
In complements. Y'have sent so many poasts
Of undertakings, they out-ride performance.
And make me thinke your faire pretences ayme
At some intended ill; which my prevention
Must strive t'avert. Then good sir, leave me.
Keep.
Sir, though my outside's meane; I have a soule
Instrusted in all dues belong to man.
I never yet mis-us'd a common action
With a prepar'd dissembling. My intents
Are fairer then your jealousie, which lives
But in the darknesse of your ignorance.
'Tis a blind humour, let discretion guid it:
That th'end of your owne good be not perverted
By ill receiving of the hopefull meanes
My freenesse offers.
Worth.
You have heard my story;
But why it should so stirre compassion
In any stranger, counsell cannot well
Remove the doubt.
Keep.
Why Sir, I know a gentleman
Worthy in all things; but his crosser fortune
(On which mine had dependance as a servant)
Rob'd him at once of all those gifts she lent him;
Estate, life, wife; his infant-Issue left
To her blind pitty. Can I thinke you then,
Without some feeling, heare the sad relation
Of a misfortune, is so like to that,
As if the selfe same inauspicious starres
To them Slip.
Were both their meanes. The newes sirrah.
Slip.
Very bad Sir. My incredulous hostesse will not
trust: therefore pray sir make hast; for without some supply
Keep.
Hast found them?
Slip.
Ther's hopes or so: I heard an inckling. The house
swarmes with gallants; some of which have surely taken up
Ciceley, paltry Baggage, she playes the Lady at least, and
makes mincing faces like a countrey Bride at the upper end
of the table.
Kee.
Pray Sir let's in: we may perhaps find them heere.
Worth.
O fate, unlesse thy guiding kinder prove,
Despaire kils all my hope, and ends my love.
Exeunt.
Slip.
Oh Cakes and Ale, if you your sweets denye,
Let Slip despairing in a halter die.
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