 | A Fine Companion |  |
Scena I.
Carelesse, Captaine, Lieutennant, Lackewit, foure Wenches.Care.
Come my voluptuaries, my sonnes of comfort,
That know no sorrow, sing like Grasse-hoppers,
And feare no winter, nor no poverty;
Leade on my moving pillars of delight,
My Alchymists of pleasure, that convert
All like your selves: can make old Cato dance,
And turne Fabricius to an Epicure,
Should he behold you.
Cap.
Thou sayst right Telemachus;
Tis wine, and mirth that breed these raptures in thee.
Body of Iove, there's nothing but a rabble
Of leane and stary'd imaginations
Accompany sobriety: Some wine there,
That I may court my Cockatrice.
Care.
Good Captaine
Bid our noble friend welcome.
Cap.
You know my humour,
To men of ordinary pretence, I seldome
Vse to debase my selfe below the Nod
Of salutation, but for your sake
I receive him as a man deserving.
Give me thy hand Cadmus.
Lack.
I desire sir to incorporate my selfe into your acquaintance.
Car.
Tis well said, doe the like noble office to our friend
here sweet Lievtennant.
Lieve.
Sir he shall command my heart and hand on his
occasions, Ile as soone draw in his quarrell, as to pisse against
a wall.
Care.
These are the mirrours of the time old boy, that
shall shew you how to adorne your behaviour, that you may
passe in all company with confidence of approbation.
Cap.
And not erre the breadth of a naile.
He shall be able to passe through the needles of all
occurrences.
Lack.
And they would but learne me to sweare and take
Tobacco, tis all I desire.
Care.
Come they shall doe it, and I must tell you, these
suggestions in you are arguments of a generous disposition,
whence doe they flow I wonder?
Lack.
That mother wit that put them in my head, has
put money in my purse, and as farre as that money will leade
me, I will be bold and wise: I have my humours, and I scorne
the pollution of the Mechannicks.
Care.
How doe you like these replyes Captaine?
Cap.
Very well, by the faith of a souldier, excellent well,
they are good rellishing answers, and expresse an ebullition
in his nature, swelling to conformity.
Lack.
What, I will beare my selfe like a Gentleman.
Cap.
I, and the way to beare your selfe like a Gentleman,
is sometimes not to be able to beare your selfe at all. Lievetennant,
what say you?
Liev.
I say by Hermes, he that has a fortune,
And power to acquaint the world with his perfections,
And seekes to smother them, let him dye wretched.
Care.
You have no other way then this, to render you
worthy of society.
Cap.
What, he may turne stinkard, and live in the Country
with rootes and bacon, and not drinke a cup of good wine
in a twelve-moneth, nor know how the yeare goes about,
but by observation of Husbandry. He may keepe two
couple of dogs and a Sparrow-hawk, and levell his discourse
by them. He may be stil'd a civill Gentleman, ten sphæres
below a foole: He may marry a Knights daughter, a creature
out of fashion, that has not one commendable quality, more
then to make a corner pye and a sallad, no manner of courtship,
but two or three dances, as old as Mounsier, and can
play a few Lessons on the Virginalls that she learnt of her
Grandam: besides she is simple, and dull in her dalliance.
Care.
He tells thee right my brave Frisker, they are lumpish
girles, heavy in their sport, and cannot move with art.
Cap.
There's a wench, has her Suburb trickes about her I
mount her like Phlegon.
Lack.
Now doe I want some two or three good oaths, to
expresse my meaning withall.
Liev.
Captaine, what thinke you, shall he be a brother?
Care.
Yes he deserves it, let him be a brother.
Give him the principles of the brotherhood.
Cap.
Are you resolved to be a brother sir?
Lack.
Any thing I, you shall make a blowing horne, or
what you list of me.
Cap.
Nothing can be suddenly perfect, but must aspire by
progression, he must be practised in certaine duties, before he
can be an ingrafted member of the fraternity.
Care.
He shall doe any thing that is requisite.
Cap.
Well then, for the first two moneths we must dine
every day at a Taverne, where it shall be lawfull for any brother
to bring his shadow with him; and besides the full income
of wine and provision, to bespeake any superfluous dish
that he affects: but that which shall most commend the discretion
of your worth, is, that after the dissolution of the
Feast, no man besides your selfe must know what's to pay,
or take notice of the reckoning
Lack.
I must pay all, must I?
Cap.
You understand me rightly, and I applaud your capacity;
from thence, we must have a Coach attend at the
doore, to carry us to a Play, and at night to a Bawdy-house.
Lack.
And all at my charges?
Cap.
What else? And if any brother need a Cloake, or a
Sute, or so, you must not stay till he publish or intimate his
wants; but presently, by the strength of your owne Minerva,
picke out the meaning, and take order to supply him: have
you any credit with the Tradesmen?
Lack.
Yes, I have a Taylor that will trust mee for any
thing that Ile have him.
Cap.
That Taylor shall have custome, tell him so; and one
thing more, now brother, for so I must call you, we must
have all things in common, no difference in the possession of
any thing.
Lack.
Pray explain that rule to me, I do not understand you.
Why thus; this Hat is mine, and that yours, as you
conceive now, but they are neither mine nor yours upon the
premises: but may be transferr'd upon occasion to either, as
thus, doe you conceive me? Tis usuall amongst us.
Lack.
Tis very well, is this all?
Cap.
Ile make but one experiment more of your apprehension,
and have done. Looke you.
They shift cloakes.
Lack.
O I shall doe this to a haire, and by the same consequence
I shall be a Captaine somtimes: shall I not?
Cap.
Yes, when the date of your taske is accomplisht,
you shall be any thing.
Care.
Tis enough, this once a weeke will render him exact.
Shall's haue a song and a dance Captaine?
Cap.
Hang a Song, you see what little roome wee have
for our mirth, and you would fill it up with aire, would
you?
Care.
Nay, but by that aire, I hold a Song very delightsome,
the very place, as a man would say, and superficies of
pleasure.
Cap,
Prithee let it alone, by that element it charmes me
into melancholly.
Lack.
Then good Captaine let's have a Dance, for these
Gentlewomens sakes; besides there be many that come to
see nothing else.
Cap.
Why can you dance?
Lack.
What a question is there to a man of quality?
Yes I can dance, and that some that are here shall see and feele
before we part; for I meane to shake my heeles with that
fervour, that it shall strike them into a fit of my love, shall
be worse then any ague to them.
Cap.
Say you so? Wee'l try that ifaith. Come on Squeakers,
racke up our feet and eares to your Instruments.
Lack.
What tune Captaine?
Cap.
Play us the fine Companion.
The Dance.
Well said my effeminate Varlets, this was auspiciously performed.
I am afraid this dancing will breed spavins in my
legs, this caper has put me in remembrance of a cricke in my
back, I got at my last vaulting.
Cap.
No thou art deceiv'd my noble Hyacinth, tis a mystery
will exalt thee Hylas, 'twill make thee rise I say, and
put gold in thy purse, thou shalt follow the Court like a Baboone,
when a thousand proper fellowes shall sherke for
their ordinary; 'twill make thee conversant with Ladies, and
they shall give thee Diamonds to pawne, and thou shalt ride
up and downe in thy foot-cloth my little Dolphin. Some
wine there Tony: I call'd for wine an houre agoe, and could
get none.
Enter Drawer.
Fill out sirrah. What's here the Epitome of a glasse? By the
wombe of Bacchus, a score of them are too little for a
draught.
Lack.
O Lord Captain, nine such hornets are able to sting.
a man to death.
Liev.
By Saint George he that dyes so, dyes valiantly.
Cap.
What my bold Bravo, be not afraid, and thou wert
dead 'twere nothing, Ile come but with a troope of Wenches:
and a noyse of Fidlers, and play thee backe like Orpheus.
What's to pay Drawer?
Draw.
Sir you have built a sconce since you came in of
thirty pounds, and before you have any more, my Master intends
to be satisfyed.
Cap.
What money have you brother?
Lack.
Who I? O Lord brother Captaine, I have not the
third part of it.
Cap.
No matter, I nere thinke upon such transitory reckonings:
come, lets have a health, and my brother Lackwit
shall beginne it. Reach three Ioynt stooles hither Drawer.
Lack.
What to doe Captaine?
Cap.
Ile shew you, you shall ascend here, and be Captaine
of this Fort: Ile insconce you; come intrench your selfe,
and play from your Battery, and so every man round, there
take your Lintstocke in your hand, and give fire, now every
man as farre off as he can from the command of his Ordinance.
Farewell brother.
Exeunt.
Why Gentlemen, I hope you will not use me so,
I am your brother, why Gentlemen.
Cap.
There Drawer, take him for a pawne, tell him when
he has no money he must be serv'd so, tis one of his chiefe
articles.
Enter Crotchet.
Cro.
How now, what are you preaching ore your cups?
Now you are in your Pontificalibus indeed.
Lack.
Good Crochet helpe me downe, I shall breake my
necke else.
Cro.
How came you there?
Lack.
I know not, an ill houre of the brotherhood, Ile
after them with a vengeance.
Draw.
You must stay and pay the reckoning first, besides
the Musicians expect somthing.
Lack.
Who I pay the recknoning? 'Slight I came but
now in.
Draw.
That's all one, you were all of a nest, they are
flowne away, and there's none left but your selfe.
Lack.
S'death the Captaine is gone away with my Hat,
and my cloake too, I tell thee Ile pay no reckoning.
Draw.
Tis all one to me, if you can satisfy my Master so.
Lack.
What shall I doe Crochet?
Cro.
Give him what you have, and if he will take your
word for the rest, Ile excuse your Hat and cloake, and say
you lost them in a skirmish; you must scratch your hands in
halfe a dosen places with a pin.
Lack.
I so I will, come sir, Ile goe in and talke with your
Master.
Cro.
Besides, I have another businesse I came to tell you
of, that you and I must doe together, you shall reape the
whole credite on't your selfe, if you can manage it handsomly,
'twill gaine you that reputation with your Father, that
you shall never loose your selfe while you live againe.
Lack.
What is't Crochet?
Cro.
Goe in and Ile tell you.
Exeunt.
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