 | A Fine Companion |  |
Scena. VI.
Enter Littlegood, Mistresse Fondling.Fond.
Bring me to that, and ile yield to any thing.
Nay, good wife heare me.
Fond.
You shall pardon me: he is my sonne I hope, as well
as yours, and he shall bee fashion'd after my humour: why,
should you thinke to hinder my prospect from looking to
him? I say he shall ranke with the best, spend his money and
learne breeding.
Lit.
Doe, make a Gallant of him or a Gull, either will
serue, he may ride up and downe, and haue his Coach waite
for him at Playes and Tavernes, take up upon trust, consort
with wits and sword-men, bee afraid of Sergeants, and spend
more for his Protection then would pay the debt: he may be
a Stickler for quarrels, and compound them at his owne
charge: reele every night to his lodging, and be visited in the
morning with borrowing Letters, dice at Ordinaries, and lend
on all hands.: seale at all houres, or be beaten to it. These are
gifts in a sonne, beyond art or nature, for a father to be proud
of, or else he may runne away with all he can get, and when
tis gone, lye at a neighbours house till his peace be made.
Fond.
No you shall keepe him still at home with you; he
shall not dare to enlarge his Charter, to haue any more wit
then his father, let him sit in the shop with nere a paire of
cuffs on his hands, and play at Fox and Geese with the foreman,
entertaine customers, with a discourse as moatheaten as
your cloath, and not be able to looke upon a Lady, but court
some silly creature of his owne tribe, with speeches out of
bookes, ten times worse then any remnant; and after supper
steale abroad and be drunke in feare, this you can be content
with. Well, when he was a child, it was the prettiest talking
thing, and the wittiest withall, the neighbours tooke such
delight to heare it. There was a good Knight lay in my house
then was so kind to him, but you nere knew the reason, since
you haue cleane marr'd him that's apparant.
Lit.
Ile doe any thing wise that you will haue me.
Fond.
Yes when tis too late; and the custome of rusticity
is growne into an other nature with him, when his mind is
setled upon the Lees of it, and the edge of his humour quite
taken off, when learning has brought downe his spirit, then
you'l repent his restraint; has he not a pretty ingenuity?
Lit.
So much the worse, when tis corrupted: marke mee
what I say, giue him the reines, and if Fidlers sleepe in a
on a stall in peace, or wenches walke the streets for him (if he
be like his father) nere credit me againe.
Fond.
So much the better, I would haue it so, giue him
meanes to performe it, shew your selfe a loving father, and
be true in your prophesie.
Lit.
I must yield to her for my quietnesse sake, was ever
man thus tyed to a Chymera, thus vext with that should bee
his happinesse. I haue married with tumult, and begot my
affliction, not one of my generation will be rul'd; and for
my wife, shee has a tongue will runne post sixteene stages together,
and nere tire for it; with that she can worke me to any
agreement. Well take your sonne to your charge, doe what
you list with him: but for the wenches, Ile either chuse
them husbands, or else they shall trudge without any other
Dowry, then what nature has bestowed on them, that's certaine.
Fond.
Within there, call your young Master hither Crotchet,
hee has beene all this day at his study, makes the boy
mopish with his scholership, for want of better exercise; as
revelling, courting, feasting, and the like, he stands plodding
and musing as if his eyes turn'd with a wire, it has poysond
his very complexion, he is growne sallow with it, I know not
what would become of him, if I did not sometimes put money
in his purse, and send him abroad, to sinne for his recreation.
Lit.
Sweet wife be pacified.
Fond.
No, Ile teach you what tis to anger a woman that
brought a Dowry with her.
See what a Picture of formality you haue made of him,
come hither sonne Lackwit, what booke haue you there?
Lack.
This is a booke of Heraldry forsooth, and I doe
find by this booke that the Lackwits are a very ancient name,
and of large extent, and come of as good a Pedegree, as any
is in the Citie; besides they haue often matcht themselues
into very great families, and can quarter their Armes, I will
not say with Lords, but with Squiers, Knights, Aldermen, and
the like, and can boast their descent to be as generous, as any
of the Lafooles, or the Iohn Dawes whatsoever.
What be the Armes sonne?
Lack.
The Lackwits Armes, why they are three Asses rampant,
with their eares prickant, in a field Or, and a Rams head
for their crest, that's the Armes.
Fond.
Well said sonne, stand for the credit of the house.
Lack.
Nay, I will uphold it besides, though my father be
a Citizen, yet I am a Gentlemans sonne by the mothers side.
Fond.
I that he is ile be sworne, the Fondlings are as good
Gentlemen, as any be in the Citie, the boy has a Parlous head,
how should he find out this I marvaile?
Lack.
Find it out, as if I were such a foole, I did not
know my owne Coat.
Fond.
Yet husband, I never saw you weare one in my life.
Lit.
Not a fooles coate, but I shall haue one of your
Spinning very shortly.
Lack.
Ile tell you father if I list now; I can goe twenty
degrees backe like a crab, to find out the tracke of our gentility.
Fond.
Loe you there, can you bee content thou man perverse
to all reason, having a sonne of so large and prosperous
hopes, that might stand up the glory of his kindred, of such
pregnancie of wit and understanding, so rich in the qualities
that can beare up a Gentleman, to let him sinke, and not cherish
him with those helpes that might advance his gallantry.
You haue had your florishing season, and are now withered,
your blossomes of beauty are blowne off & therefore must be
content out of that dry stalke to afford some sap to maintaine
his succession; pray how many young Gentlemen haue you in
this Towne, that goe in plush, and their fathers to plow in
the countrey? shall we haue worse Presidents in the Citie?
impart I say, and giue him twenty peeces, and when they are
gone giue him twenty more.
Lit.
What to doe?
Fond.
Will you disparadge him, as if he knew not what
to doe with it? doe you thinke that Fencers, Dancers, Horsematches
(Ile haue him verst in all these, and omit nothing
that may demonstrate his breeding;) besides Mistresses, and
implements that belong to them require, nothing?
Lit.
Was ever any mother in this humour? that should reclaime
her sonne from his ill courses, to animate him, and supply
then repent; here hold, there's twenty peeces, I am sure all
throwne away, they are in a consumption already, and will
be dead, and drawne out by to morrow. What thinkest thou
Crotchet?
Crot.
Nay sir they are condemn'd, that's certaine, you haue
past your iudgement upon them, and my young Master must
execute it.
Lit.
I giue it lost Crotchet, I giue it lost; but stay, my
daughters; I had need haue Argus eyes to looke about mee,
or the Dragons that watcht the Hesperides: I am beset on all
hands; my daughters are wily, my wife wilfull, my sonne I
know not what, with the feare of my money, doe so distract
me, that my wits are disioynted amongst them, all the remainder
of my hopes is, if Valeria haue prooved tractable to Mr.
Spruse, and that Dotario has received comfort in his Æmilia.
I labour with expectation till I goe in, and be delivered.
Fon.
Stay husband, Ile go with you: but harke you son Lackwit,
doe you know to what purpose this gold was given you?
Lack.
To no purpose at all, but I know, what I purpose to
doe with it.
Fond.
What ist?
Lack.
I purpose to make a medicine of it.
Fond.
A medicine.
Lac.
Yes I will dissolue it into Aurum potabile, and drinke
nothing but healths with it.
Fond.
Then you are right.
Lac.
Nay I will domineer, and haue my humors about me
too.
Fond.
Doe any thing, for the improuement of your
discipline. Come Crotchet.
Lac.
Stay Crotchet, doe you perceiue nothing? you dull
animall looke here.
Cro.
I sir, I hope you meane to giue me one, or two of them.
Lac.
No, I will not giue, nor lend a friend a penny, there's
no such confutation of a mans being a Gentleman; but when
I am drunke, and haue my wine and my whores about me, Ile
spend twenty or thirty shillings upon you, but I will not giue
you a penny Crotchet.
Crot.
Then farewell sir.
Lac.
You know where to come to me, you shall find me in
my pontificalibus.
| A Fine Companion | |