 | News from Plimouth |  |
ACT. V.
Enter Cable, Letters in his hand.Cable.
These come from London sure, I know no part
O'th' Realme, allowes me a Friend, or Enemy,
But that unlucky Town; where now, 'tis dead
Vacation too, a time of great Calamity
With younger brothers, Men o'th Camp, and the
Distress'd Daughters of old Eve, that lie Windbound
About Fleet-Ditch.
Enter Porter.
Porter.
What, In your melancholly Fit agen?
[Steps aside.
Cable.
They are from Creditors, would I were valiant
Enough to open e'm:
To my noble Friend
Captain Cable; this Superscription is
The kindest; and Seal'd with a Farthing too:
That were enough to fright a poor mans augurie—
Sa, sa, courage,—
[Opens a Letter
Porter.
These dumps are dolefull,
I'le goe fetch my Mistress to him.
[Exit.
Cable.
Hum, forborne you above seven years—hum, promis'd;
With Oaths to pay me last Cales voyage—hum
Never drunk for my Worship—hum. Three of my Children
Lie sick of the Measles—hum—but one bunch of Turnips
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And my Wives best Kirtle at Pawn—Hum—commit
My self to your Conscience—Hum—your Friend as you
Use him Gregory Thimble.
Enter Carrack.
Carrack.
I hope he's at his Prayers!
Indeed melancholly is a good sign
Of Contrition, in Men that drink much.
Cable.
Here are two Lamentations more, to the
Same tune. Were Hannibal alive, and these
Directed to him, he would not have the Heart
To open 'em. O these are bitter Pills!—
[Puts up the Letters.
And now for Marmalad to close the stomack up;
This morning I had news of a fiery Cutler
That will greet me with a Ne exeat Regnum.
Carrack.
Just such a sad Man was my Husband wont
To be in's youth, when he receiv'd Letters
From London! and fac'd me out still, they came
To borrow Money: Poor City-Souls, they sent
But for their own.
Cable.
There's no returning to Town without Money,
Unless I could move underground.
For though I know each Lane
And Alley, fit for Ambush, or Retreat;
Yet the Serjeants know me better. Full many
A sad gripe have I had on the Left-shoulder,
And in the Kings name too. Fine Rogues, to use
The Kings name to him, that has none of's Coyn!
Well, I must turn chaste, marry my dear Widow,
And be rich! No remedy!
Carrack.
Good morrow Captain! I am come to seek
You out; and know how far you are resolv'd
In the main point You understand me Captain?
Cable.
Widow! Would 'twere Sunday Widow!
Carrack.
And why, I pray?
Cable.
That we might have clean Linnen,
Fresh Nosegays;
And go hear Exercise. I know you love
To frequent the silenc'd Parties, let but
Their Lungs hold out, and I'll listen till my
Ears ake. Sirrah, Widow, thou never knew'st
A Rogue so suddenly reclaim'd.
Carrack.
It is glad tidings Sir!
Cable.
No more drinking now? I will undertake
To walk throughout all the Sandy hot Desarts
Of Barbary, with one Flagon o'Water.
Alas! The Dew's enough to satisfie
A temperate Man, so he travel by night,
And with his Mouth open. And for whoring,
If my example should prosper, and reclaim
The sinners of this Town; there's many
A poor Justice of Peace will get but little.
Carrack.
You are stangely alter'd.
Cable.
It is too true.
Wouldst thou believ't? I was about last night
To sell my Trumpets, and in their stead, buy
A pair of Virginals, thou know'st it is
The more precise harmony. As for my Feather,
Here, take it, and stuff Pillowbers; it is
A vain wearing, argues sin, and a light head!
Carrack.
Is't possible, you can be so precise?
Cable.
This day I'll cut off my Main Mast, and for
No other reason, but because methinks
It looks like a May-pole.
Carrack.
I can but wonder and rejoyce.
Cable.
Widow I'll marry thee! Let that suffice,
Go buy a Wedding Ring; and dost thou hear.
Lay out Money, here are Bills of Exchange
Newly come from London, will discharge all—
[Pulls out's Letters.
Carrack.
Are all these Bills of Exchange?
Cable.
All but some few Postscripts of news.
Carrack.
It is no news Captain.
Cable.
What is no news Widow?
Carrack.
That you ow Money! Know Sir, there is now
Arriv'd, a short Hair'd, small Notch'd-messenger.
That calls himself an Apprentice, he rails
Against your Captainship, and says you ow
His Master Money, and those Letters come
From others too, that suffer in the same cause.
Cable.
Dost thou not know Widow, Men of Courage.
Will ow Money.
Carrack.
'Tis evident. But what (I pray) are your debts.
Cable.
I am no Arithmatician (Widow) I cannot tell
To a just scruple.
Carrack.
But you may neerly guess.
Cable.
About a Hundred, or a Thousand pound!
Carrack.
No Land, nor Living, Captain, yet ow
A Thousand pound?
Cable.
These are silly examinations! Go, go,
Put on clean Linnen Widow, and let's to Church.
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You did consider Sir, and must not I
Have respite to consider too?
Cable.
I'll follow,
And shake these thoughts out of her Head; his hopes
Are at the last gasp, that gives a Widow
Leave to consider.
[Exeunt.
Enter Inland, Bumble, English-Skipper.
Inland.
Ah my belov'd Bumble, thy kindness hath
Converted my heart to Butter, it melts too.
Good Friend,
Render this to him in elegant Dutch.
Eng. Skipper.
Verssat ye de Rutter Capitaine.
Bumble.
Yaw, yaw, Ick verstoe: Ick hebb cen true heart.
Maer warome bebt hy myn so liefe?
Eng. Skipper.
He would know why you love him, Sir, considering
Your quarrel is depending still.
Inland.
For his valor tell him 'cause he will fight:
My Countrey-men scarce know what it doth mean.
Good kind, meek Souls, they'll strait be reconcil'd!
Desire him we may joyn together in
A Flanders hugg; embracing coursly, like
Two softy Younkers of the Hague.
Eng, Skipper.
He understands you Sir—
[Inland and Bumble embrace.
Inland.
I am the servant of your Dog Bumble!
Bumble.
Ick byn yare Hunt foot—
Inland.
Hoondsfoot! What's that?
Eng. Skipper.
Why Sir, he is your Dogs Leg.
Inland.
How! dost thou complement old Flounderkin!
I must kiss thee: Buss me Bumble, I say buss—
[They kiss.
Bumble.
Maer wee mot noch vechten.
Inland.
Yes, yes, we will fight too, Bumble, Heaven willing
I will cut thy Throat for all this, and throw
Thee over-board! among thy kinred, Habberdine,
And Ling; who shall meet thee some four days hence
Ten fathom deep: But first I've a sute to thee,
Tell him my Governor plays the false friend,
He will not lend me his Ship.
En. Skipper.
Hy en koat niet een Skipp kveghe.
Inland.
Therefore, if he please, we'll encounter like
Two valorous angry Herrings, and fight swimming,
In any Sea-coast that he will name.
Bumble.
Ick verstoe! Maer ick mot in een Skipp veckter.
Eng. Skipper.
You must excuse him, Sir, he cannot fight
Without a good Ship under him.
Inland.
Tell him he hath two now in his command,
I'll borrow one, and Man it with my Faulkners
Huntsmen, and my Women.
Bumble.
Nien, nien, dat mat niet wesen:
Eng. Skipper.
He will not part, Sir, with his Ship.
Inland.
Bumble, if you have no curtesie, Bumble.
I will make bold with your body here! Take that—
[Kicks him.
And for more solace that—, and that for old reckonings.
Bumble.
Ick sall meet you at Sea veur all.
Inland.
I'th' mean time a kick or two more on shore
Is not amiss—And Countrey-man, because
You take pay under him, thus I salute
Your Hanches—
Bumble.
Ick sall meet at Sea—
Eng. Skipper.
I, or in Amboyna; there you shall swing for't.
Inland.
March on! I must kick you to your Cock-boat.
[Exeunt.
Enter Topsail, Porter, like a Pursuiant.
Topsail.
But art thou sure he holds little power
Over his Niece.
Porter.
That little is too much, Sir,
He hath none at all. He may pretend she ows him
Respects as to her Uncle, but I have heard
Her Woman, Mistress Nightingale, (and she is
The Key of her Ladies Secrets) swear her honor
So hates her tedious babling, that she would part with
A good round sum to have assurance, not
To be afflicted with it but once a quarter.
Topsail.
That way I may do her service. But art thou perfect
In my directions?
Porter.
If I miss my kue,
Let me forfeit my reward.
Topsail.
Stand close, and when
I hold my hand up thus, rush in upon him,
And do thy office.
Porter.
With as much rudeness Captain,
As a drunken Beadle drags a kneeling Begger
To the House of Correction.
Topsail.
He appears, I'll have some sport, though I lose the Lady. Sir Solemne Trifle!
Enter Trifle.
Met to my wish I have dispatch'd my Letters
30
I shall have your Neece.
[Porter aside.
Trifle.
Pray you give me leave.
Topsail.
Nay more,
I have dispos'd of my Ship too.
Trifle.
Hear me, I pray you.
Topsail.
I build my confidence upon your credit,
And if I fall, you perish in my ruines.
Imagine, Sir, how monstrous 'twill appear
If a grave Justice, add to that a Knight,
Of such a reverend Beard, the Oracle
Of Wisdom to his Brothers of the Bench,
Nay their still open Mouth, a Statesman too,
That holds intelligence in all the Courts
Of Christendom, and from that frames his Counsels;
I say, if such an eminent Man should fail
In his assurances of a Ladies favor,
His Neece, and one he may command, that will not
Hazard the reputation of her Uncle,
But with her own loss carefully preserve it.
Who will give credit to your Hand and Seal,
Touching occurrences far off? And therefore
For your own sake, Sir Solemne, do me right,
Or you are like to suffer.
Trifle.
I confess it
An irrepairable loss. Now give me leave
To make you understand, with what discretion,
Art, judgment, Language, elegance of phrase,
I have proceeded for you.
Topsail.
Briefly I pray you.
Trifle.
I went to her, and at the first receiv'd
Slight entertainment, then I came upon her
With my rhetorical flourishes, set you off
In the full height of lustre, nay, observe
How much I ventur'd for you. I assur'd her
Upon my credit, That the next employment
You should be chosen Admiral, then bring in
The King of Spains Plate Fleet, and for the service
Should be made an Earl.
Topsail.
I am bound to you.
Trifle.
And yet,
Do you think she would believe me?
Topsail.
She had little reason. What wrought it on her?
Trifle.
Nothing as I live, all was cast away, nor gave I o'er so,
But urg'd authority, and told her plainly
Her Uncle was a Second-Father to her,
And she bound to obey him.
Topsail.
What, reply'd she?
Trifle.
The Girl laugh'd at me, flung away, and will'd me
To teach my Clerk Dash his trade, she was old enough
To govern her own affairs.
Topsail.
Does this fruit grow
On the Tree of your Assurances?
Trifle.
Captain Topsail,
Preserve my reputation. Recal
Your Letters by a Winged Post. I'll bear
The charge, and undergo what loss soever
You suffer'd in the parting with your Ship.
Dear Sir, be good to me. I would not be taken
In a lie for my estate.
Topsail.
You speak so honestly,
That troth I could forget it; but suppose
I should, I fear yet, you'll be call'd unto
A strict accompt for the other news, to which
You have set your Hand and Seal, and publish'd them
By your subordinate Ministers.
[Holds up his hand.
Within Porter. Break ope the Doors.
[Porter within.
I'll have him, if he be above ground, though
I raise the force of the County.
Trifle.
I begin to quake all over.
Porter.
Ah I am glad I have you.
Sir Solemne Trifle, in the Kings name, I charge you
T'obey my Warrant
Topsail.
Use him gently Pursuivant,
Remember he's a Justice, and a Knight,
He'll put in Bail.
Porter.
Bail will not serve, he must
And shall along with me presently: I'll not take
A Jury of Justices for his appearance.
Trifle.
I am undone.
Porter.
It is a kind of treason.
Trifle.
Ay me!
Porter.
He hath put the Kingdom in an uproar
About his news, under his Hand and Seal.
Topsail.
Sir Solemne, I foresaw this.
Porter.
Scarcrow and Zeal
Have kiss'd the Whipping-Post, and your Gossip Prattle,
Hath tasted of the Rack for venting of
Your trumperies, and the Rack will make him yield
A reason why he holds intelligence
Without Commission, and with Foreign Princes:
You must and shall go Sir.
Trifle.
O Trifle, Trifle!
What hath thy Pen, and Wisdom, brought thee too.
Topsail.
He will go quietly, tie not his Legs
Under his Horses belly.
Porter.
As I see cause Sir.
Trifle.
Am I come to that, hear me, I am a Traytor
In the highest degree. If e'er I had intelligence
But from Play-houses, and Ordinaries, and sometimes
Courants, Gazets, and Ballads, those were the
Undoing Spirits I work'd by.
[Weeps.
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I believe him
Troth Mr. Pursuivant, his fault may be
Thought greater, then perhaps it is, and if
A hundred pound in present pay, may teach you
The Art of Connivance, do not see him till
He hath su'd out his pardon.
Porter.
I shall run
A dangerous hazard.
Topsail.
This is certainty.
Give it him I say.
Porter.
For my security
He must instantly leave the Town.
Topsail.
Besides the Warrant
There's a necessity for that.
Trifle.
How Captain?
Topsail.
Seawit, I know not how, h'ath heard of the wrong
You did him to his Marchant, and he hath vow'd
To pull out your tongue, and cut off your right hand,
No less will serve him.
Trifle.
I'll rather go with the Pursuivant.
Porter.
And be rack'd to death.
Trifle.
What shall I do?
Topsail.
Steal closely
Out of the House; vanish as in a Mist
That way. Not a syllable: on mine Honor
[Exit Trifle.
There's no Sir Solemne here. So, you are paid for
Your Ship.
Porter.
The best that ever Porter was Sir.
Topsail.
This will I hope take off his edge of lying.
And fright him to tell truth. Now for the Lady.
[Exeunt.
Enter Loveright, Joynture, Nightingale.
Loveright.
Mischief and shame upon thy silent Tongue?
Why didst not tell me this before?
Nightingale.
Though I o'erheard their quarrel (Madam) I
Believ'd they would proceed no further, then
In words, but 'tis too certain, they were seen
Just now hastning to the Field.
Loveright.
Quickly my Coach! In the adjoyning Meadow,
Westward to th'Sea, did they appoint to meet?
Nightingale.
That was the place they nam'd.
Loveright.
You have enflam'd this anger (Cosin) by
Perswading emulation in their love.
Joynture.
You wrong me (Madam) with a calumny
That must result upon your self.
Loveright.
Within there Ho! My Coach.
Joynture.
Some call the Captains to assist us thither!
Pray Heaven they do not fight.
[Exeunt.
Enter Seawit, Warwel in their Shirts. Stand at distance.
Seawit.
This Ground is equal to us both; or if
Your better eyes can find a diff'rence in
Ascent, you have the liberty of choice.
Warwel.
I like my station Sir, and you must joyn
Some Fortune to your Strength, to move me hence.
Seawit.
You are as merry Sir, as if you thought
Of nothing but a triumph,
Warwel.
Our weapons have one measur'd length: If you
Believe the opposition of the Sun
Unto your face, is your impediment,
You may remove, and wear him on your back.
Seawit.
Your ceremonies, Sir, are troublesome.
I love his Beams, if they can see me faint.
'Tis fit they punish me
With Everlasting Night. Prepare your self.
Enter Loveright, Joynture, Carrack, Nightingale, to Seawit and Warwel. Topsail and Cable following. Loveright and Nightingale hanging on Warwel. Joynture and Cable on Seawit.
Seawit.
Who have we here?
Warwel.
Your Land-plot Captain Seawit
To fetch you off?
Seawit.
Your studied stratagem, Warwel,
With your Confederate Lady Wits, you had paid else
For your part of the jearing Scene.
Warwel.
I shall forget
Civility, and Manners, if you persist thus.
Have you first cast me off? abus'd my service?
Then hold me while your Gallant cuts my Throat?
Carrack.
Do you think to fright me with your naked weapon?
My Husband was
A Captain, yet when he has drawn upon me
In's drink, I have made him sheath his weapon, and
Repent he drew it on me.
Cable.
Here's a fine medley.
Seawit.
We cannot do that which we came for, Sir,
We must wait another hour, and till then truce,
[Puts up his Sword.
Silence becomes Men best, when Women talk.
Warwel.
I follow the example.
Seawit.
What new device
Succeeds this, Madam Marchpain? Wherefore come you?
32
Of the Green Sickness, and from me take Physick,
Fall to it presently, and scratch one another
Till you have torn off the Paint, and flesh together.
I'll have no other fee. I am mad such baubles
Should steal away my patience. When will it speak?
Hath it lost its Tongue? Borrow an inch or two
Of its Uncle Sir Solemne.
Loveright.
Ha! ha! ha! Is it angry?
Or its pleasant wit tied up, and turn'd to railing?
Joynture.
Shall we put one Purl of our Gorgets out of order
For such a face?
Loveright.
Or fight, or scratch, for a quibling
A part of your Revenue?
Carrack.
Or I run mad,
If I marry not this great Belly? or forswear sleeping,
If it be not made my Pillow?
Cable.
I am brought in too.
Loveright.
But to be serious.
Warwel.
Which you cannot be.
You have it not in your Nature, fickle Lady.
Loveright.
Be your own Judges for I'll speak my thoughts
To all, and freely. But I am interrupted.
Enter Inland.
Quiet this storm, and I will give you reason
For what we do, or have done.
[Seawit, Warwel, Cable, Topsail, confer the Women, step aside.
Inland.
None kill'd yet?
I have heard of the quarrel, and I will make one,
I care not on which side. Ha! How comes this.
Three Women 'gainst four Men! It must be so.
I have read in Errant Books of fighting Ladies,
And these no doubt are such, and I love 'em for't.
They are disarm'd, the Men have got the day,
And I stand bound to rescue 'em.
Seawit.
Second me 'twill do.
Cable.
We'll put him to't, and try his temper.
Inland.
You have been my Tutor, now I will be yours.
You have wrong'd these Ladies, and my honor binds me
To teach you better manners.
Seawit.
Thou weak Compound
Of clownery and rashness, that ne'er knew'st,
And art past reaching what true Valor is:
Bridle your tongue, or I must tell you Boy,
You will be whipt.
Inland.
Boy? I defie thee.
Topsail.
Stay Sir,
Be not so hot, I must have some cool words with you.
You have been saucy, and from my forbearance
Grown insolent. I'll put you to the test.
Fall off, and instantly, or I'll beat you to
A place to do me right.
Inland.
Beat me, lead on.
Cable.
We must not part so. You Cub, I'll make you feel
You are not now amongst your Tenants Sons,
Swaggering at a Wake, in your own Village,
Or stealing away a May-pole from your Neighbors;
But with such Men, as if you dare but scratch,
Can pare your Nails to the Stumps, and spoil your clawing.
Inland.
Three against one, 'tis foul play.
Warwel.
Thou art not worth
The anger of one Boy that has true mettal,
Or courage in him. Your love quarrelling,
Be it right or wrong, and fighting as you say too.
But look upon thy Sword.
Topsail.
Or frown.
Seawit.
Cast Lots
Who shall do the drudgery of cudgelling him.
Cable.
You shall part with the name of furious, and from henceforth
Be call'd Tame Inland.
Joynture.
How they aw him.
Inland.
Cow me with odds? Were your number ten times doubled,
I would not budg. Ladies stand fair, you shall
Perceive I am not aw'd, nor tongue-tied. Tutor,
For my bringing up, I will dispatch you first;
At your great Belly next. I will spoil your Pipe too.
And you shall find I dare look on my Sword
When I prick your Guts with't. Come one by one, or all
Together, I care not.
Cable.
Sure the Devil's in him.
Topsail.
You must take another course.
Seawit.
I'll rather suffer,
Then part with such a Charge.
Warwel.
I do recant.
Seawit.
Thou shalt be
Our Admiral.
Topsail.
And kill the Kings Enemies
By douzens.
Cable.
Be but reconcil'd.
Inland.
I am
Upon these terms, but let me have enow
Kings enemies to kill.
Seawit.
Thou shalt my Charge.
33
Boatsw.
Aboard, aboard, the Wind stands fair,
One sent too from the Admiral to command it.
Cable.
How! the Wind turn'd Westward?
Topsail.
'Tis! the Rack runs that way.
Seawit.
Constantly. No stay then
Your Lenvoy Ladies.
Loveright.
I will not hinder
Your voyage with long discourse. This is the Man,
For whose wisht sight, with some doubt to mine honor.
I came to Plymouth, having had intelligence
Four days before he had set Foot in Holland,
And was bound hither. You had such entertainment,
As I could give you: Other accidents
Were but to pass time. I am serious Sir,
And all imperious humors of a Mistress
Cast by, I thus embrace you as a Husband,
And as such, will obey you.
Seawit.
Heaven give you joy, Sir.
Warwel.
This satisfies for all, and if you please,
Here ends our difference.
Seawit.
'Tis my desire, Sir.
Joynture.
One word with you Sir. I shall still report you
A Noble Gentleman, and am so chang'd
With your behavior, though you want a fortune,
At your return I'll make you one, and do it
A lawful way.
Seawit.
I kiss your hand, and seal my self
Your Servant.
Cable.
Now Widow, what's your doom
Of me? Shall I stay at home,
Or weigh up Anchors and be gone?
Carrack.
Get honor,
And bring home a rich Prize, like my other Husband,
And you shall have his place. Yet though you thrive not
But come home ne'er so poor, forswear your whoring,
And I am your Wife; and to encourage you to it,
Give a particular of your debts, I'll pay 'em,
You shall come home a free man.
Cable.
By this kiss I thank thee,
I'll prove such a notable Husband
Seawit.
All stands yet in supposition.
Topsail.
I may find a Wife too
At my return, till when Honor's my Mistress.
Seawit.
Our Navy now puts forth to Sea, and if
You wish us a good voyage, we shall find
Our new trim'd Sails fill'd with a prosp'rous
Wind.
[Exeunt.
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