University of Virginia Library

Scene. IIJ.

Ever-ill. Plvtarchvs. Gvilt-head. Mere-craft. Fitzdottrell.
[Ev.]
O, are you heere, Sir? 'pray you let vs whisper.

Plv.
Father, deare Father, trust him if you loue mee.

Gvi.
Why, I doe meane it, boy; but, what I doe,
Must not come easily from mee: Wee must deale
With Courtiers, boy, as Courtiers deale with vs.
If I haue a Businesse there, with any of them,
Why, I must wait, I'am sure on't, Son: and though
My Lord dispatch me, yet his worshipfull man—
Will keepe me for his sport, a moneth, or two,
To shew mee with my fellow Cittizens.
I must make his traine long, and full, one quarter;
And helpe the spectacle of his greatnesse. There,
Nothing is done at once, but iniuries, boy:
And they come head-long! all their good turnes moue not,
Or very slowly

Plv.
Yet sweet father, trust him.

Gvi.
VVell, I will thinke.

Ev.
Come, you must do't, Sir.
I'am vndone else, and your Lady Tayle-bush
Has sent for mee to dinner, and my cloaths
Are all at pawne. I had sent out this morning,
Before I heard you were come to towne, some twenty
Of my epistles, and no one returne—

Mere-craft tells him of his faults.
Mer.
VVhy, I ha'told you o'this. This comes of wearing
Scarlet, gold lace, and cut-works! your fine gartring!
VVith your blowne roses, Cousin! and your eating
Phesant, and Godwit, here in London! haunting
The Globes, and Mermaides! wedging in with Lords,
Still at the table! and affecting lechery,
In veluet! where could you ha'contented your selfe
VVith cheese, salt-butter, and a pickled hering,
I'the Low-countries; there worne cloth, and fustian!
Beene satisfied with a leape o' your Host's daughter,
In garrison, a wench of a stoter! or,
Your Sutlers wife, i'the leaguer, of two blanks!
You neuer, then, had runne vpon this flat,
To write your letters missiue, and send out
Your priuy seales, that thus haue frighted off
All your acquintance; that they shun you at distance,
VVorse, then you do the Bailies!

Ev.
Pox vpon you.
Hee repines,
I come not to you for counsell, I lacke money.

Mer.
You doe not thinke, what you owe me already?

Ev.
I?
They owe you, that meane to pay you. I'll besworne,
I neuer meant it. Come, you will proiect,
and threatens him.
I shall vndoe your practice, for this moneth else:
You know mee.

Mer.
I, yo' are a right sweet nature!

Ev.
Well, that's all one!

Mer.
You'll leaue this Empire, one day?
You will not euer haue this tribute payd,
Your scepter o' the sword?

Ev.
Tye vp your wit,
Doe, and prouoke me not—

Mer.
Will you, Sir, helpe,
To what I shall prouoke another for you?

Ev.
I cannot tell; try me: I thinke I am not
So vtterly, of an ore vn-to-be-melted,
But I can doe my selfe good, on occasions.

They ioyne.
Mer.
Strike in then, for your part. Mr. Fitz-dottrel
If I transgresse in point of manners, afford mee
Your best construction; I must beg my freedome
Mere-craft pretends businesse.
From your affayres, this day.

Fit.
How, Sr.

Mer.
It is.
In succour of this Gentlemans occasions,
My kins-man—

Fit.
You'll not do me that affront, Sr.

Mer.
I am sory you should so interpret it,
But, Sir, it stands vpon his being inuested
In a new office, hee has stood for, long:
Mere-craft describes the office of Dependancy.
Master of the Dependances! A place
Of my proiection too, Sir, and hath met
Much opposition; but the State, now, see's
That great necessity of it, as after all
Their writing, and their speaking, against Duells,
They haue erected it. His booke is drawne—
For, since, there will be differences, daily,
'Twixt Gentlemen; and that the roaring manner
Is growne offensiue; that those few, we call
The ciuill men o'the sword, abhorre the vapours;
They shall refer now, hither, for their processe;
And such as trespasse 'gainst the rule of Court;
Are to be fin'd—

Fit.
In troth, a pretty place!

Mer.
A kinde of arbitrary Court 'twill be, Sir.

Fit.
I shall haue matter for it, I beleeue,
Ere it be long: I had a distast.

Mer.
But now, Sir,
My learned councell, they must haue a feeling,
They'll part, Sir, with no bookes, without the hand-gout
Be oyld, and I must furnish. If't be money,
To me streight. I am Mine, Mint and Exchequer,
To supply all. What is't? a hundred pound?

Eve.
No, th'Harpey, now, stands on a hundred pieces.

Mer.
Why, he must haue 'hem, if he will. To morrow, Sir,
Will equally serue your occasion's,—
And therefore, let me obtaine, that you will yeeld
To timing a poore Gentlemans distresses,
In termes of hazard.—

Fit.
By no meanes!

Mer.
I must
Get him this money, and will.—

Fit.
Sir, I protest,
I'd rather stand engag'd for it my selfe:
Then you should leaue mee.

Mer.
O good Sr. do you thinke
So coursely of our manners, that we would,
For any need of ours, be prest to take it:
Though you be pleas'd to offer it.

Fit.
Why, by heauen,
I meane it!

Mer.
I can neuer beleeue lesse.
But wee, Sir, must preserue our dignity,
Hee offers to be gone.
As you doe publish yours. By your faire leaue, Sir.

Fit.
As I am a Gentleman, if you doe offer
To leaue mee now, or if you doe refuse mee,
I will not thinke you loue mee.

Mer.
Sir, I honour you.
And with iust reason, for these noble notes,
Of the nobility, you pretend too! But, Sir—
I would know, why? a motiue (he a stranger)
You should doe this?

Eve.
(You'll mar all with your finenesse)

Fit.
Why, that's all one, if 'twere, Sir, but my fancy.
But I haue a Businesse, that perhaps I'd haue
Brought to his office.

Mer.
O, Sit! I haue done, then;
If hee can be made profitable, to you.

Fit.
Yes, and it shall be one of my ambitions
To haue it the first Businesse? May I not?

Eve.
So you doe meane to make't, a perfect Businesse.

Fit.
Nay, I'll doe that, assure you: shew me once.

Mer.
Sr, it concernes, the first be a perfect Businesse,
For his owne honour!

Eve.
I, and th'reputation
Too, of my place.

Fit.
Why, why doe I take this course, else?
I am not altogether, an Asse, good Gentlemen,
Wherefore should I consult you? doe you thinke?
To make a song on't? How's your manner? tell vs.

Mer.
Doe, satisfie him: giue him the whole course.

Eve.
First, by request, or otherwise, you offer
Your Businesse to the Court: wherein you craue:
The iudgement of the Master and the Assistants.

Fit.
Well, that's done, now, what doe you vpon it?

Eve.
We streight Sr, haue recourse to the spring-head;
Visit the ground; and, so disclose the nature:
If it will carry, or no. If wee doe finde,
By our proportions it is like to proue
A sullen, and blacke Bus'nesse That it be
Incorrigible; and out of, treaty; then,
We file it, a Dependance!

Fit.
So 'tis fil'd.
What followes? I doe loue the order of these things.

Eve.
We then aduise the party, if he be
A man of meanes, and hauings, that forth-with,
He settle his estate: if not, at least
That he pretend it. For, by that, the world
Takes notice, that it now is a Dependance.
And this we call, Sir, Publication.

Fit.
Very sufficient! After Publication, now?

Eve.
Then we grant out our Processe, which is diuers;
Eyther by Chartell, Sir, or ore-tenus,
Wherein the Challenger, and Challengee
Or (with your Spaniard) your Prouocador,
And Prouocado, haue their seuerall courses—

Fit.
I haue enough on't! for an hundred pieces?
Yes, for two hundred, vnder-write me, doe.
Your man will take my bond?

Mer.
That he will, sure,
But, these same Citizens, they are such sharks!
He whispers Fitz-dottrell aside.
There's an old debt of forty, I ga' my word
For one is runne away, to the Bermudas,
And he will hooke in that, or he wi' not doe.

Fit.
Why, let him. That and the ring, and a hundred pieces,
Will all but make two hundred?

Mer.
No, no more, Sir.
And then Guilt-head
What ready Arithmetique you haue? doe you heare?
A pretty mornings worke for you, this? Do it,
You shall ha' twenty pound on't.

Gvi.
Twenty pieces?

Plv.
(Good Father, do't)

Mer.
You will hooke still? well,
Shew vs your ring. You could not ha' done this, now
With gentlenesse, at first, wee might ha' thank'd you?
But groane, and ha' you courtesies come from you
Like a hard stoole, and stinke? A man may draw
Your teeth out easier, then your money? Come,
Were little Guilt-head heere, no better a nature,
Hee pulls Plutarchus by the lips.
I should ne'r loue him, that could pull his lips off, now!
Was not thy mother a Gentlewoman?

Plv.
Yes, Sir.

Mer.
And went to the Court at Christmas, and St. Georges-tide?
And lent the Lords-men, chaines?

Plv.
Of gold, and pearle, Sr.

Mer.
I knew, thou must take, after some body!
Thou could'st not be else. This was no shop-looke!
I'll ha' thee Captaine Guilt-head, and march vp,
And take in Pimlico,, and kill the bush,
At euery tauerne! Thou shalt haue a wife,
If smocks will mount, boy. How now? you ha'there now
Some Bristo-stone, or Cornish counterfeit
He turnes to old Guilt-head.
You'ld put vpon vs.

Gvi.
No, Sir, I assure you:
Looke on his luster! hee will speake himselfe!
I'le gi'you leaue to put him i' the Mill,
H'is no great, large stone, but a true Paragon,
H'has all his corners, view him well.

Mer.
H'is yellow.

Gvi.
Vpo' my faith, Sr, o'the right black-water,
And very deepe! H'is set without a foyle, too.
Here's one o'the yellow-water, I'll sell cheape.

Mer.
And what do you valew this, at? thirty pound?

Gvi.
No, Sir, he cost me forty, ere he was set.

Mer.
Turnings, you meane? I know your Equiuocks:
You'are growne the better Fathers of 'hem o'late.
Well, where't must goe, 'twill be iudg'd, and, therefore,
Looke you't be right. You shall haue fifty pound for't.
Now to Fitz-dottrel.
Not a deneer more! And, because you would
Haue things dispatch'd, Sir, I'll goe presently,
Inquire out this Lady. If you thinke good, Sir.
Hauing an hundred pieces ready, you may
Part with those, now, to serue my kinsmans turnes,
That he may wait vpon you, anon, the freer;
And take 'hem when you ha' seal'd, againe, of Guilt-head.

Fit.
I care not if I do!

Mer.
And dispatch all,
Together.

Fit.
There, th'are iust: a hundred pieces!
I' ha'told 'hem ouer, twice a day, these two moneths.

Hee turnes 'hem out together. And Euerill and hee fall to share.
Mer.
Well, go, and seale then, Sr, make your returne
As speedy as you can.

Eve.
Come gi' mee.

Mer.
Soft, Sir,

Eve.
Mary, and faire too, then. I'll no delaying, Sir.

Mer.
But, you will heare?

Ev.
Yes, when I haue my diuident.

Mer.
Theres forty pieces for you.

Eve.
What is this for?

Mer.
Your halfe. You know, that Guilt-head must ha' twenty.

Eve.
And what's your ring there? shall I ha' none o'that?

Mer.
O, thats to be giuen to a Lady!

Eve.
Is't so?

Mer.
By that good light, it is.

Ev.
Come, gi'me
Ten pieces more, then.

Mer.
Why?

Ev.
For Guilt-head? Sir,
Do' you thinke, I'll 'low him any such share:

Mer.
You must.

Eve.
Must I? Doe you your musts, Sir, I'll doe mine,
You wi'not part with the whole, Sir? Will you? Goe too.
Gi' me ten pieces!

Mer.
By what law, doe you this?

Eve.
E'n Lyon-law, Sir, I must roare else.

Mer.
Good!

Eve.
Yo' haue heard, how th'Asse made his diuisions, wisely?

Mer.
And, I am he. I thanke you.

Ev.
Much good do you, Sr.

Mer.
I shall be rid o'this tyranny, one day?

Eve.
Not,
While you doe eate; and lie, about the towne, here;
And coozen i'your bullions; and I stand
Your name of credit, and compound your businesse;
Adiourne your beatings euery terme; and make
New parties for your proiects. I haue, now,
A pretty tasque, of it, to hold you in
Wi' your Lady Tayle-bush: but the toy will be,
How we shall both come off?

Mer.
Leaue you your doubting.
And doe your portion, what's assign'd you: I
Neuer fail'd yet.

Eve.
With reference to your aydes?
You'll still be vnthankfull. Where shall I meete you, anon?
You ha' some feate to doe alone, now, I see;
You wish me gone, well, I will finde you out,
And bring you after to the audit.

Mer.
S'light!
There's Ingines share too, I had forgot! This raigne
Is too-too-vnsuportable! I must
Quit my selfe of this vassalage! Ingine! welcome.