University of Virginia Library

Scene II.

—The Queen of Beauty's Sanctum Sanctorum.
Enter the Queen of Beauty and Fairy Attendants, some carrying papers.
Queen.
Bring me some more reports! I'll read them all,
Till St. John's Wood remove to dark Blackwall.
I'll not give in! What's the fiend Jarjarhees?
Who cares for him and all his nasty tease.
Enter a Fairy (R.) hastily.
Hedge nettles flog thy back! thou snail-paced loon
Why trott'st thou thus, goose—look!
[Showing a watch.
It's long past noon!

Fairy.
There are ten thousand—

Queen.
Geese, silly?

Fairy.
Letters!

Queen.
Slattern!
Go prick thy thumbs, and spoil thy crochet pattern,
Thou Liliputian girl! What letters, Patch?

Fairy.
English.

Queen.
Begone! We'll come and read the batch?
[Exit Fairy, R.
Hang those that talk of bed! Fatigue I scout,
I'll work till from my hair the curl comes out.
Sweetlips!

Enter another Fairy, L.
Fairy.
Your gracious pleasure?

Queen.
What news more?

Fairy.
The glaziers strike for wages—

Queen.
That's a bore!
His doing! Never mind, let more be found;
Send out more posters—skir the country round.
[Exit Fairy, L.
The opposition presses rather thickly,
Enter Ameer Stikh.
Thou com'st to use thy tongue—thy story quickly!

Ame.
Gracious my lady!

Queen.
Well?

Ame.
I shall report
That which I say I saw, but didn't ought.
I look'd from out the Building—and methought
The Park began to move!

Queen.
Story and crammer!

Ame.
It proved to be a Yankee panorama
Two hundred miles in length! They claim admission,
As their donation to the Exhibition!

Queen.
We have supp'd full of horrors—don't suppose
We've room to go such dreadful lengths as those.
Take thy face hence!
[Exit Ameer Stikh, R.
'Tis madness what they ask—
I 'gin to be a weary of my task.
This fiend's annoyances will never end—
Enter a Fairy Porter (L.) with a box.
Now then!

Porter.
My liege, “a trifle from Gravesend.”

Queen.
SONG.

Att.
The king doth wake to-night.

Queen.
Wake! I should think he did, and keeps his rows,
But still he needn't wake th'entire house;
Our parent seems 'gainst decent rules a sinner—
What is the row?

Att.
'Tis an election dinner!
A new Vizier!—

Queen.
We've something of it heard,
But hadn't time to listen to a word.

Enter Dost Ymillah, R.
Dost.
May your mellifluence live a thousand years!
The Rajah's compliments, and the Vizier's,
And could you lay aside your witch'ry's power,
And shut your magic shop up for an hour,
And join them at dessert—it's just brought on!

Queen.
Our compliments, and say we won't—begone!
[Exit Dost Ymillah.
We've got too big, when people come to dine,
To be ask'd in to take a glass of wine.

Enter Cranbourn Ali R., considerably sprung, his turban very much on one eye, and his hands in his pockets.
Ali.
I—say—do—come!

Queen.
Now, pa! dear! what a state!
Before one's fairies, too! (To Attendants.)
Absquatulate!
[Fairies vanish R and L.
I, who've on Exhibitions spent such pelf,
To see my father make one of himself!
In your position, too—you really oughtn't!

Ali.
We couldn't help it, that's the long and short on't;
That Vizier! he's the drollest dog—at least
Not dog—

Queen.
Why not? No doubt a perfect beast!

Ali.
But still he's tip-top company—that's certain;
Just see him scramble up the window-curtain!

Queen.
The window-curtain!

Ali.
Yes; or take the chair,
And stand upon his head on it—it's rare!
Or stuff his cheeks with nuts and apples, quite full—
Such an amount of cheek is quite delightful!

Queen.
Why, what strange animal have you employ'd?

Ali.
A wild young monkey!

Queen.
What?

Ali.
Don't be annoy'd
That a four-handed Vizier serves your father;
Doesn't he play four-handed cribbage! rather!

Queen.
A monkey—speak! what sort?

Ali.
He seems to me
Between a Ringtail and a Chimpanzee,
Could he but speechify—he almost sang—
I should pronounce him a harangue outang!

Queen.
(Aside.)
A learned ape! No doubt the very prince,
Changed by my foe, Jarjarhees, some time since;
If so, a settlement with him I'll make,
And his change out of that he'll have to take!

Enter Codja, extravagantly dressed, R.
Codja.
I say, come on, old boy, the bottle stands,
The Vizier don't—he scarce can keep his hands!

[Trying to pull Ali away
Ali.
(To Queen.)
Do come!

Queen.
I really want to see the rarity!

Ali.
Make us some coffee—

Queen.
(Looking at them.)
It would be a charity.

Ali.
He's not particular, so drop all shyness.

Queen.
I'll follow you—

Ali.
(Going with Codja.)
That's right!

[A terrific smash, as of breaking glass is heard.
Codja.
(In extacies.)
Hark at his Highness!

[Exeunt Ali and Codja, arm-in-arm.
Queen.
Revenge! and so forth—if I have got hold of
The monkey that my magic arts have told of,
As I suspect. This Genie fiend, who dares,
To my annoyance, thus to show his airs,
Quick to the right about dismiss'd shall be,
With, in his ear, the most industrious flea
That my Industrial Exhibition boasts of—
Nor left with chances of escape the ghosts of!
SONG.

[Exit