Miscellaneous writings of the late Dr. Maginn :: :: University of Virginia Library

By heavenly zephyrs fanned well,
Inspire my bosom while I climb
Th' Eolian mount, with steps sublime—
The matchless subject of my rhyme
A Spermaceti Candle.

Dim was each light in days of old,

Showeth the miserable inferiority of the ancients in respect of lights.

'Mong Saxon, Goth, and Vandal,
Compared with that which now is sold,
(Better than tallow, dip, or mould),
Whose flame is brighter far than gold—
A Spermaceti Candle.

Place every kind of light in view,

He betteth a pipe of wine in favor of the Spermaceti Candle.

And when you 've quietly scanned all,
I'll bet a pipe of wine that you
Will give the preference unto
A Spermaceti Candle.

If tallow, therefore, you eschew,

If you eschew tallow, and are averse to soiling your fingers, use spermaceti.

And are averse to handle,
The very best thing you can do
Is in its place to substitu-
Te a Spermaceti Candle.

Its color is as pure as snow,

Describeth, with much gusto, the beauty of its complexion, and superiority of its light.

Or floors strewed with white sand all;
It burneth with a peerless glow—
A proof that there is nought below
Like a Spermaceti Candle.

185

It needs no snuffing, for the wick,

Showeth how it needeth not snuffing, nor becometh cabbaged.

So beautiful and grand all,
Becomes not cabbaged, faint, or sick—
With tallow lights a common trick—
But never with that shining stick,
A Spermaceti Candle.

Tall Etna from his flaming peak,

Preferreth its light to that of Mount Etna; useth the Scottish reek, which signifieth smoke.

With fiery arches spanned all,
Exhibits but a lustre weak,
Compared with that bright steady streak,
Which cometh unobscured by reek,
From a Spermaceti Candle.

Our old theatric records say,

Relateth an ancient legend concerning the band of Covent Garden Theatre.

That Covent Garden band all
Once on a time refused to play
March, hornpipe, dirge, or roundelay,
Save by the pure transparent ray
(Allowed to each musician gay)
Of a Spermaceti Candle.

That Hanoverian genius rare,

Showeth how Handel could not compose his Oratorios save by the light of spermaceti.

The organ-loving Handel,
Could not a single stave prepare,
Unless when on his easy-chair
He sat, surrounded by the glare
Of a Spermaceti Candle.

Great Hannibal, Hamilcar's lad,

How Hannibal bamboozled Fabius, by means of Spermaceti candles tied to the horns of cows and bulls.

Who armies could command well,
(Some say much better than his dad,)
Once saved himself from rout most sad
By means of cows and bullocks mad,
Each monster's horns with flames yclad
From a Spermaceti Candle.

Some praise the sun, and some the moon,

Showeth the folly of those who praise the sun and moon.

In eloquence quite grand all:
A fig for both! I'll beat them soon—
The last in May, the first in June—
By that incomparable boon,
A Spermaceti Candle.

186

I've travelled east, I've travelled west,

Spermaceti candles much sought after in Coromandel.

I've been in Coromandel,
And I can say, without a jest,
That both in hall and peasant's nest,
'Tis of its race avowed the best—
The Spermaceti Candle.

In Abyssinia, where the heat

Eke in Abyssinia.

Each native's phiz hath tanned well,
They deem their happiness complete
If any friend whom they may meet
Will have the goodness them to treat
To a Spermaceti Candle.

There 's nothing in the world so bright,

Showeth that the belated traveller thinketh with all his might on spermaceti.

As you must understand well;
Suppose you lose your way at night,
What think you on with all your might?
Why, to be sure, upon a light-
Ed Spermaceti Candle.

'Tis strange that those who love to sing

Expresseth surprise that Frosty-faced Fogo, and other laureates of the ring, should have neglected to sing the praises thereof.

The deeds of Cribb and Randall—
Those potent heroes of the ring—
Should never yet have touched the string
In praise of that most useful thing,
A Spermaceti Candle.

A cock-boat by the lightning smit,

The citizen who hath not a bit of said candle deserveth much pity.

A seventy-four that 's manned ill,
Are bad enough, but not a whit,
More to be pitied than the cit,
Who has not in his house a bit
Of Spermaceti Candle.

The Grecian maids, so fair and sweet,

Maketh a classical allusion to the maids of Greece, and their well-turned understandings.

Wore on each leg a sandal;
But all their skill was incomplete
To show at night their lovely feet
Without that accessory neat,
A Spermaceti Candle.

187

Live where he may, or far or near,

Direful penalty which ought to be inflicted on those who are so sinful as to sneer at a spermaceti candle.

He ought to be trepanned well,
And made to suffer stripes severe,
Imprisonment in cell most drear,
Without tobacco, gin, or beer,
Who has the heartlessness to sneer
At a Spermaceti Candle.

May honest men, where'er they be,

Adviseth all honest men to brand those who sip their tea or toddy without the light of spermaceti.

With indignation brand all
Who sip their toddy, or their tea,
In wintery nights, by land or sea,
Without the cheerful lustre free
Of a Spermaceti Candle.

Behold yon taper, shining bright

Showeth the inferiority of a certain light in a japanned lamp to spermaceti.

In lamp that is japanned well,
Although it gives a pleasant light,
'T would really seem as dark as night,
If but contrasted with the might
Of a Spermaceti Candle.

If you desire to be renowned

Showeth the eminent use of spermaceti in sundry games.

At cards, and play your hand well,
A clearer help can not be found,
(Whether the game be square or round,)
Than a Spermaceti Candle.

If e'er by chance you sail upon

Showeth the Social effects of a spermaceti in the Straits of Babelmandel.

The Straits of Babelmandel,
Where gas-lights are but little known,
You 'll ne'er be dull, nor feel alone,
If you have for compan-i-ón
A Spermaceti Candle.

To place beside it, oil or gas,

Showeth the absurdity of comparing oil or gas to the spermaceti candle.

Would be a kind of scandal,
Which none would think of but an ass
(Of whom there are a few, alas!)
Who vainly hopes thus to surpass
The Spermaceti candle.

188

In short, this luminary bright,

Concluding stanza, in which is sententiously summed up the rare qualities of a spermaceti candle.

Like baby you might dandle,
For cleanliness and giving light,
And aspect of a snowy white,
There 's nought—especially at night—
Like a Spermaceti Candle.

I may as well conclude, for if

Another conclusion, by way of ending.

I wrote another bandle,
I could not add a single whiff
Which would go further to uplif-
T a Spermaceti Candle.