University of Virginia Library

Within the Shire of Nottingham there lies
A Parish fam'd, because the Men were wise:
Of their own Strain they had a Teacher sought,
Who all his Life was better fed than taught.
It was about a quarter of a Year
Since he had snoar'd and eat, and fatn'd there,
When he the House-keepers, their Wives and all,
Did to a sort of Parish Meeting call;
Promising something, which well understood,
In little time wou'd turn to all their good:
When met he thus harangues: Neighbours I find,
That in your Principles you're well enclin'd,
But then you're all sollicitous for Sunday,
None seem to have a due regard for Monday,
Most People then their Dinners have to seek,
As if 'twere not the first Day of the Week;
But when you have hash'd Meat and nothing more
You only curse the Day that went before.
On Tuesday all Folks dine by one Consent,
And Wednesdays only fast by Parliament,
But Fasting sure by Nature ne'er was meant.
The Market will for Thursday find a Dish,
And Friday is a proper Day for Fish,
After Fish, Saturday requires some Meat,
On Sunday you're oblig'd by Law to treat;
And the same Law ordains a Pudding then
To Children grateful, nor unfit for Men.
Take Hens, Geese, Turkies, then or something light,
Because their Legs, if broil'd, will serve at Night,
And since I find that roast Beef makes you sleep,
Corn it a little more, and so 'twill keep.
Roast it on Monday, pity it should be spoil'd,
On Tuesday Mutton either roast or boil'd.
On Wednesday shou'd be some Variety,
A Loin, or Breast of Veal, and Pidgeon Pye.
On Thursday each Man of his Dish make choice,
'Tis fit on Market Days we all rejoice.
And then on Friday, as I said before,
We'll have a Dish of Fish, and one Dish more.
On Saturday stew'd Beef with something nice,
Provided quick, and toss'd up in a trice,
Because that in the Afternoon you know,
By Custom we must to the Ale-House go;
For else how shou'd our Houses e'er be clean,
Except we gave some time to do it then.
From whence, unless we value not our Lives,
None part without remembring first our Wives.
But these are standing Rules for ev'ry Day,
And very good ones, as I so may say:
After each Meal let's take a hearty Cup,
And where we dine 'tis fitting that we sup.

Now for the Application, and the Use,
I found your Care for Sunday an Abuse,
All wou'd be asking, Pray Sir where d'you dine,
I have roast Beef, choice Venison, Turky, Chine,
Every one's hawling me, then say poor I,
It is a bitter Business to deny;
But, who is't cares for fourteen Meals a Day,
As for my own part I had rather stay,
And take 'em now,—and then—and here—and there,
According to my present Bill of Fare.
You know I'm single, if you all agree
To treat by Turns, each will be sure of me.

The Vestry all applauded with a Hum,
And the seven wisest of them bid him come.