University of Virginia Library

Two Neighbours, Clod and Jolt, would marry'd be;
But did not in their Choice of Wives agree.
Clod thought a Cuckold was a monstrous Beast
With two huge glaring Eyes, and spreading Crest;
Therefore resolving never to be such,
Married a Wife none but himself could touch.
Jolt thinking Marriage was decreed by Fate,
Which shews us whom to love, and whom to hate,
To a young handsom jolly Lass made Court,
And gave his Friends convincing Reason for't,
That since in Life such Mischief must he had,
Beauty had something still that was not bad.
Within two Months Fortune was pleas'd to send
A Tinker to Clod's House with, Brass to mend.
The good Old Wife survey'd the brawny Spark,
And found his Chine was large, tho' Count'nance dark.
First she appears in all her Airs, then tries
The squinting Efforts of her amorous Eyes.
Much Time was spent, and much Desire exprest:
At last the Tinker cry'd, Few Words are best;
Give me that Skillet then, and if I'm true,
I dearly earn it for the Work I do.
They 'greed; they parted: On the Tinker goes
With the same Stroke of Pan, and Twang of Nose,
Till he at Jolt's beheld a sprightly Dame
That set his native Vigour all on flame.
He looks, sighs, faints, at last begins to cry,
And can you then let a young Tinker die?
Says she give me your Skillet then, and try.
My Skillet! Both my Heart and Skillet take;
I wish it were a Copper for your sake.
After all this not many Days did pass
Clod sitting at Jolt's House, survey'd the Brass
And glittering Pewter standing on the Shelf.
Then, after some gruff Muttering with himself,
Cry'd, Prithee, Jolt, how came that Skillet thine?
You know as well as I, quoth Jolt, 't'en't mine;
But I'll ask Nan. 'Twas done; Nan told the matter
In truth as 'twas; then cry'd, You've got the better:
For tell me, Dearest, whether would you chuse
To be a Gainer by me, or to lose.
As for our Neighbour Clod, this I dare say,
We've Beauty and a Skillet more than they.