Satires And Biography :: :: University of Virginia Library

Carlton House show'd me your complaints;
You must not think that men are saints:
Besides, you minx, you're much too young
To judge of life, and right and wrong:
Not but your morals please me much,
Though, to be frank, they are not such
As fits the age—pray learn from me,
Who've seen more years than you or she;
And though extrema senectute,
I've some remains of manly beauty:
So many throng'd here from the north,
They broke my back last June the fourth.
When prelates die, I'm so berook'd,
D. D.'s have gorg'd me till I puk'd;
And when reg'mental chiefs expire,
With scarlet mobs I'm all on fire.
I once, like Pepys, jalap'd all,
The gross, the slender, short, and tall:
Mark the reverse of mortal pride;
Now kings carouse where lepers died!—

Though Carlton whimpers not, like you,
She has her cares, and those not few—
W---t---e and Fitz had ample claws,
And hunger, that ne'er knew a pause;
Though to be useful they were taken,
They ate, not sav'd, their master's bacon:
Ere lying Rumour's trump was blowing,
And he'd a crust just worth bestowing,
They've stuck to what could scarce a mouse hold,
The Tom and Phillis of the household:
In lovely sympathy they tarried,
How piteous they were never married!
But when the storm began to lower,
And little Villany had power,
Each, with the instinct of a rat,
Waddled away surcharg'd with fat;
Wish'd that his reason might be stronger,
And sigh'd their prey would last no longer;
Became most insolently kind,
And mark'd his woes to sooth his mind!
Then, that his pangs might cease with life,
They turn'd him over to—his wife!

But to the statutes I'd enforce;
I'm old, and garrulous of course:

Urge what I may to the aggriev'd,
I'm like Cassandra, ne'er believ'd;

E'en though each circumstance I tell
Were all as true as heat's in hell!

Yet, if oppos'd by dunce or devil,
Truth will, like water, find its level.

Some men of failings make a jest,
In secret by themselves possest;

Hoping, by aid of timely cunning,
To turn the streams of social funning.

I know the Cabinet right well,
Yet half I know I dare not tell:

Oh could I change them, while they're sitting,
To so many old women knitting!

They hang together great and small,
Like stairs built geometrical:

Thus brother gradual raises brother
By slight attachments to each other.

With Policy's cameleon host,
Civility's but Friendship's ghost:
Some seem to drive their neighbour on,
Who really wish the dolt undone:
Yet to say P---t abhors the whigs
As much as Goldsmid, Mawbey's pigs,
Would be absurd as my supposing
Equity 'mid the judges dozing:
Yet now they mingle as they may,
Rare spirits all, blue, black, and grey;
Drawing too fast on destiny,
And some (how hapless!) hope to be
Fed like the prophet in the vale,
When ravens brought him cakes and ale;
With hunger'd cormorants' inclinations,
Grappling at all the good of nations.
Ne'er can my mind forget the view,
When B--- led on the recreant crew:
I'm dizzy when I read his name;
I shrunk with horror when he came;
I fainted when I saw him drag
His dogs to bark at Peace, and brag

Of dread achievements, in the womb
Of Time, to glut a kingdom's tomb!

As gaunt Alecto smil'd at Sin,
Till Nature shudder'd at the grin:
Drest in their tributary charms,
They sold (full dearly) their alarms:
All magnifying buoyant fibs,
While loyal slabb'ring stain'd their bibs:
As every Thing expectant stood,
And nam'd his price for doing good,