University of Virginia Library

Since the united cunning of the Stage,
Has balk'd the hireling Drudges of the Age:
Since Betterton of late so thrifty's grown,
Revives old Plays, or wisely acts his own:
Thum'd Rider with a Catalogue of Rhimes,
Makes the compleatest Poet of our Times:
Those who with nine months toil had spoil'd a Play,
In hopes of Eating at a full Third day,
Justly despairing longer to sustain
A craving Stomach from an empty Brain,
Have left Stage-practice, chang'd their old Vocations,
Atoning for bad Plays, with worse Translations,
And like old Sternhold with laborious spite,
Burlesque what nobler Muses better write:
Thus while they for their Causes only seem
To change the Channel, they corrupt the Stream.
So breaking Vintners to increase their Wine,
With nauseous Drugs debauch the generous Vine:
So barren Gipsies for recruit are said,
With Strangers Issue to maintain the Trade;
But lest the fair Bantling should be known,
A daubing Walnut makes him all their own.

In the head of this Gang too John Dryden appears,
But to save the Town-censure and lessen his Fears,
Join'd with a Spark whose Title makes me civil,
For Scandalum Magnatum is the Devil:
Such mighty Thoughts from Ovid's Letters flow,
That the Translation is a work for two;
Who in one Copy joyn'd their shame have shewn,
Since T---e could spoil so many, though alone:
My Lord I thought so generous would prove,
To scorn a Rival in affairs of Love:
But well he knew his teeming pangs were vain,
Till Midwife Dryden eas'd his labouring Brain;
And that when part of Hudibras's Horse
Jogg'd on, the other would not hang an Arse;
So when fleet Jowler hears the joyfull halloo,
He drags his sluggish Mate, and Tray must follow.
But how could this learn'd brace employ their time?
One construed sure, while th'other pump'd for Rhime:
Or it with these, as once at Rome, succeeds,
The Bibulus subscribes to Cæsar's Deeds:
This, from his Partners Acts, ensures his Name,
Oh sacred thirst of everlasting Fame!
That could defile those well cut Nails with Ink,
And make his Honour condescend to think:
But what Excuse, what Preface can atone,
For Crimes which guilty Bayes has singly done?
Bayes, whose Rose Alley Ambuscade injoyn'd,
To be to Vices which he practic'd kind,
And brought the venome of a spitefull Satyr,
To the safe innocence of a dull Translator.
Bayes, who by all the Club was thought most fit
To violate the Mantuan Prophet's wit,
And more debauch what loose Lucretius writ.
When I behold the rovings of his Muse,
How soon Assyrian Ointments she would lose
For Diamond Buckles sparkling at their Shoes.
When Virgil's height is lost, when Ovid soars,
And in Heroics Canace deplores
Her Follies, louder than her Father roars,
I'd let him take Almanzor for his Theme;
In lofty Verses make Maximin blaspheme,
Or sing in softer Airs St. Katharine's Dream.
Nay, I could hear him damn last Ages Wit,
And rail at Excellence he ne'er can hit;
His Envy shou'd at powerfull Cowley rage,
And banish Sense with Johnson from the Stage:
His Sacrilege should plunder Shakespear's Urn,
With a dull Prologue make the Ghost return
To bear a second Death, and greater pain,
While the Fiend's words the Oracle prophane;
But when not satisfy'd with Spoils at home,
The Pyrate wou'd to foreign Borders roam;
May he still split on some unlucky Coast,
And have his Works, or Dictionary lost;
That he may know what Roman Authors mean,
No more than does our blind Translatress Behn.

The Female Wit, who next convicted stands,
Nor for abusing Ovid's Verse but Sand's:
She might have learn'd from the ill borrow'd Grace,
(Which little helps the ruine of her Face)
That Wit, like Beauty, triumphs o're the Heart,
When more of Nature's seen and less of Art:
Nor strive in Ovid's Letters to have shown,
As much of Skill, as Lewdness in her own:
Then let her from the next inconstant Lover,
Take a new Copy for a second Rover:
Describe the cunning of a Jilting Whore,
From the ill Arts her self has us'd before;
Thus let her write, but Paraphrase no more.

R---mer to Crambo privilege does claim,
Not from the Poet's Genius, but his Name;
Which Providence in contradiction meant,
Though he Predestination cou'd prevent,
And with bold dulness translate Heavens intent.
Rash Man! we paid thee Adoration due,
That ancient Criticks were excell'd by you:
Each little Wit to your Tribunal came
To hear their doom, and to secure their Fame:
But for Respect you servilely sought Praise,
Slighted the Umpire's Palm to court the Poet's Bayes;
While wise Reflexions and a grave Discourse,
Declin'd to Zoons a River for a Horse.
So discontented Pemberton withdrew,
From sleeping Judges to the noisie Crew;
Chang'd awefull Ermin for a servile Gown,
And to an humble fawning smooth'd his frown:
The Simile will differ here indeed;
You cannot versify, though he can plead.