University of Virginia Library

Whoever looks about and minds things well,
And on Affairs abroad doth take a view,
May think the Story which I here do tell
Was never dream't it falleth out so true.
I do confess it's something hard to find
A crooked Path directly in the dark;
And while a Man's asleep you know he's blind,
And can't easily hit on a Mark.
Well, be it so, yet this you know is right,
What's seen i'th' Day is dream't again at Night.
A Dream I hope will no wise man offend,
Nor will it Treason be (I trow) to lend
A Copy of my Dream unto my Friend.
Caball beware your Shins,
For thus my Tale begins.

As 'tother Night in Bed I thinking lay,
How I my Rent shou'd to my Landlord pay,
Since Corn, nor Wool, nor Beast would Money make;
Tumbling perplext, these Thoughts kept me awake.
What will become of this mad World, quoth I?
What's its Disease? what is its Remedy?
Where will it issue? whereto does it tend?
Some ease to Misery 'tis to know its end.
Till Servants Dreaming, as they us'd to doe,
Snor'd me asleep, I fell a Dreaming too.
Methought there met the Grand Caball of Seven,
(Odd numbers some men say do best please Heaven)
When sate they were, and Doors were all fast shut,
I secret was behind the Hangings put:
Both hear and see I could; but he that there
Had placed me, bad me have as great a care
Of stirring, as my life: and ere that out
From thence I came, resolv'd shou'd be my Doubt.
What would become of this mad World, unless
Present Designs were cross'd with ill success?
An awfull Silence there was held some space,
Till trembling, thus began one call'd his Grace.
Great Sir, your Government for first twelve years
Has spoil'd the Monarchy, and made our Fears

Buck.

So potent on us, that we must change quite
Th'old Foundations, and make new, wrong or right.
For too great mixture of Democracy
Within this Government allay'd must be;
And no allay like nulling Parliaments
O'th' Peoples Pride and Arrogance, the vents
Factious and Saucy, disputing Royal Pleasure,
Who your Commands by their own humors measure.
For King in Barnacles (and to th'Rack-Staves ty'd)
You must remain, if these you will abide.
So spake the Long blue-Ribbon: then a Second,
Though not so tall, yet quite as wise is reckon'd,

Orm.

Did thus begin: Great Sir, you are now on
A tender Point much to be thought upon,
And thought on only; for by Ancient Law,
'Twas Death to mention what my Lord foresaw;
His trembling shew'd it, wherefore I'm so bold
To advise it's standing, lest it shou'd be told
We did attempt to change it; for so much
Our Ancestors secur'd it, that to touch,
Like Sacred Mount, 'tis Death; and such a Trick,
I no-ways like my Tongue should break my Neck.
Thus said, he sate. Then Lord of Northern Tone,

Lauderd:

In Gall and Guile a second unto none,
Inraged rose, and Col'rick, thus began.
Dread Majesty, Male beam of Fame, a Son
Of th'hundred and tenth Monarch of the Nore;
De'l split the Weam of th'Loon that spoke afore,
Shame saw the Cragg of that ill-manner'd Lord,
That nent his King durst speak so faw a word;
And aw my Saul, right weell the first man meant,
De'l hoop his Luggs that loves a Parliament.
Twa Houses aw my Saul are too too mickle,
They'll gar the Leard shall near have more a prickle;
No Money get to gee the bonny Lass,
But full as good be Born without a—
Ten thousand Plagues light on his Cragg (that gang)
To make you be but third part of a King.
De'l take my Saul I'll near the matter mince,
I'd rather Subject be than sike a Prince.
To Hang, and Burn, and Slay, and Draw, and Kill,
And measure aw things by my awn gude will,
Is gay Dominion; a Checkmate I hate,
Of Men, or Laws, it looks so like a State.
This eager well-meant Zeal some Laughter stirr'd;
Till Nose half Plush, half Flesh, the Inkhorn Lord
Crav'd Audience thus. Grave Majesty Divine,

Arlingt.

(Pardon that Cambridge Title, I make mine)
We now are enter'd on the great'st Debate
That can concern your Throne and Royal State.
His Grace hath so spoke all, that we who next
Speak after, can but comment on his Text:
Only 'tis wonder at this sacred Board,
Shou'd sit 'mongst us a Magna Charta Lord,
A Peer of old Rebellious Barons breed,
Worst, and great'st Enemies to Royal Seed.
But to proceed; well was it urg'd by's Grace,
Such Liberty was given for twelve years space,
That are by past, there's no necessity
Of new Foundations, if safe you'll be.
What Travel, Charge and Art, before was set
This Parliament, we had, you can't forget;
Now force, cajole, and court, and bribe for fear
They wrong should run, e'er since they have been here
What diligence, what study, day and night
Was on us, and what care to keep them right?
Wherefore (if good) you can't make Parliament,
On whom such Costs, such Art, and Pains were spent,
And Moneys, all we had for them to do;
Since we miss that, 'tis best dismiss them too.
'Tis true, this House the best is you can call,
But in my Judgment, best is none at all:
Well mov'd, the whole Cabal cry'd, Parliaments
Are cloggs to Princes, and their brave intents.
One did object, 'twas against Majesty
To obey the Peoples pleasure. Another he
Their Inconvenience argues, and that neither
Close their Designs were, nor yet speedy either.
Whilst thus confused chatter'd the Cabal,
And many mov'd, none heard, but speak did all;
A little bobtail'd Lord, Urchin of State,

Chancell. Shafts.

A Praise-God-bare-bone Peer whom all men hate,
Amphibious Animal, half Fool, half Knave;
Begg'd silence, and this purblind Counsel gave:
Blest and best Monarch that e'er Scepter bore,
Renown'd for Vertue, but for Honour more;
That Lord spake last, has well and wisely shown,
That Parliaments, nor new, nor old, nor none
Can well be trusted longer; for the State
And Glory of the Crown hate all Checkmate.
That Monarchy may from its Childhood grow
To man's Estate; France has taught us how
Monarchy's Divine: Divinity it shows,
That he goes backward, that not forward goes.
Therefore go on, let other Kingdoms see
Your Will's your Law, that's absolute Monarchy;
A mixt hodge podge will now no longer do,
Cæsar or nothing, You are brought unto:
Strike then, Great Sir, 'fore these Debates take wind,
Remember that Occasion's bald behind
Our Game is sure in this, if wisely play'd,
And sacred Votes to th'Vulgar not betray'd;
But if the Rumor shou'd once get on wing,
That we consult to make you abs'lute King,
The Plebeians head, the Gentry, forsooth,
They strait would snort and have an aking Tooth;
Lest they, I say, should your great Secrets scent,
And you oppose in nulling Parliament.
I think it safer, and a greater skill
To obviate, than to or'ecome an Ill:
For those that head the Herd are full as rude,
When th'humor takes, as th'following Multitude;
Therefore be quick in your Resolves, and when
Resol'd you have, execute quicker then
Remember your great Father lost the Game
By slow Proceedings, may'nt you do the same?
An unexpected, unregarded blow
Wounds more than ten made by an open Foe.
Delays do Dangers breed; the Sword is yours,
By Law declar'd, what need of other Powers?
We may unpolitick be judg'd, or worse,
If we can't make the Sword command the Purse;
No Art, or Courtship can the rule so shape
Without a Force, it must be done by Rape:
And when 'tis done, to say you cannot help,
Will satisfie enough the gentle Whelp.
Phanaticks they'll to Providence impute
Their Thraldom, and immediately grow mute;
For they, poor pious Fools, think the Decree
Of Heaven falls on them, though from Hell it be;
And when their reason is abas'd to it,
They forthwith think't Religion to submit,
And vainly glorying in a passive Shame,
They'll put off Man to wear the Christian Name:
Wherefore to lull 'em, do their Hopes fulfill
With Liberty, they're halter'd at your Will;
Give them but Conventicle-room, and they
Will let you steal the Englishman away,
And heedless be, till you your Nets have spread,
And pull'd down Conventicles on their head.
Militia therefore and Parliaments cashier,
A formidable standing Army rear,
They'll mount you up, and up you soon will be,
They'll fear who ne'er did love your Monarchy:
And if they fear, no matter for their hate;
To rule by Law becomes a sneaking State.
Lay by all Fear, care not what People say,
Regard to them will your Designs betray:
When bite they can't, what hurt can barking do?
And, Sir, in time we'll spoil their barking too,
Make Coffee-Clubs, talk of more humble things
Than State Affairs, and Interest of Kings.
Thus spake the Rigling Peer, when one more grave,
That had much less of Fool, but more of Knave,
Began: Great Sir, it gives no small content,

Cliff.

To hear such Zeal (for you) 'gainst Parliament;
Wherefore, though I an Enemy no less
To Parliaments than you your selves profess;
Yet I must also enter my protest
'Gainst these rude rumbling Counsels indigest.
And, Great Sir, tell you, 'tis an harder thing
Than they suggest, to make you abs'lute King;
Old Buildings to pull down, believe it true,
More danger in it hath, than building New.
And what shall prop your Superstructure till
Another you have built that suits your Will?
An Army shall, say they (content) but stay,
From whence shall this new Army have its pay?
For easie gentle Government a while
Must first appear this Kingdom to beguile
The Peoples minds, and make them cry up you,
For rasing Old, and making better New.
For Taxes with new Government, all will blame,
And put the Kingdom soon into a flame:
For Tyranny has no such lovely look
To catch Men with, unless you hide the Hook;
And no Bait hides it more than present Ease;
Ease but their Taxes, then do what you please.
Wherefore, all wild debates laid by, from whence
Shall Money rise to bear this vast expence?
For our first thoughts thus well resolved, we
In other things much sooner shall agree;
Join then with Mother Church, whose bosom stands
Ope to receive us, stretching forth her Hands;
Close but this breach and she will let you see
Her Purse as open as her Arms shall be.
For sacred Sir, (by guess I do not speak)
Of poor she'll make you rich, and strong of weak.
At home, abroad, no Money, no, nor Men,
She'll let you lack, turn but to her again.
The Scot could here no longer hold, but cry'd,

Laud.

De'l take the Pape, and all that's on his side;
The Whore of Rome, that mickle Man of Sin,
Plague take the Mother, Bearns, and aw the Kin.
What racks my Saul! must we the holy Rood
Place in God's Kirk again? troth 'tis not gude,
I defy the Loon, the De'l and aw his works,
The Pape shall lig no mare in God's gude Kirk.
The Scot with Laughter check'd, they all agreed,
The Lord spoke last shou'd in his Speech proceed,

Cliff.

Which thus he did; Great Sir, You know 'tis Season
Salts all the motions that we make with reason;
And now a season is afforded us,
The best e'er came and most propitious.
Besides the Summ the Cath'licks will advance,
You know the Offers we are made from France;
And to have Money and no Parliament,
Must fully answer your design'd intent.
And thus without tumultuous noise, or huff
Of Parliaments, you may have Money enough;
Which, if neglected now, there's none knows when
Like Opportunities may be had again,
For all to extirpate, now combined be,
Both civil and religious Liberty.
Thus Money you'll have to exalt the Crown,
Without stooping Majesty to Country Clown.
The triple League, I know, will be objected,
As if that ought by us to be respected;
But who to Hereticks, or Rebel pay'th
The Truth ingag'd to by solemn Faith,
Debaucheth Vertue, by those very things,
The Church profaneth and debaseth Kings,
As you your self have admirably shown
By burning solemn Cov'nant, though your own;
Faith, Justice, Truth, Plebeian Vertues be,
Look well in them, but not in Majesty.
For publick Faith is but a publick Thief,
The greatest Cheat in Nature's vain Belief.
The second Lord though check'd, yet did not fear,
Impatient grew and could no longer bear,
But rose in heat, and that a little rude
The Lord's voice interrupts, and for Audience su'd:
Great Majesty, authentick Authors say,
When hand was lifted up, Cræsus to slay,
The Father's danger on th'Dumb Son did make
Such deep Impressions that he forthwith spake.
Pardon, great Sir, if I, in imitation,
Seeing the danger to your Land and Nation,
Do my resolv'd on silence also break,
Although I see the matter I shall speak,
Under such disadvantages will fall,
That it, as well as I, exploded shall;
But vainly do they boast they Loyal are,
That can't for Princes good, Reflections bear;
Nor will I call Compurgators to prove,
What honour to the Crown I've born, with Love,
My Acts have spoken, and sufficient are,
Above what e'er Detractors did or dare.
Wherefore, great Sir, 'tis Ignorance, or hate
Dictates these Counsels, you to precipitate.
For say't again I will, not eat my word,
No Council's Power, no, nor yet the Sword
Can old Foundations alter or make new:
Let time interpret who hath spoken true.
Those Country Gentry, with their Beef and Bacon,
Will shew how much you Courtiers are mistaken;
For Parliaments are not of that cheap rate,
That they will down without a broken Pate;
And then I doubt you'll find those worthy Lords
More Braves and Champions with their Tongue than Swords.
Wherefore, Dread Sir, encline not Royal Ear
To their Advice, but safer Counsels hear;
Stay till these Lords have got a Crown to lose,
And then consult with them which way they'll chuse.
Will you all hazard for their humours sake,
Who nothing have to lose, nothing at stake;
And at one Game your Royal Crown expose,
To gratifie the foolish Lusts of those,
Who hardly have Subsistence how to live,
But what your Crown and Grace to them does give?
And one of those (Bagpudding) Gentlemen,
(Except their places) would buy nine or ten:
Then, why they should thus slight the Gentleman,
I see no reason, nor think how they can;
For had not Gentleman done more than Lord,
I'll boldly say't, you ne'er had been restor'd.
But why, of Armies now, great Sir, must we
(So fond just now) all on the sudden be?
What faithfull Guardians have they been to Pow'rs
That have employ'd 'em, that you'd make 'em yours?
Enough our Age, we need not seek the glory
Of Armies Faith, in old, or doubtfull Story:
Your Father 'gainst the Scots an Army rear'd,
But soon, that Army more than Scot he fear'd:
He was in hast to raise them, as we are,
But to disband them was far more his care;
How Scottish Army after did betray
His Trust and Person both, I need not say.
Rump Parliament an Army rear'd, and they
The Parliament that rais'd them, did betray;
The Lord Protector they set up one hour,
The next pull'd down the Protectorian pow'r.
Your Father's Block and Judges the same Troops
Did guard some Tongues at Death of both made hoops:
And will you suffer Armies to beguile,
And give your Crown and them to cross and pile?
What if as Monk should both swear, lie and feign,
Till he does both your Trust and Army gain,
And you believe his Oath and Faith is true,
But serves himself instead of serving you.
Pardon, great Sir, if Zeal transports my Tongue,
'Texpress what your Greatness don't become.
Expose I can't your Crown and sacred Throat
To the false Faith of a common Red-coat.
Your Law, your All does fence secure from Fears;
That kept, what trouble needs of Bandileers?
Consider, Sir, 'tis Law that makes you King,
The Sword another to the Crown may bring;
For Force knows no distinction, longest Sword
Makes Peasant Prince, Lacquey above his Lord.
If that be all that we must have for Laws,
Your Will inferiour may be to Jack Straw's.
If greater Force him follow; there's no Right
Where Law is failing, and for Will men fight.
Best Man is he alone whose Steel's most strong;
Where no Law is, there's neither right nor wrong.
That Fence broke down, and all in common laid,
Subjects may Prince, and Prince may them invade.
See, greatest Sir, how these your Throne lay down,
Instead of making great your Royal Crown,
How they divest you of your Majesty:
For Law destroy'd, you are no more than we.
And very vain would be the Plea of Crown,
When Statute-Laws, and Parliaments are down.
This Peer proceeded on to shew how vain
An Holy League would be with Rome again,
And what dishonour 'twould be to our Crowns,
If unto France give cautionary Towns.
He's interrupted, and bid speak no more,
By's enraged Majesty, who deeply swore,
His Tongue had so run o'er, that he'd take
Such Vengeance on him, and example make
To after Ages, all which heard should fear,
To speak what wou'd displease the Royal Ear;
And bid the Lord that spoke before, go on,
And Silence all should keep till he had done;
Who thus his Speech re'ssum'd. If Lord spake last,
To interrupt me had not made such hast,
I soon had done; for I was come, Great Sir,
T'advise your sending Dutch Embassador;
But much it does concern you whom to trust,
With this Embassy: for none true, nor just,
Wise, Stout, or Honourable, nor a Friend,
Should you in any wise resolve to send,
Lest any unseen, or unlucky Chance
Shou'd in this War befall to us or France.
We may that loathed wretch give to the hate
Of th'Peoples fury, them to satiate.
And when all's done that can be done by man,
Much must be left to chance, do what we can.
And if you'll make all Christendom your Friend,
And put to Dutch-Land-League an utter end;
Then surely you may have of Men and Treasure
Enough of both to execute your Pleasure.

This Speech being ended, five or six agree,
France shall be lov'd, and Holland hated be.
All gone, I wak'd, and wondred what should mean
All I had heard, methought 'twas more than Dream.
And if Cabal thus serves us Englishmen,
'Tis ten to one but I shall dream again.