University of Virginia Library

As Cullen drove his Sheep along,
By VVhitehall there was such a throng
Of Earls Coaches at the Gate,
The silly Swain was forc'd to wait.
Chance threw him on Sir Edward S---
The silly Knight that Rhimes to Mutton:
Cullen, (said he,) this is the Day,
For which poor England once did pray;
The day that sets our Monarch free,
From butter'd Buns and Slavery.
This hour from French Intreages, ('tis said,)
He'll clear his Council and his Bed.
Portsmouth he vouchsafes to know,
Was the cast Whore of Count de Loe.
She must return and sell her place,
Buyers (you see) flock in a pace;
Silence i'th' Court being once Proclaim'd,
In steps fair Ri---d once so fam'd:
She offers much but was refus'd,
And of miscarriages accus'd.
Nor would his Majesty accept her
At thirty, who at Fifteen left her:
She blusht, and Modestly withdrew:
Next M---ton appeared in View,
Who streight was told of M---ue.
Of Cates from Hide; of Cloaths from France,
Of Arm pits, Toes of Nauseance;
At which the Court set up a Laughter,
She never pleads but for her Daughter,
A Buxom lass fit for the place,
Were not her Father in disgrace:
Besides some strange incestuous stories
Of H---y and her long C---ies:
With these exceptions she's dismist,
And M---nd Fair enters the List:
Husband in Hand most descently,
And begs at any rate to Buy:
She offered Jewels of great price,
And dear Sir Samuels next Device.
Whether it be a Pump or Table.
Glass House or any other Bauble;
But she was told she had been try'd,
And for good Reason lay'd aside.

Next in steps pretty Lady G---y,
Offers her Lord should nothing say;
'Gainst the next Treasurer accused,
So her pretence was not refus'd:
R--- in rage bid her be gone,
And play her game out with her Son;
Or if she lik'd an aged Carcass
For L--- get a Noble Marquess.

Sh---ry offered for the place,
All she had gotten from his Grace;

D--- of B---

She knew his wants, and could comply
With all his wants of Leachery.
She was dismist with Scorn and told
Where a Tall P--- was to be Sold.

Then in came Dowdy M---ine,
That Foreign Antiquated Quean;
Who soon was told the King no more
Would deal with an Intrigueing Whore:
That she already had about her
Too good an Equipage de Foutre;
Her Grace at these rebukes lookt Blank,
And sneakt away to Villan F---k.

Fair L--- too her claim put in,
'Twas urg'd she was to much a Kin:
She modestly reply'd no more
A Kin than S---x was before:
Besides she had often haerd her Mother
Call her the Daughter of another:
She did not drivel and had sence,
To which all his had no pretence;
Yet for the present she's put off,
And told she was not VVhore enough.

L---s smil'd at that exception,
And doubted not of good Reception.
Put in her claim, Vowing she'd Steal
All that her Husband wore of Veal:
To Buy the place, all she could get,
By his long Suit with Mr. Pitt:
But from Goliah's size of Goth,
Down to the Pitch of little VVroth;
The Court was told she lay wiht all,
The roaring Roysters of Whitehall:
For which old R--- lest she'd grudge,
Gave her the making of a Judge:
She bow'd and straight went her way,
To Haunt the Court, Park, and Play,

In stept Stately Carry F---er,
streight the whole Court began to Praise her:
As fine as Chains and Point could make her,
She vow'd the King or Goal must take her.
R--- reply'd, he was Retrenching,
And Vow'd no more of costly Wenching:
That she was Proud and went too Gaudy,
Nor could she Swear, Drink or talk Bawdy,
Virtues requisite for that place
More than Youth, VVit, or a good Face.

C---and offered down a Million,
But she was soon told of Castillion;
At that name she fell a weeping
And swore she was undone with Keeping:
That C---, G---, had so drain'd her,
She could not live on the Remainder:
The Court said, there was no Record,
Of any to that place Restor'd,
Nor might the King at these Years venture,
VVho in his Prime could not content her.

Young Lady J---s stept up and urg'd,
She'd give the Deed her Father Forg'd:
But she was told her Family
VVas tainted with Presbytery:
She said her Mother with clean Heart
And Hand, had lately done her part,
In bringing M---ne to Bed,
Nor was't her fault the Babe was Dead:
For her R---y own'd his Passion,
But said, he staid for Declaration.
Ingaged, no matter of great weight,
To pass till after some debate
In his great Council so they Adjourn'd,
And Cullen with his Flocks return'd.
Swearing there was at every Fair
Blither Girls than any there.