University of Virginia Library

A Dialogue Between two Horses.

by A. Marvell, Esq; 1674.

The Introduction.

We read in profane and sacred Records
Of Beasts, that have utter'd Articulate Words;
When Magpies and Parrots cry, Walk, Knaves, walk,
It is a clear Proof that Birds too may talk.
And Statues without either Wind-pipes or Lungs
Have spoken as plainly as Men do with Tongues:
Livy tells a strange Story, can hardly be fellowed,
That a sacrific'd Ox when his Guts were out, bellow'd.
Phalaris had a Bull, which as grave Authors tell you,
Would roar like a Devil with a Man in his Belly.
Friar Bacon had a Head that spake, made of Brass;
And Balaam the Prophet was reprov'd by his Ass.
At Delphos and Rome, Stocks and Stones, now and then, Sirs,
Have to Questions return'd Articulate Answers.
All Popish Believers think something Divine,
When Images speak, possesseth the Shrine:
But they that Faith Catholick ne'er understood,
When Shrines give Answer, a Knaves on the Rood.
Those Idols ne'er spoke, but are Miracles done
By the Devil, a Priest, a Friar or a Nun.
If the Roman Church, good Christians, oblige ye
To believe Man and Beast have spoke in Effigie.
Why should we not credit the publick Discourses
In a Dialogue between two Inanimate Horses?
The Horses, I mean, of Wool Church and Charing,
Who told many Truths worth any Man's Hearing,
Since Viner and Osborne did buy, and provide 'em,
For the two Mighty Monarchs that now do bestride 'em.
The stately brass Stallion, and the white marble Steed,
One Night came together by all 'tis agreed:
When both Kings being weary of Sitting all Day,
Were stollen off Incognito each his own way.
And then the two Jades, after mutual Salutes,
Not only discours'd, but fell to Disputes.

The Dialogue.

VV.
Quoth the Marble Horse, it would make a Stone speak
To see a Lord Mayor and a Lumbard street break:
Thy Founder and mine to cheat one another,
When both Knaves agreed to be each others Brother.

C.
Here Charing broke forth, and thus he went on,
My Brass is provoked as much as thy Stone,
To see Church and State bow down to a Whore,
And the Kings chief Minister holding the Door.
The Mony of Widdows and Orphans imploy'd,
And the Bankers quire broke to maintain the Whores Pride.

W.
To see Dei Gratia writ on the Throne,
And the K---'s wicked Life say, God there is none.

C.
That he should be stil'd Defender of the Faith,
Who believes not a Word, what the Word of God saith,

W.
That the D--- should turn Papist, and that Church defie,
For which his own Father a Martyr did dye.

C.
Tho' he changed his Religion, I hope he's so civil
Not to think his own Father is gone to the Devil.

W.
That bondage and beggary should be in a Nation,
By a Curst House of Commons, and a blest Restoration:

C.
To see a white Staff make a Beggar a Lord,
And scarce a wisé Man at a long Council-board.

W.
That the Bank should be seized, yet the Cheq. so poor,
Lord have Mercy, and a Cross might be set on the door:

C.
That a Million and half should be the Revenue,
Yet the King of his Debts pay no Man a Penny.

W.
That a K--- should consume three Kingdom's Estates,
And yet all the Court be as poor as Church Rats.

C.
That of four Seas Dominion and of there guarding,
No token should appear, but a poor Copper farthing.

W.
Our Worm-eaten Ships to be laid up at Chatham,
(Not our Trade to secure,) but for Fools to come at 'em.

C.
And our few Ships abroad become Tripoli's scorn,
By pawning for Victuals their Guns at Leghorn.

VV.
That making us Slaves by Horse and Foot Guard,
For restoring the King shall be all our reward.

C.
The basest Ingratitude ever was heard,
But Tyrants ungrateful are always afraid.

W.
On Harry the Seventh's Head, he that placed the Crown,
Was after Rewarded by losing his own.

C.
That Parliament-men should rail at the Court,
And get good Preferments immediatly for't.
To see them that suffer both for Father and Son,
And helped to bring the latter to his Throne:
That with their Lives and Estates did Loyally serve,
And yet for all this, can nothing deserve;
The King looks not on 'em, Preferments deni'd 'em,
The Round heads insult, and the Courtiers deride them.
And none gets Preferments, but who will betray
Their Country to Ruin, 'tis that ope's the way
Of the bold talking Members.—

W.
—If the Bastards you add,
What a number of Rascally Lords have been made.

C.
That Traitors to their Country in a brib'd House of C.
Should give away Millions at every Summons.

W.
Yet some of those Givers, such beggarly Villains,
As not to be trusted for twice-fifty Shillings.

C.
No wonder that Beggars should still be for giving,
Who out of what's given, do get a good living.

W.
Four Knights and a Knave, who were Burg esses made,
For selling their Consciences were liberally paid.

C.
How base are the Souls of such low prized Sinners,
Who Vote with the Country for drink and for dinners,

W.
'Tis they that brought on us this Scandalous Yoke,
Of Excising our Cups, and Taxing our Smoak.

C.
But thanks to the Whores who made the K--- dogged,
For giving no more the R--- are Prorogued.

W.
That a King should endeavour to make a War cease,
Which augments and secures his own profit and peace.

C.
And Plenipotentiaries send into France,
With an addle headed Knight, & a Lord without Brains.

VV.
That the King should send for another French Whore,
When one already had made him so Poor.

C.
The Misses take place, and advanc'd to be Dutchess,
With Pomp great as Queens in there Coach and six Horses:
Their Bastards made Dukes, Earls, Viscounts & Lords,
And all the high Titles that Honour affords.

VV.
While these Brats and their Mothers, do live in such Plenty
The Nation's empoverisht, and the Chequor quite empty:
And tho' War was pretended when the Mony was lent,
More on Whores, then in Ships, or in War, hath been spent.

C.
Enough, dear Brother, although we speak Reason;
Yet truth many times being punish'd for Treason,
We ought to be wary, and bridle our Tongues,
Bold speaking hath done both Men and Beasts wrong:
When the Ass so boldly rebuked the Prophet,
Thou knowest what danger was like to come of it;
Though the Beast gave his Master ne'er an ill Word,
Instead of a Cudgel Balaam wish'd for a Sword.

VV.
Truth's as bold as a Lion, I am not afraid,
I'll prove every tittle of what I have said:
Our Riders are absent, who is't that can hear;
Lets be true to our selves, who then need we fear?
Where is thy K--- gone,

(Chair.)
to see Bishop Laud?

VV.
To Cuckold a Scrivener, mines in Masquerade?
On such Occasions he oft strays away,
And returns to remount about break of Day.
In very dark Nights sometimes you may find him
With a Harlot, got up on my Crupper behind him.

C.
Pause Brother a while, and calmly consider
What thou hast to say against my Royal Rider.

VV.
Thy Priest-ridden King turn'd desperate fighter
For the Surplice, Lawn sleeves, the Cross and the Miter
Till at last on the Scaffold he was left in the lurch
By Knaves, that cry'd up themselves for the Church.
Arch-Bishops and Bishops, Arch-Deacons and Deans;

C.
Thy King will ne'er fight unless't be for Queans.

VV.
He that dies for Ceremonies, dies like a Fool.

C.
The K--- on thy Back is a lamentable tool.

VV.
The Goat and the Lion, I equally hate,
And Freeman alike value Life and a Estate:
Though the Father and Son be different rods,
Between the two Scourges we find little odds;
Both Infamous stand in three Kingdoms Votes,
This for Picking our Pockets, that for cutting our Throats:

C.
More tolerable are the Lion Kings Slaughters
Then the Goat making Whores of our Wives and Daughters:
The Debauched and Cruel since they equally gall us,
I had rather bear Nero than Sardanapalus.

VV.
One of the two Tyrants must still be our Case,
Under all that shall Reign of the false S--- Race.

W.
De Wit and Cromwel had each a brave Soul,
I freely declare it, I am for old Nol;
Though his Government did a Tyrant resemble,
He made England great and his Enemies tremble,

C.
Thy Rider puts no Man to Death in his Wrath,
But is bury'd a live in Lust and in Sloth.

W.
What is thy Opinion of James Duke of York

C.
The same that the Frogs had of Jupiter's Stork.
With the Turk in his Head, and the Pope in his Heart,
Father Patrick's Disciples will make England smart.
If e'er he be King I know Britain's Doom,
We must all to a Stake, or be Converts to Rome.
Ah! Tudor, ah! Tudor, we have had Ste---s enough:
None ever reign'd like old Bess in the Ruff.
Her Walsingham could dark Counsels unriddle,
And our Sir J---ph write News books and fiddle,

W.
Truth, Brother, well said, but that's somewhat bitter,
His perfumed Predecessor was never more fitter:
Yet we have one Secretary honest and wise;
For that very Reason, he's never to rise.
But can'st thou devise when things will be mended?

C.
When the Reign of the Line of the S---ts, are ended.

Conclusion.

If Speeches from Animals in Rome's first Age,
Prodigious Events did surely presage,
That should come to pass, all Mankind may swear
That which two Inanimate Horses declare.
But I should have told you before the Jades parted,
Both gallop'd to VVhite hall, and there humbly farted;
Which Tyranny's downfal portended much more
Than all that the Beasts had spoken before.
If the Delphick Sybil's Oracular Speeches,
(As learned Men say) came out of their Breeches,
Why might not our Horses, since Words are but Wind,
Have the Spirit of Prophecy likewise behind?
Though Tyrants make Laws, which they strictly proclaim
To conceal their own Faults, and cover their own Shame;
Yet the Beasts in the Field, and the Stones in the Wall,
Will publish their Faults and prophesy their Fall;
When they take from the People the Freedom of Words,
They teach them the sooner to fall to their Swords.
Let the City drink Coffee, and quietly groan,
(They that conquer'd the Father won't be Slaves to the Son,
For Wine and strong Drink make Tumults encrease,
Chocolate, Tea, and Coffee, are Liquors of Peace;
No Quarrels or Oaths amongst those that drink them,
'Tis Bacchus, and the Brewer swear dam em and sink 'em.
Then C***s thy late Edict against Coffee recal,
There's ten times more Treason in Brandy and Ale.