University of Virginia Library

A Panegirick, written at the invitation of a Gentleman, who was then going to the Press with a book, entituled, The Praise of Podex.

Ingenuous Sir prepare your petty Codex,
For I am come with paper to your Podex,
I have perus'd your volum, and in it
I find no fragments of a costive wit;
Your Readers all are ravish'd, each one feels,
These liquid labours issue down the heels
Of apprehension, nay I dare be bold
To say, each line shews like a chain of gold
On Satten shoulders, bright as his (I think)
The letters of whose name do yeeld A STINK:
That popular Physitian Doctor B.
Who proudly told me he hates Poetry;
Should I but bring him such sweet lines as these,
Would lay by Galen and Hypocrates,
To read my rhimes, vvhose povverful Energy
Exceeds his Salt, Sulphur and Mercury:
For he that views them well, cannot forbear,
To think he hath a Clister pipe in's ear:
'Tis Podex that vve praise, the Theam hath been
Very much handled, but thus I begin;
Podex is Master of Arts, and is, I see
Of late, so vers'd in Lay Divinity,
That he hath subtilly wrought his sliding joynts,
From Hooks and Eyes, to Fundamental Points:
Babilons Baggage, and the Taylors stitches,
Have sown such strife, that Podex wears the breeches.
Podex in study of the Law ascends,
And will have most of it at's fingers ends
'Tis thought within this twelfmoneth, but the ills
He fears is, that the copious Chancery Bills
Will grow too small, by which he understands,
He shall not deal in-justice vvith both hands:
Much may be said of him, though some do vent,
Mischievous words in his disparagement:
They say he's company for Whores, and Gluttons,
And that the best on's kindred now make Buttons.
I know not what they mean, I'le keep below decks,
Least I (as one of late) do lose my Podex;
Tis thought that many men have been undone,
Only by Podex and his hangers on.
Some think he is a Coward 'cause they find,
When men are fighting, he still keeps behind;
They are deceiv'd, he best maintains the fray,
When as his face is turn'd another way.
Some carp at his descent, and say that he
Hath his Extraction from low Pedigree;
Because in latter times he hath been able,
To rise from Coblers stall to Councel table:
They envy at his Greatness, but 'tis well
Known to the Wise, Podex doth so excell,
That give him but some Grains to mend his weight,
And he may fully fill a Chair of State.
Many men mutter many things, some say,
It is not fit that he should live a day:
This man would have him crush'd, and that man crownd,
Another sayes Podex shall kiss the ground;
A fourth swears dam him, if he had a broad axe,
And time, and place, he would dismember Podex:
But Ladyes to your feathered fingers I
Commit soft Podex for security;
You love him for the worth that is about him,
And cannot go to pluck a Rose without him:
You like him at your Boards, and in your Beds,
He bears the Keys of all your Maiden-heads.
Though you were made the Mint of Mankind, yet
Tis lovely Podex hath the Stamp of it:
Then use him gently, do not overthrow him,
And, when you please, present him with this Poem.