Wit in a Wildernesse of Promiscuous Poesie :: :: University of Virginia Library

Shall scurrilous pens for ever be free,
Whil'st our just vengeance smothers?
The Balad of Bagnol's and yours may agree,
For I think they are svvorn brothers:
Your fragments of phantsie are cheaper then chaff,
For vvhen in a Tavern ye svvagger and quaff,
So you may but make a fevv drunkards laugh,
You vvill abuse your mothers.

2

Whil'st you are railing at the Sex,
Your drowsie Muse so drunk is,
That you would give all the ware in your packs,
But to know where a punk is:
You make your addresses to Cloris and Phillis,
Ye say they out-rival the Roses and Lillies,
But when they will not perform what your will is,
You grow as sick as Monkeys.

3

You are so zealous at the sport.
By turns you'l watch an entry,
Some Citizens do curse ye for't,
Who in their shops stand centry.
Thus whil'st you range in other mens Parks,
And would have the world look upon you as Sparks
You are but spruce Taylors, and Councellors Clarks
For such is our new Gentry.

4

You swagger, as if ye rise from the bed
Where Venus and great Mars lay,
Though against us your poetical head,
Did rhime it so perversly:
Yet with a word to express you in brief,
Many there are which be Ranters in chief,
Who do wear powder'd hair, though they want powder'd beef,
Well boyld and stuft with parsly.

5

You with your ranting railing words
Do seek our Sex to batter,
Although for wit each head affords
As much as makes no matter;
So patch'd, perfum'd, and painted you be,
Ye look almost as like women as we,
The diff'rence is only a span above knee,
Which makes your chops to chatter.

6

Here is a toy ty'd to a sword,
Though much he doth not trouble it:
And to vent wit in every word,
His frothy brain doth bubble it,
His pitiful pate with sweet oyl he annoynts,
With rainbow-like-ribbons he tyes up his joynts,
Whose father before did wear blew-leather points,
Brass buttons, and tawny dublet.

7

Here is another Perywig'd youth,
Whose every hair's a fetter.
And he would very fain live forsooth,
With Cribbidg, Dice, and Setter;
He pranks it, and looks like a crow in a gutter,
And though he want bread (a sad story to utter)
His hair hath a breakfast of Gesemin butter,
A three penny chop were better.

8

I vvonder vvhat the vvomen find
In these vveak flashing tapers,
That they'l continue to be kind,
Though so abus'd in papers:
Were I as your Mistresses, I vvould trust no man,
They merit contempt for their being so common,
That the best vvord they'l give, is a Pox ô God on 'em.
I hate to see such vapers.

9

Religion they have none at all,
For they knovv no such thing,
But that vvhich from full glasses fall,
Directed to their King;
In vvhose cause, they say, th' have had many slashes,
Though povvders, perfumes, sack, musick, and flashes,
Instead of mourning in sackcloth and ashes,
From their devotions spring.

10

Here is another formal Lad
Was Governour of a Tovvn,
Who sayes he hath lost all he had,
By being true toth' Crovvn:
But vvhen he should fight he vvas comeing the Caster,
Which vvas the occasion of many a disaster,
He'l scarce love his Mistris, that nere lov'd his Master,
Let him vvear Svvord or Govvn.

11

I hope, though you abuse our sex,
The thriving party vvill
Hang large Encomiums 'bout our necks,
For it is knovvn full vvell
By some, that in high places be men,
Who in the Church and State are freemen,
They vvere beholding at first to the zeal of the vvomen.
A doleful tale to tell.

12

Yet never vvoman err'd so much
In this, as did the man,
Whose vvild and frantique zeal vvas such,
Decide it yet none can.
The one vvould keep his old found diddle,
The tother vvas clear against surpless and fiddle,
They fell out like tvvo fools, vvho should lye in the middle.
And so the vvars began.

13

Novv some repent, and some rejoyce,
And some are quite confounded,
But 'tvvixt them both, svveet Peace's voice,
With drum and trumpets vvounded.
'Gainst Crosses and Crossiers the people did roar,
Until they had beat dovvn proud Babilons Whore,
But its thought they have let in ten thousand more;
'T may be they have compounded.

14

This jar did make you to ingage
Almost all Christian Nations,
For then was brought upon the Stage
All sorts of sects and fashions.
Ye levied the Scotch, & the Welsh Shon a-Morgans,
And now ye dispute with the Dutch Demigorgons,
The dangerous diff'rence 'twixt Bagpipes & Organs,
Did first provoke your passions.

15

Now let your thredbare Poet say,
Which of our worst offences
Can any whit compare with they
That made these blew pretences?
Although ye think women such dull-edged tools,
Your wit, and your reading, your travel, and schools,
Have but made ye the fitter for quarrelling fools,
Or I have lost my sences.

16

Then cease your clapper, and give o're,
Let women bear the Bell,
The faults which you commit are more
Then I can write or tell.
I never did know such a surly season,
For nothing is done by Religion or Reason.
Moreover ****ds foot, I'de almost spoke treason,
I'le leave off while 'tis well.