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(FARMER STEBBINS AT THE RUMMAGE-SALE.)
Our members of the Union Church felt money's constant needs,
To hold their reg'lar services, an' voice their mingled creeds;
An' so, as every other source of earnin' had been tried,
Till all the fat was squeezed from them, with some still unsupplied,
A sister of the church, or some enthusiastic male,
Suggested that we search our homes, an' have a “rummage-sale.”
To hold their reg'lar services, an' voice their mingled creeds;
An' so, as every other source of earnin' had been tried,
Till all the fat was squeezed from them, with some still unsupplied,
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Suggested that we search our homes, an' have a “rummage-sale.”
An' so my wife spooked round the house, with steps that seldom ceased,
A-findin' things we didn't want, or thought we didn't, at least;
Until the cellar seemed a cave with Poverty struck dumb,
An' all the garret wondered if the judgment day had come.
An' e'en the other rooms was scant an' newly full of space;
But “Never mind,” she says: “we'll buy some more things in their place.”
A-findin' things we didn't want, or thought we didn't, at least;
Until the cellar seemed a cave with Poverty struck dumb,
An' all the garret wondered if the judgment day had come.
An' e'en the other rooms was scant an' newly full of space;
But “Never mind,” she says: “we'll buy some more things in their place.”
An' so they worked an' fussed an' tugged, a busy week or more,
An' changed the sacred vestry to a small department store:
An' even Thursday-meetin'-night we had to sit an' pray
'Mongst all the various goods an' ills that set there in the way;
An' as twixt prayers my eye went 'round on many silent hunts,
It seemed like visiting in all the neighbors' homes at once.
An' changed the sacred vestry to a small department store:
An' even Thursday-meetin'-night we had to sit an' pray
'Mongst all the various goods an' ills that set there in the way;
An' as twixt prayers my eye went 'round on many silent hunts,
It seemed like visiting in all the neighbors' homes at once.
'Twas worth a dime or two to see—though very hard to tell:—
I didn't suppose my townsmen had so many things to sell!
Old duds that hadn't seen the light for years, was hustled out,
An' looked like they was wond'rin' what the show was all about;
An' Rip Van Winkle, when he woke with wildness in his eyes,
Could not hev carried in his face more genuine straight surprise.
I didn't suppose my townsmen had so many things to sell!
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An' looked like they was wond'rin' what the show was all about;
An' Rip Van Winkle, when he woke with wildness in his eyes,
Could not hev carried in his face more genuine straight surprise.
An' when the day appeared at last these hard-found things to sell,
The people wildly flocked to buy, an' done their duty well:
An' hotcakes on a winter day, in maple-syrup style,
Was nothin' to the way them things went off, for quite a while.
At least, that's what my good old wife reported unto me,
Though, rummagin' for livelihood, I couldn't go an' see;
The people wildly flocked to buy, an' done their duty well:
An' hotcakes on a winter day, in maple-syrup style,
Was nothin' to the way them things went off, for quite a while.
At least, that's what my good old wife reported unto me,
Though, rummagin' for livelihood, I couldn't go an' see;
Till Saturday at eve I went, an' viewed the landscape o'er,
Includin' some addition'l things I hadn't seen before:
An' bought some articles to speed the good an' true an' right,
An' took 'em back unto my wife, who stayed at home that night;
An' laid my purchases in shape for her to feel an' see:
An' then she looked the things all through, an' then she looked at me.
Includin' some addition'l things I hadn't seen before:
An' bought some articles to speed the good an' true an' right,
An' took 'em back unto my wife, who stayed at home that night;
An' laid my purchases in shape for her to feel an' see:
An' then she looked the things all through, an' then she looked at me.
“My goodness what a lot of truck they've put on you!” she said:
“What do I want of these old shams from Mrs. Brady's bed?
Who's goin' to wear a moth-eat shawl, an' two last-winter hats—
What can I do with this old rug, half gnawed in two by rats?
An' here's a book with which the Higgins babes have been amused,
An' done some teethin' while the same they thoughtfully perused;
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Who's goin' to wear a moth-eat shawl, an' two last-winter hats—
What can I do with this old rug, half gnawed in two by rats?
An' here's a book with which the Higgins babes have been amused,
An' done some teethin' while the same they thoughtfully perused;
“An' these here laces, ribbons, gloves, an' other things to wear,
Would make asylums crazy twice, if I should take 'em there:
Them curtain-poles might do for barns, but in a home are lost—
I wouldn't keep 'em in the house for ten times what they cost.
An' this here crock'ry—ef you'd know how eatin' on it feels,
Just go an' see the folks it left, when they are at their meals.
Would make asylums crazy twice, if I should take 'em there:
Them curtain-poles might do for barns, but in a home are lost—
I wouldn't keep 'em in the house for ten times what they cost.
An' this here crock'ry—ef you'd know how eatin' on it feels,
Just go an' see the folks it left, when they are at their meals.
“An' honest silver'd be ashamed of such half-plated ware,
An' any one you want to kill, can take this crippled chair;
An' here's a candle-stick—of course the Joneses will not cease
To say it's of a classic build—no doubt it came from grease;
An' this red gown—I've seen it years on Julia Doozler fade:
Perhaps I'll wear the measly clothes cast off by that old maid!
An' any one you want to kill, can take this crippled chair;
An' here's a candle-stick—of course the Joneses will not cease
To say it's of a classic build—no doubt it came from grease;
An' this red gown—I've seen it years on Julia Doozler fade:
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“An' these here pants—my goodness sakes! I thought it—now I know—
Was bought new by yourself, old man, five years or less ago!
I give 'em to 'em, rather than to patch 'em where they lack—
An' now them minxes over there coaxed you to buy them back!
An' I believe,”, she says, with force an' emphasis to spare,
“They'd sold you back your house an' farm, if I'd have took 'em there!”
Was bought new by yourself, old man, five years or less ago!
I give 'em to 'em, rather than to patch 'em where they lack—
An' now them minxes over there coaxed you to buy them back!
An' I believe,”, she says, with force an' emphasis to spare,
“They'd sold you back your house an' farm, if I'd have took 'em there!”
Then, tryin' hard to glean from off my blunder what 'twas worth,
I mused, “This rummage-craze is like most everything on earth:
It has delusions, mixed with good—it makes folks buy an' give
That wouldn't, if 'twasn't for novelty: an' helps the causes live.
But what I give the Lord henceforth, I'll give it to Him straight
An' not tramp round a hundred miles to walk through my own gate.”
I mused, “This rummage-craze is like most everything on earth:
It has delusions, mixed with good—it makes folks buy an' give
That wouldn't, if 'twasn't for novelty: an' helps the causes live.
But what I give the Lord henceforth, I'll give it to Him straight
An' not tramp round a hundred miles to walk through my own gate.”
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