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109
BALLAD OF THE FOXES.
There is a golden glory in my song
As of a picture by Carpaccio,
For it is of the early morning-time
When every man believed with tender faith
That animals could talk—oh, lovely lore!
So, lady, listen as the lay runs on.
As of a picture by Carpaccio,
For it is of the early morning-time
When every man believed with tender faith
That animals could talk—oh, lovely lore!
So, lady, listen as the lay runs on.
There was a goose, and she was travelling
Across the land for her dyspepsia,
And at the moontide sat to rest herself
In a small thicket, when there came along
Two starving foxes, perishing to find
Something which was not too-too-utter-ish
To serve for dinner. And as they were wild
For want of food, it was but natural
That they should likewise be confounded cross;
Oh, lady, listen as the lay runs on!
Across the land for her dyspepsia,
And at the moontide sat to rest herself
In a small thicket, when there came along
Two starving foxes, perishing to find
Something which was not too-too-utter-ish
To serve for dinner. And as they were wild
For want of food, it was but natural
That they should likewise be confounded cross;
Oh, lady, listen as the lay runs on!
And as they halted near the thicket, one
Of them observed, “If you were half as sharp
As books make out, you would not now, I'll bet,
Be ravenous enough to gnaw the grass.”
“And if you were as big, or half as big,
As you believe you are,” snarled Number Two,
“You'd be a lion of the largest size
Minus his roar, and pluck, and dignity.”
Oh, listen, lady, as the lay runs on!
Of them observed, “If you were half as sharp
As books make out, you would not now, I'll bet,
Be ravenous enough to gnaw the grass.”
110
As you believe you are,” snarled Number Two,
“You'd be a lion of the largest size
Minus his roar, and pluck, and dignity.”
Oh, listen, lady, as the lay runs on!
“Please to observe I want no impudence
From any fifteen-nickel quadruped
Of your peculiar shape,” snapped Number One.
“And if you give me but another note
Of your chin-music,” snarled out Number Two,
“I'll make a wreck of you, you wretched beast,
Beyond insurance—bet your tail on that!”
Oh, lady, listen as the lay runs on!
From any fifteen-nickel quadruped
Of your peculiar shape,” snapped Number One.
“And if you give me but another note
Of your chin-music,” snarled out Number Two,
“I'll make a wreck of you, you wretched beast,
Beyond insurance—bet your tail on that!”
Oh, lady, listen as the lay runs on!
“You are the champion snob of all the beasts!”
“And you the upper scum of all the frauds.”
“You are the weathercock of infamy.”
“And you the lightning-rod of falsehood's spire.”
“You are a thief!” “Ditto.” “You lie.” “I ain't.”
“Shut up, you goy!” And hearing this, the goose
Could bear no more, but walking from the bush,
Put on expression most benevolent,
And said, “Oh, gentlemen, for shame! for shame!
I'll settle this dispute: in the first place
Let me remark, as an impartial friend—”
Oh, listen, lady, as the lay runs on!
But she did not remark, because they made
A rush at her and caught her by the throat,
And ate her up; and as they picked their teeth
With toothpicks made of her last pin-feathers,
The first observed, and that quite affably,
‘Only a goose would ever make attempt
To settle a dispute when foxes fight”—
Oh, lady, listen as the lay runs on!
“And you the upper scum of all the frauds.”
“You are the weathercock of infamy.”
“And you the lightning-rod of falsehood's spire.”
“You are a thief!” “Ditto.” “You lie.” “I ain't.”
“Shut up, you goy!” And hearing this, the goose
Could bear no more, but walking from the bush,
Put on expression most benevolent,
And said, “Oh, gentlemen, for shame! for shame!
I'll settle this dispute: in the first place
Let me remark, as an impartial friend—”
Oh, listen, lady, as the lay runs on!
111
A rush at her and caught her by the throat,
And ate her up; and as they picked their teeth
With toothpicks made of her last pin-feathers,
The first observed, and that quite affably,
‘Only a goose would ever make attempt
To settle a dispute when foxes fight”—
Oh, lady, listen as the lay runs on!
“And while I have a very great respect
For any peacemaker,” said Number Two,
‘I would suggest that I invariably
Have found, if they be really honest folk
Who interfere with reprobates like us,
They're always eaten up; there is, I think,
More clanship between devils any day
Than among all the angels. Interest
Binds us together, and howe'er we fight
Among ourselves to ease our bitter blood,
We do not hate each other half as much
As we do hate the good. Neighbours who fight
Can generally take most perfect care,
Not only of themselves, but of the goose
Who sticks her bill into the fuss they make.
This banquet now adjourns until it meets
Another wingéd angel of the sort
Which it has just discussed—may it be soon!”
Lady, this lyric runs no further on.
For any peacemaker,” said Number Two,
‘I would suggest that I invariably
Have found, if they be really honest folk
Who interfere with reprobates like us,
They're always eaten up; there is, I think,
More clanship between devils any day
Than among all the angels. Interest
Binds us together, and howe'er we fight
Among ourselves to ease our bitter blood,
We do not hate each other half as much
As we do hate the good. Neighbours who fight
Can generally take most perfect care,
Not only of themselves, but of the goose
Who sticks her bill into the fuss they make.
This banquet now adjourns until it meets
Another wingéd angel of the sort
Which it has just discussed—may it be soon!”
Lady, this lyric runs no further on.
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