 | Brand-New Ballads |  |
63
A TALE OF IDAHO.
When they had finished the ethnology,
And polished up the climate and the crops,
And glorified the different kinds of bugs,
And told in turn their lies about the snakes,
And fish and deer and things, of Idaho,
A pensive cuss in spectacles inquired,
“All this is well enough; now how about
Your educational facilities?
And let me see in dots the time they go.”
And polished up the climate and the crops,
And glorified the different kinds of bugs,
And told in turn their lies about the snakes,
And fish and deer and things, of Idaho,
A pensive cuss in spectacles inquired,
“All this is well enough; now how about
Your educational facilities?
And let me see in dots the time they go.”
“And that 's the only thing we really lack,”
Replied the Ancient, with a silvery sigh;
“We do defect in that ostensibly.
We have the schools, but then we cannot git
The folks to run 'em, or who will remain
Adjacent to 'em, for they will not keep.”
How!—do they die?” “Wall, some on 'em expired,
Though Idaho ain't an expirin' State;
But I will tell you just the time they go.
Replied the Ancient, with a silvery sigh;
“We do defect in that ostensibly.
We have the schools, but then we cannot git
The folks to run 'em, or who will remain
Adjacent to 'em, for they will not keep.”
How!—do they die?” “Wall, some on 'em expired,
Though Idaho ain't an expirin' State;
But I will tell you just the time they go.
“We had a fine young fellow from the East,
He licked the boys, and also kissed the gals,
And was all round uncommon popular,
Bein' likewise an awful fightin' man,
And there he did slop over. For one day
He met a grizzly bar upon the prowl,
And whistled to it, and the grizzly come;
But when he went he carried by express
All of that fine young man inside of him;
And that is just about the time they go.
He licked the boys, and also kissed the gals,
And was all round uncommon popular,
Bein' likewise an awful fightin' man,
64
He met a grizzly bar upon the prowl,
And whistled to it, and the grizzly come;
But when he went he carried by express
All of that fine young man inside of him;
And that is just about the time they go.
“We had another from Connecticut:
A widder run him down, and married him
Inside the very school-house where he taught,
Just as an Injun cooks a terrapin
In its own shell, or as a lovely deer
Is sometimes aboriginally biled
Inside of its own skin, for that poor man
Has been in bilin' water ever sense:
They say she makes it solemn hot for him.
And that is just about the time they go.
A widder run him down, and married him
Inside the very school-house where he taught,
Just as an Injun cooks a terrapin
In its own shell, or as a lovely deer
Is sometimes aboriginally biled
Inside of its own skin, for that poor man
Has been in bilin' water ever sense:
They say she makes it solemn hot for him.
And that is just about the time they go.
“The third was well enough, but he was lame;
I needn't tell you how that one got spiled;
For sense he couldn't run, one day, of course,
The Injuns overtook him, and the way
They treated him was pretty nigh as bad
As if they had been widders, and that man
Their lawful spouse. They also made it hot,
Because they took and briled him at the stake.
And that is just about the time they go.
I needn't tell you how that one got spiled;
For sense he couldn't run, one day, of course,
The Injuns overtook him, and the way
They treated him was pretty nigh as bad
As if they had been widders, and that man
Their lawful spouse. They also made it hot,
Because they took and briled him at the stake.
And that is just about the time they go.
65
“Then we tried women-folks to keep the school.
We writ for one. She came; and as she lit
Down from the stage, a man proposed to her
And was accepted, and she married him
That very night; in fact, within an hour
He gin a party, and we had a dance;
But Education suffered all the same,
As she declined to teach, bein' inclined
To conjugate—excuse my little joke
But that is just about the time they go.
We writ for one. She came; and as she lit
Down from the stage, a man proposed to her
And was accepted, and she married him
That very night; in fact, within an hour
He gin a party, and we had a dance;
But Education suffered all the same,
66
To conjugate—excuse my little joke
But that is just about the time they go.
“The second—wall, I took the second one
About the middle of the week she come;
But telegraphed unto the Institute,
‘Send on some more; keep sending of 'em on.
And so they kept a-comin,' but they kep’
A-going speedier than they arrove,
For the third lady was abducted by
A highwayman before she got to us—
She took it awful kindly, I believe.
And that is just about the time they go.”
About the middle of the week she come;
But telegraphed unto the Institute,
‘Send on some more; keep sending of 'em on.
And so they kept a-comin,' but they kep’
A-going speedier than they arrove,
For the third lady was abducted by
A highwayman before she got to us—
She took it awful kindly, I believe.
And that is just about the time they go.”
“But why,” exclaimed the wondering traveller,
“Don't you obtain a scareful, ugly one—
Some hideous old faggot, just like that
Tremendous terror with the lantern-jaws
By yonder ticket-window? She would keep.”
“Alas! how strange,” replied the Ancient Man;
“How is it that you people from the East
Will never understand us pioneers?
That woman is my wife—the very one
I cut away from school; and she 's by far
The handsomest there was in all the drove.
For that is just about the time they go.”
“Don't you obtain a scareful, ugly one—
Some hideous old faggot, just like that
Tremendous terror with the lantern-jaws
By yonder ticket-window? She would keep.”
“Alas! how strange,” replied the Ancient Man;
“How is it that you people from the East
Will never understand us pioneers?
That woman is my wife—the very one
I cut away from school; and she 's by far
The handsomest there was in all the drove.
For that is just about the time they go.”
| Brand-New Ballads | |