 | Saratoga in 1901 |  |
GRAND SOCIAL CONGRESS.
Congress Hall, Aug. 12.
Yesterday was the quiet Sabbath, and your correspondent
kept it religiously. He went up to Father Ryan's church on the
hill by the Clarendon.
The balconies of the Union and Congress Hall were crowded
with the usual thoughtless throng. Our Fifth avenue Jewish
friends—those pretty girls who flirt with Christians but marry
Jews, and who go to the beautiful Synagogue on Avenue V—
were singing, and talking, and promenading in a most jubilant
manner. With them it was not Sunday, but Monday. The
Christians caught the spirit of abandon from them, and also sang
“Sic transit gloria mundi”
rows at Congress Spring. The same week day jokes were
cracked on the water, and doubt and confirmations made as to
the validity of the snake story.
“How does the water affect you?” asked a quiet old unsuspecting
Quaker lady, of her lady friend, who stood in a group
of Clarendonites.
“Sh—! Sh—!” exclaimed the old lady, “they will hear
you!”
“Well, verily, it does affect everybody the same then, I am
sure,” moralized the old Quaker lady, as she drank off the fifth
glass and walked on to church.
The thoughtless caravan of belles and beaux left the Spring
to promenade around the park, where—
Stand like Druids of Eld, with voices sad and prophetic,
Stand like harpers hoar with beards that rest on their bosoms.
“I'm a Pilgrim” a beautiful song of praise, sounded out of the
windows from Dr. Strong's, making a symphony with a counter
religious current from Dr. Hamilton's. Dr. Hamilton gave me
the very leaf he was singing from.
AT THE CLARENDON.
Many good people sat on the Clarendon steps in pious attitudes,
with prayer-books in their hands, or in anxious groups
listening to the reports of hotel committees.
I stopped a moment before a group of pious Philadelphia
ladies, to listen to the proceedings. They were proceedings of
terrible interest.
“We will now listen to the report of the Committee on
Incomes,” said Mrs. W—.
“What does all this mean?” I inquired of my old friend,
Richard Suydam.
“Mean,” said he—“why, don't you know that our hotel is a
grand social Congress—that they have a committee appointed
to investigate the social, commercial, and intellectual qualifications
of new arrivals?”
“I am a plain, unpretending inmate of Congress Hall,” I
replied; “how should I know these things?”
Mr. Suydam then presented me to Mr. B—op, Mr. V-n N—t,
Mr. T—n, and Mr. M—all, who took me into a secluded room
with avidity, and determined to write down what I heard and
saw for the benefit of thirty thousand Commercial readers at
Newport, Long Branch, and at Congress Hall.
All the managing old ladies and young ladies of the Clarendon
who have reached the age of discretion (29) were present.
COMMITTEE ON INCOMES.
First came the report from the Committee on Incomes.
Mrs. W—arose and said—“Mr. K—, Mr. B—, Mr. G—,
Mr. H—and Mr. F—, seemingly very proper persons, arrived
yesterday from New-York. Their incomes have been ascertained
to be respectively, $5,000, $7,000, $2,500, $15,000, and $1,500.
I move that the $5,000, $7,000, and $15,000 gentlemen be accepted,
and that the others be cut dead.” Motion carried.
COMMITTEE ON PEDIGREES.
The Committee on Pedigrees, Lord M—, Chairman, now
reported that the $1,500 man was a Latin tutor at Harvard, son
of clergyman; that the $2,500 man was a journalist, formerly
a college professor and son of the President of a College; that
the $7,000 man was a broker, with only desk room in Cedar
street, born in Ireland, near Lord Munson's estate; that the
$5,000 man sold theatre tickets in front of Niblo's; and that the
$15,000 man kept a livery-stable near the Bull's Head, but that
his father was with General Jackson as a Government contractor in
the war of 1812. The $7,000 man was accepted because he was
born near Lord Munson's, and the $15,000 man because his
father fought with General Jackson.
COMMITTEE ON FLIRTATION.
A report was now offered as to the flirtations each candidate
had carried on on former occasions—at Newport, Long Branch, or
Cape May. In cases where the candidate had flirted, and it
had been proven, he was instantly rejected, on the ground that
the Clarendon young ladies are well along in years—that they
chronic flirters should be instantly sent to Congress Hall and the
Grand Union, where there are plenty of idle young ladies who are
willing and pleased to waste their time on young men who always
talk, but never propose.
COMMITTEE ON DRESS.
The Committee on Dress, Mr. J. Henry K—, Chairman, now
reported as to the toilets of the newcomers. He pronounced the
$7,000 man correct. He wore a Gersh Lockwood coat made
after Pool's pattern. He had seventeen canes, four umbrellas,
and nine eye-glasses. The journalist wore his hair too long,
dressed in the morning in black trousers, and had a wild look
about the eye. He was rejected. The $15,000 man wore paper
collars, a dress coat in the morning, a velvet coat at the full dress
Newport hops, and black kids at the races. Mr. K—, asked
that he be sent to the American Hotel to associate with the Catholic
priests. Not carried. Mr. K— only appears at the Clarendon
at short intervals. He is exclusive and spends most of
his time at Congress Hall.
OTHER COMMITTEES.
The meeting now listened to reports from other committees
on different things about the Clarendon and other Saratoga
hotels.
One committee had investigated
the case of a cross husband at the
Clarendon, whose wife has a fondness
for grave-yard walks with a
handsome young man. The meeting
resolved that any woman who
has a scolding husband, has a right
to walk, talk, and flirt with anybody.
The committee on Congress Hall reported as to the exact
number of rich young fellows, their precise incomes, and the probable
chance of getting them to dance at the Clarendon Germans.
pending, and explaining the reason why Clarendon gentlemen
spend all their time at Congress Hall. One old lady said it was
because the ladies there were younger and prettier.
She was expelled.
Now came reports of committees on defunct husbands, old
lovers, on devoted lovers and on cross husbands, on general scandal,
on washing white dresses, on getting beaux away from
Congress Hall, on watching the balcony nights, on grave-yard
flirtations, on cost of ladies' dresses, on married men who come
in late, on religious tenets, on dyed-hair, on letters received at the
post-office, &c., &c.
THE INTRIGUING COMMITTEE.
The Intriguing Committee is one of the
most important committees at the Clarendon.
The duties of the Chairman are to
assist in getting off old husbands and in
assisting their wives in new flirtations with
unsuspecting young men, also to entertain
clever old bachelors who have dog-carts and
big incomes, and keep them from taking up
the valuable time of young ladies over
twenty-eight, who have or ought to have
genuine lovers.
Wealthy old bachelors who always talk but never propose are
only wanted at five P. M. with coachmen and dog-carts. They
are also permitted to buy bon-bons and bouquets, but must withdraw
after they are presented.
THESE TERRIBLE DEVELOPMENTS
kept me from church—and, filled with statistics and facts, I
flew back to my room to write them out. Since writing them I
have read them over to Messrs. B—op, Van N—t, T—rn,
and M—shall, and they pronounce them correctly rendered,
and offer to subscribe liberally to have them published in book
form.
| Saratoga in 1901 | |