22. XXII.
HUNTING TROUBLE.
Hunting trouble is too fashionable in this
world. Contentment and jollity are not cultivated
as they should be. There are too
many prematurely-wrinkled, long and melancholy
faces among us. There is too
much swearing, sweating and slashing
fuming, foaming and fretting around and
about us all.
“A mad world, my masters.”
People rush out doors bareheaded and
barefooted, as it were, and dash blindly into
all sorts of dark alleys in quest of all sorts
of Trouble, when “Goodness knows,” if
they will only sit calmly and pleasantly by
their firesides, Trouble will knock soon
enough at their doors.
Hunting Trouble is bad business. If we
ever are induced to descend from our present
proud position to become a member
of the Legislature, or ever accumulate sufficient
muscle, impudence, and taste for bad
liquor to go to Congress, we shall introduce
a “william” for the suppression of Trouble-hunting.
We know Miss. Slinkins, who
incessantly frets because Miss Slurkins
is better harnessed than she is, won't like it;
and we presume the Simpkinses, who worry
so much because the Perkinses live in a
freestone-fronted house whilst theirs is only
plain brick, won't like it also. It is doubtful,
too, whether our long-haired friends,
the Reformers (who think the machinery of
the world is all out of joint, while we think
it only needs a little greasing to run in first-rate
style), will approve the measure. It is
probable, indeed, that very many societies,
of are formatory (and inflammatory) character,
would frown upon the measure.
But the measure would be a good one
nevertheless.
Never hunt trouble. However dead a
shot one may be, the gun he carries on
such expeditions is sure to kick or go off
half cocked. Trouble will come soon
enough, and when he does come receive
him as pleasantly as possible. Like the
tax-collector, he is a disagreeable chap
to have in one's house, but the more amiably
you greet him the sooner he will go
away.
A man in Buffalo—an entire stranger to
us—sends us a quarter-column puff of his
business, with the cool request that we
“copy as editorial, and oblige.” If he does
not eventually subside into a highway robber
it won't be for lack of the necessary
impudence.
