10. X.
MR. BLOWHARD.
The reader has probably met Mr. Blowhard.
He is usually round. You find him
in all public places. He is particularly
“numerous” at shows. Knows all the actors
intimately. Went to school with some of
'em. Knows how much they get a month
to a cent, and how much liquor they can
hold to a teaspoonful. He knows Ned
Forrest like a book. Has taken sundry
drinks with Ned. Ned likes him much.
Is well acquainted with a certain actress.
Could have married her just as easy as not
if he had wanted to. Didn't like her
“style,” and so concluded not to marry her.
Knows Dan Rice well. Knows all of his
men and horses. Is on terms of affectionate
intimacy with Dan's rhinoceros, and
is tolerably well acquainted with the performing
elephant. We encountered Mr.
Blowhard at the circus yesterday. He was
entertaining those near him with a full
account of the whole institution, men, boys,
horses, “muils” and all. He said, the rhinoceros
was perfectly harmless, as his teeth
had all been taken out in infancy. Besides,
the rhinoceros was under the influence of
opium, while he was in the ring, which entirely
prevented his injuring anybody. No
danger whatever. In due course of time the
amiable beast was led into the ring. When
the cord was taken from his nose, he turned
suddenly and manifested a slight desire to
run violently in among some boys who were
seated near the musicians. The keeper,
with the assistance of one of the Bedouin
Arabs, soon induced him to change his
mind, and got him in the middle of the
ring. The pleasant quadruped had no
sooner arrived here than he hastily started,
with a melodious bellow, towards the seats
on one of which sat Mr. Blowhard. Each
particular hair on Mr. Blowhard's head
stood up “like squills upon the speckled
porkupine” (Shakspeare or Artemus Ward,
we forget which), and he fell, with a small
shriek, down through the seats to the
ground. He remained there until the
agitated rhinoceros became calm, when he
crawled slowly back to his seat. “Keep
mum,” he said, with a very wise shake of
the head, “I only wanted to have some fun
with them folks above us. I swar, I'll bet
the whisky they thought I was scared!”
Great character, that Blowhard.
