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Artemus Ward in London

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XX. PAYING FOR HIS PROVENDER BY PRAYING.
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172

Page 172

20. XX.
PAYING FOR HIS PROVENDER BY PRAYING.

We have no intention of making fun of
serious matters in telling the following
story; we merely relate a fact.

There is a rule at Oberlin College that
no student shall board at any house where
prayers are not regularly made each day.
A certain man fitted up a boarding-house
and filled it with boarders, but forgot, until
the eleventh hour, the prayer proviso. Not
being a praying man himself, he looked
around for one who was. At length he
found one—a meek young man from Trumbull
County—who agreed to pay for his
board in praying. For a while all went smoothly, but the boarding-master furnished
his table so poorly that the boarders began
to grumble and to leave, and the other
morning the praying boarder actually


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Page 173
“struck!” Something like the following
dialogue occurred at the table:

Landlord—Will you pray, Mr. Mild?

Mild—No, sir, I will not.

Landlord—Why not, Mr. Mild?

Mild—It don't pay, sir. I can't pray on
such victuals as these. And unless you
bind yourself in writing to set a better table
than you have for the last three weeks,
nary another prayer do you get out of me!

And that's the way the matter stood at
latest advices.