University of Virginia Library

1. CHAP. I.

Hitherto most venerable and courteous reader,
have I shewn thee the administration of the valourous
Stuyvesant, under the mild moonshine of
peace; or rather the grim tranquillity of awful preparation;
but now the war drum rumbles, the brazen
trumpet brays its thrilling note, and the rude
clash of hostile arms, speaks fearful prophecies of
coming troubles. The gallant warrior starts from
soft repose, from golden visions and voluptuous
ease; where in the dulcet, “piping time of peace,”
he sought sweet solace after all his toils. No more
in beauty's syren lap reclined, he weaves fair garlands
for his lady's brows; no more entwines with

flowers his shining sword, nor through the live-long
lazy summers day, chaunts forth his lovesick soul
in madrigals. To manhood roused, he spurns the
amorous flute; doffs from his brawny back the robe
of peace, and clothes his pampered limbs in panoply
of steel. O'er his dark brow, where late the myrtle
waved; where wanton roses breathed enervate
love, he rears the beaming casque and nodding
plume; grasps the bright shield and shakes the pondrous
lance; or mounts with eager pride his fiery
steed; and burns for deeds of glorious chivalry!

But soft, worthy reader! I would not have you
go about to imagine, that any preux chevalier thus
hideously begirt with iron existed in the city of
New Amsterdam.—This is but a lofty and gigantic
mode in which we heroic writers always talk of
war, thereby to give it a noble and imposing aspect;
equipping our warriors with bucklers, helms
and lances, and a host of other outlandish and obsolete
weapons, the like of which perchance they
had never seen or heard of; in the same manner
that a cunning statuary arrays a modern general or
an admiral in the accoutrements of a Cæsar or an
Alexander. The simple truth then of all this oratorical
flourish is this.—That the valiant Peter
Stuyvesant all of a sudden found it necessary to
scour his trusty blade, which too long had rusted
in its scabbard, and prepare himself to undergo

those hardy toils of war, in which his mighty soul
so much delighted.

Methinks I at this moment behold him in my
imagination—or rather I behold his goodly portrait,
which still hangs up in the family mansion of
the Stuyvesants—arrayed in all the terrors of a
true dutch general. His regimental coat of German
blue, gorgeously decorated with a goodly
shew of large brass buttons, reaching from his
waistband to his chin. The voluminous skirts
turned up at the corners and separating gallantly
behind, so as to display the seat of a sumptuous
pair of brimstone coloured trunk breeches—a graceful
style still prevalent among the warriors of our
day, and which is in conformity to the custom of
ancient heroes, who scorned to defend themselves
in rear.—His face rendered exceeding terrible and
warlike by a pair of black mustachios; his hair
strutting out on each side in stiffly pomatumed ear
locks and descending in a rat tail queue below his
waist; a shining stock of black leather supporting
his chin, and a little, but fierce cocked hat stuck
with a gallant and fiery air, over his left eye. Such
was the chivalric port of Peter the Headstrong;
and when he made a sudden halt, planted himself
firmly on his solid supporter, with his wooden leg,
inlaid with silver, a little in advance, in order to
strengthen his position; his right hand stuck akimbo,
his left resting upon the pummel of his

brass hilted sword; his head dressing spiritedly
to the right, with a most appalling and hard favoured
frown upon his brow—he presented altogether
one of the most commanding, bitter looking, and
soldierlike figures, that ever strutted upon canvass.
—Proceed we now to enquire the cause of this
warlike preparation.

The encroaching disposition of the Swedes, on
the south, or Delaware river, has been duly recorded
in the Chronicles of the reign of William
the Testy. These encroachments having been endured
with that heroic magnanimity, which is the
corner stone, or according to Aristotle, the left
hand neighbour of true courage, had been repeated
and wickedly aggravated.

The Swedes, who, were of that class of cunning
pretenders to Christianity, that read the Bible upside
down, whenever it interferes with their interests,
inverted the golden maxim, and when their
neighbour suffered them to smite him on the one
cheek, they generally smote him on the other also,
whether it was turned to them or not. Their repeated
aggressions had been among the numerous
sources of vexation, that conspired to keep the
irritable sensibilities of Wilhelmus Kieft, in a constant
fever, and it was only owing to the unfortunate
circumstance, that he had always a hundred
things to do at once, that he did not take such unrelenting
vengeance as their offences merited. But

they had now a chieftan of a different character to
deal with; and they were soon guilty of a piece of
treachery, that threw his honest blood in a ferment,
and precluded all further sufference.

Printz, the governor of the province of New
Sweden, being either deceased or removed, for of
this fact some uncertainty exists; he was succeeded
by Jan Risingh, a gigantic Swede, and who, had he
not been rather in-kneed and splay-footed, might
have served for the model of a Sampson, or a Hercules.
He was no less rapacious than mighty, and
withal as crafty as he was rapacious; so that in fact
there is very little doubt, had he lived some four or
five centuries before, he would have made one of
those wicked giants, who took such a cruel pleasure
in pocketing distressed damsels, when gadding about
the would, and locking them up in enchanted castles,
without a toilet, a change of linen, or any other
convenience.—In consequence of which enormities
they fell under the high displeasure of chivalry,
and all true, loyal and gallant knights, were instructed
to attack and slay outright any miscreant
they might happen to find above six feet high;
which is doubtless one reason that the race of large
men is nearly extinct, and the generations of latter
ages so exceeding small.

No sooner did governor Risingh enter upon
his office, than he immediately cast his eyes upon
the important post of Fort Casimer, and formed the

righteous resolution of taking it into his possession.
The only thing that remained to consider, was the
mode of carrying his resolution into effect; and
here I must do him the justice to say, that he exhibited
a humanity rarely to be met with among
leaders; and which I have never seen equalled in
modern times, excepting among the English, in
their glorious affair at Copenhagen. Willing to
spare the effusion of blood, and the miseries of open
warfare, he benevolently shunned every thing like
avowed hostility or regular seige, and resorted to
the less glorious, but more merciful expedient of
treachery.

Under pretence therefore, of paying a sociable,
neighbourly visit to general Von Poffenburgh, at
his new post of Fort Casimer, he made requisite
preparation, sailed in great state up the Delaware,
displayed his flag with the most ceremonious punctilio,
and honoured the fortress with a royal salute,
previous to dropping anchor. The unusual noise
awakened a veteran dutch centinel, who was napping
faithfully on his post, and who after hammering
his flint for good ten minutes, and rubbing its edge
with the corner of his ragged cocked hat, but all to
no purpose, contrived to return the compliment,
by discharging his rusty firelock with the spark of
a pipe, which he borrowed from one of his comrades.
The salute indeed would have been answered by
the guns of the fort, had they not unfortunately

been out of order, and the magazine deficient in
ammunition—accidents to which forts have in all
ages been liable, and which were the more excusable
in the present instance, as Fort Casimir had
only been erected about two years, and general
Von Poffenburgh, its mighty commander, had been
fully occupied wish matters of much greater self
importance.

Risingh, highly satisfied with this courteous
reply to his salute, treated the fort to a second,
for he well knew its puissant and pompous leader,
was marvellously delighted with these little ceremonials,
which he considered as so many acts of
homage paid unto his greatness. He then landed
in great state, attended by a suite of thirty men—
a prodigious and vain-glorious retinue, for a petty
governor of a petty settlement, in those days of
primitive simplicity; and to the full as great an
army as generally swells the pomp and marches in
the rear of our frontier commanders at the present
day.

The number in fact might have awakened suspicion,
had not the mind of the great Von Poffenburgh
been so completely engrossed with an all
pervading idea of himself, that he had not room to
admit a thought besides. In fact he considered
the concourse of Risingh's followers as a compliment
to himself—so apt are great men to stand
between themselves and the sun, and completely
eclipse the truth by their own shadow.

It may readily be imagined how much general
Von Poffenburgh was flattered by a visit from so
august a personage; his only embarrassment was,
how he should receive him in such a manner as to
appear to the greatest advantage, and make the
most advantageous impression. The main guard
was ordered immediately to turn out, and the arms
and regimentals (of which the garrison possessed
full half a dozen suits) were equally distributed
among the solidiers. One tall lank fellow, appeared
in a coat intended for a small man, the skirts of
which reached a little below his waist, the buttons
were between his shoulders and the sleeves half way
to his wrists, so that his hands looked like a couple
of huge spades—and the coat not being large enough
to meet in front, was linked together by loops,
made of a pair of red worsted garters. Another
had an old cocked hat, stuck on the back of his
head and decorated with a bunch of cocks tails—
a third had a pair of rusty gaiters hanging about
his heels—while a fourth, who was a short duck
legged little trojan, was equipped in a huge pair of
the general's cast off breeches, which he held up
with one hand, while he grasped his firelock with
the other. The rest were accoutred in similar
style, excepting three graceless raggamuffins, who
had no shirts and but a pair and half of breeches
between them, wherefore they were sent to the
black hole, to keep them out of view. There is

nothing in which the talents of a prudent commander
are more completely testified, than in thus setting
matters off to the greatest advantage; and it is for
this reason that our frontier posts at the present
day (that of Niagara in particular) display their
best suit of regimentals on the back of the centinel
who stands in sight of travellers.

His men being thus gallantly arrayed—those
who lacked muskets shouldering shovels and pick
axes, and every man being ordered to tuck in his
shirt tail and pull up his brogues, general Von
Poffenburgh first took a sturdy draught of foaming
ale, which like the magnanimous More of Morehall
[9] was his invariable practice on all great occasions—which
done he put himself at their head, ordered
the pine planks, which served as a draw bridge,
to be laid down, and issued forth from his castle,
like a mighty giant, just refreshed with wine. But
when the two heroes met, then began a scene of
warlike parade and chivalric courtesy, that beggars
all description. Risingh, who, as I before hinted,
was a shrewd, cunning politician, and had grown
grey much before his time, in consequence of his
craftiness, saw at one glance the ruling passion of

the great Von Poffenburgh, and humoured him in all
his valorous fantasies.

Their detachments were accordingly drawn up
in front of each other; they carried arms and they
presented arms; they gave the standing salute and
the passing salute—They rolled their drums, they
flourished their fifes and they waved their colours—
they faced to the left, and they faced to the right,
and they faced to the right about—They wheeled
forward, and they wheeled backward, and they
wheeled into echellon—They marched and they
countermarched, by grand divisions, by single divisions
and by sub-divisions—by platoons, by sections
and by files—In quick time, in slow time and in no
time at all; for, having gone through all the evolutions
of two great armies, including the eighteen
manœuvres of Dundas (which, not being yet invented
they must have anticipated by intuition or
inspiration) having exhausted all that they could
recollect or imagine of military tactics, including
sundry strange and irregular evolutions, the like of
which were never seen before or since, excepting
among certain of our newly raised drafts, the
two great commanders and their respective troops,
came at length to a dead halt, completely exhausted
by the toils of war—Never did two valiant train
band captains, or two buskin'd theatric heroes, in
the renowned tragedies of Pizarro, Tom Thumb, or
any other heroical and fighting tragedy, marshal

their gallows-looking, duck-legged, heavy-heeled,
sheep-stealing myrmidons with more glory and self-admiration.

These military compliments being finished, general
Von Poffenburgh escorted his illustrious visitor,
with great ceremony into the fort; attended him
throughout the fortifications; shewed him the horn
works, crown works, half moons, and various other
outworks; or rather the places where they ought to
be erected, and where they might be erected if he
pleased; plainly demonstrating that it was a place
of “great capability,” and though at present but a
little redoubt, yet that it evidently was a formidable
fortress, in embryo. This survey over, he next had
the whole garrison put under arms, exercised and
reviewed, and concluded by ordering the three bridewell
birds to be hauled out of the black hole, brought
up to the halberts and soundly flogged, for the
amusement of his visitor, and to convince him, that
he was a great disciplinarian.

There is no error more dangerous than for a
commander to make known the strength, or, as in
the present case, the weakness of his garrison; this
will be exemplified before I have arrived to an end
of my present story, which thus carries its moral
like a roasted goose his pudding in its very middle.
The cunning Risingh, while he pretended to be
struck dumb outright, with the puissance of the

great Von Poffenburgh, took silent note of the
incompetency of his garrison, of which he gave a
hint to his trusty followers; who tipped each other
the wink, and laughed most obstreperously—in
their sleeves.

The inspection, review, and flogging being concluded,
the party adjourned to the table; for
among his other great qualities, the general was remarkably
addicted to huge entertainments, or rather
carousals, and in one afternoon's campaign would
leave more dead men on the field, than he ever did
in the whole course of his military career. Many
bulletins of these bloodless victories do still remain
on record; and the whole province was once thrown
in amaze, by the return of one of his campaigns;
wherein it was stated, that though like captain
Bobadel, he had only twenty men to back him,
yet in the short space of six months he had conquered
and utterly aunihilated sixty oxen, ninety
hogs, one hundred sheep, ten thousand cabbages,
one thousand bushels of potatoes, one hundred and
fifty kilderkins of small beer, two thousand seven
hundred and thirty five pipes, seventy eight pounds
of sugar-plumbs, and forty bars of iron, besides
sundry small meats, game, poultry and garden stuff.
An atchievement unparalleled since the days of
Pantagruel and his all devouring army, and which
shewed that it was only necessary to let the great
general Von Poffenburgh, and his garrison, loose

in an enemies country, and in a little while they
would breed a famine, and starve all the inhabitants.

No sooner therefore had the general received
the first intimation of the visit of governor Risingh,
than he ordered a big dinner to be prepared; and
privately sent out a detachment of his most experienced
veterans, to rob all the hen-roosts in
the neighbourhood, and lay the pig-styes under
contribution; a service to which they had been
long enured, and which they discharged with such
incredible zeal and promptitude, that the garrison
table groaned under the weight of their spoils.

I wish with all my heart, my readers could see
the valiant Von Poffenburgh, as he presided at the
head of the banquet: it was a sight worth beholding—there
he sat, in his greatest glory, surrounded
by his soldiers, like that famous wine bibber
Alexander, whose thirsty virtues he did most ably
imitate—telling astounding stories of his hair-breadth
adventures and heroic exploits, at which,
though all his auditors knew them to be most incontinent
and outrageous gasconadoes, yet did they
cast up their eyes in admiration and utter many interjections
of astonishment. Nor could the general
pronounce any thing that bore the remotest
semblance to a joke, but the stout Risingh would
strike his brawny fist upon the table till every glass

rattled again, throwing himself back in his chair,
and uttering gigantic peals of laughter, swearing
most horribly, it was the best joke he ever heard
in his life.—Thus all was rout and revelry and hideous
carousal within Fort Casimer, and so lustily
did the great Von Poffenburgh ply the bottle, that
in less than four short hours he made himself, and
his whole garrison, who all sedulously emulated
the deeds of their chieftain, dead drunk, in singing
songs, quaffing bumpers, and drinking fourth of
July toasts, not one of which, but was as long as a
Welsh pedigee or a plea in chancery.

No sooner did things come unto this pass, than
the crafty Risingh and his Swedes, who had cunningly
kept themselves sober, rose on their entertainers,
tied them neck and heels, and took formal
possession of the fort, and all its dependencies, in
the name of queen Christina, of Sweden: administering,
at the same time, an oath of allegiance to all
the dutch soldiers, who could be made sober enough
to swallow it. Risingh then put the fortifications
in order, appointed his discreet and vigilant friend
Suen Scutz, a tall, wind-dried, water drinking
Swede, to the command, and departed bearing with
him this truly amiable garrison, and their puissant
commander; who when brought to himself by a
sound drubbing, bore no little resemblance to a
“deboshed fish;” or bloated sea monster, caught
upon dry land.

The transportation of the garrison was done
to prevent the transmission of intelligence to New
Amsterdam; for much as the cunning Risingh exulted
in his stratagem, he dreaded the vengeance of
the sturdy Peter Stuyvesant; whose name spread
as much terror in the neighbourhood, as did whilome
that of the unconquerable Scanderbeg among
his scurvy enemies the Turks.